*Ken Levine's daughter Annie talks about Whole Foods: "And there are the idiots, the former hippies. The ones who pick up a $20 loaf of bread because it has fibers from the Hicabutusism tree in West Africa, where little magical all-natural fairies plow the soil until the perfect grain is achieved. Get a grip, people. Wonderbread has little magical fairies too, they’re call sweat-shop workers!"
*What if, in WW2 Germany built a giant robot? I hate those Nazi robot guys. Check out this crazy computer animated alternative history in Code Guardian. (Part 1, Part 2)
*If you have a case of the Mondays, you might need to watch this bit of amazing tape.
*This is the best thing I read so far, The Daily Gut reports, "The French dislike themselves even more than the Americans dislike them, according to an opinion poll published on Friday."
"And all that good work was wasted because their own power play continues to look worse than the guests on Jerry Springer while the Ducks produced two man-advantage goals without much of an argument from the Canucks’ vaunted penalty killing."
Willes goes on to drop a serious of further backhanded slaps. In response to the one power play goal he writes, "It should have been like the moment when prehistoric man discovered fire." And in comparrison to the Ducks power player, "that continues to manufacture goals the way rabbits manufacture babies."
1. Everyone dumps on America for this kind of thing. But it's nice to know that the rest of the world is just as trashy and stupid. Wild Hogs rules the international box office. I rest my case.
5. Question: Mandy Moore "Extraordinary" or Feist "1 2 3 4" I would have said Fiest, but where the hell did this cafe rock Mandy Moore come from? Zach Braff destroys women and makes them uber cool. Bastard.
*Penelope Cruz and Ben Kingsley are in town. [Now Public]
*Celebrity chef Rob Feenie is now going to be writing for the Globe and Mail [Urban Diner]
*Who would have thought that a documentary about Sam Sullivan "Citzen Sam" would actually make our city's mayor even less likeable? I actually flashed back to the election and wonder how Jim Green lost? [Metroblogging Vancouver]
*Three generations living in Vancouver's Chinatown get the novel treatment [GungHaggisFatChoy]
*Relive the excitement of winning round one as if you lived downtown. [Youtube + Crazy Canucks]
Okay, this is the lamest intro to a Canucks victory article, ever: "In a series with more momentum shifts that the Grouse Mountain gondola in a stiff wind, the Canucks did the unexpected Monday." Was that really on the Canucks website right now? Why yes, yes it was. And come on, did anyone really think Luongo could lose three straight? Please.
Meanwhile, The Canadian Press nails the game thusly: "The Canucks were able to win their first Game 7 in three attempts because they finally were able to put some pucks past Turco and get some production out of a power play that entered the game scoreless in 23 chances." You mean they won because they scored goals? WOW.
Now here's what I don't really understand. In no order:
-hey flag waver, who exactly do you think will see your blessed Canucks flag when you are on the 20th floor? Even after 45 minutes nobody cares.
-what kind of person gets in their car to drive around honking after this? (and of course not everyone is down with the honking.)
-okay, very funny, what was the guy who pulls out the big novelty horn and seemed to be going down Smithe street thinking.
-I guess he was trying to keep up with the cool guy with the air horn.
-tales of the honking on Scott Road are pretty amazing. Really.
"Vancouver has lost its last two Game 7s, both at home. Eight Canucks remain from the 2003 team that smoked the exhaust pipe after leading Minnesota 3-1 in games. The Canucks have lost six straight playoff games when they had a chance to advance from a series, and are 2-8 at home since the first game of the Minnesota playoff. No National Hockey League team has ever been shut out four times in a seven-game series. No team has ever scored fewer than nine goals in a seven-game series.
And on it goes, layers of blackness deep enough to suffocate them."
1. Anthony Bourdain on the Food Network Awards: "Okay...so some brain dead douche bags from Ad Sales and "creative" got together and cooked up this hybrid, fur-bearing catfish of a beast, this jackalope of a High Concept. Fine. That's what they do. But who green lit this monstrosity?"
2. James Lileks on wine labels. "I’ve said this before, but I’m convinced that label design is the single greatest factor in impulse wine sales. There’s a wine called “Barefoot,” and I’ll never buy it, simply because the picture on the bottle makes you think of someone’s foot squishing the grapes." Case in Point. Little Rebel. (and in the same post this amazing video of Russian tunnel car crashes. Insanity.)
4. A Kinder, Gentler Mao Zedong? A Chinese TV show does the unthinkable, "Mao appears as a hormone-driven teenager who is starting his first semester at the school. His fellow students are a dapper, good looking bunch, many of whom later become key figures in China's 20th century history. The show portrays Mao struggling with poor grades, falling in love for the first time and meeting one of his earliest mentors." No wonder Sorkin failed with Studio 60, he should be working on Young Bill Clinton or Young Jimmy Carter shows.
7. After watching the Red Sox sweep the Yankees at Fenway for the first time in 17 years and enjoying the wonder that is Daisuke Matsuzaka pitching. They're right, it is like jazz. Anyway, daddy's going to need to get himself a pair of these Red Sox Reebok's.
So the only real question is, after two straight shutouts against Dallas, will Canucks fans be celebrating in the streets tomorrow? Or will Tuesday morning sound something more like this reaction to the Stars or this great use of Youtube - showing yourself watching the game. How creepy.
Or will the city turn Luongo into our own little 2nd coming of Jesus? Personally I prefer baby jesus, but plastic jesus is cool too. Either way, tensions are how shall we say it, high.
And no, sir, with 24, Heroes back on, and reality TV i'm not really keen on talking about (fine, The Bachelor is the most unintentionally hilarious show on TV right now.), yours truly won't be watching the potential carnage, er, glorious victory.
My friend Liam smuggly asked me to give him props for sending this information along. I considered ignoring it, but the fact that he has some sort of playoff handlebar moustache supposedly to raise money for Agents of Change. I'm not buying it, it looks like he's ready to play the cop in the Village People. I digress.
Anyway, Liam passed along this tidbit from the The Province reporting on this most ridiculous of injuries: "Brent Sopel is also questionable for tonight's game. He hurt his back trying to pick up a cracker at home. 'It's the truth,' Sopel said. 'For some of you guys who think I was a healthy scratch, you think it's all fun and games but ... being keeled over, I couldn't walk. It wasn't fun.'"
Oh Brent Sopel, will you ever win? I dread the thought of 6PM and Canucks fever this evening already.
Okay. Let me explain. And yes, I totally retract this early review. Sure when you opened last year, your unisex bathrooms were sort of cute. Cute in that late 1990's I want to smack Ally McBeal in the face kind of a way. Sure the patio is pretty great - until you realize it is a pretty lame patio in the middle of gastown practically on the street. But last Friday this 'hotspot' had the worst waitress working in the entire city and delivered the worst service I've ever recieved in a bar/restaurant in Vancouver. A dubious honor if there ever was one.
The scene: It took three try's to get the blonde beer I ordered. So close to the three strikes, your out rule. It was like the server didn't want to make money - and that was clear after our table was finished, ready to go, money out ready to pay and 20 minutes went by. I actually went up to her at the computer with cash in hand asking to pay and she had the nerve to say, "No. I have 5 other things to do first can you go see the manager." Say what? You won't take my money? Are you nuts?
The manager tried to help, but he didn't seem to grasp that this girl was completely useless. Although hopefully he got it later, which might explain this job ad. I guess when your service is actually worse and slower than, say, the Cambie, you have problems. And need new wait staff.
*Got a note from Andrew Morrison on his Urban Diner website. Apparently they broke the internet and have not been posting for 9 days. Stay patient, they're working on it and still cranking out posts for their return.
*Meanwhile Matthew Good wants the troops out too! In response to the recent tragic deaths of soldiers Good writes, "This morning my first reaction to this news was to FedEx history books to General Hillier, Mr. O’Connor, and the Prime Minister." That will sure show them!
*I was pretty fed up from hearing this kind of thing every 5 minutes today, "I'm tired. Physically, emotionally and mentally tired. And it's only one game into this series." Sigh. You just watched the game right? I already loathe Friday.
I'm still recovering from the mess that was the nearly 1:00AM wake up call this morning. I take it by the street party shenanigans that the Canucks came through for once. Don't mention Peaking too soon. But that officially moved hockey and its supporters up my "list." Thanks for nothing you puck heads! And all the blearly eyed wankers at work today complaining was awful. I hate you.
On the brighter side, apparently on the radio this morning, Danny Trejo was interviewed from the Canucks game while he was out having a smoke...he said that he and Robert Rodriguez are shooting "Machete" this summer. Quite frankly I could have used Machete at around 1:00 with all the yahoos!
According to the magic of instant messanger we learned, "Trejo was out having a smoke and the Beat radio station's Benjamin the Butler ('some pompus english intern') interviewed him about the Canucks and then asked him what he was doing here. He's shooting Stargate...it's okay we like money too. Then he got all pumped up and let it fly that he is in Grindhouse, and that Rodriguez and him were going to shoot "Machete" this summer."
This reinforces both my distaste for hockey and morning radio. Bravo!
It's videos like this Ulitmate X-Treme MakeOver: Vancouver Canucks Edition which make me proud to be officially OVER hockey. Dear Ultimate fan: A. Your Dog is ridiculous B. What are you, 12? C. Just dump this idiot Krista, now. Seriously. (More from the CBC) This is pure evil.
To appease all the geeky hockey lovers, go to Go Canucks and see how you could win a Canucks Jersey. And just to see if you are paying attention, this could be the difference in the series. The Dallas Stars Ice Girls.
PS: Thank the lord and praise baby Jesus that Lost is on tonight. Don't go out to any public watering holes if you have any self respect. The jersey wearing zombies will get you. Seriously.
So I get this email yesterday morning from my friend Craig titled "What a Sweet Weekend". It includes the above picture and the following note: "Jackson, can you believe the weather we've been having...ahhhhh." Very funny pal. Very Funny. I won't forget this my friend. It's on like Donkey Kong!
And just so you know, the downside of climate change (thank you Al Gore) will be more and more flip flops. That means more and more men walking around showing their gross feet. And yours truly is now fully commited to making sure this planet remains an ice cube for all eternity thus saving us from the horro of flip flops. DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME, Sir?
I'll get you for this, cat lover. Take this: Shocking Cats!
Can you handle the excitement Vancouver? Oh brother. "This series pits the two lowest-scoring teams in the Western Conference and, outside of New Jersey, the two lowest-scoring teams in the whole playoff grid," writes Scott Burnside of ESPN.com. "That means mistakes will be costly and discipline will be at a premium. It also might be a bit like watching two blades of grass grow."
Canucks Round One Playoff Schedule/The Don't bother going out in Vancouver because of the Hockey Schedule:
GAME 1: STARS @ CANUCKS WED 7:00 PM
GAME 2: STARS @ CANUCKS FRI 6:00 PM
GAME 3: CANUCKS @ STARS SUN 5:30 PM
GAME 4: CANUCKS @ STARS TUE 5:00 PM
GAME 5: STARS @ CANUCKS THU TBD
GAME 6: CANUCKS @ STARS SAT 5:00 PM
GAME 7: STARS @ CANUCKS MON TBD
*This one is for Craig. "Catvertising" And Possibly Jeremy who insisted on wearing a sweatshirt with Kittens and cowboy boots last week - and you wonder why a bird dumped on you? I kid.
Movies:
*Watched a few brief minutes of The Eiger Sanction last night. Holy crap! It's like a running one liner: "Miss Cerberus: I don't think Mr. Dragon's affliction is a joking matter. Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: I thought it was rather humorous, myself. A spy network being run by a bloodless freak who can't stand light or cold. " Of course co-writer Warren Murphy was also responsible for Remo Williams. It all makes sense now.
*The above clip reminded me that Rushmore is out in Criterion Collection now. Check out that rockin Futura Bold Eh! And get it for this: "For the 1999 MTV Movie Awards, Wes Anderson directed his own versions of Armageddon, The Truman Show, and Out of Sight, as performed for high school theater by the Rushmore Players, directed by Max Fischer. They're fantastic. And in the most obscure joke on the DVD, Anderson has Max Fischer slide across the stage on a chair during the NASA scenes from Armageddon"
*FilmWad's review of Grindhouse. "Fergie’s in it. If you find her attractive, then we would probably not make for good friends in real life."
On a close read of this mornings 24 Hours freebie paper, you'll find a trailer park residents dream of content. The Story of the man who makes "Hockey Fight in Canada" t-shirts much to the chagrin of the CBC. The story of the local Roller Derby league (say what?). The ad for the $38 million jackpot. The story about History's best April Fools joke (three days after the fact). Stunning journalism.
Over in The Sun, of course there is the story about The Trailer Park boys in town to promote their new book, Are you kidding me? PS: Can someone tell me how Arrested Development lasted only 3 seasons and yet this miserable tribute to white trailer trash is on season 7? I feel shame.
I figured that after posting all that nonsense about Smiley's I should offer you just the littlest bit of ginger to cleanse the pallet. In this case it is in the form of Nigella Lawson. Only good comes from spending time with her. Only good. If you don't like her talking about CocoPots, revel in her demonstration of fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Thanka, thanka very much.
In a momment of total weakness last week somehow I ended up at the worst fake Irish pub in the city, Smiley O'Neals. The fact that the Guinness looked like flat Pepsi that had a hobo blow bubbles into it to provide the creamy head was a dead giveaway. The trio of burnt #2 specials - the old Buffalo burger with sweet potato fries. I know - what in the hell was I thinking right? I was too hungry to bother sending mine back. Probably a good call, since I have no idea what possessed one of my dining adventuring friends to replace his burnt burger with the halibut and shrimp burger? What the...
Irish pubs just shouldn't have halibut and shrimp burgers. It's just not right. It's just not right, Mr. Smiley O'Neal. I don't like your fake name either pal. In fact your whole menu seemed just freaking weird. I just don't understand why you need to serve fajitas or an asian stir fry at all. If Gordon Ramsay walked in you would be, well, probably open handed slapped after 15 minutes of verbal abuse. On the other hand your photo gallery is great. Your theme nights of "creepy old man nights" sound awesome!
I thought you also had the most ridiculously poor service in the city. I did until I had breakfast at Whitespot on Sunday for the last time ever. I think every table in this feeble person's section had some sort of issue. You would think at somepoint you would say, "I'm not a good waitress". And yet you still have a job.
