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It's Wednesday December the 20 around 6:46AM and

A Strongly Worded Letter Because "She" is Coming Back For More

Maybe no one has ever spoken out against her because they are scared. She seems to be a real bitch and as they go, no one wants to stand in their wake and tell one off. I will.

She just killed all these trees. I am sure baby birds are dead too as their nests fell to the ground and exploded. She also messed up everything real bad a few weeks back with the snow. No one pointed the finger then either. We have to unite as one and tell her to leave and never come back. We do this by paving over the green with a coat of fresh asphalt.

Oddly enough the tree huggers that opposed the trees getting cut down in Stanley Park for the Aquarium, are NOT up in arms with conspiracy theories about how the Aquarium and Dr. Nightingale were behind the wind storms. It;s okay when man isn't the culprit apparently.

Anyways...

Dear Mother Nature,
The tree in our back yard that clipped my eaves and took out our fence told me you pushed him over. He said this in his last dying breath. "Luke you know who did this...find her and destroy her...eehhhhhaaaa...." Some people worship you and say you're useful, we call them hippies, but all you do is get in our way. You did some pretty great things a while back but you are no longer needed. You're so old news.

Getting bent out of shape for something that we didn't do is just making you look bad. You're like that mother that locked her kids in a cage and made them sleep in their feces and you are rattling the bars in the cage poking us with sticks and spraying us with cold water. You're in charge, we get the point.

I heard you are planning another attack on Vancouver tonight. There is a 40 foot fir about 7 feet from the east side of my house that would split us in two. If you do go ahead as planned, perhaps you blow from the west then and slam it into my neighbor Lance's house. He's a total asshole anyways. The guy named his wireless network "Pussy-Slayer". Also try to take out his stupid truck that he idles for way more than 3 minutes every morning. Hes the root of all your problems.

Respectfully,
Luke McCullum