It's Thursday September the 21 around 6:36AM and

The Vancouverite Interview: Elaine "Lainey" Lui, LaineyGossip.com & eTalk

Fresh from her trip to The Toronto Film Festival where she rubbed elbows on the red carpets, Lainey dishes the delicious smut on what her typical day is like, her secret crush on Shane West, her designs on The View's Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Orlando Blooms pathetic chin whiskers, and Vancouver's closet smuthounds.

The Vancouverite: So can you tell us the story of how exactly Elaine Lui became the “Chinese Gwyenth Paltrow” and “queen of all gossip” in Vancouver & Canada?

Lainey: Queen of All Gossip? No… I won’t own that. But I will own the Chinese Gwyneth Paltrow. And I will own the fact that I’m a lifelong smuthound, raised on gossip, raised on Hollywood fumes. It all started out as a lark – an email on the day’s entertainment headlines sent to 2 girlfriends. They forwarded it, and those people forwarded it, and pretty soon, thousands of people were reading my newsletter, crashing my mail server, which compelled me to launch the site…

L: I get up between 6am and 7am, I check in with eTalk on the days I’m on the show, discuss my script, I write my script, I check my email, I touch base with sources, read up on news, try to answer some of my messages, if it’s an eTalk day, I’ll make it to the studio by noon, make my appearance, then back home to shape my column, walk my dog, get dinner ready, and then start my column which takes anywhere from 4 to 6 hours to write. And then to bed!

TV: I love this. Did you coin the term “gorgessity”? And who are the five most deserving people that title right now? Who are the five most un-gorgessity?

L: I did coin the term gorgessity. But the opposite of gorgessity is not un-gorgessity. Don’t soil my word! The opposite of gorgessity is probably just assy. Clean, simple, to the point… you know?

Gwyneth of course
Angelina Jolie
Scarlett Johansson
David Beckham
Jennifer Lopez

Top Five Assy…again, changes depending who I’m hatin’ on. Today they are:

Tori Spelling
Jessica Simpson
Tara Reid
Kevin Federline
Orlando Bloom – I’m repulsed by his 3 whiskers

And an honourable mention for Victoria Beckham, the rare bird who can straddle both lists. Enough said.

TV: Is this celebrity-obsessed culture destroying western civilization? Or is this small obsession with all things smutty and gossipy just a healthy part of how we live in 2006?

L: Healthy balance. Everyone needs some levity, and come on…who would you rather hang out with? A pop culture junkie or some snore who speaks with an affected British accent and won’t shut up about quantum physics and how it relates to third world industrialization (is that even possible?)

TV: Tom Cruise. Or as you call him, I think, “The Gay Midget Dwarf”, now that he’s flush with all that carny/amusement park money and free from the contracts of Paramount will he take the Mel Gibson route and make a Passion of the Scientology movie? More importantly will Katie escape?

L: Katie is trapped for at least another kid. As for Tom – no, he’ll keep jumping off buildings and making Midwestern housewives horny…because at this point, those are the only fans he has left. A powerful lot they are though.

TV: Jessica Alba. Will the media finally outcast her for the ugly little bitch that she is?

L: Never. That bitch has some great publicists…no one wants to go mainstream with her devil behaviour…which means she’s hired great people, which means the “spin” will always be positive. Until she crosses Reese Witherspoon. And then – look out! Til that happens, I take full responsibility for continuing to out her as the f&cking c-bomb she is.

L: I’ll probably piss people off by saying this but Vancouver residents act like they’re “too good” for gossip. There’s this mentality that we’re “better” than smut, that we’re all nature and Capers and fresh air and non-celebrity. And still, when Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams are sighted on Broadway, all of a sudden my inbox is flooded with reports. This city is full of closet smuthounds… reverse pretentiousness, if you will.

TV: You say your dirty little secret is that you like Laguna Beach. What other dirty secrets or guilty pleasures is Lainey hiding/watching/listening to?

L: I used to pine over Shane West from A Walk to Remember. Three months I’ll never get back. The most pathetic secret ever. Beat that.

TV: It’s fall. The TV season is starting up again. What is Lainey watching this season? And since you’re bio says you like Saturday Night Live, can it survive with Seth Myers as head writer?

L: I can survive with Seth, but I don’t know if I can survive sans Tina. I’m watching Ugly Betty, Studio 60, and of course Grey’s Anatomy. All on PVR.

TV: Now that Rosie O’Donnell has joined the view, do you really still want to be the sixth or fifth member of this gong show? Or does Lainey have new dreams? Perhaps the Colbert of Smut?

L: I want even MORE to be on The View…if only to gangbang Elisabeth Hasselbeck and her Bush-loving little mug!

TV: If you could bring back one TV show that has been cancelled what would it be?
Why?

L: Uhh…hello??? Like, totally, Beverly Hills 90210! Why? Do you really have to ask why???

TV: Thanks for taking the time to talk with me. One last question, what three things/items can you totally not survive without?

L: Accessories for my teeth: brush, floss, paste. I am obsessed with my teeth.
My cell phone: roll your eyes all you want, I can’t live without text messaging.
My 7-iron: it’s my favourite club. It never fails me.

Well, after all that I think I need a smoke and a martini now! Don't forget to check out LaineyGossip for your fresh smut served daily!

Posted by Jackson Murphy | Link | Comments (10)