Nothing gets me angrier than seeing Taco Bell commercials on Canadian channels, even local stations. It's the equivalent of those cheesy phone line ads on late night T.V. telling you, without saying it, that you are a lonely waste of a man that will never get what you want out of life...if life were a Gordita. Why is there no TBell in Vancouver?
Forget social housing or a garbage crisis. We need to focus our efforts on erecting a Taco Bell on the corner of Seymour and Hastings so lunch will never suck ass again.
Apparently Vancouverites are cheap bastards or the level of service in Vancouver averages around sucky. Either way the subject has sparked some controversy within the 24.
I don't tip because I don't have any money, or hands, but I was always under the impression that the size of the tip was more a reflection of the servers chest size than the service they give. Remember two weeks ago the hot topic was dating in Vancouver and our over ample sized ladies said Vancouver men are shallow.
I just had a few, albeit brief, moments of clarity and need to share. Ready?
1. I don't blog very much. I'm just saying. It's not you, it's me. I think.
2. And this will probably open up some emailage, but its not like I've even missed anything in this city. For instance, Metroblogging Vancouver's last three entries over two days no less cover the following: X-Men 2, the Canucks (in July? Say what?), and MacGyver. The last, while pretty awesome, features not one single amazing link to some video clips. So clearly I'm not missing much. It's like I don't need to blog at all.
3. This will be the first mention of that oil spill last week. 80% cleaned up at this point. Fingers on the pulse I tell you my friends.
4. Not only am I completely incapable of covering actual news lately, I actually slept through shootings when they are within my neighborhood. I mean, cluelessly I sleep and not imagine that Seymour Street is somehow New Jack City.
5. In the above sentence did I actually reference a movie from 1991, starring the trifecta of Wesley Snipes, Mario Van Peebles, and Ice-T. Really? Did this actually happen? Watch that trust me, the cell phone is worth it. As is Wesley Snipes hair.
6. While it may have been $8 millions to build The Shore Club. It sometimes, unlike cornfields in Iowa, doesn't mean that they will come. Fine it was a Monday. Don't judge. Well, maybe this: you can build a $8 million restaurant and can't complete a simple website. Ouch. And Bonus, swear to god owner David Aisenstat was out in front tonight making out with a tall low-rent version of Paris Hilton. Love it!
7. Dear Starbucks breakfast sandwiches. You bastards! Like you need any more of my money. It's a good thing your music compelety blows, because, between the Green Tea Lemonade, the coffee, and these, I'm doomed. I hate you.
8. Still haven't blogged about the fireworks. Crap. Too late. Oh, and I missed the Spanish one last wednesday which featured music Michael Bay's Armeggdon. RAD!
9. I just bought Benson season 1 on DVD. Bwhahahahahahaha. Couldn't find a clip, but here's a SOAP clip.
10. I'm still waiting on the city to turn into a large garbage dump. Not sure that is happening. Private garbage collection RULES! PS: If Delta can sort thier stuff out, we can't because how? Sam Sullivan are you going to take that?
-This is apparently old, but I've somehow managed to miss this hilarious Leroy Jenkins clip. You have to invest a few minutes in this, but the payoff is huge, and makes you want to mock these video game playing dorks for the rest of the day. Nerds are so adorable.
-Really? A Criterion Armageddon? Seriously? What is going on Criterion? I guess maybe it is because J.J. Abrams wrote it? Really? Actually more shocking waas that he wrote 1997's classic Gone Fishin'. Damn you Youtube for failing to come up with any relevant clips for this movie. Damn you. Just remember this classic line: Gus Green: This is gonna be a 10! Joe Waters: Ten plus! Joe Waters, Gus Green: Borderline 'leven!
-Still haven't seen The Simpsons Movie. But I did see the episode where they go to China this weekend. The dragons are so awesome. Seriously freaky cool. And this is pretty awesome, President Schwarzenegger. Somehow this made me think of this crazy Jet Li movie Fong Sai Yuk where they have a whole fight on top of people. It's ridiculous and amazing.
-Crap. The real transformers. God help us all. Well, I mean it's not this, although that is hilarious.
-Wonkette reports on the brief Bush presidency as VP Dick Cheney went under the knife this weekend. "While Cheney was under the knife, George W. Bush enjoyed two hours of being “in charge.” White House spokesman Tony Snow said Bush sat in Cheney’s chair, pretended to talk to “big important people” and “the King of China” on the telephone, appointed his dogs to the Supreme Court, and had “secret service agents” accompany him to lunch at an Applebee’s in suburban Maryland, where he enjoyed a “presidential burger” with curly fries and then had some ice cream."
Finally, the trailer for The Darjeeling Limited is up. And the movie comes out September 29th. One line already cracks me up: "I love you too, but I'm going to mace you in the face."
I know I haven't seen the Michael Bay movie version, but I was listening to a podcast by Chris and Jimmy this morning, and they made a really great point about how ridiculous this scene was in the original movie. I mean, why does it feature the song "The Touch" by Stan Bush. Fight scene + cheesy ballad = pretty awesome? I'm not convinced. Well, this probably helps. Holy!Roc
*Oh brother. Blow by blow (pardon the pun) coverage of Lindsay Lohan's morning DUI arrest over at Perez. Car chase, check. Busted for DUI, check. Cocaine in pocket, check. Shaping up to be a nice little Tuesday at this rate. Gawker calls this TMZ's 9/11. Jezebel offers advice on this wacky contraption called a limousine.
*Marvel at the amazing 10 reasons why Michael Bay sucks (or is over the top cheese-mazing. I think I just made up a new word. As Victoria Beckham would say, "That's so Major.")
Good lord, has it really been this long between posts. What a deadbeat. My apologies, I've been busy working on some other projects (code for complete slackdom). At least Luke posted for the first time in a while, that's cool. Hey, it's not like I've turned into Nick Nolte or anything like that. And certainly I haven't missed much have I? I mean, The Singing Bee had 13 million viewers last week, which either means everyone is in the same boat, or it's summer and nothing is happening right now.
It is summer isn't it? Nope, just checked, sorry. Amuse yourselves, posting will begin again today most likely. Until then ponder this:
I hear, that on the heels of The Transformers success (still haven't seen) they will be making a Thundercats Movie. Why? I don't even undertand this. They are sword using human cats. Creepy and ridiculous. That is all.
Does it really have to be this hot? Especially to blog. My bad. It's not like I'm Jessica Cutler or anything, 'cause I didn't say this, "I'm just not that into you. Don't wait up." It just looks like it. It's summer, shouldn't you all be outside or something?
*Somebody asked me yesterday if I'd watched every video on Youtube. The answer is clearly no, but when you end up watching things like Major League 2 clips, dubbed in Italian no less, you probably have some sort of problem. Thanks Deadspin.
*Speaking of Youtube, the above trailer for You Only Live Twice, was amazing. Here's some more stuff about Bond advertising from Adfreak.
*Oh, great. "A new top-level intelligence assessment concludes that the al-Qaida terrorist network has rebounded and is at its greatest strength since the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks." Of course, Gawker notes, "Which means what, they've got access to box cutters again? This just keeps getting better."
*Eco-hooch. Nice to see that even Vodka is getting in on the green thing. Copyranter explains the "pathetic cause exploiters".
*This could be the best online store in the universe or something. Best name: Baron Von Fancy. And can you dig on this shirt called "Baby Wolf Pocket Tee". Puh-leeze!
Breaking News: All Online Data Lost After Internet Crash This is pretty much the best thing ever, especially the animated GIFs of Linus from Peanuts and the line about ABC playing Americas Funniest Home Videos to make up for the lack of Youtube. Too awesome for words.
*Jezebel found this insane product, Topless Sandals. That is all.
*James Lileks asked, "I’m confounded by the fact that no one in America has invented Fried Chicken Pizza. It would seem to be a rather obvious twist on a classic." And thankfully the internet answered.
*Found this new blog called Dear Life which is full of amazingness like this, "Dear "Big Love" Series on HBO, You are an amazing show and I have spent the last three days watching countless hours of you and getting sucked in. Nevertheless, I'm starting to get slightly scared that you are brainwashing me. I've caught myself having thoughts that polygamy could be fun. Like it actually might be a good time sharing one ween among several women. Or that becoming a Mormon would be something exciting I could do. There is something very wrong with this picture."
*This Just in remarked, "there's nothing laughable about child abuse - but the pirates, gold, Jesus Christ, and how they exercise their love for the Lord? Priceless."
*If you didn't get enough Earth-ness this weekend, you could always try reading Alan Weisman's "The World Without Us" which sounds pretty wicked. "Days after our disappearance, pumps keeping Manhattan's subways dry would fail, tunnels would flood, soil under streets would sluice away and the foundations of towering skyscrapers built to last for centuries would start to crumble. "
*I meant to post this like forever ago, but just dug up the link now. I think a building called Jackson is pretty cool. Smug too.
I don't know, it sure was hard to keep focused on the whole Live Earth deal this weekend, I mean, for starters Eva Longoria was like married in Paris, right. Sure, John Mayer really believed that he was "starting to feel the first ripples of what could become a revolution." I'm sure he felt the same thing when he dated Jessica Simpson. But it's Sunday, and the revolution doesn't really seem to be catching on. The reality of the weekend was summed up best by The Daily Gut's Jim Treacher, "Fighting Global Warming with a rock concert is like fighting obseity with aa hot dog-eating contest"
My thinking goes pretty much like Glenn Reynolds, "I'll start acting as if it's a crisis when the people who are telling me it's a crisis start acting as if it's a crisis." No really I will. And if you think I'm not running my fan nearly 24 hours aa day right now you got another thing coming mister. I find it cute that the same "celebs" also hit up the Formula One race the next day allowing Tim Blair to note, "Still, a Formula One race is likely a greener event than the carbon orgy that was Live Earth." HEH.
And perhaps I took just a bit too much pleasure in reading this article claiming that global warming had jumped the shark. But mostly I just enjoyed reading the endless articles about how much fuel the musical acts were burning, particualy the carbon unfriendly Madonna, who produces 100 times the waste of her fellow British dwellers. Oh Madonna, you and your crazy ideas.
Oh. My. God. This is so likeThe Sun's Malcolm Parry except without all the creepiness of signature pictures taken from chairs! Eat your heart out Parry! But seriously when we opened our inbox this morning, there were gems of amazingness that we needed to share from our new snapshot correspondent. Apparently there was some sort of Music BC gathering at Ceilli's last night. And from the photos this was liike Mos Eisley - a wretched hive of scum and villainy. Above you can witness what surely can only be described in the wild as "the Calgary power couple". Cowboy hat, check. Trophy wife with ample side boob, check. Amazing matching leather wristbands, check. Completely amazing, check!
I think the world may have collapsed upon itself here, I bet this beats anything over at Gawker's Blue States Lose today. This guy has it all: cool hair, contact lense, greatest little soul patches ever, and is his other eye sewn shut, 'cause that would totally rule. My goodness this rules. Must look away, but totally can't.
If you have any pictures from events, nights out, or whatever, send them our way so we can share them with the rest of the world. Send them to vancouverite@thevancouverite.com
I still don't understand the tourist fascination with the steam clock in Gastown. Quite frankly the 12:00 show almost made me wish I didn't go have total deliciousness at the Water St. Cafe. Go buy your small thing of maple syrup and move along. It's not that cool, we have more options on power now people. It would be cool if it was powered by the nukes. Oh right, the steam is just for show. Sigh.
Obituary writing is a lost art, except in Britain, where they excell at it, and have characters across the pond like Count Gottfried vin Bismark to play with:
"Count Gottfried von Bismarck, who was found dead on Monday aged 44, was a louche German aristocrat with a multi-faceted history as a pleasure-seeking heroin addict, hell-raising alcoholic, flamboyant waster and a reckless and extravagant host of homosexual orgies."
For the love of god. It's 8:06 AM, and I've already seen at least three people in flip flops. And by people I mean men, and yes, if you are reading this thing from the office I "work" at, you know that I'm watching you flip flop wearing criminals. Stupid hot weather.
Update: Make that 4. And they were grosser sandle style. I think I'm going to be sick.
Update: 5? Are you kidding me. This is just sick. We are all doomed.
Update: Jesus it's a freaking epidemic. All I can hear are the flip flops.
This is pretty amazing, I couldn't watch another episode of Cheers if you paid me (well, that's not true, you could pay me of course). But celebrating the art of the Norm-ism, which is a hard gag to keep churning out every episode. Ken Levine recounts the reality of writing 200+ of these.
The power of the interweb is strong today (something that can't be said for the news around Vancouver). Why's this you ask? Um, with in a few minutes of searching I found the following amazing quotes:
-"There's bad, there's awful and there's horrible, and then somewhere beyond that, in its own Kingdom of Lousy -- where all the milk curdles and the jokes aren't funny -- is "License to Wed," the latest ghastly exercise starring Robin Williams." - San Francisco Chronicle (via I Watch Stuff)
-"Just when you think 80s nostalgia has been done to death, someone uses Super Mario Brothers to evoke existentialism in a way that makes the works of Sartre and Camus look like frickin’ Bubble Bobble." (Best Week Ever)
-"What would look like a rough night on some people is here made too look glorious and beautiful by the one and only Patrick Swayze. This guy’s about one reality hosting gig away from shirtless burger munching." (Also Best Week Ever)
Everyoneiswriting about it. The Simpsons movie marketing genuis that is 7-11's transformed into Kwik-E-Marts. Yeah cool. Blah blah blah.
But here's what I don't get, really this was the chosen location: 1198 Lansdowne in Coquitlam. Come on isn't that like putting it in Shelbyville. Seriously, not that cool to head to the Co-Q. Thank you, come again.
I didn't post a single thing about the iPhone this weekend because I was waiting for the first iPhone Smash and the also awesome iPhone dissection. More amusing is the response video. Whatever hippy this was way cooler than the multitude of unboxing iPhone videos. And while I'm at it, why does Apple treat us like 2nd class citizens up here? No TV downloads. No iPhone. What gives Steve Jobs?
This reminds to post this amazing 1989 cell phone ad - now those are phones people!
I'm sorry, but is this for real? Clearly no. This is a great way to kick off the week, and clearly I need to do more Lululemon postings leading up to the stock launch.
Best thing I read all weekend was Anthony Lane in The New Yorker (smug alert) on "Transformers":
"Fortunately, his car, a trusty yellow Camaro, is in fact a saintly Autobot that has been sent to protect him. This shield-the-kid plot is pilfered from 'Terminator 2,' and there are matching nods to 'Godzilla' and the recent 'King Kong,' but, if you really want to know what 'Transformers' feels like, think of a hundred-and-thirty-five-minute, hundred-and-fifty-million-dollar retread of 'Herbie Goes Bananas.'"
PS: I find it hilarious that GM thinks they will sell more cars because of this movie. Unless that Camaro turns into a god damned robot, it ain't happening, saavy?
Post-long weekend newspapers are just plain bad. I failed to find anything of note. That's not totally true. Neal Hall's "Love summer a Canadian coming of age" article had the following stomach churning story:
"In the summer of 1967, future Vancouver mayor and B.C. premier Mike Harcourt was a young University of B.C. law student, working as waiter on a CP Railway dining car, heading to Expo 67, the world's fair being held in Montreal during Canada's Centennial Year.
He stayed in Montreal with fellow law student Don Rosenbloom, who was running a youth hostel for the summer.
'I had long flowing hair and a Fu Manchu moustache,' said Harcourt, whose nickname in law school was Ho Chi Mike."
This is way too much information before my first coffee! Good lord. Lesson learned, very funny Vancouver Sun.
