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It's Thursday November the 26 around 7:55AM and

Greenberg Trailer

I absolutely love Ben Stiller in the trailer for the new Noah Baumbach movie, Greenberg. His ridiculous hand written letter to Starbucks is the funniest thing I've seen since, I don't know, this. I hope this is more like the Squid and the Whale. I saw that movie in Paris. It was a challenge. My lack of French made it so. Turns out the Movies wasn't even called that in French, obviously, instead it was called Les Berkmans se separant. Of course it was.

It's Thursday November the 26 around 7:51AM and

Something Something Something Darkside (2009) - Trailer

Can't wait for the DVD of Family Guy's Blue Harvest follow up and Empire Strikes Back parody show. Comes out December 22. Love the "Robot Camels" comment and when one of them gets hurt.

It's Thursday November the 26 around 7:35AM and

Vancouver 2010: Flag Walks? Really?

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OMG, that dog, he's just so excited to pee all over Switzerland's flag! Super Fun! And just when I thought Yaletown couldn't get any more awful, they go and participate in some sort of hideous flag walk. According to the brochure:

"Picture yourself in a business district that is celebrating all things international; a restaurant is featuring Italian cuisine, the spa is featuring French beauty products, and all things German are on sale for one day at your store. Above-ground level offices will have flags and pennants on display and you will see employees everywhere wearing flag pins. Some shops will adopt a specific country, while others will want to support the home team and focus on cheering Canada through the whole celebration season. All participation will be unique and suited to the individual participating business. The Flag Walk project will create energy that screams Olympic fun for everyone – not just for two weeks but for the one hundred days leading up to the Games."

When I'm at Earl's having hot wings near some exotic flag of a country I've never heard of while I wear my Ed Hardy tee, I'll be sure to think of all the unique "Olympic Fun" I'm having. Yay! And don't worry about walking on the flags, they aren't actually Flags! Phew! At least that is what the official FlagWalk website tells me. Flags, you see aren't actually round! Hooray! Let's go walk on them! Check out the demo:

It's Tuesday November the 24 around 8:52PM and

Tuesday Night Thought: Do we really need local news in HD?

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CTV made some effort to promote itself as the first newscast in BC to go fully HD. Some quick thoughts:

1. Who wants to see Bill Good in HD? EVER?
2. Cat in tree, saved, in HD? I wasn't watching in SD.
3. Tamara Taggart in HD? Okay, maybe that's okay.
4. H1N1 b-roll footage in HD. No thanks.
5. Pamela Martin. In HD. Wait, isn't she like 70?

Thanks CTV. It's exactly what we asked for! Merry Christmas.

It's Tuesday November the 24 around 8:46PM and

2010 Olympics: Torch Fail

Wait, what, cold, windy weather has turned the Olympic flame, in the Olympic Fail:

The Vancouver 2010 Olympic flame has been extinguished a dozen times so far due to cold, windy weather, said torch relay officials.

But while 2010 relay boss Jim Richards said he plans to discuss "solutions" when the torch reaches Fredericton, N.B., Wednesday, Bombardier's top engineer said Tuesday there are no plans to re-design it.

It's Tuesday November the 24 around 7:40AM and

Sacrilicious Jumping of the shrimp

This makes me want to go to Kobe Steakhouse so bad. Must drink rum out of Buddha, must have funny overpriced dinning experience, must see onion ring tower steam. Now! Who's with me? (Via AdFreak)

It's Tuesday November the 24 around 7:21AM and

Fighting Christmas Creep

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We've imported every store from the USA and elsewhere. And yet our downtown core is really still about the two most pathetic department stores in the known universe. Not only that, but everyone has been rocking Christmas before Halloween here. But the fabulous, piano playing, awesome service retailer Nordstrom is fighting the Christmas creep and not doing Christmas until American Thanksgiving is over, again. Bravo. (Via The Consumerist)

As an aside, I nearly bought some Fossil shoes at The Bay the other day as I passed through on a work assignment - yes, this did involve shopping for Olympic crap. Turns out there was no one to actually get help from. Oh, except for the other Bay shoe store which will only help if you buy their shoes, not the regular Bay shoes. Huh? So not only did I refuse to buy them when someone showed up as I exited, I ended up buying two pairs of shoes at Zappos.com instead. Take that Bay. Jerks.

Previously on The Vancouverite:

Starbucks Goes Red, Again - November 3, 2009.

It's Monday November the 23 around 9:12PM and

Bruno Talks About Vancouver 2010: Have Fun

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The National Post has a funny little Q&A with Bruno as the DVD is out now. Somebody better keep this on the downlow with VANOC. They might not be down with this.

Q: The Olympics are coming to Vancouver in February: What advice would you give our athletes for enjoying their nights out in the athlete’s village?

A: Have fun, but be sensible and act responsibly! Remember, no more than 20 guys in the shower together at one time and if you are going to be competing, don’t ruin your chances by staying up all night partying for more than 3 days on the trot. And don’t take drugs (apart of course, from poppers which can’t be detected by Olympic testing). The main thing to remember guys is that this is the time to have fun together and experience different nations.

Q: How can I get a physique like a hockey great like Wayne Gretzky?

A: Work, work, work! Getting a great body like mine or Wayne’s take a lot of sweat and vomiting. You’ve GOT to put time in at the gym – I spend 6 hours a day at mine, admittedly mainly having shower sex, but that still is a great work out.

It's Monday November the 23 around 9:01PM and

Thanks Vancouver Sun, Keep up the breaking news

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I find articles in Vancouver titled "Rain, rain, and more rain on the way for Vancouver," completely unhelpful. On the other hand, it is the story's URL which is downright terrifying (vancouversun.com/news/Scorpion+gangster+arrested+Langley/2256831
/Rain+rain+more+rain+Vancouver/2254125/story.html).

What is The Sun trying to tell us I wonder?

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PS: How do you like my awful Perez Hilton like annotations? I know, I hate it too. But it's been a long day, deal with it. We are all doomed.

It's Monday November the 23 around 9:24AM and

Morning Vancouver: It's Raining Polar Bears

Good morning Green Capital. This one goes out to our juice loving green acting Mayor Gregor Robertson. FYI: I'll be booking my flight ASAP. Loved the one comment on Youtube, "At least all the kiddy polar bears are still alive." (Via AdFreak)

It's Sunday November the 22 around 6:52PM and

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia Christmas

I want to pour acid in my eyes from seeing the Kay Jeweler Christmas TV ads, but the Christmas Special DVD of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia cured that. Why?

1. Danny Devito, naked.
2. Lots of Mike Schmidt references
3. Even more Von Hayes references.
4. Lots of Fred Savage in the extras.
5. Claymation Musical Ending. Enough Said.

It's Sunday November the 22 around 4:36PM and

Awful Promotions Department #347: 7-Eleven Sherlock Holmes

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Was reading Entertainment Weekly today. There is an actual ad for a cross promotion between the new Sherlock Holmes movie and 7-Eleven. Let me get this straight, the movie about a fictional detective in the 1890's is now solving your hunger and getting you to buy product at 7-Eleven. The ad reads, "Mystery Solved. 7-Eleven has great coffee." Yah it does.

And it goes on from there. On the website you can "solve" your hunger with 99 cent "Go Go" taquitos. As a side note, who is buying taquitos at 7-Eleven anyway? Oh thank, heaven?

It's Sunday November the 22 around 4:28PM and

2010 Olympics: It Could be worse

You think having the Olympics is bad? It could be worse. We could be hosting the UN Climate Change Conference and having them rename Vancouver something as dreadful as Hopenhagen. Oh, poor Copenhagen. That would be the worst. At least VANOC didn't rename the city, right?

It's Friday November the 20 around 8:39AM and

Tourism Ad you can believe in: Dagobah

this is the kind of Tourism Advertising British Columbia should be doing during the Olympics. Extreme! "So, if you've been looking for a place with low ceilings, disgusting food and annoying retirees, but you're tired of Florida, come watch the days go by on Dagobah" Dago-Booyah! (Via Ad Freak)

It's Friday November the 20 around 8:28AM and

Twilight: Edward Cullen House For Sale

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OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. You could buy Edward Cullen's House in West Van. Got $3.3 million under the mattress and want to have constant Twilight fantasies? This is the house for you! This 5 bedroom, 4 Bath house (118 Stevens Drive) is an Arthur Erickson award-winner (read: leaky?) Oh Bella. (Via The Province)

It's Friday November the 20 around 8:22AM and

Vancouver is Wet, And Our Buildings are Similar

As the Olympics approach it's funny to read stories from around the world on our little city in need a Noah's Ark (somebody save us). Take for instance the SF Chronicle's Bad Lattitude Blog which has some helpful Vancouver tips:

Spend enough time walking around Vancouver's fascinating and diverse neighborhoods in winter and you'll discover two things: 1) There are a whole lotta warm and welcoming restaurants in this town; 2) Your jacket might be waterproof, but your shoes are not.

Yeah, it rains. Deal with it. Here's a few tips (other than to invest in rubber socks) for anyone visiting the Winter Olympics 2010 city:

1. Do not, under any circumstances, base your bearings on "That tall, skinny apartment building" when exploring Vancouver. The structures are so ubiquitous you'd have a better chance of getting your bearings in New York City based on "That sickly looking pigeon."

It's wet here. We have many buildings that all look alike. How fun.

It's Friday November the 20 around 7:36AM and

VANCOUVERITE WEEKENDER: TOP PICKS FOR THE WEEKEND NOVEMBER 20- 21

FRIDAY:

New Moon. New Moon. New Moon damn it. Curse people magazine and their Sexiest Man of the Year issue where RPattz was robbed, or something. Roger Ebert savaged it in his review this week, "“\Sitting through this experience is like driving a pickup in low gear though a sullen sea of Brylcreem." I'm sure this won't stop the Twihards from melting down all weekend. Don't forget your cheap RPattz approved meatballs at Glowbal nerds.

On the other hand, while every teenage girl is at New Moon, little movies should be nice and quiet. You could try Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day or a Nic Cage movie that no one needed a remake of, Bad Lieutenant: Port of call New Orleans. But it is Werner Herzog, so that is good, and it does feature Eva Mendes, which is always good to look at. (Tinsletown).

Speaking of things to look at, check out the Scout Boutique Fashion Show tomorrow will feature Mad Men inspired pin-up designs by Stop Staring and holiday wear by local designer Sweet Soul. (152 East 8th Avenue - right off of Main Street). We're sending our fashionista to cover this, so stay tuned.

SATURDAY

Savage Love author Dan Savage is playing the Chan Centre for the Performing Arts (8pm, Tix $25). The narcissist in you can submit questions in advance for additional humiliation when asking those "where do babies come from" stupid questions. it's like an evening with Kevin Smith but not as fun and kind of insulting. What fun.

Something tells me that a bottle of Russian Stoly Vodka (certainly not that lame Swedish Absolute) and a couple hours at the Vancouver Russian Community Centre Christmas Bazaar (11-5pm, Tix $1) stuffing your face would be satisfying. Once you are wasted follow that up with a trip to a real life Etsy show at Cambrian Hall (215 East 17th, 11-5PM, $2) or save yourself the trouble and just get online and look at the wares of Regretsy home of the "Handmade: It looks like you made it with your feet" art.

SUNDAY

Is ZZ Top really playing the Abbotsford Entertainment and Sports Centre? Yes, yes they are. (Doors 6:30, Show 7:30, Tix, $85/75) Or if the memories of Back to the Future III aren't enough, there is always the East Side Culture Crawl. If you have an aversion to seeing artists in their natural environment, don't look them in their eyes.

It's Thursday November the 19 around 9:14PM and

Filthy, Creepy, Soap Suds

There is something that has always bugged me about the "Green Economy." And it was always that it was some how going to be an economy that was on top of the regular economy, and then we'd all be green. But if this ads and microsite by Method cleaning products is any indication it is a zero sum game.

See it's a war on cleaning products. And the green jobs, are same as the old jobs, but cleaner. It's like Skynet only less robot-y. I bet Gregor Robertson wished he thought of this. Put that into your Green Capital, and smoke it.

It's Tuesday November the 17 around 10:16PM and

Shameless Restaurant Promotions Dept: Glowbal's Twilight Meatballs

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Photo: Dine Out Here

Well this is awesome.
Got a press release this afternoon from Glowbal.
It fronts with:

"Sink your teeth into this delicious after-dark offer. The Twilight Saga: New Moon opens on Friday, November 20 and glowbal grill is offering fans of the popular Vampire movie series half-off its decadent Kobe Meatballs with Truffled Spaghetti dinner entree* as the superlative sustenance for the suspenseful flick. Popcorn be damned. Stave your hunger like a superstar."

Shameless Glowbal. Absolutely shameless. Basically it is all about Edward Cullen, er, Robert Pattinson and how much he loves him some Kobe Meatballs. Oh, Vancouver! This press release is kind of amazing with three vampire/supernatural references too:

-Sink your teeth into this delicious after-dark offer
-This is a dish to love at first bite.
-Plan a visit to take advantage of this bewitching special.

Bravo.

It's Tuesday November the 17 around 6:59AM and

Stephen Harper: Slumdog Prime Minister

It may be raining in Vancouver, but this video of Stephen Harper in India will brighten your day.

It's Monday November the 16 around 10:38PM and

Things we do not like: Tofurky & gravy soda

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Turkey and Gravy soda is one thing. But is tofurky and gravy 100% vegan soda really needed? 6-pack with 3 dessert soda's for $11.99. Thanks but no thanks Jones Soda.

It's Monday November the 16 around 6:40AM and

Ashley Greene Summarizes Vancouver For Twilight Fans

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Twilight star Ashley Greene was asked about being in Vancouver in USA Today. It's green. And hey, her last name's Greene too! You can kayak and hike. It's kind of like New York, but not really, and Italy is better.

"Vancouver. I've been here for the past two months. It's an incredible place to live and film. They have the seawall, where you can run and ride bikes right by the water. It's really nice and relaxing. I went to an incredible restaurant last night called Market by Jean-Georges in the Shangri-La Hotel It's a really beautiful place. You can go to Grouse Mountain and go hiking. They have kayaking. It's really green and very clean air.

It kind of reminds me bit of New York the way the city is set up. You can literally walk. They have Yaletown and Gastown and different parts of the city like in New York. If you wanted to walk around the whole city you can, which is nice because in L.A. you have to drive everywhere. We walk to the restaurants. And there's great shopping here. I have a (shopping) problem. I'm kind of glad that I'm working (so much). During the beginning I wasn't working six-day weeks. I had a little time on my hands and my bank account has taken a hit."

She should probably stick to photo spreads in Maxim and maybe not talking or travel writing.

It's Monday November the 16 around 6:21AM and

Welcome to the Havoc of the Pineapple Express

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The Province has a fairly awesome headline about Vancouver being "pounded" by the heavy rain. I like that even when it rains more than usual, we're surprised. And we give it cute names like Pineapple Express. Thanks Hawaii! Jerks. (And forcing me to blog about it, about weather, Environment Minister Barry Penner says, "At this point, there's no reason to be unduly alarmed." He adds, "What has caught our attention for this weather system is the amount of moisture that it appears to be packing." Indeed.

It's Sunday November the 15 around 12:30PM and

Absolute Vancouver

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Photo: Miss604

So Absolute Vodka has made 60,000 bottles of special Vancouver edition vodka. It's bright blue and yellow and the artwork was done by local, Douglas Fraser. They are also offering up some sort of $120k prize to support the arts community under the guise of social do-goodery, which is code for branding opportunity. Let me remind you that at the end of the day, it's still just Absolute.

Follow me on this: The absolute bottle is in yellow and blue, the same colors as the province of British Columbia, which are the same colors as Sweden. And the Swedish vodka is giving money to artists! Does this mean we're all Scandinavian socialists now? Somebody better tell Gordon Campbell, stat.

It's Sunday November the 15 around 12:05PM and

Mickey Rourke Loves Starbucks

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I love living in a world where Mickey Rourke enjoys a Starbucks coffee in a red cup as much as any other human does. I love living in a world where Mickey Rourke goes out on an "outing" with his dog and a blonde about 1/2 his age. This makes life worth living.

It's Sunday November the 15 around 11:57AM and

Tim Burton at the MOMA

Do you think there will come a time when the Vancouver Art Gallery is as cool as MoMA? I'm guessing not. It's hard to be cool when you keep having to bring out the Group of Seven over and over and over again. And the MoMA gets Tim Burton. Rad.

It's Friday November the 13 around 9:47AM and

VANCOUVERITE WEEKENDER: TOP PICKS FOR THE WEEKEND NOVEMBER 13 - 15

FRIDAY

Remember Bill Cosby? Apparently he's still doing comedy. Really? I wonder if he is still doing like Jello Pudding Pops bits or whatever? Mr. Huxtable gets the River Rock treatment tonight in Richmond. You might as well go check out 2012. The Awl said this about this end-of-the-world smash up derby, "And what else would make it THIS AWESOME? It's like the movie has ultra-oxygenated blood and sleeps upside down in a hyperbaric chamber and eats tiger penis like it's its job because it has psycho endurance that feels GREAT in your brain." (PS: Read the whole review. It's epic)

You could also, when you learn that 2012 is full, go check out Wes Anderson Fantastic Mr. Fox or the tubby but loveable Philip Seymour Hoffman in a movie called Pirate Radio or The Boat that Rocked (IMDB can't make up it's mind) with the tagline, "1 Boat. 8 Djs. No morals." Or you could get creative and check out the Big Lebowski Beverage Garden at the UBC Film Society. 6 Bucks and the only film that serves drinks.

SATURDAY

OMG. KISS is at GM Place Satuday. This means MAC is going to be BUSY today. They still wear the make up right? Oh and to class it up Buckcherry is opening. For fun, maybe get your KISS face makeup on then do the Champagn and Sparkling Wine Tasting at Marquis Wine Cellars. That will blow some minds. (1034 Davie 1-4 PM) Meanwhile, Bill Maher, the most successful unfunny person on TV is so relevant that he is playing River Rock as well.

Anytime this weekend you could check out the dying days of Fuel in Kitsilano (1944 West 4th Ave). It's closing the end of the month and this is your last chance. Dont' worry, the space will return as a casual Pacific NW space on December 2nd. You have until November 29th.

SUNDAY

Vancouver's baby Comicon. (11-5, Heritage Hall 3102 Main. $4 admission.) I'm guessing by the lack of anyone or anything I've heard of on the guest list, this isn't like the big ones. I'm also guess, and hate to break it to you nerds, but Olivia Munn will not, repeat, not be attending. Will there be any comic babes? I'm guessing no, but I dare you to go check it out.

It's Thursday November the 12 around 2:22PM and

Risky Business Fails

This is so good.

It's Wednesday November the 11 around 9:42AM and

Remembrance Day

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Heading out to services downtown in a little bit. And instead of writing, I figured I'd share a few classic posts on the day from Remembrance Day 2005 including some from my trip to France and Belgium that year with my Dad.

Canadian Cemetery No. 2

Beny-Sur Mer Canadian War Cemetery

Givenchy Road Canadian Cemetery

Remembrance Day: Vimy Ridge

It's Tuesday November the 10 around 8:03AM and

Robot Phone Overlords Rule

You know, I like Apple and all, but I do kind of like this new, more sinister, evil looking ass kicking kind of phone too. Love this bit of a write up by AdFreak:

"The new spot stars intimidating robots who crush rocks and punch holes to assert their metallic superiority. And unless I've missed the point (unlikely, as I never have on AdFreak before, at least not that I'd admit), humans will do these droids' bidding once Earth is enslaved, toiling in factories and slugging it out in bloody boxing matches for their overlords' amusement. This isn't a smartphone, the ad warns, it's a robotphone. You don't talk to the boss on a Droid, the phone is your boss."

I, for one, welcome our robot overlords.

It's Tuesday November the 10 around 6:37AM and

Mayor Gregor Twitter Show Episode 4: Must Love Jobs

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Tireless Mayor Gregor Robertson was hard at work in the middle of the night again (2:30 AM), on Twitter onbviously. He's working with the rest of the region for 2010 to land great companies and jobs. Is it too early to call this a fail?

Hours earlier (11:35 PM) California based, but Burnaby co-habitated Electronic Arts is about to slash another 1500 jobs (in addition to the 1100 from earlier in the year) and the numbers from here will be "significant."

Wait, No Obama-esque call to "save" jobs? Way to go guys.

Previously on the Mayor Gregor Twitter Show:

Homelessness Not Over

Foggy Day in London Town

It's Monday November the 9 around 9:49PM and

Elizabeth Hurley Beef Jerky

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According to jerky legend Elizabeth Hurley, "grew to love beef jerky while living in California, where it is as readily available as candy. Made from air dried strips of organic silverside." She's selling meat snacks on her website. Heaven!

And you thought I couldn't love her any more than I do. Shame on you. (Via Urban Daddy)

It's Monday November the 9 around 9:30PM and

Top Chef Monday: Spicy Padma Edition

1. I think it's frustrating that the one time Natalie Portman is on Top Chef we confirm that she can ruin a steakhouse by demanding they cook vegetarian food. In Vegas? This is worse than when she was in those Star Wars movies.

2. At least Padma was trying to salvage this disaster. Please see above.

3. That and the fact that TVgasm's aply named Dirty Bear won with his mushrooms. PS: Bitter Jen, get it together.

It's Monday November the 9 around 8:33PM and

Ridiculous Music Box Set Hall of Fame


Entertainment Weekly this week (oxymoron? whatever.) has three absolutely retarded musical box sets. Who is buying stuff like this? Well apparently Yo Yo Ma is all like, "What recession?"

Yo Yo Ma: 30 Years Outside the Box.
This bad boy will get you 90, NINETY, CDs. Currently Amazon has this for $620.99 and somehow there are only 4 left in stock. Kind of a bargain since EW said it was $790.

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Miles Davis: The Complete Columbia Album Collection.
A bargain compared to that fat cat Yo Yo Ma, this Davis collection is only a modest 71 discs and $266.99. That's $3.71/disc for you accountants and savants keeping score at home.

AC/DC: Backtracks box Set

Last but not least is this AC/DC boxed set. The deluxe edition isn't in stock, so you can get the cheap ghetto version for $39. But it is only 2-discs. The deluxe version is 3CDs, 2DVDs, a record (for what?) and the whole thing comes with a working amp. Best part would be the 5 completely necessary versions of Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap.

Don't forget, it's Christmas soon. I dare you to buy some of this musical torture for someone you love.

It's Monday November the 9 around 8:52AM and

George Clooney Gets Hit with Piano

George Clooney dails one in for a new Nespresso coffee spot where after a tragic piano falling accident he sees God, as played by coffee loving, white suited, John Malkovich. This was directed by Robert Rodriguez. (Via Copyranter on Animal)

It's Monday November the 9 around 8:32AM and

24 Hours: Totally Loves Cougars

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So glad 24 Hours starts the week off right with a cover story on Vancouver's cougar population. And front and center is Claudia Opdenkelder CEO and Chief Cougar of Cougarlife.com. But it is UBC English professor Gisele Baxter who steals the show opining, "As fickle as pop culture is, especially with a younger demographic having such an impact, there is the risk, unless some really strong representations of this trend catch on, of 'cougar' quickly becoming a term of derision - desperate old bats robbing the cradle." Wait, what, you mean cougar isn't a word of derision already?

PS: so there is actually a website out there to hook cougars up with young men, er "cubs". God bless the internets.

It's Monday November the 9 around 6:35AM and

20 Years After the Berlin Wall Fell

On November 9, 20 years ago, the Berlin Wall fell. AT&T quickly released this ad with the requisite What a Wonderful World track.

It's Sunday November the 8 around 9:01PM and

2010 Cupcakes Are Awesome

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Have the VANOC lawyers seen these Quatchi and Olympic ring cup cakes? Because stuff will definitely go down if they do. Well, technically this is, "a "brother" of the popular Vancouver Olympics mascot-- let's call him Squatchi!" Scandalicious. Coco Cake Cupcakes made them, and they look totally awesome. Can we get a standing order for these?

It's Sunday November the 8 around 8:24PM and

Smoked Sausage Ads & Mad Men Season Finale

Go Meat! Might as well make this a three-pack of ad posts on a night where Sterling Cooper Draper & Price is born. Which I hope means the beginning of even more agency stuff in season 4. I mean as long as Joan is back in the fold, do you really care about the Betty and Don divorce drama? I guess this opens the door to Sal coming back, but what about young beatnik Kinsey?

Anyway, this is what Best Week Ever calls the, "Saw VII of Smoked Sausage Ads."

It's Sunday November the 8 around 8:18PM and

Shoe Advertising: butt it's not about feet

Interesting to see Reebok try to sell new shoes by focusing solely on bums. I'm glad they are getting into the benefits and not air pumps, gels, or whatever, but Easy Tone is kind of a lame title.

UPDATE:

And I posted the first video before seeing this 15 second version. This one is about a butt so awesome your breasts are jealous. I call that healthy competition. What would Don Draper say about this I wonder?

It's Sunday November the 8 around 8:12PM and

The Jazzercise of 2009

1. "Connecting the mind, body and pole". Is this still something people do? Is this the tagline?

2. Isn't pole dancing as exercise, a few years on, kind of like if I referenced, sweating to the oldies, or leg warmers?

It's Sunday November the 8 around 9:18AM and

Firelight: An SNL Digital Short

Taylor Swift brooding in dark hair falls in love with a Frank (Frankenstein) in a parody of how ridiculous Twilight is.

It's Saturday November the 7 around 1:41PM and

VANOC Ticket Fail

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Uh oh. Everything was looking to be on track, but the third, and final, ticket release for the 2010 Winter Games just fell after a double axle. The Vancouver Sun called them out and labeled this an epic fail. They will try again next Saturday, same bat time, same bat channel. Nothing to worry about here folks.

It's Saturday November the 7 around 6:53AM and

Gap Transformation on Robson St.

The smart kids upstairs at Cossette turned everything upside down at the Gap store on Robson to launch a new loyalty program, Sprize. This is the time lapse video that shows how that all went down. And it will be like that this weekend.

It's Friday November the 6 around 7:11AM and

VANCOUVERITE WEEKENDER: TOP PICKS FOR THE WEEKEND NOVEMBER 6 - 8

FRIDAY
Cinephiles can check out the Vancouver Asian Film Festival all weekend. I almost deleted this since trying to find anything about these films seemingly involved downloading a 44 page PDF. I hate PDFs when I just want the information on the FILMS! (turns out the navigation labeled "Festival" meant "Films")

Try shorts like Bamboozle: "When Katie, a professional mascot loses the head to her panda costume, she consequently loses her job, and now possibly her life!" Or Vagina Vacation: "After having her 18th child Nicole is ready to have another one right away. However her Vagina is not, and takes off on vacation!" But seriously, I hear White on Rice is pretty good. And any write up for a movie named The People I've Slept With suggests it is like a mixture of, "Sex and the City with Will & Grace in a progressive sex comedy about a carnally adventurous Asian American woman who

Or you could just see something like The Men Who Stare At Goats and actually enjoy yourself. Whatever.

How do you decide between Soul Asylum in Coquitlam (Red Robinson Show Theatre) and Chantel Kreviazuk in Richmond (River Rock)?

SATURDAY

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At the Commodore Ballroom on Saturday night you can see LIGHTS. This keytar playing, comic loving, sci-fi geekery, World of Warcraft tatoo sporting little nerd hottie is perfect for anyone working at EA or who is 40 and never kissed a girl. She should drop the name and go by her Valarie Poxleitner original. Way cooler.

How do you decide between Neil Sedaka in Richmond (River Rock) and Chantel Kreviazuk in Coquitlam (Red Robinson Show Theatre)? Sedaka's Laughter in the Rain is perfect for this dreary day.

SUNDAY
Four words: David Foster And Friends. End of story. Game. Set. Match. (GM Place) The composer of the Expo Theme, St. Elmo's Fire, and more comes to GM Place to soft-rock out with friends like Philip Bailey from Earth, Wind & Fire.

THE VANCOUVERITE PICK: MAD MEN SEASON FINALE

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Or you could stay home and catch the season finale (Title: Shut the Door. Have a Seat. Trailer here) of Mad Men. What will happen to Sterling Cooper? Another Takeover? Will Betty really leave Don? Will he go back to the teacher? Will Peggy stop grossing us out with Duck? Will Roger finally dump that drunk Jane? Will he get Joan back to to SC? Will Connie Hilton predict his grand daughter fame whoring? Will Kinsey shave his beard? Will Sal come back? Will Pete go postal? More importantly what will Don be wearing?

Programming Note: Tune in to CBC's On the Coast with Stephen Quinn tonight (5:00 - 5:30). Should be on doing a segment about all things Mad Men.

It's Friday November the 6 around 6:26AM and

Women, Children, Hockey Players, and Bankers First

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What, bloggers aren't in the priority list for getting the H1N1 vaccine? Thankfully the bankers who helped bring us the global economic meltdown are getting their own supply of vaccine. From John Cook of Gawker:

"Goldman Sachs and Citigroup have obtained a total of 1,400 doses of swine flu vaccine from the city of New York, while many pediatricians wait for doses. On the other hand, money is more important than babies."

Insert joke about pig bankers being naturally more open to Swine Flu here.

It's Friday November the 6 around 6:20AM and

Star Trek Green Girl Nerd Rant

Back to back Star Trek posts, gulp. But there is something about a rant to JJ Abrams about which sexy starlet should have played the green girl.

"Hey, J.J. Abrams -- question for you. If you have a script that features two green-skinned Orion Slave Girls, one of which is fully clothed, and one of which is shown in her underwear, how on god's green earth do you NOT give the lesser clothed role to Diora Baird? I mean, I doubt few men would kick Rachel Nichols out of bed for eating crackers, but come on."

It's Friday November the 6 around 6:16AM and

Worst DVD Packaging In the World

Pretty sure this exclusive Star Trek Packaging from Target is the most ridiculous thing in DVD packages. For once our lack of Targets serves us.

It's Thursday November the 5 around 7:07AM and

Used 2010 Torch $2500 On Ebay

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I expect that with 12,000 Torches out there in the next few months, they'll be lots of them coming up on Ebay, like this little guy for the low price of $2500. But here's the thing. What would you even do with it? Now, if you said, you had a canister with the actual flame from Greece that I could keep filling up and have the Olympic flame just rocking out in my apartment 24-7, then you might have something. Or not. I don't get it.

It's Wednesday November the 4 around 8:06AM and

No Corkscrew, No Problem

Leave to the French. Of course their years of drunken trickery passed down from thousands of years of French drinking winos have a solution for those times when you just can't open your bottle of wine because you are without corkscrew. Très bien.

It's Wednesday November the 4 around 7:50AM and

Uh oh coming soon

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Photo by Garnet

Got an email and photo from pop culture aficionado Garnet McElree this morning. Beard Papa's, purveyors of "The World's Best Cream Puffs" is coming to Robson St. This CANNOT end well.

It's Wednesday November the 4 around 7:30AM and

Wednesday Dance Moves

Well, after this I know what I'm doing next week with my random vacation days. An It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Marathon. Especially after this: Charlie Shows His Dance Moves

It's Wednesday November the 4 around 7:26AM and

Where The Dirty Hipsters are

Someone takes the time to ask, what if Where the Wild Things Are was about hipsters rather than for hipsters. At some point will people get bored of making videos? (Via Buzz Feed)

It's Tuesday November the 3 around 6:58AM and

Starbucks Goes Red, Again

November 3. It's NOVEMBER 3rd! And it's time for Starbucks annual onslaught of red cups. It's like a two month Christmas siege on your caffeine. I don't think they have fully moved the entire line of Christmas into the stores just yet. But they will! By god they will. Sure they have the snowman cookie, and pumpkin in like everything, but they are still pushing the VIA instant so we'll have to wait for phase 2 for a bit. Little known fact, they've been doing this for 12-years now. I forgot how much the red cups irritate me. Enough.

Previously on The Vancouverite:

Red Cup This Starbucks

Seeing Red: Tales of Christmas Street Hell

Starbucks Goes Red

It's Monday November the 2 around 10:37PM and

Surrey Needs Help with Makeover

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This is neat. A design competition. In Surrey! i'm not sure what is more awesome:

1. The city of Surrey is holding a public 75k design competition.
2. It's a competition to transform Surrey's town centers.
3. Is Surrey's tagline really "the future lives here" - Are you kidding me?
4. But it's got a catchy name, "townshift".
5. Isn't that cool? They've got blobs of colour. So modern.

"Surrey types didn’t say specifically what they were looking for Monday, but they dropped a few hints: town squares, tall apartment buildings, wide walkways, leafy streets and plenty of accommodation for the ever-growing senior population." (Via The Province)

Am I the only one who thinks this should be some sort of Ty Pennington reality show instead? Impoverished suburb with no sense of style and legendary loose women. Move that bus!

It's Monday November the 2 around 10:08PM and

Rejoice Vancouver: Our Bike Lane on Burrard St. Bridge is Totally Awesome

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Somehow, there is some sort of survey commissioned by the city that says that by a two-to-one margin the city thinks the Burrard Bridge is totally wicked awesome. So Mayor Gregor is doing like tonnes of high fives and fancy juice toastings and stuff. Of course this is a survey of 310 people with no margin of error. I mean 45-21 percent in favour. Except what did the rest of the survey think? None of the above? Who cares! We've got a bike bridge damn it.

All this didn't stop Counselor Heather Deal from proclaiming a fait accompli, "It shows that, not only do we have a safer bridge, but that cars, pedestrians and cyclists all think it's a good idea... It's a huge success for us." (via CBC)

It's Monday November the 2 around 8:38PM and

Welcome to our new H1N1 LINEUPS Comrades!

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Hey there H1N1 vaccine fans, if you aren't high risk, you aren't getting the delicious vaccine. Government health officials will be patrolling the lines to ensure only high priority people get it. What is this, a 1960's bread line in Russia? Get used to it. At least there is a handy "interactive quiz" on the website.

PS: What sort of math is this: "B.C. will receive a total of 350,000 doses of the vaccine this week, less than had been expected, with 92,500 of the doses going to Vancouver Coastal." (via Vancouver Sun) Well, at least we aren't living in the health care nightmare that is Toronto. Can't win hockey games, and can't cope with H1N1. Ouch.

It's Monday November the 2 around 8:37AM and

Jay Z & Alicia Keyes "Empire State of Mind" (2009)

Great video to start the week off right.

It's Monday November the 2 around 8:15AM and

Zac Efron's Smug Vancouver Hideout

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He left this weekend, but High School Musical's Zac Efron, lived it up while shooting his new movie, Death and Life of Charlie St. Cloud at the 5,000-square foot pimphouse, er penthouse at the gothic Grace Building (499 Drake St.). Apparently Zac-y liked the added security of fingerprint access and security for all common areas. The private pool must have been just the icing on the cake as would have been seeing Vanessa Hudgens swimming in it. (See more at The Province)

It's Monday November the 2 around 7:58AM and

Olympic Hating Halloween Tricks

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The cover story of 24 Hours today is amazing. Turns out, some anti-Olympic amateur propagandist spent Halloween handing out notes to trick-or-treaters saying, "I hate the Olympics, send Car 87 for Gordon Campbell." Halloween political campaign. Love it.

Meanwhile The Province spent the spooky night aftermath with Galleries of The Felions in various costumes, entries from their Sexy Halloween Costume Contest, and even a post Halloween Craigslist missed connections. 24 Hours doing more original stories than Province? You be the judge. At least they are both smutting it up and trying to move papers.

It's Sunday November the 1 around 7:33PM and

A Little Monkey business on Main Street

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A trip up Main St. this weekend produced the best salt and pepper set in the world. Alessi Orientales Banana Bros Salt and Pepper Set, designed by Stefano Giovannoni and Rumiko Takeda is the best thing ever. This little bit of awesome is available at Vancouver Special (3612 Main St.) I've just wanted to salt and pepper everything all night.