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It's Tuesday January the 16 around 9:14PM and

Totally Delayed Golden Globes Top 5

Last night’s Golden Globes had a few shockers (Ugly Betty’s two big wins) but most of the night’s winners and losers were fairly predictable . This should have been posted this morning, but our fearless editor was, er, probably out to lunch or something like that. Gawd.

There were a few fun surprises (Tom Hanks and Sacha Baron Cohen mentioning balls and testicles in their respective speeches), too many boring speeches (Meryll, it’s your sixth Golden Globe, there is no one left to thank) and the always entertaining fashion disasters. Here’s my vote for the top 5 best and worst moments/outfits of the night:

Worst

Worst impersonation of a Golden Globe: Beyonce. Her last desperate attempt to upstage Jennifer Hudson was just sad. Very very sad.

Worst homage to her homeland: Penelope Cruz. You’re Spanish, not a Flamenco Dancer. I’m pretty sure they’re not the same thing.

Worst ‘please look at me, my career is in the crapper’ dress: Jennifer Love Hewitt. When you’re at an awards show with Beyonce and you are the tackiest thing there, it’s time to fire your stylist. Or in this case, consider one.

Worst hernia reference: Alec Baldwin’s acceptance speech. Yup he went there.

Worst 2 hour monologue: Warren Beatty. FYI, the open bar was still free after your speech. (Jackson "Comparing Tom Hanks to your hand lotion a lone bright spot?")

Best

Best train wreck: Two way tie between Patricia Arquette and Nicollette Sheridan. These two make the red carpet fun again.

Best impersonation of a cotton ball: Rinko Kikuchi. There are no words.

Best crack at a short guy: Justin Timberlake squatting as he accepted an award on Prince’s behalf.

Best post-break up hotness: Reese Witherspoon. Normally I think she looks a turtle in a blond wig, but tonight, perfection.

Best genitalia reference: Sacha Baron Cohen. Any man that can refer to a co-star’s testicles that many times in one speech deserves every award in existence.