In other news, I guess we could talk about the fact that Die Hard 4 might be currently scouting locations in Vancouver - and the proposed director is Kate Beckinsdale's hubby. Shooting is supposed to start September 30th.
1. Defamer takes the cake in all things Gibson today, not only speculating on Hollywood wondering if they might be able to get Gibson at a huge discount rate after this, and then in response to a publicist who worked for Micheal Jackson who said this was a nuclear disaster for Mel they write, "Things are pretty bad when a guy who had to explain the purchase of the Elephant Man's bones and Crisco-sponsored Boy Scout sleepovers thinks you're fucked."
2. Good old David Frum nominates Mel Gibson as the Secretary General of the U.N. Probably not very funny. Kofi Annan, call your office pal. Other job opportunities may include Prime Minister of Australia according to Tim Blair.
3. This sweet South Park bit when Kenny and Stan go pay Mr. Gibson a visit to get their money back from Passion, only to find, surprise, he's totally crazy. Watch it on You Tube. Priceless.
Oh Mel, what happened to you man? Must we really go back to the good old days, when you were in Vancouver filming Bird on a Wire, when Goldie Hawn was still sort of hot, and the Neville Brothers ruled the airwaves. Don't make us go there dude.
The Guardian Angels have landed. This fall the red beret's will patrol our streets busting crack pipes and harvesting fear in the DTES. With a green light from the city and a red light of hate in their eyes I hope to see St Paul's full to the brim of druggies with broken knee caps instead of the typical overdose.
Folks, we are more likely to get a parking ticket or get shit on for idling too long than some clown is to get busted going to town on his meth pipe like the Gastown Steam clock, right in the open. Someone needs to show that punk how hard it is to pick your teeth off the ground when both your arms are broken...I hope to see the Angels giving those people that opportunity.
There are also those down in the dumps that would embrace the opportunity to pick themselves up again if they had that chance. If I could spot that 5% of them I would devote the rest of my life into pulling them out and setting them free. I would hope that the Guardian Angels have that on their agenda as well.
Just a few more things to clear off the desk before the weekend that need to be shared. It's post lunch, so most of you should be 2 ciders, 2 beers, 3 martinis, or a 1/2 bottle of red wine into by now. Or at least you should be.
*Watch the trailer for the new Broken Lizard movie, Beerfest. I can actually feel my IQ dropping, and I like that.
*The Cranked trailer, another half-hearted Jason Statham movie is out. More interesting is the audio clip of expletives he uses during the movie.
*Mr. Jolie's new movie, Babel, gets some trailer loving too.
*This made my day. Lindsay Lohan getting a verbal smackdown from the CEO of the company financing her movie currently in production, Georgia Rule. It is magnificent. PS: He isn't buying her heat exhaustion excuses either. James G. Robinson. So hot right now.
*Keep seeing these ads for Anti-Flirt in Paris. Hot Black & White. Gulp.
*Quote of the day: "Honor students in smug Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are looking at real estate in the Hamptons, presumably for some place to plant their massive pedestals upon which they rest their massive egos." - Golden Fiddle.
*But quite frankly I think this takes the cake for a quote of the week. The idea of bow-tied dandy Tucker Carlson in Beirut is almost too much, and kind of ties the whole week together. Doubt it? Seriously listen to this guy - he thinks he's a preppy Anthony Bourdain: “Well, Alison, about an hour after we got here, we found ourselves sitting on the patio of our hotel having a lunch of Stilton cheese, walnuts and Perrier." (Via Jossip)
24 Hours gets people into the mood for a weekend of fun, with the cutest little article on street scams ever. And it would seem there are a lot of scams in Vancouver that the easy going west coast folk fall for. This in particular confirms why I never give any change to people just asking for money:
People who give change to panhandlers often don't feel comfortable looking at who they are donating to. One man on Vancouver streets has figured that out and uses a life-like mannequin, dressed as an elderly street person. The mannequin sits unattended on the street and folks just drop change in a cup. The scammer then comes around to collect the cash.
My rule of thumb is if they ain't strumming a guitar forget about it. Cruel yes. Effective most certainly. I'm sure contributing writer Luke might have some comments on this one as well. PS: This was this feeble paper's lead story today?
"Although now nearly extinct in the wild, the mullet once roamed in great herds across the North American continent. And thanks to the Portland Beavers of the Pacific Coast League, you can relive the glory on Thursday during Miller Lite Mullet Night, as the Beavers take on the Oklahoma RedHawks. Among the Mullet Night activities in previous years have been hubcap-tossing, toilet-seat horseshoes, a redneck dress-up contest and demoltion derby. Or wait, that last one may have been just the clearing the parking lot at the end of the game."
The C's could maybe use a mullet night perhaps to jolt them into first place - they are currently 1 game behind Salem-Keizer. And with a 14-5 home record, chances are you could see a W. But as far as I can see Friday is Fireworks night - not exactly a big draw during the real fireworks we suspect - and then on Saturday it's "Ladies Night" - free roses to the first 1000 ladies fellas! Show us a Ladie's Mullet Night and you have a deal partner.
*Not much to describe here, but Jessica Alba seems to have been all over Vancouver walking her dog and dressed in a bikini top. And does she really have a pug? Why? Anyway she's in town shooting Good Luck Chuck with the nearly unwatchable, and humor challenged comedian Dane Cook.
* McDonald's unintentionally outed Lance Bass in 2001. Shocking. Not.
*Pop Culture Junkies remembers a magical time in television history where without reality tv, blogs, or the interweb, The Love Boat was the most special show to pimp yourself out on. Watch these special You Tube Clips. PS: Why hasn't this show been put on DVD yet? Honestly!
*Paris Hilton's website is terrible. Then again, have you seen her video for Stars are Blind? Wow. I'd throw another Catwomen reference around, but what would be the point. Barrell of fish, meet gun. You do the math.
*Am I missing something in translation from the English to French here? The new Burger King campaign is about little people right? As in creepy little people who make thier burgers. Totally Gross.
*If you haven't had your first three Mocha's yet, don't click this link. I warned you, but you just had to see John Travolta's magnificent man boobs didn't you.
*Speaking of pecs, here, have a nice piece of pickled ginger to get that taste out of your mouth, enjoy the campy fun of the latest David Hasslehoff tv spot. It's all Hoff. And you learn he is the "King of the Internet".
*They have like a whole beach in the middle of Paris these days, but I doubt they have this kind of time travel/beach volleyball motif. Sad.
*Gawker cracks up over the latest do business in Germany ad campaign.
*I kind of like this "March of the Emperors" spot. Napoelean was such a card. Meanwhile this Coors beer spot is epic which is odd. The VW Rabbitt is back, ("Wifi" "Apartment" and "and Crispin Porter is making commercials about it. Nice insight.
You be the judge. But first, it seems The Vancouverite is now getting The Beach House (150 - 25th Street West Vancouver) press releases. What, no free dinners? Anyway, today comes news that after four years of being hidden the City granted approval to launch what the Beach House promises, "will likely be widely regarded as Vancouver’s best location for private dining." Well, that sounds just smug enough to catch our eye. We like the smug. Here's more:
The second floor patio is shut off from the rest of the restaurant, affording guests the kind of privacy that comes without being left behind closed doors. Instead, diners are perched high above a sprawling lawn on an elevated and wind-shielded 50 seat deck. The space boasts uninterrupted ocean views from Lion’s Gate Bridge to Stanley Park, Burrard Inlet, Howe Sound, Point Grey, the Gulf Islands, Lighthouse Park, and the stunning nightly sunsets. As the main floor patio has long been called one of the best in the city (recognised as such again this month by Vancouver Magazine), the new space is bound to impress locals and visitors alike.
Assignment desk: If anyone goes, report back to us. And can somebody explain the story behind the city's 4-year battle to keep this space behind wraps?
Maybe Kevin Smith was right maybe it did need more gay. Either way, the studio should not, repeat not, allow Bryan Singer to make a sequel.
Let me say the following few redeeming things about the film. 1. I swear to god Frank Langella said, "great Caesar's ghost" at some point, which was pure joy if he did. 2. What in the hell was Kumar doing in this film. As a bad guy no less? Anyone? 3. John Williams is a god, and they rightfully reused the original music. Bravo. 4. Three words: Eve Maria Saint. 5. A comment after this haiku review reminded me how dope the retro credit sequence was.
Let me explain. Early in 2005 I read an article in the New York Times about an incredible sounding boutique mustard store in Paris. (You can catch the article here) So, I checked it out and picked up the famous tap mustards (the Moutarde au Chablis and the Moutarde au Vin Blanc and one other.) Now, let me just confirm that if America is the land of Milk and Honey, praise be Jesus, Paris has mustard on tap like running water. Our humbe 'mustarderie" (okay fine, I made that word up, busted.) Maille (6, place de la Madeleine) is a small wooden shop and the company has been making the yellow gold since 1747. I think its fair to assume, they are experts, non? Take my word for it, the mustard is damned delicious and served with some french bread, meats, and brie, it makes life worth living. And the fact that you get in these quaint little ceramic jars with corks is, well, tres bien as they might say.
Now, if only we could have mustard on tap in Vancouver now. Hmmm. Somebody get on this. Waiterblog? Exit question: If Morgan Spurlock can become a filmmaking star by stuffing his face with McDonalds for 30 days and make a movie out of it, could I do the same? Except: 1. In Paris. And 2. With Cheese, french bread, and Bordeaux. 3. And Croissants. Wel, it was just a thought. But imagine, "Le Super Size Me" anyone?
We interupt this broadcast day, to bring you the news of all things Really Smooth. Go check out the new Vancouver blog Really Smooth Music. Not only do you find all things Really Smooth - our faithful liege Graham points how how, "I love that every section has 1 or 2 items with exception to really smooth that has 22." Indeed young Graham, and the amazing ordeal of Yacht Rock is almost too much to deal with.
I kind of like today's "random Smoothness appreciation time" with a clip of painting god Bob Ross. But seriously, stay smooth and go get some. Jump in and swim around for awhile, the water is fine, and of course, smooth.
Get your bookmarks out people. Seriously.
Well kids, it's fireworks day. Enjoy the suck of crowds, noise, and hooligans. Although I sure will miss the best Beach Ave party ever at my Friend Kasia's place. C'est la vie. It's been awhile for buzz, and I have some that may be old news to you, but wasn't to me, so deal with it. Papa was a Rolling Stone:
*First of all, let's just get the requisite Scarlett Johansson post out of the way. I think it was in St. Petersburg where there was a damned massive side of a building ad with her on it. Can we not get her out to film in Vancouver for something people? But there pictures of her at Popoholic that are stunning. And more of them from New York Magazine, with Woody of course. Speaking of Woody there is the trailer for Scoop which looks great. And lastly there is Ms. Johansson's deal with Reebok devoping the Scarlett hearts Rbk line and forthcoming ads (Cinematical and Egotastic have more details and photos). Love that. You heard it here first, Reeboks are back.
*Since two of the few movies I brought with me are Wes Andersons, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the fact that it would appear that Wes Anderson and Owen Wilson are going to team up for another movie. Thank you. [I Watch Stuff]
*Something tickled me inside when I thought of Alan Shore saving America from itself. Spader rules as Alan Shore.
*For no reason whatsoever. Superfriends Mallrats mushed up. Nice. Speaking of Kevin Smith, he's filling in for Ebert this week. Hilarious.
*J.J. Abrams new Star Trek project is already got a teaser poster, retro style. Daddy likes. Meanwhile did you happen to catch Chad Vader? If you have already, skip ahead.
*Giggling with anticipation that Sony is going to try to out-do itself with another Bravia commercial. They are blogging it and promising "70,000 litres of paint, 358 single bottle bombs, 33 sextuple air cluster bombs, 22 Triple hung cluster bombs, 268 mortars, 33 Triple Mortars, 22 Double mortars, 358 meters of weld, 330 meters of steel pipe, 57 km of copper wire."
*I don't know about you, but just the concept of a writers strike at America's Next Top Model is ridiculous. Then again, read the Defamer for the gut twisting hilarity of it all.
*A Pixies documentary that promises a topless Frank Black. Ewwww but it is coming to DVD in November.
*Some amazingly cool links over at Kottke. First this whole imaginary city is totally rad, then this very cool baseball card post, and then this site about what the net looked like in 1996 is a real mind bender.
In other Music News curtesty of this handy Vancouver Sun listing page: I can't believe I'm going to miss the return of popsters World Party who are hitting Vancouver at Richards on Richards on August 9th. Well, maybe the idea that I could be missing a chance to see Kim Mitchell (And let me just say, you're gonna want to be clicking that link. 1. the intro is A-Mazing! And 2. Not only does he label his site "The home of all that's good on the web" he looks freakishly unbelievable these days. Just click it!) in Concert hurts just a little bit too much, but you can see him for 2 sweet nights August 17-18th. Why can't he be coming to Paris by god. He is a wild party...
You see, its just that 24 Hours points out that a new bear, this time is dedicated to Corner Gas actor Brett Butt. Really? Perhaps it was the headline, "Is that Butt bare? No, wait" but 24 Hours had me at "Is". The giant Brett Butt bear is at the CTV building so you can go and kick it in the shins, or secretly desire it (it goes on auction later this year). Damn you charity! Praise be 24 Hours! Damn you Spirit Bears.
See Previous Vancouverite Spirit Bear Rants:
*Darth Spirit Bear (June 1)
*Don't Judge The Bears (May 29)
*Spirit Bear Ranting (May 10)
I read this in the paper today and heard the Fox babble on about how awful it is taxpayers are covering this...
Paul Tinari had an adhoc circumcision performed on him when he was 8 years old because it's possible he might turn into a masturbating teenage boy like me...and every other teenage boy has been doing since teenage boys roamed the earth. It was a Catholic School which makes perfect sense. Now a grown man he is suffering still from the effects of a permanent halfy. Doctors fixed him up good and now he reports "I can tap ass until the cows come home and it doesn't make me cry."
So back to the issue of the Government paying for this surgery. They will pay for a women with barely mammoth boobs to get a reduction, or as I like to say "become unpretty" ,all on the taxpayers bill. But Mr. Tinari living in pain his whole life needs to get surgery that sits on the cosmetic fence, so now it's total BS that we are are paying for it... $12,000 isn't very much considering this is a man's ding dong and if you can put a price on one, you don't deserve to have one...or you don't have one and you are just envious.
Last night a friend had a birthday gathering at Republic on Granville. I was a little sceptical, because while the bars on Granville definitely had a kind of gritty appeal to me a couple of years ago, I've gotten kind of smug and have been avoiding it more recently. Well... imagine my surprise when I find out that Granville street has undergone something of a renovation, and that there are actually some fun new places where you don't fear for your shoes.
But back to Republic - $4 wasabi peas aside, the place is worthwhile if only for their second floor patio. Being high up is much more fun than having strangers walk by your drinks at the second rate street level patios. And their bathrooms are amazing, too. Now, I'm terminally untrendy, but I think I might start making an exception for this place, especially if it means I can make snide comments about the passerbys down below with absolutely no risk of being overheard..
Big Box stores are ugly. They bring in lower class people and just plain ugly people. And by just plain ugly people I mean people with children....like me. And by lower class I mean people with children...like me.
My big issue is the complainers. Old people shouldn't have a say in anything after the age of 60. Because the roads aren't being paved for you anymore pappy. This is our time now. The roads are being paved for my generation and my kid, and his kids and his robots ( it will be like 2050 by then and we will be having robots, not babies... )
While I don't much like Walmart I do think the world of big old box store Costco. I will name my next child Costco and it will be way more loved than the one I already have(pictured at right). I will. If you haven't gone to Costco before, let's hook up and go. Buying 164 rolls of toilet paper at once is OKAY, it just makes sense. Your asshole is not going anywhere anytime soon and either is your sense of hygiene. You NEED to buy a 26 KG bag of Frozen strawberries. Ask around how long it takes a bag of frozen strawberries to go bad? Most food freezes very well. 18 loaves of bread can fit in your freezer if you really wanted it to, that $8 it cost you for all 18 will be your driving force.
..or maybe I just like Costco because the hot dogs are great and I'm a super fatty?
I've always been a little baffled by the HSBC Celebration of Light - yeah, the sparkly fireworks are fun, but people must be absolutely mad to subject themselves to the insanity that is English Bay for these four nights a year. The whole thing lasts for about twenty minutes (albeit a fairly spectacular twenty minutes), but if you want a good seat you need to expose yourself to drunk teenagers spilling their beer on your blanket and a child's elbow in your ear. Much preferable to seat yourself down somewhere a little out of the fray just before the show starts and watch the fireworks unfettered by crazy people. And then you can have the pleasure of drinking your own beer in peace, content in the knowledge that any blanket spillage is entirely your own.
These are the Dark Ages folks, be ready. If you're not prepared, someone you don't know could start talking to you. Get this stuff and keep it with you every time you leave your house.
-Headphones. Don't plug them into anything but put them on and put the plug in your pocket. Then you can actually ignore the vagrants and beggars and you won't go to hell for it. You just can't hear them because you are listening to something on your fancy headphones.
-Funny Money. Get some french coins or better yet get some washers from a hardware store. Then when one of our established street dwellers asks you for change, you can give them something. ( substitute packs of matches for useless change ) It's pretty amazing how guilty these people can make you feel. ( anything shiny could actually work here )
-If you Smoke? You need an empty cigarette pack. So that when that 20 year old alley girl asks if she can borrow a cigarette you can say sure...pull out the empty pack and then sigh and apologize that your not giving her anything for free today.
-Cheap perfume - like really cheap dollar store stuff. Is like pepper spray for blasting those poor needy bastards back to where they came from. It also makes them smell better.
-Anti-Bacterial hand wash. Have you touched a pole on the bus or sky train before? ( hazmat suits will not fit in the tourist package )
-A Bible - preferably the book of Mormon. Because honestly, nothing really repels people better than the good book. Start telling people they need a little more Jesus and a little less rock and roll in their life and they won't feel comfortable talking to a stranger for at least 72 hours.
-Guns and Ammo style Magazine. Because if you're reading something like that chances are you wanted to get into the military so so bad but they said you'rea little too nuts or your eye sight is way bad or you're just plain goofy. You're a loose cannon now. No one will bother you if you keep this magazine in plain view.
in case you were wondering this is what boredom @ 7:30am on a dreary Thursday morning looks like
This is kind of old news, but far and away the most amazing thing that has been said in the aftermath of Italy's victory over France at the World Cup is head-butt victim Marco Materazzi's denial that he insulted Zinedine Zidane by calling him a terrorist: "I did insult him, it's true. But I categorically did not call him a terrorist. I'm not cultured and I don't even know what an Islamic terrorist is."
Wow. Terrorism and culture are now synonymous. Since Italy initiated the culturally groundbreaking Renaissance, perhaps we should all be surprised that Italians aren't running around blowing more things up. I suspect that culture wasn't quite the word Materazzi was looking for, but it doesn't make his statement any less fun. If only the language barrier were always so entertaining.
I could say something smug here, like, "I'm in Siberia, what the hell are you doing this weekend" but I won't. I will say, that thanks to global warming it's about a million degrees in Irkutsk today and since the next two days will be on a train, a solid dose of trash is needed. And when it seems like Lindsay Lohan spent an entire week in just her bikini it seems like a good idea. Ready, set, go:
*Justin Timberlake's new song, 'Sexy Back" is supposed to be the hot single of the summer. They could use it here in Russia that is for certain. Blasting Euro-dance music everywhere. Thoughts?
*Apparently hollywood's new "it" couple is Jeff Goldblum and Nicole Richie. Sigh.
*And speaking of Euro awesomeness, David Hasselhoff, is so on fire right now its crazy. He actually does refer to himself as "The Hoff' - of course he totally should, that is A-mazing - and then I read that he got kicked out of Wimbledon for being too drunk. Hasslehoff, Tennis Hooligan... Love it.
Word is just out that super-cool chick Amanda Congdon will no longer be providing fans of the video blogging site Rocketboom with her sharp commentary. Creative differences, professional differences, whatever... it's hard to imagine the site being nearly as good or nearly as fun with a guest host. Let's just hope she lands on her feet with a new project soon, or we'll all have to resort to... oh god, I don't even have a back up plan. Somebody better do something about this, and quick.
I was happy England was out. England has it's royal family to fall back on when they can't do squat in sports. But the countries that truly cherish the sport should be going all the way. That makes me happy. So when those lazy bastards beat out Brasil I cried. It is a sad day in this world when France does anything better than anyone else...sad sad day. I predict a 3-1 Portugal victory this Wednesday and 9 French players will be exposed as actually being female.
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