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It's Monday October the 16 around 1:55PM and

Transit Whoa's

I take transit every day. It's fun. It's made me fall in love with Vancouver all over again. I mean you can actually smell the compassion oozing out of the Skytrain's riders. It's true, you can smell it, because compassion on transit tends to smell a wee bit like a mixture of rotting celery and prawns.

If I sat in Malcolm Brodie's chair, or in his lap, here are some things I would do:

- Skytrain doors open out-wards really really fast, like lightening fast...no more sissy doors sliding to the side. Then for those that feel the need to stand with their nose right at the door obstructing those trying to get off, you will likely miss that train while you deal with that jelly donut you used to call your face.

- I would write a common courtesy pamphlet in every known language. Maybe include some pictures of what a pregnant lady looks like. Or maybe what a person with crutches might look like or even an elderly person because apparently the vast majority of riders haven't a freaking clue. I will never sit on a bus or train again because I am not physically stressed and need to sit. 80% of people sit while they work, so why would you need to sit on your way home to go and sit some more? I am a fat pig of a man and I don't feel the need to sit. I also stand taller than the ceiling on the train, yet I choose to stand. F**kers, you make me so mad.

- Backpacks bigger than 4 gallons must be strapped onto a rack outside the bus. If your bag is that big then you are probably a hobo or nomad anyways therefore no one cares about you and your belongings. You smell like garbage anyways and whatever that is living in your pocket, it just gave me the evil eye.