« Best. Quote. Ever. | Main | Pretty Lights »

It's Thursday July the 13 around 7:38AM and

What every Vancouverite needs to survive...

These are the Dark Ages folks, be ready. If you're not prepared, someone you don't know could start talking to you. Get this stuff and keep it with you every time you leave your house.

-Headphones. Don't plug them into anything but put them on and put the plug in your pocket. Then you can actually ignore the vagrants and beggars and you won't go to hell for it. You just can't hear them because you are listening to something on your fancy headphones.

-Funny Money. Get some french coins or better yet get some washers from a hardware store. Then when one of our established street dwellers asks you for change, you can give them something. ( substitute packs of matches for useless change ) It's pretty amazing how guilty these people can make you feel. ( anything shiny could actually work here )

-If you Smoke? You need an empty cigarette pack. So that when that 20 year old alley girl asks if she can borrow a cigarette you can say sure...pull out the empty pack and then sigh and apologize that your not giving her anything for free today.

-Cheap perfume - like really cheap dollar store stuff. Is like pepper spray for blasting those poor needy bastards back to where they came from. It also makes them smell better.

-Anti-Bacterial hand wash. Have you touched a pole on the bus or sky train before? ( hazmat suits will not fit in the tourist package )

-A Bible - preferably the book of Mormon. Because honestly, nothing really repels people better than the good book. Start telling people they need a little more Jesus and a little less rock and roll in their life and they won't feel comfortable talking to a stranger for at least 72 hours.

-Guns and Ammo style Magazine. Because if you're reading something like that chances are you wanted to get into the military so so bad but they said you'rea little too nuts or your eye sight is way bad or you're just plain goofy. You're a loose cannon now. No one will bother you if you keep this magazine in plain view.

in case you were wondering this is what boredom @ 7:30am on a dreary Thursday morning looks like