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It's Friday November the 17 around 12:00PM and

A strongly worded letter to a mermaid

I watched the news last night regarding the local water issues. My favorite part of course was the fact some well known coffee shop shut down because they couldn't keep up with the need for filtered water. Is this because they have been giving us tap water all along? Well there wasn't a filter outage so I would say you better believe they were.

I don't drink coffee there any more because the Coffee Cup Cafe below my office charges the same price and I get better coffee which supports a family, not a conglomerate. I just had a grilled ham and cheese sandwich there, and a free trade organic coffee and am ready to spew in the forthcoming Strongly Worded Letter.

To whom it may concern, though you know who you are you dirty little sea tramp...
In the past I was yuppie enough to continue to fork out dollar after dollar every day of the week for your coffee. For your oat fudge bars and for the odd macchiato if I skipped breakfast and needed a shot of caramel to get me going. I just learned that this whole time everything I was drinking was made with tap water! Which more or less means that your overhead is far more important than ever really being a premium brand. You are the Wal-Mart of the Coffee world and that's all you will ever be.

It pains me that in no time soon you will see yourself caught in the drift net of the coffee world and strangled like a bottle nose dolphin ( of course dolphins can't get stuck in a net if they live in the aquarium ). I guess that would mean that thousands of top notch baristas are left homeless to die. We don't want that either because it's not your pawns fault you are so disgusting.

You have in the past defended your prices by saying that you offer lush seating and an atmosphere where you can just hang out. That would make sense if not for the fact only 20% of your consumers actually drink the coffee in your stores. So here's my rebuttal. I won't drink your sludge ever again and I sure as hell won't be tempted into any delicious bars. I will pass on the word to others when I see them drinking from your dirty cups on the bus and the train. Drop your prices you shanty singing hag or give the city a reason to come back to your spread eagle grin again.

Sincerely,

Luke McCullum

*Update* I was angry when I wrote this but alas you brought me down to earth. This is a joke as is everything I do in my day to day life so gear down a wee bit. And yes I altered the title.

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Comments

Posted by: Mark

November 17, 2006 02:31 PM

One, tap water during normal times is as healthy as bottled water and sometimes it's even healthier.

Two, hearing complaints from coffee addicts that they are being ripped off is amusing. You don't hear crackheads complaining about the Hastings market that often, do you?

Posted by: Richard K

November 17, 2006 02:46 PM

I agree, but what's the point of having top notch everything to mix into a drink made from just plain chlorinated tap water. They Use that Birchwood Dairy and use the finest of everything, then normal tap water. Seems kind of silly. But then those that drink coffee black should really be upset.

Posted by: Lydia

November 17, 2006 08:39 PM

I don't get why you feel betrayed. Did they ever claim *not* to use tap water? I don't think so. I'm a Starbucks-goer, but I don't think it's the highest quality product out there. What pisses *me* off, speaking of deceptive marketing, is Dasani and Aquafina, because all that is, is filtered tap water. Often *Vancouver* tap water. I want to shake people who buy that.