It's Tuesday September the 5 around 12:50PM and
The Vancouverite Fall Season Addition: Strongly Worded Letters
We have a new addition to already stellar Fall Initiatives. Strongly Worded Letters will feature real letters written to Vancouver Companies or Conglomerates with Stores in Vancouver. Apparently Jackson got the idea after writing a pretty hateful letter to Parliament asking where the hell all the French people are in France.
We figured that we are not alone in getting the shaft so hopefully you can use these letters and take select paragraphs from them that help you fight your cause. Maybe forming some kind of Supreme Ultra Worded Letter that will cause the reader's head to explode...wouldn't that be something. You can also comment on an issue that's grinding your gears and we will help you form a letter that is sure to get you some freebies or sued for threats of violence.
So to start off I have a letter to Home Depot. Whom was once my savior is now my cancer. Enjoy!
Dearest Home Depot,
Thank you for taking my wallet, bending it over backwards, and humping it over and over leaving it as a big black empty gaping hole. You people need to seriously consider a "Preferred Customer" account or some sort of bonus for all the money the CFDIM's (Can't F--king Do it Myself) spend at your store. You need some sort of Management System before I go use Rona and let them grind away at my checking account until I vomit.
I have spent $2,500 in your store in the last 30 days and you still have to charge me to do an estimate on the bathroom floor? If I don't use you, you keep the $50, If I do use you, I get overcharged? I will turn off the bathroom light and then I will lay the biggest steamer, one so big you dare not make eye contact with it, right on the floor for your cronies to deal with.
You could have sent me a card or a hanging basket and I would have cried that there is a corporation with a heart and soul behind the wheel, but you didn't you cold bastards. I guess that's why "Do it Yourself" sounds so much like "Go F--K Yourself"
Steaming Warm Regards,
Luke McCullum
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