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It's Monday April the 2 around 7:00AM and

Dear Smiley O'Neal...

In a momment of total weakness last week somehow I ended up at the worst fake Irish pub in the city, Smiley O'Neals. The fact that the Guinness looked like flat Pepsi that had a hobo blow bubbles into it to provide the creamy head was a dead giveaway. The trio of burnt #2 specials - the old Buffalo burger with sweet potato fries. I know - what in the hell was I thinking right? I was too hungry to bother sending mine back. Probably a good call, since I have no idea what possessed one of my dining adventuring friends to replace his burnt burger with the halibut and shrimp burger? What the...

Irish pubs just shouldn't have halibut and shrimp burgers. It's just not right. It's just not right, Mr. Smiley O'Neal. I don't like your fake name either pal. In fact your whole menu seemed just freaking weird. I just don't understand why you need to serve fajitas or an asian stir fry at all. If Gordon Ramsay walked in you would be, well, probably open handed slapped after 15 minutes of verbal abuse. On the other hand your photo gallery is great. Your theme nights of "creepy old man nights" sound awesome!

I thought you also had the most ridiculously poor service in the city. I did until I had breakfast at Whitespot on Sunday for the last time ever. I think every table in this feeble person's section had some sort of issue. You would think at somepoint you would say, "I'm not a good waitress". And yet you still have a job.

Extra Food Notes:
1. You should totally read this New Yorker piece on Ramsay. It's long as hell, but delightful reading.
2. So What Really Is In A McDonald's Chicken McNugget?
3. Fancy Condiment Lids. Ketchup bling.
4. "True story about a man who's been saving hamburgers, cheeseburgers, and Big Macs from McDonalds for over 18 years." Bionic Burgers.
5. The Japanese Deep Fryer with an Aquarium Within