This great Kermit doing Needle in the Hay a la Royal Tenebaums is pretty wicked awesome. And honestly, kind of caps off quite the day. On the other hand, that video + the 2nd one = me watching the opening sequence to the movie and that actually salvaged the day.
So while one Vancouverite ruins Scarlett Johansson (honestly I thought Woody Allen had this covered), the current hottest woman in the universe, Megan Fox, is shooting a movie here called Jennifer's Body. This film's plot is ground breaking: "A newly possessed cheerleader turns into a killer who specializes in offing her male classmates. " Diablo Cody is the writer, but I'm not convinced of this combination.
PS: I'd like to know which of you Vancouver jerks let Megan go to a god damned Tim Hortons. Not cool.
You had to know something, sooner or later, would drag me kicking and screaming from my rat hole. I honestly didn't think hearing that Scarlett Johansson getting engaged with Vancouver born Ryan Reynolds would be it, but here we are. One of our own marrying Scarlett and its this bit of smarmy box office poison? It's like marrying the Canadian version of Dane Cook, only funnierless. [Defamer]
Today would be Cary Grants birthday. I saw two posts on the internets about it already. I'm dressed like a bit of a slob, which doesn't really say much about anything I may have learned from Mr. Grant. Whatevs. Might try to use the following North By Northwest quote at some point today:
"Now you listen to me, I'm an advertising man, not a red herring. I've got a job, a secretary, a mother, two ex-wives and several bartenders that depend upon me, and I don't intend to disappoint them all by getting myself "slightly" killed. " - Roger Thornhill.
Ever since I listened to Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier's Christmas Smodcast over the holidays and they talked for like 40 minutes about Conan The Barbarian, I can't shake this scene of Conan sharing what he thinks is best in life out of my head. Enjoy that.
Priceless rant by writer Harlan Ellison. Hilarious.
David Cross kind of starts the New Year off right with a post about his 'Alvin and the Chipmunks money' that is really boss:
"Hello, David here. I've internally debated the merits of addressing my appearance in, (and thus tacit condoning of) "Alvin and The Chipmunks". I am not stupid nor unobservant. I knew going into this movie that I would be eating a lot of delicious shit for it. Usually I wouldn't give a shit about what everyone's feelings are about it, but I wasn't prepared for the level, or amount I should say, of vitriol that's been flung about like so much monkey poo."
(Via: Lindsayism & Goldenfiddle.)
Encore Avenue was playing Army of Darkness tonight. One word: rad. Which tickled me mostly because for some reason I was in a Legion/70's era rec room bar in Toronto this week. Clearly trying to avoid the major douchery that was spilling from the earth's core/suburbs for the Bon Jovi concerts (mullets + cougars = a pure hell) was harder than it first appeared. On a light side the 5 Buds + Chili Nachos for $24.99 was all sorts of low brow fun. The fact that our bartender looked like Bruce Campbell was an added bonus. PS: how is Army of Darkness 15 years old already?
Let's start today off with a special cocktail of typography and Trainspotting. Yum. (via Oli)
What would Neil Patrick Harris do. Indeed. Posting will continue to be light around here, but this image will burn into your soul because it is so legen....wait for it....dary.
This isn't safe for work kids, but somehow I managed to miss "Glen & Gary & Glen & Ross". Which is a pretty rad video to get you through a Tuesday.
I think today needs musical numbers. It's been a long week. Friday's first video from the Buffy musical, "I'll Never Tell." Please tell me that this will someday play interactively on a big screen here in Vancouver?
And if you're going to have an great musical number, can Woody Allen + Ed Norton doing "My Baby Just Cares For Me" be a bad idea?
And things are better in threes. Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby in High Society singing "Did you ever?" Alternately you could check out "Who Wants to be a Millionaire."
This is truly awesome. The Rock, sorry, Dwayne Johnson has an interview in Sports Illustrated about his new Disney movie, The Game Plan.
Q: What's the coolest thing you got to do at Gillette Stadium during the shoot?
A: By far it was to run out onto the field and just take snaps at the 50-yard line. To get out on that field and essentially win the Super Bowl in the movie, and hold my little girl up. That was the coolest thing.
Let me get this straight. He GIVES away the ending!?! What an effing tool!
Related:
Watch The Game Plan Trailer and ponder the question Slashflim asks, "Could this be to The Rock what Mr. Nanny was to Hulk Hogan?"
Dear iTunes, I'm so sick of your crap. Can you please get your shit together so that we can watch TV shows and the Wes Anderson short Hotel Chavalier instead of just lame music videos? Thanks for nothing. Jerks. Get your crap together. That is all.
Since the Vancouver Film Festival is coming up shortly, I almost forgot to post my favorite thing from Toronto's festival. My friend Liam who I sentenced to a stay at our Planet Hoth office writes about his brush with Jude Law. "Even though I am straight, I can admit that. He is hot. However, I just sat down and realized what an idiot I am for not telling him what a shit movie “The Holiday” was" [smogsmogsmoggysmogerson.blogspot.com]
Please note Liam's obnoxious URL. So smug.
Here is a nice little look at some recent advertising goodishness. I know what you're thinking. "Post something about Vancouver, ahole". Well, when I had moments yesterday where I could have felt like the man in this unfortunate Rock Paper Scissors video and often feel like I have to deal with my own 'send to Mordor' bunker. The question is, do you like your ads directed by famous directors? Featuring insane newly named snackfoods, or in massive 40-story hotel wrappings? Or do you even care? If my comments we're back working I'm sure you'd tell me.
1. I don't really care what Film Drunk says, I really like these AT&T spots directed by Wes Anderson. Okay, yes they are smug and self satisfying. And?
2. I can't even stand football, but since these are directed by Michael Mann and feature music from his Last of the Mohicans which is a rad movie, i will grant you this Nike Football ad is kind of okay.
3. Or you can check out P. Diddy's spot for his new "Unforgettable" fragrance that Best Week Ever describes as "I mean, what could be more unforgettable than being held against a wall in some kind of backstage maintenance hallway and joylessly having your body groped by some champagne-drunken rap guy?"
4. I couldn't find the real spot for this that was playing during the Emmy's last night. But the idea of the Oreo Cakester is completely insane. I mean sure they can't seem to get Iraq 100% right, but for the love of all that is holy they have soft cake Oreos. Amazing. And the fact that they ask you to look for them in the Oreo Aisle is genius. Pure genius.
5. Did Jim Beam really wrap the Rio Hotel in Las Vegas? Yes, Yes they did.
Bonus: Yes, The New iPod Nano ad officially marks the end of Feist being not quite as cool as she was a few months ago.
I remember this movie had virtually everything you could ask for:
1. Even back in '84 creepy Michael Caine was already playing incompetent old fart. Check.
2. His 'best friend' played by Joseph Bologna. Famous both for the cool sounding meat name and being another classic artifact from the 1980s, TV's Rags to Riches ("A wealthy businessman decides to soften his "cutthroat" image by adopting some children. He winds up adopting six girls and isn't prepared for the problems that come with them."). Check!
3. Very nubile Demi Moore. Woo Hoo! I mean, Check!
4. Michael Caine's insanely large glasses.
5. Why would Demi Moore's friend, played by a then 17-year old clearly cast to make Demi look fugly as Bologna's daughter possibly want to fall for Caine? Retardedly awesome! Check.
6. Just let Roger Ebert explain the entire 'dirty old man' concept of the film.
7. The New York Times review was awesome: "However, 'Blame It on Rio' is not simply humorless. It also spreads gloom. It's one of those unfortunate projects that somehow suggests that everyone connected with the movie hated it and all of the other people involved." Check!
I can't image living in a world without a Spaceballs animated series. It's like Christmas.
I'm not sure what about the Squirrel Obstacle Course exactly caught my eye, but I can tell you that I stayed for the funked out reggae power grooves.
Seriously, could the internets not get any better? Turkish Star Wars. I'd post more too if I could punch rocks.
And in other news:
1. Dear Prince, stop being such a douche. Thanks.
2. I think this link of Kristen Bell and Hayden Panettiere at the Emmy's just melted the brain of one of my co-workers. In retrospect, this may be the point the universe started collapsing upon itself. We'll see.
3. Happy day. The New York Times is ending its pay firewall tyranny tomorrow.
4. Trailer for Juno has so much good in it, my day has actually gotten better because of it.
5. Lastly, Film Drunk reminds me of two things. 1. Scanners was fantastic. 2. Michael Ironside RULES.
Best Week Ever asked this question yesterday, and it is still running around my head since it has to be true-ish. "Are the Pitt-Jolie’s Actually Really Gorgeous, Coked-Up Vampires? Because, most normal people like to spend a day, I don’t know… SLEEPING… or NOT FLYING TO A NEW INTERNATIONAL CITY… or just HANGING OUT AT HOME WITH THE KIDS. How on Earth do these people muster up the energy to do something every single day and night while travelling? Are they some sort of hyperbreed, like the precogs in Minority Report?"
Obviously. I'm just saying.
My question watching this new trailer for Cassandra's Dream, the next Woody Allen movie is this: what was he really doing during the period between 2000's Small Time Crooks, and 2005's Match Point. It's like some sort of a 6-film black hole that really makes no sense. At all. I mean what really was the deal with the 2003 Jason Biggs vehicle, Anything Else? This new film, looks really good.
This video is perfect for all the bike riders out in Vancouver. They are right up there with flip flop wearers if you ask me. But British Animation show Monkey Dust gets their smug attitude just right in "The Cyclists". While you're at it, check out their take on "Pretentious French Cinema." (Via Calvin)
Sure wish my teen life in Vancouver became a huge summer movie called Superbad. If my teenlife was to become a movie it would be superlame. Damn you Seth Rogen. [Canwest News Service]
For a minute, I was transported to another magical world where horses ride in cars, eat cheeseburgers from the drive thu, get you beers and answer your phone, and even watch TV but then I woke up. Or did I? To wake me up from this wonderful dream I had to watch this video of some bad assed killer whales attacking some gray whales to restore the delicate balance of nature. Bastard whales! As Dr. Ian Malcolm might say, "Oh, yeah. Oooh, ahhh, that's how it always starts. Then later there's running and screaming."
From Dougal Muir, who ended his passionate argument against Helvetica with a "I am still very much in love with type" but began with this: "The film Helvetica was one of the most dangerous pieces of propaganda that has happened to typographic design in years. It may even have the power to set back the development of typography fifty years."
To the head of the local chapter of the GDC (Graphic Designers of Canada) who starts with, "My respected colleague Dougal makes some interesting points in his comment here, and I don’t disagree with him, but believe he’s being overly dramatic and don’t appreciate his stern public condemnation of either GDC or VFS for co-hosting the screening of the Helvetica documentary" and ends with something so smug that I bet Douglas Coupland wished he'd thought of it first, "My name is Mark Busse. Google me."
So sweet. Who knew the city's designers could be so fabulous. This is like a smarter Heidi vs LC fight on The Hills.
And did you here that poor Jessica got an STD from baseball stud Derek Jeter. Classy. [24 Hours]
Related:
Jessica Alba's dog poops in Robson St. Stores [August 10, 2006]
They really don't make 'em like this anymore.
1. Who writes like this anymore? Lines like "Just what the world needs, a good 10-cent drunk! " and "Jerry Webster: Okay, so I've sewn a few wild oats. Carol Templeton: A few? You could qualify for a farm loan!" are a delight.
2. How about a tagline like this: "A riotous new twist in the art of gentle persuasion!"
3. Three words: Anne B. Davis. (for the uninitiated, that's Alice from Brady Bunch)
4. For real, check this clip.
5. Does the plot really revolve around a fake product called VIP? Which then turns out to be a confectionary that makes you drunk. Why yes, yes it does. There hasn't been this much drunken fun since the 1987 episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation when the crew was infected with a virus that makes you drunk and we find that Data is 'fully functional'.
Of course, any Monday starting with a 1984 clip of Keanu Reeves interviewng a teddy bear is going to be the best day ever. Okay that overtates things doesn't it. But here are some bits to get you going:
*I posted this clip of Minnesota State Fair on a Stick last year. And quite frankly it is still full of just as much wonderment and amazingness as it was last year.
*in honor of the film Superbad starting this week, you gots to have a little Panama to get things started.
*In honor of The Hills season 3 starting tonight (and of the Season 2 I may have just bought), this is the most ridiculous show I've seen. "Britain's Youngest Brides" My jaw is on the floor. And that kind of hurts.
*We're over Megan Fox, for now, and have moved on to Kat Von D.
*What in the heck happened to Parker Posey. Wait, what the hell happened to the creator of Gilmore Girls. This is a joke right?
*Radar brings us a fairly amusing "100 Worst Places to Die".
*The New York Times seem to be trolling for hits on their blog with the Freakonomics post "If You Were a Terrorist, How Would you Attack?" And no, I'm not judging. This is wicked blogging.
*Since last week was all about Helvetica, it's nice to see a major article in the New York Times Magazine feature the birth of the new font for the US Highway system, Clearview.
*Kind of really looking forward to reading "Cool it: The Skeptical Environmentalist's Guide to Global Warming."
*What is it with Andersons and wacky and directing? Or in this case Andersson. A selection of Swedish commercials by Roy Andersson.
*Documentaries rule. Have you heard about: Who Is Harry Nilsson? How about The King of Kong? And yes, In the Shadow of the Moon looks good.
*I took a certain amount of glee that Rush Hour 3 only took in $50.2 million this weekend. Not that this isn't a lot of money, in fact it's too much, this is like the Two and a Half Men of movies. Lots of reviews amused me, particularly this line in The Star, "Rush Hour 3 is a blockbuster sequel filmed with the enthusiasm of jury duty and as barren of novelty as a burned-out souvenir stand."
*Joe Cocker and John Belushi Feeling Allright.
*Last week James Leong of Vancouver won the 2007 Scrabble Player's Championship. At least we can win something in this city. I'm looking at you Canucks.
*Last but not least. How amazing is Creed on The Office? His blog is dope (remember he has a blog called Creed Thoughts). Check this, "The other day, I overheard some dudes at work – the fatso and the fruit – and they were talking about some internet video of water buffaloes fighting lions. I don’t know about you, but that’s the kind of thing I can build a whole night around. I stopped at the supermarket on the way home and picked up some things to get me in the mood: Buffalo jerky, buffalo wings, Frosted Flakes, some cupcakes, and a bottle of white wine. (Side note: I couldn’t find any lion-related items at the store, so I settled for the Flakes because of the Tiger. It was the best I could do.) When I got home, I was really jazzed for a good old-fashioned jungle fight. " (More Creed with Top 10 Creed Moments)
So i checked out the special screening of the movie Helvetica tonight. I so wanted to title this post, Hell-vetica, but couldn't justify it. No, I'm not a type geek, kids. And yes, it is a movie about a typeface called Helvetica. Although, after the one designer lady kept talking crap about Helvetica because it was the font of all the companies that supported both the Vietnam and Iraq wars, I'm sold on this font. The more big souless companies that use it, the better. Helvetica it all I say! I think we should delete the rest. Except Courier in Final Draft. Here's a clip of the pretty amusing Erik Spiekermann.
Here are some brief highlights from the event:
1. Goaties. Lots of Goaties. You need them to be a proper designer.
2. Douglas Coupland, who was on the post film panel, interupted his introduction to talk about himself. This is just plain deserving of pretty amazing t-shirt with the word "smug" written in helvetica on it. At first I didn't like this move, but now, I kind of think I love it.
3. Mr. Coupland doesn't like Courier 12.
4. Since I know people that still use it, and i know I once did, let's give some props out to the magic that is comic sans.
5. The after party cheese was just chedder cubes. I'm pretty sure this means that chedder is the helvetica of cheeses, so this was rather fitting. There was also mustard. Not an important fact, but still, I liked that. Both went well with the $1 cheeseburger I got at McDonalds before going in. (Note: There is a new McDonalds on Granville and Smithe).
More on this later maybe. Who knows...Pretty sure after posting this, i too could use one of those smug helvetica shirts. I'm okay with that.
Finally, the trailer for The Darjeeling Limited is up. And the movie comes out September 29th. One line already cracks me up: "I love you too, but I'm going to mace you in the face."
Breaking News: All Online Data Lost After Internet Crash This is pretty much the best thing ever, especially the animated GIFs of Linus from Peanuts and the line about ABC playing Americas Funniest Home Videos to make up for the lack of Youtube. Too awesome for words.
This is pretty amazing from over at Gizmodo, the fine art of wearing a Transformers helmet and trying to order at a drive-thru. Damn you Michael Bay! Damn you!
This is pretty amazing, I couldn't watch another episode of Cheers if you paid me (well, that's not true, you could pay me of course). But celebrating the art of the Norm-ism, which is a hard gag to keep churning out every episode. Ken Levine recounts the reality of writing 200+ of these.
Everyone is writing about it. The Simpsons movie marketing genuis that is 7-11's transformed into Kwik-E-Marts. Yeah cool. Blah blah blah.
But here's what I don't get, really this was the chosen location: 1198 Lansdowne in Coquitlam. Come on isn't that like putting it in Shelbyville. Seriously, not that cool to head to the Co-Q. Thank you, come again.
Best thing I read all weekend was Anthony Lane in The New Yorker (smug alert) on "Transformers":
"Fortunately, his car, a trusty yellow Camaro, is in fact a saintly Autobot that has been sent to protect him. This shield-the-kid plot is pilfered from 'Terminator 2,' and there are matching nods to 'Godzilla' and the recent 'King Kong,' but, if you really want to know what 'Transformers' feels like, think of a hundred-and-thirty-five-minute, hundred-and-fifty-million-dollar retread of 'Herbie Goes Bananas.'"
PS: I find it hilarious that GM thinks they will sell more cars because of this movie. Unless that Camaro turns into a god damned robot, it ain't happening, saavy?
Somehow I managed to miss Evangeline Lilly in the Vancouver Airport. She was angry about it too, clearly. Next time Kate.
The Superficial: "Although for some reason it's way less annoying than when Britney Spears or Avril Lavigne do it. Probably because she's so adorable. It's like a puppy trying to bite you with its tiny little mouth. You just want to shake you head side to side and go, "Who's a little princess? You are! You are!"
Any documentary produced locally in Vancouver that starts it's trailer with Ronald Reagan gets my vote. I was going to start my post off about The Union: The Business Behind Getting High by calling the filmakers a bunch of filthy hippies - especially director Bretty Harvey, but then it just won Outstanding Documentary Feature at the 2007 Winnipeg International Film Festival. So there goes that.
Maybe the irony that while I post this - finally - I'm watching the Beverly Hills 90210 Season 2 episode where the track team is high on steroids (seriously, the track team?). That so kind of meta. I mean Dylan actally talks about Steve's gonads. Aloha! I feel like Mr. Hand in Fast Times, "What are you, people? On dope?"
I haven't seen the final cut, yet, but this looks like a big fat juicy documentary without either Al Gore or Micheal Moore. That alone is worth checking it out. I'm sure when Harvey finds this posts and me calling him a filthy hippy, he'll have some more information for us.
Darren Barefoot is still working it, even though he's left town. He wrote this morning about a video contest from Canada Place searching for what makes Canada great. "Whether it’s a game of road hockey or shoveling the driveway, we’re looking for fun and imaginative video clips that highlight the Canadian experience."
This ends June 19. if you can't beat the lame sample video, than I can't help you. And if you didn't want to bother, how amazing is this call out: "It’s time to put on your thinking toque and get filming. The more outrageous the better! Just remember to keep it safe and clean." Thinking toque? Bwhahahahahaahahah!
AMC was playing Red Dawn all night long today. That is just totally awesome. Let me count you five reasons this is amazing (almost as good as Family Guy's Red Dawn: The Musical):
1. Two words: The Swayze
2. A young Powers Booth.
3. 1984 Cold War was er"fun"?
4. Bonus Jennifer Grey pre-Dirty Dancing
5. Considerably less creepy Charlie Sheen.
Hardy har har, spammers. Our posting schedule was thrown out of wack when some spam robots decided to eat The Vancouverite back end. Thanks for that. Jerks. Hence my leading off with the Rolling Rock Foul Ball commercial. Anyway, I've taken comments down for now, whatever. But posting will continue thanks to the amazing Mr. Carter who figured out the old customer service angle at the hosting co.
Rejoice! Grumpy opinion continues...starting now. I mean tomorrow. Maybe.
Our dear friend Rib sent in this awesome Nicolas Cage Japanese commercial. Amazing. Here's another one. And another. And another.
This pretty much the best thing that happened today. Bruce Campbell, a wicked looking den, a piano, and the lounge-y-est version of "Hungry Like A Wolf" ever. Thanks to Jake G for passing this blessed gem along.
The latest MacGruber episodes are so amazing. I love that he's gone beyond pure MacGyver parody and now "MacGruber needs a drink before things explode". Take that Hasselhoff.
So I think we all know that Penelope Cruz has been filming a movie in town. This is all fine and good, but it sure has been frustrating to see cool New York cabs at various places. Like the the other night at the Art Gallery. But the real news is, well, I'd better let Lainey explain this: "That Penelope Cruz has moved from Josh Hartnett to Lenny Kravitz and the two are making Spanish rocker sexytime prompting the usual conundrum whenever she hooks on to someone new: is she Bearding or Where’s the Purse?" Oh brother. Thank you Tom Cruise.
PS: Little known fact. the movie, Elegy, is written for screen by Nicolas Meyer. He wrote Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. Okay. Can't resist more Khan links. So awesome.
More:
*Penelope Goes Back to School [PopSugar]
*Stars Shooting in Vancouver's Gastown [Canada.com]
*Peter Sarsgaard and Debbie Harry Join "Dying Animal' [Cinematical]
*Penelope and Ben Kingsley were holding hands [Now Public]
*Penelope Cruz Dating Lenny Kravitz? [The Grumpiest]
The movie Hairspray looks like a complete disaster. Anything with John Travolta in drag is a no fly zone if you ask me. But a poster with Christopher Walken like this? Well, you can't just ignore that kind of amazingness now can you?
This is the perfect way to end Tuesday or start Wednesday. With the Dude in The Big Lebowksi. See also: "They peed on my rug." Bonus: Big Lebowksi Trailer Remix Don't forget, the next Lebowski Fest is in July in Louisville Kentucky. How insane does that sound? Abide.
Not related but I wanted to post anyhow. Buddy Holly "That'll Be The Day". [Via Exquisitely Bored in Nacogdoches]
This is pretty much amazing. "Petite like a potato."
More Earth Day shenanigans. "Sunday's Earth Day, so suck it Neptune." Check out SNL's Weekend Update. Last through the main part to see Will Forte's Earth Day song. Priceless. Speaking of Earth Day and SNL, Scarlett Johansson's monologue for no reason at all. But seriously, Earth Day is "the Festivus of the environment movement". Does that mean I can rent a hummer and keep it running all day long to celebrate? Wait, no, that is wrong isn't it?
And then there is this:
On the brighter side, apparently on the radio this morning, Danny Trejo was interviewed from the Canucks game while he was out having a smoke...he said that he and Robert Rodriguez are shooting "Machete" this summer. Quite frankly I could have used Machete at around 1:00 with all the yahoos!
According to the magic of instant messanger we learned, "Trejo was out having a smoke and the Beat radio station's Benjamin the Butler ('some pompus english intern') interviewed him about the Canucks and then asked him what he was doing here. He's shooting Stargate...it's okay we like money too. Then he got all pumped up and let it fly that he is in Grindhouse, and that Rodriguez and him were going to shoot "Machete" this summer."
This reinforces both my distaste for hockey and morning radio. Bravo!
The new movie, Superbad seems pretty fun. Almost as cool as the new Die Hard Trailer.
This will get you through the better part of your Friday.
Sigh. Thanks JM you art terrorist.
Somedays you just feel like this