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It's Monday March the 12 around 7:00AM and

The Curious Case of the 300, Crab Claws, and the Hillbilly

Let me begin my thoughts about the new movie "300" with this. Comic book versions of history turned into movies are no substitute for actually reading or understanding history. It's smug of me to be all preachy about this, but then you didn't have to sit next to the hillbilly half-wit I did Saturday afternoon at the screening. Good lord, it miust have been a 2-for-1 coupon day for residents of Delta at the Paramount. I particularly enjoyed how after getting ketchup and mustard all over his hands he proceeded to lick them like a dog. Ever hear of a napkin, Jed? I'm pretty sure Herodtus is rolling over in his grave at the thought of all this.

Anyway. The movie wasn't that bad - although I had higher hopes. Slate's reviewer Dana Stevens covers much of what is wrong with this flick. And don't get me wrong, there's lots to like. I mean, Lena Headey for one. Hello! But the problem is that the average viewer will only get this vague sense of what any of this means. If proper reviewers and writers are desperate to make some Iraq analogy of who George W. Bush is supposed to be in this, you have to think that we're desperate. The esteemed Victor Davis Hanson comments. The bottom line is that the aveage viewer(read: hillbilly) will think this, "Just ass kicking that kicks ass that, while said ass is getting kicked, is kicking yet more ass that’s hitting someone’s balls with a hammer made of ice but the ice is frozen whiskey." Even if it were true. Sadly, this is more true, "Imagine a large cast trapped in a series of spectacular screensavers." HEH. And The Daily Gut's Jim Treacher has more including his own world of being a, "bloodthirsty fascist who thinks war and humor can sometimes coexist".

I think the movie jumped the shark, probably, the moment there was a giant mutant with crab claws as arms. I kid you not. It was like the classic Sea Galley "We've Got Crab legs" commercial. (Thank you You Tube as usual)