It's Monday June the 28 around 9:46PM and

Lame Twitter Ads

Yeah, I follow LC on my new voyeur-only Twittervision plan. So what. Could her Twitter ads be any less interesting? Probably they could be worse. But LC? Come on.

It's Monday June the 28 around 8:32PM and

This week on The Magazine Industry: Rolling Stones

Wow, Gawker really sums up whole magazine make no money dilemma of today using Rolling Stone as the example:

While Rolling Stone can be reliably counted on to put out a number of important, groundbreaking, top-notch works of journalism (and Matt Taibbi quasi-anger-journalism) throughout the year, they will never put out enough of those stories to make the types of people who care about those stories seriously consider reading the magazine on a regular basis. That's because they have constructed themselves upon the bizarre and defunct notion that mixing solid public affairs journalism with Britney Spears covers and paeans to plastic pop music is a formula for publishing success. It isn't, any more.

It's probably even worse than that. At least they don't print on that stupid large size anymore that made it totally different. Also, can they not get Matt Taibbi in every issue? Wait. What? There isn't there an app for this problem yet Mr. Jobs?

Meanwhile The New York Times is watching some different channel. It's like magazines are the final season of Lost and for them they have gotten of the island and are on some happy sideways world. Let's see how they're keeping score on Rolling Stone:

"While its single copy sales for the first three months of 2010 were down slightly from 2009, it has attracted enormous attention for its political coverage and consistently draws a young readership, with an average age of 30.
Over all, the biweekly magazine’s circulation has grown to about 1.5 million copies an issue from about 1.4 million in 2008."

Two media takes on one of their own, I think. It's hard to tell. And it doesn't really impact us in Vancouver because we have one terrible magazine anyway (oh, and Vancouver View doesn't count as a magazine folks).

UPDATE: Over at Time magazine's website, they are searching for King Tut's Penis. Seriously. Groundbreaking journalism.

It's Monday June the 28 around 8:21AM and

Facebook The Movie

Finally, the answers to all our questions! Why do we put stupid things, photos, and updates on Facebook? Because it's cool, or something. Or maybe not. Could be just a movie about an awkward nerd who isn't Michael Cera for a change. I mean it is a David Fincher film, so maybe it can be good.

It's Monday June the 14 around 8:17AM and

Cars and Freedom

This is the way to start a Monday. George Washington going into battle in a Dodge Charger with an American Flag. Yeah he did. The end voice over is hilarious. I could watch a whole TV show about revolutionary America armed with modern muscle cars to drive the British away. (Too soon after that World Cup tie?) That would be wickedly awesome.

It's Tuesday April the 13 around 4:28PM and

Quote of the day: Valleywag on Twitter's New Ads

"The only questions are whether the ads will attract clicks, and thus profits for Twitter, when the rest of the service's content is so self promotional—and why it took Twitter four goddamned years to come up with such a simple business model. I mean, really." - Ryan Tate, Valleywag.

Par for the course, that this underwhelms me. And yet, somehow they managed to operate a business for four years before figuring this out while they built the utility of the audience.

It's Monday April the 12 around 9:27PM and

iPad with a side of smokeshow

Admittedly I'm a little a jealous of iPad. I opted to finally replace my MacBook this week instead. But it wasn't until I saw this picture that I really kind of wanted one, bad. Actually, I want this whole image, the cute Asian girl slicing fruits with a glass of wine. I mean, a rack of lamb or a stuffed veal chop or something woulda been better.

But whatever. Oh and that iPad stand is off the hook. (Via Gizmodo)

It's Thursday April the 8 around 8:01AM and

Faces Made for Social Media

And you thought radio was ugly. I never knew that Vancouver's social media twiterati or whatever they're called now had such faces made for radio. Makes sense that hard core twitter or social media people aren't really models, but this is unbelievable.

BC Business profiles the social media innovators of the city in an interactive slide show. The horror. Trust me, go check it out if you want to see that extreme close up of Kris Krug you've been waiting for. As one commenter suggested, "Nice list of some great people but I would only classify a few as real innovators, the rest are all power users mostly."

Where are the social media babes?

And I'm mostly positive that a lot of social media geeks must have been depressed to hear what Malcom Gladwell and his hair told a Vancouver audience yesterday. "I wonder if we have exaggerated the importance and significance of some of these new innovations in social media," Gladwell said. "Social media is not a tool of radical and transformative change. It is, unless we take steps to change it, an instrument of the status quo."

Awkward for them I'm sure. I'm sure there will be some furious twitterings this morning.

PS: I've been over three months clean and sober of posting on Twitter. It's now just a glorified RSS feed of people I like to follow. It feels great. Hows that for innovation?

It's Wednesday April the 7 around 12:54PM and

Che, Marx, and Castro in new Renault Ad

Nothing tickles me more than seeing communists exploited to sell cars. Nothing. It's like the best thing ever. I hope Fidel enjoys his socialist old age home with his best revolutionary buds. It's a shame it is for this econo-crapbox of a Renault. (Via Copyranter)

It's Monday March the 29 around 8:58AM and

iPad video magazine covers

Another day, another iPad magazine thought experiment. This time it's an iPad Sunset Mag Cover Spec from Jesse Rosten. I would love to know if Sunset mag could afford to produce issues every month that would live up to that kind of intro. But darn it if I want an iPad still.

It's Wednesday March the 24 around 7:25AM and

24 Hours: Discovers Slowest News Day in 2010

Are you serious 24 Hours? Doing cover stories on the Olympic Chin Strap Beard Poet? You're having a laugh right? There was no other news in city? Nothing?

Maybe this could be topped by the insane guest article of a woman complaining about the non-news flash that restaurants try to hire beautiful, sexy, young people. "It is disgusting and exhausting that serving steak and lobster needs to come with a side of thigh." You're right, it doesn't *NEED* to. It's just better that way. Shock.

Slam poets and crusading waitresses. Just another day in the newsroom of 24 Hours. It's a good thing this paper is free.

It's Tuesday March the 23 around 8:58PM and

George Takei, Color Pitchman?

I'm not really sure what is more awesome:

1. That Sharp has invented a 4th color to add to the RGB color system to sell TV's. Well, it's yellow, so whatever. I mean is this what we're pitching now? Not HD? But 4th colors? Come on.

2. That their new pitchman is George Takei saying, "Oh my" like he was drunk Sulu back in original Trek. And why is he wearing a lab coat holding a clipboard. Do people use clipboards still?

It's Thursday March the 18 around 8:07AM and

The Future of Magazines?

So with the release of the iPad upon us, everyone is starting to think, oh, hey, what does my content look like on the iPad or tablet (ok who is kidding who, it's just the iPad). Here's the thing though, while I appreciate someone like VIV Mag Interactive doing a feature Spread in an iPad Demo, is this really the future of magazines?

If you are reading magazines on your iPad, why bother with actual words and reading (so boring!) and just do video, and voice over? Why make us read? I guess we'll see April 3rd, or sometime in late April for us knuckle dragging heathens up in Canada. Why does Steve Jobs still hate us anyway? Although maybe less than when he introduced the iPhone, we're now only weeks behind.

It's Monday March the 15 around 8:53PM and

How to sell magazines

If magazines and newspapers would spend just a little bit more time coming up with genius content and hooks that are gobsmackingly awesome like this 1964 Esquire cover, they wouldn't have to chase after John Blogger and Jane Twitter. Hey wait, but I'm a blogger! Well, a lazy blogger anyway. And lazy though I am, this cover is exactly how you move magazines on dead tree or the iPad, big time. (Via Jezebel)

It's Friday February the 19 around 8:17AM and

Macleans now 100% more like the Daily Beast

I can see now why I don't hit up Maclean's home page too often. I never noticed before that Maclean's sort of completely ripped off the design of The Daily Beast?

It's Saturday February the 13 around 10:30AM and

Vancouver 2010: CTV Coverage Mini Review

Started day off watching luge, ski jumping and flash mob mixed group on CTV. But honestly where did they dig up the CTV broadcast team? If last night it was the old people's network, this morning it is boomers, sort of. Lisa LaFlamme looks like she has aged 40 years since she used to be on CTV Newsnet, and their set looks like someone went shopping at Nood on the cheap. It's like watching BT will EVEN uglier people. Need 100% Melissa Grelo, stat.

And then there was the CTV Olympic Morning Show. Was this really Olympian Elvis Stojko doing something with Jessi and Dan from the MTV Aftershow in ice skating outfits. Pretty sure Dan had a mooseknuckle. It was a total failure.

And NBC doesn't start until 11. Faster please.

It's Monday February the 8 around 7:42AM and

Super Bowl 2010

Megan Fox takes images of herself and people go crazy. I can only imagine the creative process on conceptualizing this ad. We've got this really lame touch screen imitation iPhone. Lets put Megan Fox in a bubble bath. "Genius!" It will go viral! Then on the set did they realize that she abnormally sized thumbs and have to get a hand model to do the touch screen stuff?

Slate's Best and worst Super Bowl Ads has a good round up and this great rational for not needing Internet on your TV. "An ad for Vizio televisions—touting their ability to display content from the Internet via special included software—shows you all the incredible Internet stuff you could be watching on your Vizio TV: dramatic gopher, the "Numa Numa" guy, the "Chocolate Rain" guy. … Wait, this is what's supposed to convince us we need the Internet on our TVs? Ancient YouTube clips? Tell me honestly: Are you excited to watch content like this on your TV? If so, please let me know, so I can decline your invitation to come over and watch TV."

Who won the game?

It's Friday February the 5 around 7:37AM and

Unleash the powers of the interwebs Case Study #4375

Alex Blagg, bored by the internet of the day, asks for something, and low and behold, the Internet provides.

The internet responds swiftly with photoshop and an idea for a book deal. It's become self aware. That is all.

It's Monday November the 23 around 9:24AM and

Morning Vancouver: It's Raining Polar Bears

Good morning Green Capital. This one goes out to our juice loving green acting Mayor Gregor Robertson. FYI: I'll be booking my flight ASAP. Loved the one comment on Youtube, "At least all the kiddy polar bears are still alive." (Via AdFreak)

It's Friday November the 20 around 7:36AM and

VANCOUVERITE WEEKENDER: TOP PICKS FOR THE WEEKEND NOVEMBER 20- 21

FRIDAY:

New Moon. New Moon. New Moon damn it. Curse people magazine and their Sexiest Man of the Year issue where RPattz was robbed, or something. Roger Ebert savaged it in his review this week, "“\Sitting through this experience is like driving a pickup in low gear though a sullen sea of Brylcreem." I'm sure this won't stop the Twihards from melting down all weekend. Don't forget your cheap RPattz approved meatballs at Glowbal nerds.

On the other hand, while every teenage girl is at New Moon, little movies should be nice and quiet. You could try Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day or a Nic Cage movie that no one needed a remake of, Bad Lieutenant: Port of call New Orleans. But it is Werner Herzog, so that is good, and it does feature Eva Mendes, which is always good to look at. (Tinsletown).

Speaking of things to look at, check out the Scout Boutique Fashion Show tomorrow will feature Mad Men inspired pin-up designs by Stop Staring and holiday wear by local designer Sweet Soul. (152 East 8th Avenue - right off of Main Street). We're sending our fashionista to cover this, so stay tuned.

SATURDAY

Savage Love author Dan Savage is playing the Chan Centre for the Performing Arts (8pm, Tix $25). The narcissist in you can submit questions in advance for additional humiliation when asking those "where do babies come from" stupid questions. it's like an evening with Kevin Smith but not as fun and kind of insulting. What fun.

Something tells me that a bottle of Russian Stoly Vodka (certainly not that lame Swedish Absolute) and a couple hours at the Vancouver Russian Community Centre Christmas Bazaar (11-5pm, Tix $1) stuffing your face would be satisfying. Once you are wasted follow that up with a trip to a real life Etsy show at Cambrian Hall (215 East 17th, 11-5PM, $2) or save yourself the trouble and just get online and look at the wares of Regretsy home of the "Handmade: It looks like you made it with your feet" art.

SUNDAY

Is ZZ Top really playing the Abbotsford Entertainment and Sports Centre? Yes, yes they are. (Doors 6:30, Show 7:30, Tix, $85/75) Or if the memories of Back to the Future III aren't enough, there is always the East Side Culture Crawl. If you have an aversion to seeing artists in their natural environment, don't look them in their eyes.

It's Thursday November the 19 around 9:14PM and

Filthy, Creepy, Soap Suds

There is something that has always bugged me about the "Green Economy." And it was always that it was some how going to be an economy that was on top of the regular economy, and then we'd all be green. But if this ads and microsite by Method cleaning products is any indication it is a zero sum game.

See it's a war on cleaning products. And the green jobs, are same as the old jobs, but cleaner. It's like Skynet only less robot-y. I bet Gregor Robertson wished he thought of this. Put that into your Green Capital, and smoke it.

It's Monday November the 9 around 8:32AM and

24 Hours: Totally Loves Cougars

So glad 24 Hours starts the week off right with a cover story on Vancouver's cougar population. And front and center is Claudia Opdenkelder CEO and Chief Cougar of Cougarlife.com. But it is UBC English professor Gisele Baxter who steals the show opining, "As fickle as pop culture is, especially with a younger demographic having such an impact, there is the risk, unless some really strong representations of this trend catch on, of 'cougar' quickly becoming a term of derision - desperate old bats robbing the cradle." Wait, what, you mean cougar isn't a word of derision already?

PS: so there is actually a website out there to hook cougars up with young men, er "cubs". God bless the internets.

It's Sunday November the 8 around 8:18PM and

Shoe Advertising: butt it's not about feet

Interesting to see Reebok try to sell new shoes by focusing solely on bums. I'm glad they are getting into the benefits and not air pumps, gels, or whatever, but Easy Tone is kind of a lame title.

UPDATE:

And I posted the first video before seeing this 15 second version. This one is about a butt so awesome your breasts are jealous. I call that healthy competition. What would Don Draper say about this I wonder?

It's Monday November the 2 around 7:58AM and

Olympic Hating Halloween Tricks

The cover story of 24 Hours today is amazing. Turns out, some anti-Olympic amateur propagandist spent Halloween handing out notes to trick-or-treaters saying, "I hate the Olympics, send Car 87 for Gordon Campbell." Halloween political campaign. Love it.

Meanwhile The Province spent the spooky night aftermath with Galleries of The Felions in various costumes, entries from their Sexy Halloween Costume Contest, and even a post Halloween Craigslist missed connections. 24 Hours doing more original stories than Province? You be the judge. At least they are both smutting it up and trying to move papers.

It's Wednesday October the 28 around 8:18PM and

Glee: True Story of the World's Most Annoying Childhood Choir

So, back in 2007, Premier Campbell invited a kids choir to come participate in the Olympics. They claim he promised them a spot in the opening ceremonies. He claims it wasn't a specific opening ceremony invite. He has since then offered other ways they can come to Vancouver and help entertain the world. Their response, drop dead (Canadian Press).

"We know what was promised and we're not going to be shuffled around in Vancouver," Chief Mi'sel Joe said in an interview Wednesday."As they (choir members) understood it, they were going to be part of the opening ceremonies. This is what they'll accept."

The article goes on to say the children now need healing. Worst. Choir. Ever. The last thing the opening ceremonies needs is a smug little crybaby glee club.

It's Friday October the 16 around 7:31AM and

Friday Morning With Glenn Beck

I have absolutely no idea what Glenn Beck is going on about. But bravo. This is the kind of virtuoso performance that people get behind. Something about old advertisments, a bad party, and crying. Or something. A-Mazing! This will get you through Friday friends. Sniff. I sure wish Breakfast Television or The Bill Good Show was WAY more like this. (Via Huffington Post)

It's Wednesday September the 23 around 10:35PM and

Pet Bald Eagles: Pro or con?

Okay. I want one. I'm in the pro-pet bald eagle camp now. If Colbert gets one, I can't wait to walk mine down Commercial Drive. Who's with me? I can't WAIT to get the first angry email about this post. (via Rolling Stone)

It's Sunday September the 20 around 2:31PM and

Ok....Not this...But

Mitchell and Webb on the best kind of feedback you can ever get in advertising. So amazing.

It's Tuesday September the 15 around 9:34PM and

Trevor Linden Hangs With Fiona Forbes at Future Shop

(Photo: Fiona Forbes Fan Page)

This could be our favourite thing from today. Lets see the five things about this image that make us smile:

5. Look at the goofy smile and how tiny Michael Eckford is. TINY. He's like a jockey. It's amazing.
4. Look at the tentative uncomfortable right hand of Trevor Linden. Such a gentleman.
3. Look at the look on Trevor Linden. ("Is this happening. I'm in a Future Shop. I'm wearing an EA jacket. I just played video games. Now I'm posing with who now? FML."
2. At least it's only a click away from this image.
1. Wait, Fiona Forbes has a fan page? So awesome.

It's Friday July the 17 around 8:11AM and

Quote of the day: Information Wants to be free & Lou Grant

"The point of the book seems to be, I don't know, some baloney about "we should not fear free." I've only read reviews of the book but the point seems to be that if you give away stuff for free, it will lead inexorably to money-making opportunities.
I'm not sure how, but I believe that this is related to the idiotic argument made by web maniacs that everyone is entitled to everything free on the web. Why should all intellectual property be free? Um ... because ... um ... "information wants to be free"... or some such childish nonsense."

This is the Ad Contrarian on Chris Anderson's dumb book on free. So good. I hate free. It's a stupid concept. I love money and wish you would send me lots of it for reading this blog. So consider yourself lucky. But whatever. Here's a bonus of Lou Grant meeting Mary Richards for the first time. Need this on DVD!

It's Tuesday June the 23 around 7:12AM and

Infographics Of Amazingness

Flip Flop Fly Ball, is a very cool site that has a series of awesome infographics, mostly about baseball (but don't let that fact discourage you). This one is the shapes of the fields in MLB that he got from looking at Google. How did they come up with that.

This one the size of Boston's Green Monster is wicked too. (Via Kottke)

It's Sunday June the 21 around 10:05PM and

Evolution of Online Journalism

Pretty funny look at the evolution of online journalism. (via Mike Hudack)

It's Sunday June the 21 around 8:20PM and

Melting Beaches

Love these Perrier ads. This one is called Melt, Beach. Captures why I could drink bubbly water by the liter every day for like ever. There is also Melt, Club. Bubbly good.

It's Tuesday May the 12 around 8:21AM and

Fortune Magazine Covers From the 1930s - 1950's

It's really too bad magazines are going out of business all the time these days, and maybe that is because they aren't doing covers like this anymore. Stunning. (via Butdoesitfloat)

It's Monday May the 4 around 1:33PM and

Quote of the day I: Looking at the Twitters

"I once broke up with a woman because she wouldn't let me look at her twitter. That was in 8th grade, 1986." - CaptainFantastic on Gawker.

It's Wednesday March the 11 around 7:51PM and

Handle with Care: Work In Progress

I'm part way through Handle with Care by Jodi Picoult and it feels really familiar to me. There are obvious comparisons to be drawn to My Sister's Keeper (the only other novel by Picoult that I've read), but it actually reminds me more of a different story: Finding Nemo. Terrible things keep happening to Nemo and his dad throughout the movie (poor little clownfish can't catch a break). And then just when you think it can't get worse, BAM! Nemo is sucked up into an oxygen pump.

Even if you haven't seen Finding Nemo, you know that all ends well because it's a Disney film. I'm not so sure about Handle with Care - so far there's a disabled child, a different bulimic self-harming child, a potential divorce and a dissolving best friendship. It's a pretty long path here to recovery.

That said, the never-ending chain of hardship is slightly more palatable to me in Picoult's novel than it was in Finding Nemo. Despite all the hard knocks, Picoult's writing keeps the story flowing easily; and in a novel that could easily get bogged down in medical and legal terminology she still manages to keep things simple.

I absolutely loathe the bad luck roller coaster that Nemo and his dad seem to constantly find themselves on, but I'll reserve final judgment on Handle with Care until it's actually time to get out of the car.

Editors Note: Jodi Picoult will be in Vancouver March 24th at 7 PM at Chapters, 788 Robson Street.

It's Saturday January the 31 around 2:18PM and

Twitter Followings & Thoughts

I've been trying to figure out Twitter for some time. Figure out is too strong a word. I mean if the the boomers are able to get social media, then it shouldn't be that hard. It's pretty simple. I think you just hear so much blather about 'social media' and you tune it out. I like it since it is short, but lets be honest. it is full of complete garbage 90% of the time. And there are a lot, A LOT, of people impersonating "expertise" all over the place. I don't need to know every time you post to your blog. I don't need to know when you are blogging. Unless you are doing those things in such a way that I laugh off my chair.

Continue reading "Twitter Followings & Thoughts" »

It's Sunday November the 23 around 10:30AM and

Chinese Andy Rooney

China's Andy Rooney Has Some Funny Opinions About How Great The Chinese Government Is

It's Monday October the 27 around 8:47PM and

Georgia Straight Watch: Madona Sex Machine

It's been a long time coming. But the Georgia Straight Watch is back, not so much by popular demand, but because I picked up a copy, and we're blogging again. So here's your, kind of late, current issue, top 5 things that are so very right and/or wrong about this weeks edition:

5. The whole cover is about Madonna. Lets not go there, even if Sex Machine was a trolling for readers headline, because it's all there on page 61. "On a completely superficial level, there's the fact that Ritchie's soon-to-be-ex-wife—improbably, and against all known laws of nature—is hotter at 50 than she was in her 20s, and only partly because she no longer dresses like something Keith Richards's cat dragged in." Are you serious? Have you not seen this Madonna?

4. On the other hand, we can appreciate Madonna when interpreted by designers with a soft spot for the 1980s and penchant for modeling themselves like Christina Culver does.

3. This week's Love Lounge personal, the appropriately names, "Awkwardtouch". Is it that he is a gun owner? That he paints small figurines? Or is it that he dreams of living "...in the mountains away from civilization with my sweet heart. Hunting your own food, living in a cottage... i think it'd be cozy and relaxing." I can see where the name came from. C-R-E-E-P-Y.

2. The commentary on Work Less Party candidate Betty Krawczyk being overlooked for a mayoral debate is pretty funny. Spending ink on writing about why an 80-year candidate for a joke party like this is like a SNL skit. It's awesome, she's like the female John McCain only not like Republican. It's absurd. And crazy. Although I actually find her more credible than Marc Emery. Follow up question: does the Georgia Straight have like a Grandma thing going on this week? Edgy. Bonus: The comments on this feature Emery and me actually agreeing with Bill Tieleman which was, er, awkward.

1. Still the best thing. The Goethe. Nice to see a long story on Golden Mile Cellars, now Road 13 Vineyards. Looks like a nice re-brand and my friend Daniel will approve of their all screw top philosophy. Who doesn't.

It's Tuesday July the 29 around 6:00PM and

Fun With Greenpeace & Tree Hugging Love

Gawker just made my day with the quote of the week after seeing this viral video. Headline: "Greenpeace Turns Trees To Common Whores." Excellent.

It's Tuesday October the 2 around 7:31AM and

Elizabeth Hurley's Breasts Illuminate Vancouver Art Gallery

Last night Elizabeth Hurley and her gals were at the Vancouver Art Gallery to raise awareness for breast cancer. Wearing a "tight-fitting layered pink dress" Hurley and her breasts wowed crowds and told them to donate money. This also involved turning the Art Gallery pink apparently - joining the Empire State building and the Sydney Opera house. [Canadian Press]

PS: And kudos for Metro Vancouver for trying to use Ms. Hurley's breasts to sell papers.

It's Tuesday September the 25 around 6:43AM and

Buzz Dump: Welcome your hippy overlord

If there is any better way to start Tuesday, post Heroes-over, than with a chubby, hippy Jesus I'd sure like to hear it. (Via Ad Freak)

*Gawker has a book coming out? That's just awesome. The Gawker Guide to Conquering All Media.

*Speaking of Gawker. So Mahmoud Ahmadinejad hit the Big Apple yesterday. Jezebel wondered if he was kinda hot (Gross), Meanwhile Wonkette's Ken Layne calls Bush "Darth Chimpy McHitler"

*Josee better get to the bottom of this Hannah Montana pregnancy shenanigans.

*Here's a bunch of Wes Anderson:

* News that his new 13-minute short "Hotel Chevalier" will open on the internet tomorrow (sweet! Wait, is iTunes going to screw us over this one?) [See also LA Times]

*"Fans who attended a sneak preview Monday of critically acclaimed director Wes Anderson's newest project, The Darjeeling Limited, were surprised to learn that the film features a deadpan comedic tone, highly stylized production design, and a plot centering around unresolved family issues." [The Onion]

*The Life Obsessive With Wes Anderson. [NY Mag]

*I knew there was a catch to this whole Canadian Dollar at par with the US$. Books! We're getting ripped off on the effing books! What a bunch of bastards. Oh, wait, we're back to an incentive to shop South of the Border. [The Consumerist]

It's Tuesday September the 18 around 6:47AM and

Wes Anderson's AT&T Ads and Other Ads I've Seen

Here is a nice little look at some recent advertising goodishness. I know what you're thinking. "Post something about Vancouver, ahole". Well, when I had moments yesterday where I could have felt like the man in this unfortunate Rock Paper Scissors video and often feel like I have to deal with my own 'send to Mordor' bunker. The question is, do you like your ads directed by famous directors? Featuring insane newly named snackfoods, or in massive 40-story hotel wrappings? Or do you even care? If my comments we're back working I'm sure you'd tell me.

1. I don't really care what Film Drunk says, I really like these AT&T spots directed by Wes Anderson. Okay, yes they are smug and self satisfying. And?

2. I can't even stand football, but since these are directed by Michael Mann and feature music from his Last of the Mohicans which is a rad movie, i will grant you this Nike Football ad is kind of okay.

3. Or you can check out P. Diddy's spot for his new "Unforgettable" fragrance that Best Week Ever describes as "I mean, what could be more unforgettable than being held against a wall in some kind of backstage maintenance hallway and joylessly having your body groped by some champagne-drunken rap guy?"

4. I couldn't find the real spot for this that was playing during the Emmy's last night. But the idea of the Oreo Cakester is completely insane. I mean sure they can't seem to get Iraq 100% right, but for the love of all that is holy they have soft cake Oreos. Amazing. And the fact that they ask you to look for them in the Oreo Aisle is genius. Pure genius.

5. Did Jim Beam really wrap the Rio Hotel in Las Vegas? Yes, Yes they did.

Bonus: Yes, The New iPod Nano ad officially marks the end of Feist being not quite as cool as she was a few months ago.

It's Tuesday August the 14 around 6:20AM and

Straight Watch: The Carbon Offset Movement

It's been awhile since we've said much about The Georgia Straight. Maybe it was the thought of us on a deserted island with cases of Rieslings and Jurgen Gothe. Seriously knocking back shots of grape juice like this with 'Jurgs' would be pretty sweet, yes? So Let's do it old school in this nearly all funny bones edition of the alt-weekly:

5. This week's cover story is "The sin of air travel." Before reading it, I've never wanted to buy a ticket on a jet plane more. And I've never wanted to stop reading an article so quickly in my life. Reading about the carbon offset movement makes my eyes bleed. Literally. For real entertainment and offset hell fire, may i suggest watching VBS's Toxic Alberta. It's like an Al Gore bible camp.

4. Can Carole James woo B.C. voters? Bwhwhahahahahahahaah.

3. New uniforms won't make Canucks better. Sigh.

2. I will leave it to you to figure out if the Straight sifted through enough of James Lileks writings beyond his novelty stuff. Because when the two of us agree on someone being awesome, there must be something rotten in Denmark.

1. Dear City Singles Kimberley and Brock. Where do you even start with you two? How exactly is Kimberley's "arch nemesis is Britney Spears." Bitch, please. And why, dear god, why would you say that your "superhero alter ego is Duffman because I too am lively and like to make those around me have a good time," Brock. You're trying to become unsingle, right? It's like telling children there is no Santa Claus.

It's Tuesday August the 14 around 6:18AM and

Type Fight Showdown: Helvetica Edition

Remember the whole thing about Helvetica the movie? Well, there is a pretty amazing thread going on over at the VFS blog featuring some tough type talk. Fighting over typography, really?

From Dougal Muir, who ended his passionate argument against Helvetica with a "I am still very much in love with type" but began with this: "The film Helvetica was one of the most dangerous pieces of propaganda that has happened to typographic design in years. It may even have the power to set back the development of typography fifty years."

To the head of the local chapter of the GDC (Graphic Designers of Canada) who starts with, "My respected colleague Dougal makes some interesting points in his comment here, and I don’t disagree with him, but believe he’s being overly dramatic and don’t appreciate his stern public condemnation of either GDC or VFS for co-hosting the screening of the Helvetica documentary" and ends with something so smug that I bet Douglas Coupland wished he'd thought of it first, "My name is Mark Busse. Google me."

So sweet. Who knew the city's designers could be so fabulous. This is like a smarter Heidi vs LC fight on The Hills.

It's Monday August the 13 around 6:13PM and

Monday Round Up: Les Deux Grande Fromages

The following things just might not be really working for me right now:

1. I just saw a random promo commercial for the Charlie Sheen show, Two and a Half Men. Nothing weird per se, but the realization that this is going into syndication is kind of like a sign of the apocolypse, no?

2. Fox's new series K-Ville. It's not that I don't think a show set (and actually shot) in New Orleans isn't cool, but the commercials are, well, how do I say this, completely ridiculous (and much different from the trailer too. Well, just less fromagey).

3. Jurassic Park IV. It took them four movies to come to, "You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have dinosaurs with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Now evidently my cycloptic colleague informs me that that cannot be done. Ah, would you remind me what I pay you people for, honestly? Throw me a bone here! What do we have? "

4. I am totally into The Hills season three, but is this place Les Deux for real. Seriously, it looks like it is the Mos Eisley for Hollywood douche. PS: Spencer, you're gross.

5. I think it is sad. Sad like killing fluffy bunnies sad, that many people I might happen to work with during long days at the sweat shop might often feel as powerless as these ninjas are against the might trio of beers. But the spot rules. As does Harp. (Via the always fun Agency Tart)

It's Thursday July the 5 around 1:23PM and

Uplifting Afternoon Beats: Hayden Panettiere Edition

If this doesn't make you want to leave your cubicle and just start dancing, I don't know what will.

It's Thursday July the 5 around 12:48PM and

Lost Art of Obit Writing Alive...

Obituary writing is a lost art, except in Britain, where they excell at it, and have characters across the pond like Count Gottfried vin Bismark to play with:

"Count Gottfried von Bismarck, who was found dead on Monday aged 44, was a louche German aristocrat with a multi-faceted history as a pleasure-seeking heroin addict, hell-raising alcoholic, flamboyant waster and a reckless and extravagant host of homosexual orgies."

(Via Gawker, thank you thank you thank you)

It's Friday January the 5 around 8:05AM and

Straight Watch: Ringing in 2007, Smelling Fine

Welcome the best and worst of this week's edition of the Georgia Straight. The issue is focused on film but seemed lighter than usual. The cover art promised a 2006 movies spectacular. But in less you really liked Click be afraid, be very afraid. Intern, roll the clips:

5. The cover story is the Top Movies of 2006. Ron Yamauchi picked Click, "Not generally recognized as a brilliant movie upon its release, Adam Sandler’s latest is an astute reverse-engineering of Bill Murray’s Groundhog Day, in which the star’s stolidly oblivious persona is played for tragedy. Profound, with fart jokes." And Casino Royale, " In a year of disappointing hype (Snakes on a Plane, Superman Returns), one popcorn thriller finally delivered a full measure of spectacular, nerve-racking fun. Daniel Craig’s Bond is a charming sociopath, perpetually one martini from delivering (or receiving) a frenzied beat-down." Wow.

4. The first City Single of the Week of the year. Always fun to start off with the kind of gal who likes sour creme on her steak. Scarlett's ideal partner is a mixture of "Doctor McDreamy and Hugh Jackman." You do the math on that statement, but being Hugh Jackman's beard is fantastic by us. Not judging.

3. Gothe delivers the smug with a first part of his best of wine box. How else can you explain this: "WATERSTONE CARNEROS PINOT NOIR 2003 ($34.70) The price is positively bargainish, especially for the first of three Pinot Noirs on the list—huge and deep and robust, the kind of California Pinot that reminds us what all the fuss was, is, and will continue to be about." I love the idea of 35$ of wine being refered to as a bargain. Well Played Gothe.

2. Oh no. Jim Green doesn't yet think he's ready to sign up for a comeback to face Sam Sullivan in 2008 for the Mayor's chair. "I’m like really good, fresh Italian food—very simple, very clear, and very flavoured," said Green. How sad is it that in Vancouver politics that our choices are between Sullivan and a non-commital Green.

1. Ah, the review of the new film Perfume by Janet Smith offering up all the scent puns you can handle: "Still, Perfume is worth sniffing out if you’re craving something other than the usual post-holiday fare. Despite its flaws, its haunting, oddball charms, like its potions, work an undeniable spell —if you can handle a few off-putting odours." Sniff.

It's Wednesday December the 13 around 6:01AM and

Vancouver Magazine's "Power-less 50"

Picked up the latest Vancouver Magazine this weekend. It's the big 6th Annual Power 50 issue. Now credit must be given to the mag's revised website, that seems to be updated quicker, and even more crazy, actually has some content online. Particularly this month's blast from the past article "When We Were Young" about the 1950's photos of Fred Herzog and the article on Chris Haddock.

But the Power 50 is quite a let down. Maybe we only need a power 25 or maybe a power 10, since most of the people on this list would hardly qualify as powerful in any other city. I mean David Baines (25) is a pretty good writer but let's not jump overboard here, he's not Walter Lippmann or anything like that. His personal highlight from the last year, "Having exposed some of the questionable claims behind Cold FX—the popular Don Cherry-touted herbal cold and flu remedy." Really? It screams power.

Sam Sullivan is #7. Because he is mayor? Come on. The hard hitting question he is asked, "What’s your best stress-reliever?" The answer: Mashed potatoes. Wow, it's times like these when you actually long for the tender hand of Mike Harcourt in a flower shirt back running the city.

And tied for most powerful? CEO of Translink Pat Jacobsen and Minister of Transportation Kevin Falcon. "There’s little doubt that transportation is the central issue of the day, or that the minister’s the dominant force shaping the city’s transportation future. The province brought TransLink into this world, and Kevin Falcon has the power to take it out." Right, well I guess that settles it then. With all that power you'd think they could get the Skytrain to work in the snow, or enough buses out there. Sadly, no. But I guess when an accompanying article features the corny hosts of Urban Rush, Michael Eckford and Fiona Forbes, calling them the " reigning couple of Vancouver chat" you realize the whole power "issue" is a bit much.

It's Monday December the 11 around 7:48AM and

Georgia Straight Watch: Heineken Ad Invasions

It's been awhile my old friend. And just like Khan says to Kirk in "The Wrath of Khan", "Kirk. You're still alive, old friend." Of course Kirk replies, "Still, 'old friend.' You've managed to kill everyone else but like a poor marksman, you keep missing the target." Not sure what this means, but yes, don't I know it James T. Kirk.

What can I say, I’ve been a tad bit busy working for the man recently and I haven't had time for my weekly check in with The Georgia Straight. As usual the lure of the City Single of the Week was just too much to take and here we go again with ‘The 5’ – a look at the best n’ maybe no-so-best of Vancouver's entertainment weekly. What can I say, I'm a Grinch.

5. See what happens when I take some time from riding The Single of the Week, they actually get more normal. Sure, Germaine is 39 (she's an 'oldie') and playfully confused ("92.3% straight, the rest bent") but other than her comment about Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth" she's oddly normal. What gives? I think this must be some kind of a trick.

4. Contender for best sentence in paper this week: "In any case, it does feature a bull mastiff with very large testicles. And the dog’s accent is perfect." (From the Van Wilder 2 review)

3. Unintentionally funny headline: "Impotent Canucks have to learn how to score". Learning that this article was actually about the Vancouver Canucks and hockey was a bit of a bummer, since it started out so strong.

2. Jurgen Gothe has kind of a red wine cheat sheet for the holidays, which is helpful as usual. And the descriptor of the Bonny Doon Big House Red - a favorite of ours - gets you this, "Plenty of prune Danish in the first taste settles into lots of deep red-berry flavours." Prunes, I can usually take or leave, but wines that taste of Danish are, well, good.

1. Don't go to the Straight's website. Just Don't. You will be attacked repeatedly with Heineken beer ads. Nearly every damned page of the site you get burned with beer bottle snowflakes that rain down on you while you read articles. This is a useless Happy Holidays message from the beer maker and I will slap the next person I know who drinks this beer in front of me.

It's Monday December the 4 around 6:20AM and

Vancouver Papers: Dion vs Dion and More

The Province starts you off with a Four-day ordeal to fix broken leg. "Susy Horna spent four pain-filled days in Surrey Memorial Hospital waiting for an operation on her broken leg. Horna, 48, a legal secretary who broke her leg shovelling snow, said her concerns were taken seriously only when she threatened to sue." Meanwhile Ed Willes starts the week off smug, and insufferable on sports, "One of the keys to successful column writing is to set small, manageable goals -- and ours today is to be as entertaining as the Vancouver Canucks. If you're still reading, here are the Monday morning musings and meditations on the world of sports." Funny thing, at least this wasn't as lame as the skiing coverage. Finally grumpy old man W.P. Kinsella spends December 4th talking about the supposed threats to Christmas concluding they are just "hype by media extremists".

The Sun is truly miserable this morning. When skiing is the featured story on the front cover you know nothing good can come of it. Mostly it is in the fact that the paper is really focused on the news of what happened over the weekend - the Dion Liberal Leadership victory in particular - that underscores the problem of newspapers in a digital world.

24 Hours tries for heavy Monday morning issue with a Call to Action. "One year after he was gunned down on a Vancouver street, Lee Matasi's family and friends are working hard to turn his violent death into something positive, and fighting to finish what Matasi had started - turning a neglected access tunnel into a skate-park oasis." Although the teaser for a page two story, Britnies undies which goes like this, "Britney Spears reportedly spent $3,800 on a whole bunch of new panties." I do also appreciate the page five Stephane Dion vs. Celine Dion comparisson. Don't forget the wisdom of Tamara Taggart in the weather section, "A bit warmer this week," Wow thanks Tarmara.

It's Tuesday November the 28 around 6:58AM and

Now is the time when we dance...

It's Tuesday kids. Euro-pop covers of 80's tunes? Yeah so what. As a good friend would say, "Dance and sing and groove." Girls Aloud is no Tiffany. And yes...I am going there.

It's Monday October the 23 around 7:46AM and

Georgia Straight Watch: Get Your Nuke On

Okay. It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve been able to devote any quality time to The Georgia Straight. But the lure of the City Single of the Week was just too much and here we go again with ‘The 5’ – a look at the best n’ maybe no-so-best of Vancouver's entertainment weekly.

5. Let’s start with The Gothe. Dudes, he’s making pronouncements about the next big thing in wine, the south of France, so listen the hell up. Quite frankly what had me at hello this week was the idea of the perfect phrase in the universe, “meat wine.” You know what to do…

4. In honor of his new album “The Information”, Beck gets served this tasty bit of dish: “There aren’t any blunders on Beck’s latest, but there sure are a lot of bleeps à la R2-D2. And last I checked, the mid-’90s Atari sound is still too recent to count as retro. Consequently, this album feels, at times, pretty dated for someone touted as one of the great revolutionary musicians of our time.”

3. The cover article is about local actor turned war movie playa, Barry Pepper. This part from Pepper is hilarious: “It seemed like at that time in the industry there wasn’t much thinking out of the box. If you were going to hold a casting session, you got out your casting manual, and if you were going to direct, it was going to be linear directing. If you were a Canadian bad boy, then you had a coonskin cap and cigarettes rolled up in your T-shirt and you had tattoos of an anchor. Since then, that has changed, but at the time that was kind of what motivated me to move to L.A.” Of course that article about Pepper is accompanied by another about how some local actors have to fight stereotypes to achieve Pepper-like success, actors like the darling Lanette New and her fancy website.

2. This week’s City Single of the Week calls himself J.T. And I bet he's been going around the city telling girls that he will bring “Sexy Back” too. Then again anyone who has photos of themselves lying around like that, and describes his job as “Keeper of the FUNK/DJ” is beyond simple mockery. Here’s the thing, when someone asks you who your ideal partner would be, how can you answer Krista Allen and Sara Silverman. Why in the hell would you cross the sexy and hilarious Silverman with a D- list actress? It makes no sense PS: people who use words like “unhypeness” can shampoo my crotch.

1. Yes! Finally. Best headline: “B.C. mulls new atomic age.” I wish this was about Gordon Campbell obsession with nukes, Kim Jung Il style. Sadly it is not.

It's Monday October the 23 around 7:45AM and

The Vancouver Magazine Website: Worst than being an Extra?

I’m really not sure which is worse. That when I go to Vancouver Magazine’s website that they still have the last month’s issue - and by last month, I mean September – featured. So that means I guess by November they’ll be ready to tell you all about their October Issue. Or is it the fact that in said October issue, you can read a completely ridiculous article entitled, “Allergic Reactions – You’re not a real Vancouverite, it seems, if you’ve never been an extra” by Chris Smith. This is particularly offensive:

“I’d lay money that buried somewhere in the city code is an obscure law to the effect that everyone living in Vancouver must appear in the background of a commercial/film/sci-fi series at some point during their residence. It’s a rite of passage for Vancouver insiderdom, like doing the Grouse Grind or having your bicycle stolen.”

Come on, If these are the rites of passage, we're in serious trouble. But then again, that sort of thing overshadows the fact that they have a story about the Mayor of Surrey for some reason. Although props must be given for another amazing photo of former B.C. Premier Mike “Let’s Boogie” Harcourt in a flower shirt in the “Green Dream” feature story. The guy is a legend. PS: Seeing David Suzuki’s creepy gnarled toes – because he is wearing sandals in the same photo as Mike – was, well, how can I put this, unsettling.

It's Friday September the 22 around 4:51AM and

Buzz Dump: Ghetto Burger Edition

It's Friday, and yes, I'm in love with YouTube. Before you suffer through a day of work for the man, or perhaps during it, here's some linkage and clips for you to pass the time, serve with an adult beverage if you want I won't tell. Leading off, there was the Ghetto Latte, now there is The Ghetto Big Mac. Enjoy:

*YouTube, meet Soapbox. Thoughts?

*Trailer Park: The Good: Blood Diamond. Shoot 'Em Up. The Bad: Fur. And the new James Bond Theme by Chris Cornell sneak peak. The Ugly: Bobby.

*The poster for The Good German looks retro sweet.

*Wow. Michel Gondry is a bit of a wanker.

*Promos: Did you catch The Office last night? This promo for it was pretty awesome. A new Lost Promo (and could I not mention Yunjin Kim in Stuff?) And next week starts the return of CBC's Intelligence.

*Jack Nicholson Rolling Stone Cover interview. Creepy Old Man. Meanwhile, how is it fair that Elizabeth Taylor goes swiming with sharks and lives and the Crocodile Hunter dies. Damn you world.

*Let me get this straight. Paris Hilton can operate a gas pump, while talking on her cell. And yet Oprah cannot? A great disturbance in the force...

*I'm a little worried, their is a stag coming up, does that mean I'm going on a mancation? Yikes.

*First there was the red paper clip transformed into a house. Now a used iPod is aiming to aquire Dreamworks.

*Ricky Gervais is planning on stopping podcasts.

*Other junk: A new Paris Hilton video, "Nothing in this World". a Mad TV spoof of House, interesting video of Ben Folds covering Postal Service's Such Great Heights, yummy VW "Kung Fu" ad, I don't know what a Snapalope is, but it's made of Slim Jims, Daily Show 10-year best clip of Even Stevphen and this last one makes me ponder about returning to Vancouver and getting back into the marketing and advertising business, courtesy of Bill Hicks. I do sleep soundly at night, when I'm doing the devils bidding.

It's Thursday September the 21 around 2:06PM and

Georgia Straight Watch: Best of Vancouver Blow Out

It's that time people. Another week, another issue of the Georgia Straight. This week is action packed, it's the Best of Issue. Thankfully there are so many things I didn't even bother having to read the news articles. Here we go:

5. And yes it is the 11th annual Best of Vancouver issue this week. There is a lot of things in here that need to be dealt with but I'll give you two. First, shout outs to the ridiculously named Burquitlam suburb are an affront to both Burnaby and Coquitlam - they both should be ashamed of this abomination. Second, the honor of Best PR campaign by a B.C. animal went to the Spirit Bear makes me want to rent a truck, a gun rack, and go up to that damned forrest and shoot me some bears.

4. My Favorite Line in the best of section was the best reason to miss EXPO 86 20 years later: "False Creek had the Soviet space program, Ramses II, and the Scream Machine. And we gave it all up for condos, miniature dogs, and no-foam lattes. What were we thinking?" That or the part about "Best way to meet swinging MILFs" which is so gross it's funny.

3. My god, do we really have to hear what the Readers think? As proof I give you these dirty bits: Nickleback is Best Local Band? Brent Butt as Best Local Comedian? Very funny Georgia Straight readers. Very funny.

2. Gothe speaks more of fruits and not of grapes. I'm not sure this is cool. Canvados? Really? Clearly he is drunk, and we respect that. Pass. Wash it down with some of this, and you got yourself a deal, Gothe.

1. We finally figured out why the City Singles featured are so ridiculous, they select them to simply keep me entertained weekly. According to their "Best of Lifestyle - Critics' Choices", they named this site and particularly this feature "Best way to stay humble". To which I thank them.

And this week, praise be Jeebus, I honor and thank them for finding this goddess. The 32-year-old fine smelling, so she says anyway, Shannon. A trainwreck delight from the "Co-Q" who should not have quite so many eggs "benny style" prolly. But I'm sure her lonely nights spent dreaming of the black Ed Norton and watching "The Notebook" out in Coquitlam waiting for Mr. Right to email her are heavenly. Bwhahahahahahahaha.

It's Tuesday September the 19 around 12:00PM and

Buzz Dump: Ode To The Paris Metro Edition

I'm not having the best of days, I'm not going to lie to you. Since my wallet has seemingly evaporated - even considering my two acts of uncharacteristic charity (helping cute spanish/perhaps englsh elderly couple in the metro, and helping woman with stoller onto subway) were repaid with the amusing karmic payback of of wallet gone missing. I amuse myself with the idea that that the old man and women worked in conjunction with the baby making lady. The joke was on all of them, or whoever ended up with my worthless wallet - since it is but a graveyard for broken Canadian government cards like my stupid "care card", which I've actually never actually used or my about to expire driver's liscence. Although the care card somehow was in five broken pieces despite non-use, so that's like five free health care cards, right? I should have sold it when I had the chance.

The lesson, as you all should know, is never, ever, help anyone, ever. God hates charity cases, people who can't find their own way on the idiot proof Paris subway, and breeders. I did lose about 5 metro tickets. And that pissed me off. But nothing a little wine and runny cheese didn't fix. Clearly my karma is better than most, since Daddy's eat cheese, and drinking wine, some poor bastard is wondering what the hell to do the world's worst wallet. Hahahahaha. Losers. Advantage, Jackson! PS: If you wouldn't mind paying off the credit card debts, that would be excellent. Thanks.

But at least there hasn't been a military coup at here like in Thailand. Jesus. Reminds me of a quote from Thirteen Days by Coster playing Kenny O'Donnel: "Geez. What is it about the free world that pisses the rest of the world." Anyway, happy pills friends lets roll some links shall will?

*I can think of no greater way to start this off than with Will Ferrell singing Wind Beneath My Wings to Megan Mullally, who for some reason has a talk show now. What the hell does she has a talk show for? That is crazy talk.

*I'm so stoked for Lost on October 4th it's crazy. This preview is a good start.

*Francis Ford Coppola jumped the shark about a dozen years ago (no, not Godfather III surprisingly, but Jack obviously) but hearing that he is involved in a TV version of his classic 1974 film The Conversation (which i just saw on the big screen here in Paris). Dear god. I'd call him a sell out, but what would be the point.

*Monty Python meets Starwars.

*Not really sure what is more amazing. A.) Guy Blogging about his run-in with Steve Guttenberg. B.) Same blogger podcasting it from deep within Harlem, including recounting a hilarious part of the story that you shouldn't recount in, er, Harlem. C.) That there is such as thing as Police Academy 2007 coming soon. Clearly chaos theory playing on my wallet. Butterfly flapping wings in Paris = Police Academy 2007.

*I really hope that this doesn't happen to LonelyGirl15. Amanda Congdon, formerly of kind of Rocketboom goes really lame, nay absolutely lame, when sponsored by Ford and some environmental groups for some sort of five week hippy roadtrip.

*My favorite other Jackson, La Toya, is throwing some mad grooves at Australian malt liqour. Dlisted: " I think La Toya would be better suited to promote items such as sex changes or tranny clothes or even really elegant rhinestone belts like the one she has on."

*Hey, if the whole Thailand thing got you down. Start reading Sheila O'Malley's completely awesome current obsession with Dean Martin. Just scroll, enjoy, and pour a couple of gasolines. Like try to tell me this isn't pure amazingness? Just try.

*Speaking of gasoline, will vodka ever be the same? Red Bull must be totally freaking out over the us to the absolutely insane new energy drink they are calling Cocaine. It even has a myspace page. Do we really need something 50% stronger than Red Bull? Really? [Drink Cocaine]

*This is completely terrible. Don't click this link. Don't. Sorry.

It's Friday September the 15 around 12:34PM and

Buzz Dump: Adding Tucker Carlson to Anything Is Awesome, Like This post for instance

Sorry for the lack of posts, I really had greater ambition for today, but I had the most insane lunch of duck confit that pretty much made me forget everything else in the entire world, now many hours later I have come out of my succulent duck induced coma to bring you some links. PS: the 'pot' of Loire red didn't help matters much either. Nor did the strawberry tart. Basically Paris ruined me today. On the upside, the Louvre at night is wicked dead - like 75% less douchebags at least. Although I did see two clowns in flip flops. Honestly, would it kill you to wear a pair of shoes to see the fancy art you dirty backpacking scumbags? Anyway, on with the show:

*If you've been glued to YouTube like I have, guiltily following the saga of LonelyGirl15, the cat is way out of the bag, and she was even on Leno last night. But still, maybe we'll still watch. But after this, I'm thinking perhaps not. Unless they get Tucker Carlson to play her creepy dad in future episodes. Which would be A-MaZing.

*What the hell. Dog The Bounty Hunter is in the slammer.

*This is awesome. A character update on the kids from Saved By The Bell. Zack Morris, 31: "As he grew older, his love of blow was only surpassed by his true passion—high school girls. He spent the majority of his free time leaning on his BMW parked in the lot near the Bayside cafeteria, offering rides to varsity—and, at his worst, JV—cheerleaders. He maintained this lifestyle until going into a seizure during an office birthday party for the lady who delivers the office supplies." So good.

*Have you been to the Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny website? It's pretty much the best website intro ever.

*And you know how we know Tenacious D's website is the best into? Because Britney Spears is promising us her new website and she turns into a tiger, and I'm scared.

*Gawker launched a new music blog, Idolator. Nice for us.

*Flashbeer. It's not what you think. It's slightly better.

*Holy crap! I really want this Rocky IV T-Shirt. Or this Dick Cheney as Che T-Shirt. It's hard to decide. Maybe both? Throw in these Hugo Chavez puppets and you've got yourself a deal partner.

*A UFO above Vancouver City Hall in 1937. And more.

*For no real reason at all. Tricia Helfer from shot in Vancouver Battlestar Gallactica. Ok, it's season three nerds. Clicky clicky.

*And we might as well give some photos celebrating the 6th season of Smallville. And by celebrating we mean photos of Kristin Kreuk and Erica Durance.

*I might as well post this one. Everyone else is. Kid ridiculouosly scared on fun park ride + mom laughing = best parent award. I'm pretty sure Luke will appreciate this one.

It's Thursday September the 14 around 12:08PM and

Georgia Straight Watch: Nude and fauxhawked

I was thinking that with last week's issue the Straight was rolling in fine form, and at first glance we have some seemingly cool nude folks on the cover. But my god, does that guy on the cover really have a fauxhawk? For real? And covering up that funky chick? You tease! Anyway, what's inside this fauxhawked nude tease:

5. City Single of the Week. It's Jordan. She's 20 (...sure she is, Come on, did you see that photo, she's 25 or more - here's a tip Jordan, ever hear of Photoshop? And really, you're not a real blonde, wow. Who would have guessed?). I could go on, and on, about this fair maiden, but her dinner party line up alone is enough to make you want an investigation into whatever education institute she's attending. Seriously: Hilary Duff, Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Simpson, and the Toronto Blue Jay! It sounds like a Joe Francis wet dream. At least she doesn't try to fool us, by saying Nelson Mandela or any of that kind of BS.

4. Stop the presses! Jurgen Gothe is talking Pinot, again. Listen up.

3. I thought this was a great headline: "Whitehorse: the next Vegas?". But no it was serious. Here's the part I really liked: "Check the map: the true north strong and free is still there. Canada’s upper half attracts scores of Germans and Japanese each year, but somehow we border magnets manage to ignore it. You’ll no doubt be the first among your friends to jet off to Whitehorse for the weekend. Pretend it’s the latest in cool and start a trend. There are plenty of good reasons to go." If any one of my friends ever tries to tell me that they wisked away for a 'cool' weekend in the Yukon, I'm going to slap them in the face. Twice if they try celebrating Whitehorse as being the kind of place populated by the same hemp smelling creative douchebags that go to Saltspring.

2. It took 982 words before Sid Shniad got to his real point in his Afghanistan commentary "Afghan mission stirs debate". Now, he marshalled plenty of facts, and I'm even willing to even forgive the quote from Robert Scheer in the 12th paragraph - and, pretty sure Scheer isn't a "columnist" at the LA Times anymore, look it up. But then in the last paragraph he talks about "October 28, when the Canadian Labour Congress, the Council of Canadians, the Canadian Peace Alliance, the Canadian Muslim Congress, and Stopwar.ca, as well as other organizations, are organizing a national day of protest. In Vancouver, we will march from the Waterfront SkyTrain Station in front of Canada Place, beginning at 1 p.m., to a rally scheduled for the Vancouver Art Gallery beginning at 2 p.m." So basically it's 1112 word flyer for an event. Gotcha. 10-4.

1. I got lost after I read about COPE City Councillor David Cadman started throwing down Walt Whitman references when talking about Mayor Sam Sullivan. "'O Captain! My Captain!', the narrator grieves that although onlookers wait ashore for a ship to dock, 'For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning', the captain can’t respond because he’s dead." Holy drama queen.

It's Wednesday September the 13 around 2:01PM and

Buzz Dum: Stingray Revenge, Side of Nachos

*Aussies are revenge killing stingrays to honor their man Steve Irwin.

*The synergy that is Earlstone's Club.

*All you ever needed to know about nachos, and then some.

*This seriously rules. Author gets publisher to do amazing ad homage of his book to an old ad featuring George Plimpton shilling for Intellivision. Su-weet.

*Starbucks is bringing sexy back by rolling back to it's original logo for it's 35-anniversary. Well in Washington and Oregon.

*This clip of a flexible Girl Archer is only improved by the music and the presense of David Hasslehoff.

*This dispatch from Choire Sicha at The New York Observer about fashion week is short, and amazing. Listen to it.

*this one only baseball fans will care about, but speculation on the casting of Michael Lewis' Moneyball in movie form is worth reading.

*Reader Lee sent this video from All My Children along with it's references to Mike Patton. Neither of us know why this is compelling. And yet it is.

*Graham sent this in. David Cross reviews Yo La Tengo by the track names only. Funny.

*Snap! Forget Samuel L. Jackson, you can get Miss Tyra Banks to say your name and leave you messages.

*The worst video in the History of Modern Television. Thank NBC's Today Show.

*The 2nd worst video in the History of Modern Television. Thank you Tucker Carlson on Dancing with the Stars.

*But then there is this. Ellam Inba Mayam - Dance Fever. Pretty amazing video non? The guy is the greatest thing ever. This will leave you breathless. This will be the best 3 minutes, 30 seconds of your week. I promise.

*Of course, maybe this Mentos commercial starring Jean Claude Van Damme is more your style. I won't judge.

*Okay, fine. Then watch Ochi Yosuke win the World Championship of Air Guitar to Jet's Are you Going to be My Girl. [Via Haute Gossip who suggests paying particular attention to his unbelievable sweater]

*And now. The Village People, in delicious cake form. Mmmmmm....

*Diddy is just like you and me. He has scuffs on his walls and dirty carpets. But as MollyGood notes, he also has a 'crash pad' which I'm sure is just like a famed 'Jack Pad' we've heard about in rumors in Vancouver.

*Some complete sicko emailed us this, which i'm sure will please some of you. Viking Kittens.

*More Tiki. The Worldwide Guide to Tiki Bars and polynesian Restaurants.

*A Hollywood executive's wet dream. The Mother of All Trailers. [Via Defamer]

It's Tuesday September the 12 around 4:09AM and

Buzz Dump: Cats and Weather, Living Together

Some of this stuff just seemed a tad bit frivolous yesterday. But today, it's totally fine, right? In fact if I don't post these stupid links the terrorists win. So there:

*We start with Triumph The Insult Comic Dog doing the weather for Hawaii. If only Tamara Taggart was this interesting and funny, we might care about the weather.

*And since I mentioned weather, I would be remiss in not provoking more cat blogging. So if you have to blog about your stupid cat, I want to know that he is a fierce killer. Like What Jeff Killed. Now, Jeff, you need to kill a lot more for me to even think about not hating you. You sick bastard murdering cat. I was also reminded of this priceless Jonah Goldberg cat hating column from awhile back. Meow.

*I'm not sure this show will last, but Twenty Good Years with John Lithgow and Jeffrey Tambor about, basically men getting old sounds pretty interesting. [NY Times]

*Whitney at Pop Candy suggests that Men in Trees is her choice to be the first new show cancelled this season. But you can have your say at Brilliant But Cancelled - DeathWatch - Fall '06.

*I can guarantee you, that if the PNE had this much foods on sticks I might go. I give you 5 1/2 of Minnesota State Fair On A Stick. Bonus tuba theme. Best. Video. This morning. (You thought I was going to say, EVER didn't you) [Via Boing Boing]

*Oh my. Things are going badly, America is resorting to drinking so-called Ghetto Lattes, " an Americano, half ice, no water. Then you go over to the condiment counter and fill it with milk or half and half or skim or whatever, and you're off with a fancy chick drink in the spare change price range" [Seattlest]

*For no reason whatsoever, an abandoned city in Russia.

*Borat arrives at the Toronto Film Festival. A sad reminder that nothing this cool will happen at this year's Vancouver Film Festival. It's like they're rubbing that fact in our faces. Seriously, what is that horse thinking right then?

*Wow, you must really be a total dirtbag if even Moby can't stand your baby revealing Vanity Fair cover. Sorry about your luck Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise.

*Greg Gutfeld declares Michael Moore most edible if "Top Nine People We Eat First if Earth Really Is a Lifeboat", declares, "Can pretty much guarantee he’ll taste like chicken."

*Totally over the LonelyGirl15 saga. I think I prefer Future Girl over at Popular Science.

*Really? Surrey Clothing Co. Really? (Via Wineglow)

*You can never get enough Screech. But this new Spike TV interview show Now That's Entertainment ...with Reginald Westinghouse is wierdly compelling. TV Squad describes it, "Reginald is an agoraphobic, germaphobic, schizophrenic who hosts a talk show out of his home. Somehow he lures celebrities in to be interviewed, and the craziness begins."

*This article in the NY Times by Michael Ruhlman on Gordon Ramsay is amazing. Not only is the kick ass chef taking on Manhattan, but the fact that he wants to try Paris next - " staff the restaurant all with English and call it Roast Beef!" is awesome.

*Finally. How to build a Tiki Bar. Simple. Easy. Fun.

*"There should also be a little nook in Hell reserved for the son of a bitch who invented those little stickers that get put on fruit and vegetables. I cannot begin to describe the feeling of loathing bordering on hatred I feel towards those tiny stickers." [Daily Pundit]

*This one is for Dan over at Wineglow. Say hello to some little german. (Via Copyranter)

*And this is your must view music video of the week. Muse's "Knights of Cydonia" in a crazy little spaghetti western style with a kind of a Buck Rogers flair. [YouTube might be a better viewer for some]

*Wow, the Box Office last weekend was pretty sad. Defamer sums it up calling the 2-5th movies, "the movies that America didn't really want to see, but for lack of a better option, went to anyway."

*This is really going to piss off the Wal-Mart haters out there. But Wal-Mart is starting to go green, big time as they say. Read the whole thing big box haters.

*New Flags of Our Fathers trailer is up. Looks pretty decent Mr. Eastwood.

*One more. Nike. "Little Less Hurt". With Johnny Cash doing Hurt. Speaking of Nike, Al Cabino sent this in. The Woven Air Footscape.

It's Friday September the 8 around 1:41PM and

Buzz Dump: Thank God It's Friday Edition

Here's just a few last links before the weekend:

*Bud Tv. Or Bud.tv is coming. They're spending $30 million on programming. Tastes great? Less filling? Both? You be the judge. [Experience Curve]

*My Goodness have you seen these new McDonald's commercials directed by Kip Dynamite, er, Aaron Ruell? No. My favorites; Filet-O-Fish and Lost Seeds. [Ad Freak]

*I think this new Gap ad would probably make Audrey Hepburn vomit all over Tiffany's and George Peppard. Ridiculous. And honestly AC/DC, why? Selling skinny black pants? Jesus. [YouTube]

*This Dean Martin golf ball ad is amazing. The Hawaii Five-O theme, his corny and drunk antics. It's like magic. [Ad Jab]

*Have you heard about the next batch of sequels? MGM is planning a Reese-less Legall Blonde 3, Cutting Eddge 3 (wait, there was a 2nd), WarGames 2 (actually interesting), and Species 4. [Cinematical]

*Thank god for the today show (and Gawker) otherwise I wouldn't know that "looking good is 99% confidence, 1% lipgloss". Who knew? [Gawker]

*Newest trailer for Casino Royale is out. It looks good.

*I love drunk Ben Affleck. I love cute Montreal entertainment reporter. [The Superficial]

*And this is pretty much the most amazing thing I've seen today, called "Bodyslammed by Awesomeness" [Bestweekever]

It's Thursday September the 7 around 10:25AM and

Buzz Dump: Dialing The Smug, Up One Notch at a Time

*Now, okay, I'll admit I'm not exactly the biggest Gwyenth Paltrow fan in the world. But if she keeps talking about her vice being Pinot we could warm to the idea. [Golden Fiddle]

*Vancouver pervert Joshua Jackson is grossing out NYC with his PDA's. Can somebody explain how Diane Kruger turned French circa 1940 and surrendere to Pacey's charms. [Pop Sugar]

*Whatever Jake Gyllenhall. We shave our beard so that we don't look like a crazy hippy and you totally copy us. I wonder if he'll now start pretending he's straight. [Just Jared]

*Here's one for the peeps past the Port Mann. A wierd Dodge Ram site and bizarre theme. [Ramrash.com]

*I agree, this is completely uncalled for. But man, it felt good. [Youtube]

*And this smackdown of a San Diego investigative reporter is must see. I imagine, that someday, some pent up 'Anti-The Vancouverite' fan will try this on me, or Luke. Hi-LA-rious! [Gawker]

*Our Sneaker Overlord Al Cabino sends this, "It was only a matter of time before this came about. Play as the late/great Steve Irwin's wife as she gets revenge on the all sting rays." [Destructoid]

*Apparently Mike Judge (Office Space) has a new film called Idiocacy. Apparently it is hilarious. The genuises at Fox have decided it isn't worth marketing. Thanks, jerks. [Fishbowl LA]

*I just wanted to stress just how much cats are responible for everything wrong in the world from the terrorists to Paris Hilton. Here's proof.

*I love the trailer for the next Jackass movie. It's so perfect. Bonus points for best voiceover guy, ever. [Google Video]

It's Wednesday September the 6 around 7:50AM and

Buzz Dump: Suri Exists, For Real, Rest Easy Folks

Thank the bleeding maker of all that is good and holy. Suri Cruise actually exists. Katie Couric scooped the entire planet with a preview of todays (well, at least in New York and LA) new Vanity Fair featuring a 22-page disgusting profile of the Cruises. But now we can move on, non?

*Copyranter has a bone to pick with a new Starbucks concept for being more, well, boho: "Nomadic. Interactive. Coffeehouse. That's rich, SBUX. A company with $6.3 billion in revenue in '05, a company that has ruthlessly put hundreds of independent "coffeehouses" out of business, trying to get all Beat Generation counterculture cool on us. Yeah man, I'll be there on the 17th, acid-tripping and finger-snapping to the rebellious, spontaneous words of Lethem, the struggling Brooklyn inkslinger."

*My totally awesome favorite headline from yesterday. "Paris learns about the genocide in Darfur." [MollyGood]

*My totally awesome favorite headline from the past two hours: "Stormtroopers blast through gender barrier" That didn't spark your curiosity? If I said photos of babes in stormtrooper outfits, would that help? [SFGate Culture Blog]

*Not geeky enough? How about the comparisons of the 2004 Star Wars with the 1977 version - side by side in prep for the DVD re-release. [Star Wars]

*Last week I was on an A-Team kick. Here's the latest on the potential movie. [Cinematical]

*Ahhhhh....Al Cabino sends us the linkage to the Puma fall '06 catalogue. Yummy. PS: When is the Puma store open? Or is it? 900 block Granville. Yum. [Puma]

*One more Steve Irwin link. Andrew Sullivan notes that there is a South Park curse. Here's the proof. [Andrew Sullivan]

*OMG. Have you seen the preview for Grey's Anatomy? This is worse than must-see thursday promos. My god, "My eyes, the goggles, they do nut-ing"[YouTube]

*Okay, I haven't posted anything on this lonelygirl15 phenomenon yet. Virginia Heffernan is still trying to unravel this mystery of J.J. Abrams proportions. [Screens]

*More fall previewy-ness. [NY Mag]

It's Tuesday September the 5 around 7:02AM and

Buzz Dump: Tribute to Steve Irwin Edition

Let's be honest, today is not really going to be about actually working now is it? Here's a post-labour day tribute to Steve Irwin helping of buzz and links:

What did we do before You Tube. Now hours after the passing of famous people we get near instant tribute videos. "RIP Steve Irwin" and "My Tribute to the Crocodile Hunter (RIp Steve Irwin)" are two favorites so far. The latter simply for the John Denver. Heartbreakingly good.

And if you wanted to know how great You Tube is for insomnia, I give the following examples:

*4 minutes and 7 seconds of the Chevy Chase Show/trainwreck circa 1993.

*Stephen Colbert roasting Chevy Chase recently

*Which brings us to Stephen Colbert fan videos, like this one: Stephen Colbert: You Sexy Thing

*Which got us to this a Hamster and a Snake. Or "The Craziest F$#king thing i've ever heard!"

*And just for good measure. More Colbert on The NY Times wanting to kill you and your family

Continue reading "Buzz Dump: Tribute to Steve Irwin Edition" »

It's Tuesday August the 29 around 8:39AM and

Buzz Dump: Tricia Helfer, Wine, Other Stuff

*Last week we mentioned that actress Tricia Helfer was peddling wine at the Cambie & 39th Ave liquor store. And in today's Metro Warren Frey has the photo to prove she actually was there.

*Here's Nicole Kidman, eh.

*For your viewing pleasure: Nike's new ad with Maria Sharapova. I always like Errol Morris stuff, his new Lexus spots are pretty sweet. Yet another really creepy Burger King spot for chicken fries. Meanwhile Angelina shills for Shiseido. Or at least her cyborg body double robot. And tell me this BMW spot isn't just a little bit of awesome.

*A cheat sheet on what not to watch at the theatres this fall.

*Aparently this new Jean Claude Van Damme movie isn't on the list.

*And just so you, watch the trailer for Little Children. It's going to be on the must watch this fall list. Okay.

*How cute. Toronto gets its own kind of uncool guys website, XYYZ. And try to claim Cary Grant as their Jesus. Shameless. Note to aspiring Vancouverites, please don't do this here. Please don't.

*Sincerity really is the new new irony. [The Poor Bastard]

*And while we are waiting for the Lost season to start. Here's some extra creepy Hanso info.

*Your moment of delicious Zen: Best of Celebrity Jeopardy with some White Stripes thrown in for no reason.

It's Friday August the 25 around 10:11AM and

Buzz Dump: Diddy, Corndogs, Alba, Cats & more

It's Friday kids. So chances are you are surfing the net trying to kill time before 5:00, okay probably 4:00. So why not click some links and enjoy?

*Wow this shirt is hella good. Nick La Che.

*Have you missed the invasion of Youtube by P-Diddy or whatever we are supposed to call him? He is a genius. First his call out to the bacon, egg, and applesauce breakfast of champions, then today he's just walking around New York telling people they can dance again. And I'm pretty sure he gave me a shout out. I've been to NYC.

*Could I go a day without picking on Jessica Alba? Nope. This clip of Guillermo at the Teen Choice awards is amazing. Especially when you have to listen to Alba. Guillermo rules.

*Saved by the Bell reference #1: Could I go even one more link without picking on Jessica Alba. Ha ha. No. The Superficial disects a creepy Alba meeting with Fez. "I didn't even know it was possible to make Jessica Alba look this awkward, let alone dressed like she just finished shooting an episode of Saved by the Bell."

*This new Robin Williams movie "Man of the Year" looks almost funny.

*Saved by the Bell reference #2: Mario Lopez on Dancing with the Stars photo. Gulp.

*Only about 5 weeks until Lost season starts. Enjoy some Apollo Candy from the Hanzo Foundation while you wait.

*Miss 604 is going to Matt Good's house for his private performance tonight.

*There is something about Old Miller Beer ads, that make you want to have a cold one non? [Deadspin]

*Two questions. 1. Who would want Britney Spears Egg Sandwich and Kfed's Corn Dog? 2. What kind of a music industry event has those two items on the menu? Diddy would crap himself. [eBay]

*How great does this show look? Bo Derek, Morgan Fairchild. Fashion House.

*Cutest McDonald's Ad, ever. Sorry, make that cutest girl in McDonald's ad, ever.

*Without comment, I give you Record Store Cats.

*How on earth can you get an invite to Susan Natalie's dinner parties? I need more fabulosity for sure.

*This is a shameless vlog including bikini on beach.

*In case you'd rather not see the movie, you can get the full transcript of Snakes on a Plane here. PS: Snakes is still trailing Ricky Bobby.

*Your Friday On the West Coast Afternoon Double Shot of Zen: Rhinestone Cowboy and the preview to The Third Man.

It's Monday August the 21 around 3:26AM and

Vancouver Papers: Stop Using Soap

The Sun ledes with a great headline for a Monday morning. "Stop using so much soap, region's residents urged." Apparently our water is so soft you need less soap. I think our grade 11 science teacher tried to tell us this, we thought he was crazy. Meanwhile the three ex-mayors (sounds like a superhero gang) Harcourt, Owen and Campbell are coming out to support the safe-injection site. And don't forget the excitement of the Liberal caucus meeting in Vancouver this week.

The Province goes for the sensational story of the father who fought back against some home invaders by hitting them with a crowbar. Of course the police tell us, "A general rule, not knowing these suspects and what they're capable of, it's always best to comply, let them get their loot, and call the police right afterward." What total ingrates. Meanwhile the home invaders in Whistler are bears. Shock.

24 Hours puts a cute seal on the front cover with no headline at all. Groundbreaking journalism, again. Must have been the full coverage of their Flugtag.

Metro Vancouver profiles a peacecamp with some snazzy photography on the cover. Because nothing says peace in the MidEast like teenagers and blurry photography. And then we read "My View" by Laura Balance and this ridiculous quote about the P.N.E. "Today the fair at the PNE remains as much a part of the fabric of this city as the day it opened in 1910 - probably more." What does that even mean?

It's Monday August the 21 around 1:32AM and

Weekend Leftovers: Voyager, Alba, and Beyond

Like a really great meatloaf, enjoy some nearly stale, but still enjoyable links we were too lazy to post over the weekend.

*Most interesting article all weekend? This one about Voyager 1 sailing past 100 AU's and still going. Just remember at some point 'Vger' will come back and Kirk will have to deal with it.

*Best article of the Weekend. Ron Rosenbaum's how did we live without treatist on the one, the only, Johnny Drama from Entrourage. "...one could look at Johnny Drama in a different way: as part of the great tradition of American losers. Not malevolent so much as self-destructive, and at least a little bit lovable (or pitiable) because they’re so unself-aware—so oblivious at times—of how they get in their own way."

*I really can't get over this one. The buddy cop action film with the Ontario cop and the Quebec cop. Maybe its the French wine, but this kicks ass.

*Best quote of the entire weekend. Mr. Bill Murray: "I tell people I'm retired. I kinda like this Jay-Z thing, where he's retired, but he keeps doing shows. I think I beat him to that. If you say you're retired, people don't bother you so much, and then if you want to do something, you can do it."

*Nicky Hilton previews her new Miami hotel with some really neat mood boards. Mood boards?

*Dear god. If I had to watch this, you do too.

*No surprise really, Lainey spies Jessica Alba and while very beautiful, she's still a bitch. Sigh. Turns out she's been in New York this week too where she acts not like a bitch. Weird. Meanwhile Calgary Sun sends Kevin Williamson to see Ms. Alba on set.

*Is anything better than Kate Beckinsale.

*W.P. Kinsella in The Province offers a differing view on the Insite injection site. "Those who inject filth purchased from an illegal drug trade deserve nothing from society. They are a small, intransigent group who are being rewarded for bad behaviour." Is this like "if you build it he will come" W.P. Kinsella? 'Cause that's ironic...

*David Brent (Ricky Gervais) does some shilling for Microsoft with rather hilarious results.

*Mayor Sam Sullivan goes to Seattle and finds the two cities have similarities. Wow. We both like coffee, we're both in the Northwest Coast, we both have drug and homeless problems. Congrats Sam, well done!

*Wow here's a real surprise, 40-year looking for a hit movie to revive career Halle Berry is open to doing a nother X-Men movie. Imagine that. All that and more from this weekend's Lynne McNamara column where in a slow movie news week she talks of ancient celeb Shecky Green. And come on, no one at at Joe Fortes this week? Not even Jean Claude Van Damme? I don't believe it.

*North Vancouver Politiics shows us the funny pick up after your dog sign. The bureacrats are killing themselves with gold like this.

*Metroblogging Vancouver finds Blood Alley and doesn't exactly sell it. Coolest part of Vancouver you've never seen? Maybe, certainly not after this promotional video.

**And in honor of Entourage, how about your West Coast Leftover moment of Zenizzle: The best of Ari Gold.

It's Friday August the 18 around 5:55AM and

Vancouver Papers: 24 Hours Shows Us its Flugtag

You can actually tell its Friday by the looks of the lacklustre papers this morning.

Let me just begin this morning's superficial look at the papers by saying, that putting your paper's Flugtag team on the cover of your newspaper does not help in the "hey we're a real newspaper" department okay. And this on the cover instead of the burried on page 5 story about PETA protestors in thier underwear sporting devil horns and red body paint? Come on 24 Hours, Ashley Fruno, sorry topless Ashley Fruno, was in her words, " actually a devil today, I'm the KFC-is-hell-for-chickens devil." That is your cover. Hello.

The Sun goes into the weekend with a heartwarming "Beggars, Drug Dealers Kill Convention Business" downer story. And that is about the high point.

Meanwhile over in The Province they use their cover real estate to tell the story of seven duty free stores that have been shut due to the new crackdown on liquids in carry on luggage.

As you were.

It's Thursday August the 17 around 10:37AM and

Georgia Straight Watch: Gris, Is the Word

Welcome the best and worst of this week's edition of the Georgia Straight. The issue is focused on education. The cover art of a cartoonish Gordon Campbell eating babies...okay he's just reading people, calm down... and the promise of the "Education Speciall" really just wasn't enough to make the this week's top 5. or 10. PS: Where was the Samuel F'n Jackson on the cover yo? Gosh! Anyway, roll the clips:

5. I wish I could learn to not read the City Single of the Week in the Straight. I really wish I could. But I'm compelled. I know it's sick. I'm sick. This week is 38-year-old Daphne. Here's a question: is this really the best photo she has? I mean this is what she submitted? Honestly. But I like how she answered three questions with the same answers. We get it you're into teeth. It's creepy and gross. Click.

4. Look, when Jurgen Gothe speaketh about the Gris, you just listen okay. Then you buy, and then you drink. And then you thank him damn it. When he starts talking about Gris Grappa you don't question this either. You may want to. But don't. Don't anger the Gothe.

3. Naturally this week they have the scoop on some of the "Snakes on a Plane" snakes. But when it comes to movies, I think this line was the best in the paper all week: "...he and the five members of the group went off to shoot a movie that makes Dukes look more like A Very Long Engagement." Never thought I'd hear that Ian Caddell you little scamp. Well played.

2. Love the shout out to the World Beard and Moustache Championships. Love it. And as they say, Beards, they grow on you.

1. Break out the tin foil hats! Spend a little time with Canada's Michael Moore Barrie Zwicker. I love a guy who thinks Noam Chomsky just isn't quite left wing enough for him anymore. That takes some balls.

It's Wednesday August the 16 around 1:40PM and

Buzz Dump: Elvisday Edition Baby

29-years ago today The King, Elvis Presley, died. To start this worldwide holiday off with a bang, you have to see the Graceland video. After that, hit up the real Elvis website. Oh and don't forget to get yerself a grilled Peanut Butter and Banana sandwhich.

*And if that wasn't enough, a You Tube roundup of Elvis awesomeness. 1. My Way. 2. Just Pretend. 3. In the Ghetto. 4. Unchained Melody. and of course Hunk of Love.

And now, if you can, let's roll on some other stuff:

*Orland Kurtenblog writes about David Pratt being, well, the total wannabe troll we always imagined.

*Okay Dan, why wasn't this magical wine sorbet featured on Wineglow? We want answers? Although now that you have a wine fridge you may not even be standing right now.

*Gearing up for the Snakes on a Plane opener? Read the interview with the director at CHUD. Oh, and Samuel L. Jackson on Jon Stewart already dropping the word sequel - which hopefully comes back to Vancouver. Or did he change his name to Samuel F'n Jackson? And if you haven't get over to the official website.

*Perezzle asks a starling question, "when did Hilary Duff becomce the American Kylie Minogue?"

*Could we leave out the news that the reason why Kate Hudson ditched her Black Crowes husband for the Butterscotch Stallion? No we couldn't.

*Best Week Ever brings us the Daily Hassle. The news of all things Hoff. Also using the terms: Hoffland, First Hoff, Second Hoff, Hofflines and Hoffices. That's so Hoff.

*Deadspin brings us Dennis Leary in the Red Sox broadcast booth discovering Kevin Youkilis is jewish and mocking the hell out of Mel Gibson.

*This Grand Theft Coca-Cola ad is pretty cool.

*Nice to see the Jessica Alba is a bitch meme spreading to L.A. and Defamer.

*Your West Coast Moment of Zen: The Big Lebowski short version. (NSFW)

Bonus tracks: Tortelvis and Dread Zeppelin doing - 1. Misty Mountain Hop, 2. Heartbreaker, 3. Black Dog. 4. Black Dog 2 5. National Anthem [PS - These guys rule]

It's Tuesday August the 15 around 2:37PM and

Buzz Dump: You're Such a Zellweger, Dude

Holy cow, is it mid-August or what. And now with peace in the Middle East again what happened to the news today. Hello. Hello. Is this thing on? Anywhoo. Here's some stuff:

*Oh, joy of joys. Renee Zellweger is being joined by Bradley Cooper - that wanker from Wedding Crashers - for the thriller Case 39 which starts shooting here September 5th. Will she out-diva Jessica Alba? Stay tuned.

*Here's another reason to avoid taking the Sky Train. "Rise of the Robots Skytrain Party (August 18th)": "featuring live automaton beats, a booming 500-watt renegade soundsystem, outrageous costumes, over-the-top décor, sexy androids, cyborgs and a robotpilot t-shirt giveaway! Dress in nuts and bolts, white + silver, or your favourite bot." Indiana Jones hates snakes, I hate robots. And nothing is cooler than an August night on public transit. (Via Beyond Robson)

*Everyone seems to be talking about how 11 Universities including UBC and SFU are pulling out of Maclean's University Ranking system. I love that Maclean's is doing it anyway and now hopefully they start sexing it up. (via Metroblogging Vancouver)

*Mathew Good is back blogging and for some this is a good thing. I think the only interesting thing I could add is that I miss Jennifer Good. And then over at Kitsilano.ca we get the word that she is no longer a Good it would seem. Jenny, please come back to the web for us. We miss you. (PS: Any details on this and Jenny's wherabouts comment below)

*Darren Barefoot on the dirty dirty webrings of Douglas Coupland.

*Yep, sounds like The Morrissey to me.

*Nice to see that reporters are skipping the whole research period and going directly to Craigslist for story ideas.

*This one goes out to Craig. A little Clint Eastwood, Japanese style. Trailers for his next films. Enjoy.

*Your West Coast Moment of Zen: Classic Alec Baldwin and his Schweaty Balls.

It's Monday August the 14 around 10:06AM and

Buzz Dump: The Old No. 22

*I'm still trying to reconcile the article this weekend about the No. 22 Bus in town, where the bus driver does trivia and hands out chocolate bars. Really? As if public transit isn't bad enough to be subjected to a guy like this.

*New Gibson angle: "Nobody puts Gibson in the Corner"

*Miss 604 has caught the takeover bug and wants "to walk over to the Dairy Queen right now and take-me-over a Blizzard. Now that would be sweet."

*Vanmega gives us the exciting news of a new batch of Telus ads coming out way.

*Beyond Robson had a post about Whistler being sold. But the comment

*Metroblogging Vancouver was shocked that not everyone knows this. And yet we just found another reason to loathe the CBC for torturing youth.

*Orland Kurtenblog hasn't posted yet since Friday, perhaps the strife they posted about then is still on. Like we said then, plenty of room over here at The Vancouverite boys. Or one of you.

*When Sam Sullivan rolls, he rolls big. Morton's Style. That probably doesn't help with the whole image thing.

*Kitsilano.ca rolls into Royce and finds a most smug shoestore. Although it may not be as smug as Deuce Jeans where the denim is "kick ass" and you get to customize the lining and pockets. Good god.

*I always though this Heinz ad was creepy. Now on hindsight it is doubly so. Perhaps triply.

*I still think after many days of procrastination that this is damned funny. "Livin' Strong" A nice little one act by Golden Fiddle of the days and nights of Lance Armstrong and Mathew Mcconaughey.

*West Coast Moment of Zen: Really Smooth Music just loves Kenny Loggin's This is it.

It's Monday August the 14 around 9:12AM and

Vancouver's Papers: 24 Hours Phones for Crack

You and I both know I want to stop covering 24 Hours amazing covers and headlines, but come on, when they knock them out of the park like Barry Bonds it must continue. Today's headline, "Dial 1-800 Crack" is the paper apparently discovering that you can, shock, order drugs via these things we call phones. Plus get caught up on the doings of Lululemon's smug Flip Flop party.

The Sun meanwhile, ledes with a pretty depressing "More 2010 Budget woes" and the photo under that is of a women praying - although she's praying for peace in Lebanon you crafty devils. An article claiming that some two-bit American show out of Florida has rated the P.N.E. the "'best in Canada' for family entertainmen". Clearly they've never been.

The Province goes bigtime today with a massive "Stolen truck's wild ride ends in arrest" and this story about "a stolen semi-truck careered across the Lower Mainland for more than an hour, blowing through red lights and driving into oncoming traffic" seems more like an opportunity to put a photo of the RCMP's fancy Air 1 - really? Air 1? They could find a cooler name like Airwolf? or Blue Thunder?

UPDATE: Figures. The one day we don't go through the hassle of reading Metro Vancouver in PDF form and we miss Metro giving a shout out to The Vancouverite. So welcome Metro readers if you've found us via that article.

It's Thursday August the 10 around 12:18PM and

Buzz Dump: Peaches Invasion

*The new Westender this week front Peaches and the best opener this week: "When electrotrash vixen Peaches named her third album Impeach My Bush, she was clearly thinking about the U.S. president. But more specifically, she was thinking about him drenched in lube, wearing high heel do-me boots, and covering his WMD with a sparkling champagne-coloured thong."

*Peaches gets the Vancouver Sun treatement here. And the baby seal treatment from PETA.

*Also in the Westender Andrew Morrison discovers, literally, a new SoCal style Taco Shack. Damn.

*Kitsilano.ca notes its bikini and flip flop weekend in Kits with a multitude of parties. Including Lululemon's creepy Flip Flop Soiree where: "$95 covers a luminous night of tasty cuisine, animated dancing, drumming and entertainment, a lip-smacking cocktail and a gift bag filled with goodies all in support of the Centre for Integrated Healing."

*Metroblogging Vancouver discovers Vancouvers dark secret society of pimped out scooter owners: "You: 20-something guy, Monday night on the sidewalk by the gas station at Hastings and Renfrew. Me: driving past, gaping at the idea that anyone would put blue neon low-rider lights under their electric sidewalk scooter."

*Gwyeth Paltrow becomes, "the whitest white girl in the entire white world."

*This is crazy. People are now getting tatoos of actual brand logos. Naomi Klein is probably having a heart attack as we speak. Gawker breaks it down: "Sometimes a story comes along where all we can say is 'What a bunch of douchebags.'"

*Details of the dirty underbelly world of movie junkets. And if anyone wants to know we at The Vancouverite totally heart shameless junkets.

*Grindhouse posters are out.

*This video for Appalachian State University is HOT HOT HOT! If you do one thing with your life today, click this link okay.

*Your Moment of West Coast Zen: The Adventures of Tek Jansen with a most sensual nemisis.

It's Thursday August the 10 around 11:42AM and

Georgia Straight Watch: Marketing War, Drinking Spritzers

Ah, Thursdays. When we can go out grab a free newspaper and enjoy all that the majestry of alternate journalism and all it has to offer. Here's your weekly top five best/worst things about The Georgia Straight. Let's do this:

5. Single of the Week, John. Le sigh. He likes his eggs, "In an omelette with freshly squeezed OJ, fresh sourdough from one of our great local bakeries and of course, prepared by me." John, my poor misguided John, of course by you will be cooking them, you're single remember, and no wonder judging by the looks of it, you're the real estate agent of Creepy Town.

4. Unintentionally funny headline: "Simon says he’ll get more balls this fall."

3. Oh, no you didn't Jurgen Gothe. Did you just drop the spritzer bomb? Why yes, yes he did.

2. Number of Posts in Georgia Straight News Blog from August 2-10th? 1. Apparently the Straight has already lost intrest in blogging the news.

1. The Cover story, taking a brief sojurn from simple photography of late, promises an exciting news story on "Spinning the Wars" - "Politicians rely on clever techniques to win your support for military adventures in the Middle East and Afghanistan." I'm not sure anyone told Charlie Smith this or not, but this whole marketing of the wars thing doesn't seem to be working right now. That would have been interesting to mention. Oh, and while the topic is hot, no mention of the whole fautography from Lebanon, which is the ultimate in modern war propaganda? Green Helmet {Warning: Graphic Photos.]? Anyone? Anyone?

It's Tuesday August the 8 around 2:47AM and

Buzz Dump: Long Weekend Hangover Killers

You had three golious days off, now its back to work. To shake off the cobwebs here's some tidbits you may have missed when you were drunk. This will sober you up enough to work this morning:

*I can't believe that 24 Hours just goes straight to hard news this morning with a story of a Vancouver cop who went to Cambodia to investigate the sex industry. What happened to you 24 Hours.

*The Sun has a feature on up-and-comers to watch for. Most of them are boring like lawyers, but then of course there is actress turned designer Stacy Grant who gets a big plug.

*Pride Parade remainders I: 24 Hours reports that MP Hedy Fry won Best Community, Individual, Political or Union. Way to go Hedy. The judges choice, "Pumpjack Pub's" obviously.

*Pride Parade remainders II: Jamie Lee Hamilton gives us more details. "Hedy Fry, who is a Liberal leadership contender, looked ravishing as a Old style Saloon Gurl. I was really hoping she would mount that mechanical bull which was front and centre of her float." Are you awake now? Then again there is this:

"I ran into another community stalwart, NDP member for Van-East, Ms Libby Davies, who graciously offerred me her sunscreen. After she introduced me to the federal NDP leader, Mr. Jack Layton, Libby proceeded to apply her sunscreen to my arms and back. I informed Libby that was probably the first time she has ever rubbed a Tranny."

Dear God...

*While the Pride Parade was happening, Prime Minister Harper was at Senator Gerry St. Germains ranch B-B-Q this weekend. How fun does this sound: ""the pre-eminent BBQ event of the summer season." More than 1,500 Conservatives assembled at the senator's ranch - which featured a horse stable where the stalls had been converted into bars." The should have invited Hedy and Libby for some real action. [Public Eye Online]

*I find the idea of competitive kart racing creepy. That is why you don't cross the Port Mann bridge ever friends. It's a jungle out there.

*Finally some soothing good news: Frank Black is coming back to Vancouver, and the Commodore Ballroom this November. More Cowbell has the tour dates.

*Also making his way to Vancouver soon is the one, the only, William Shatner who is getting the Roast treatment at Comedy Central August 20th with the tagline, "The Shat Hits the Fan". Oh, Shatner will be Vancouver to host the first Canadian awards for Electronic and Animated Arts.

*Curry spice is a brain booster. Good to know.

*Your Moment of West Coast Zen: Lean on Me.

It's Monday August the 7 around 6:26AM and

Holiday Buzz: Global Warming

Most of you sane people are not at your computers. Good. But if you needz you some useless information, you've come to the right place. Giddy up:

*Apparently it is hot out. But how would you know this? Watch Jon Stewart talk about the phenomenon known as heat. Hilarity ensues. "Even Mandingo think it hot"

*CKNW's news story from the pride parade is amazing: "The 28th annual Pride Parade is taking place in downtown Vancouver today. Hundreds of floats are making there way through the west end in a blur of feathers and sparkles this afternoon." Fabulous!

*Nice to see Larry King interviewing Ricky Bobby. CNN always one step ahead of Fox in fake news.

*Very funny Vince McMahon. The new WWE movie "The Marine" is coming soon and it looks utterly ridiculous.

*It seems the Eels were in fine form at Lollapalooza as Whitney Matheson explains: "I'm not sure if there's always a muscled, biker-looking dude in the background doing kung-fu moves and screaming non-sequitors like, "Is that cocktail sauce?" between songs." Nice.

*Thank god. Patrick Swayze crawls out from under a rock long enough to support his pal Mel Gibson.

*Could the "Two Sisters and a Brotha" be no more? News that Vancouver Canuck Anson Carter will probably cash in and leave the sisters.

*The people in Surrey will be happy to know that GM is bringing back the Camaro.

*More Rachel McAdams in Vancouver photos.

*The trailer for Hollywoodland looks interesting.

*New Borat trailer too. No wonder it's getting hot.

*Your Moment of West Coast Zen: Karaoke Don from Keeping the Faith.

It's Sunday August the 6 around 7:39AM and

Weekend Leftovers: Making Zach Morris Proud

*Lainey has the dirt on more Rachel McAdams sightings and doings. Until McAdams and Jessica Alba have a full on cat fight this is about as good as it gets.

*Ah, the 2006 Celebration of Light is over. We'll miss the good times: "325 liquor seizures and pour-outs, 12 adults arrested for being intoxicated in a public place, as well as 4 juveniles arrested for being drunk in a public place, and 5 fights, two of which ended in stabbings."

*Zach Morris would be so proud. This video for Smirnoff, "Tea Partay" is too unbelievable for words. [via Adrants]

*Gibson's own Ryan Dempster, now of the Chicago Cubs, misses his teamate Greg Maddux proving how great it would be to be a baseball player once again. "We've been sharing locker space for three years," [Dempster] said. "It's kind of weird not having him there to talk about golf or talk about pitching, farting on each other, whatever it is." [Deadspin]

* Notes from the Nat reports on the C's latest loss being like a DQ blizzard.

*We told you about the Chorizo in the sausage race. Aparently he's out for the season.

*I don't understand the renaissance of rosé wine. I do like that it was once compared to Jerry Bruckheimer movies, which seems fitting.

*Jack Nicholson bough Marlon Brando's hobo house and is probably going to tear it down and plant flowers.

*Hot trailer: Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny. Prepare yourselves.

*If you've never watched this long clip with Kevin Smith talking about his Superman ordeal and run ins with hairdresser turned producer Jon Peters you're missing out.

*Your Moment of West Coast Zen: the begining of Woody Allen's 1979 classic, Manhattan.

It's Friday August the 4 around 2:47PM and

Somebody's Been Naughty: 94.5 The Beat Is a Tease

Honestly this is such a piss off. If I was Matt Drudge I'd have a little flashing siren going off on the site, but we don't. And the fact that I have to hear from some posters at Craigslist that the first bit of smutty gossip in the city, teased by 94.5 The Beat for about three days, on the subject of some cheating Vancouver celebrity, was pulled at the last minute. This is an outrage!

Here is what we know (and for the love of god, please if you can fill in any real details, drop us an email). From what I can tell 94.5 The Beat did what this Craiglister alleges:

Not impressed that after 3 days of hype that you don’t have the Balls to spill the beans and let us know the local celebrity that’s cheating. Yeah yeah, threatened lawsuit by the cheating hubby, the wife was about to announce the name of her husband thats cheating and you cut her off with 20 minutes of music and come back and say you’re not going to talk about this incident again. How about keeping your 3 days of promises and have the wife or girlfriend share the name?? I understand DJ Kid Carson not wanting to be fired as management threatened him, but come on the press the beat would have garnered from this would have covered the out of court settlement with the cheater. I’m sure the name will come out anyway. Now all you have done is leave your listeners feel cheated… Bye bye Beat. Allright Craiglist readers... Any ideas on who is the local cheatin mystery man?? They say hes a Big Local TV Celeberty??

Okay, lawsuit, cheating, radio, Kid Carson, local TV celebrity. Got it. Either this is a muzzled story, or The Beat pulled off the greatest publicity stunt since Rethink put money under 3M's glass. Well, accept that no one is writing about this. Anyway, let's throw out the alleged cheaters:

Suspect 1: Squire Barnes

It's Squire Barnes, the sneaky little bastard.

Maybe they didn't want to release the name because it is Squire Barns and the thought of him having someone to cheat on is too much to take.

Suspects 2 & 3: Tom Larscheid and/or John Shorthouse

Good rumour...Wonder if it is Larscheid or Shorthouse, or both?

Good lord. Isn't Larscheid like 80. Gross. Moving on. Too many other options to contemplate.

Suspect Number 4: Gordon Campbell

It's Gordon Campbell. He's had a mistress for years. The press have been wanting to say something, but they don't have any solid evidence yet. Gordo's been doing a good job staying discreet, but he'll screw up.
Don't expect the good people at Global to break it htough. Nope, the leak will come from a gossip outlet such as the Beat. Sad, really. The 4th Estate my ass.

Gordon Campbell is such a pimp. He's like Vancouver's Bill Clinton, without any charisma. Charming I'm sure.

But what can be said about this further information on our mystery Cheater:

I don't listen to the Beat but I have heard from reliable sources that one of our local married sportscasters is into the submissive side of bdsm , in otherwords, he likes playing the slave. He has a profile on a bdsm site, sans pic. natch Never got a name. My source was maddeningly tight-lipped, but I have my suspicions.

Now we really hope it isn't Squire Barnes. Wow, The Beat, you really screwed us. Thanks for nothing. Now we are left only with question, and thoughts of Squire Barnes in bondage. I may have thrown up a little there and blacked out. What happened. Thanks Craigslist.

It's Friday August the 4 around 6:01AM and

Buzz Dump: Die As Hard As We Can

Well, we made it to Friday and the news is coming in nice and slow and Jessica Alba is playing with penguins in Alberta. So take it easy and lets groove on some links.

*Not only is Bruce Willis reprising the John McClane role that made his now sad career being seen with as Defamer puts it, "pretending to enjoy hugging sweaty men in rented raccoon suits", but they are about to start shooting in Vancouver. Now the film has a title: "Live Free or Die Hard" and a release date June 29, 2007. Let the Bruce Willis sightings begin.

*Not enough Die Hard for you? Take this: Die Hard the Music Video.

*Inside the CBC points out that "Chris Haddock’s new CBC drama series Intelligence" is fully into production.

*At the San Francisco International Wine Competition, local design and marketing gurus Brandever won a crapload of awards. The company won four double golds for "Lotusland, 2002 Gewurztraminer, Stone's Throw Vines, Vancouver Coast, BC; Blasted Church Vineyard, LHBA Optima 2003, Stone's Throw Vines, Vancouver Coast, BC; Laughing Stock Vineyards, 2004 Portfolio, Vancouver Coast, BC; Lotusland, 2002 Merlot, Vancouver Coast, BC" Nice. And that was only some of the awards.

*The Butterscotch Stallion, Owen Wilson confirms that he's in on Wes Anderson's next film, The Darjeeling Limited, a film that Hollywood Elsewhere dubs, "the India flick". "Wes Anderson will direct off a script written by Anderson, Jason Schwartzman and Roman Coppola."

*A totally interesting and stunning two part (part one, part two) interview with Paul Buckley with Penguins Vice President Executive Art Director over at Hear, Hear. I particularly like the artwork for The Jungle .

*Wow. An entire movie devoted to Jessica Simpsons, chest. Employee of the Month.

*Your Moment of West Coast Zen: Afternoon Delight in the aquajet 9000. If you don't agree, I will fight you. That's no lie.

It's Friday August the 4 around 5:15AM and

Morning News Feed: Don't Feed The Bears

The Sun goes for huge, solemn, coverage of "Canada's Worst Day" and no less than four stories on the bloody day of events in Afghanistan. Using the photo of killed soldier Cpl. Christopher Jonathan Reid to tell more than a thousand words could.

The Province as usual goes for the big story with a throw away above the masthead headline abdout "Canada's bloodiest day in Afghanistan", but looks like they had already laid out the human interest story of a mother expecting conjoined twins. Of course they return to real sports today as well profiling wacky Adam Braidwood, the B.C. born Edmonton Eskimo lineman who once ate "25 McDonald's apple pies in a single sitting"

24 Hours tries hard to strike a serious note today with their lede headline "Why are we there" about Canadian troops in Afghanistan, after the worst day since arriving in 2002. Things we never thought we'd hear from MP Hedy Fry: "I think most of our constituents are saying, you know, we gave our word, let's do our best." Of course, this being 24 Hours they temper that seriousness with a colorful "Out and About" in honor of the Pride Festival as well as "8 Great Reason to have a gay friend" including: "6 Bored and poor on Sunday? The Pumpjack pub has cheap drinks on a Sunday but you'll DEFINITELY need a gay friend as a chaperone or you'll be eaten by the bears."

The Westender ledes with an ad, er, I guess a story on the film Little Miss Sunshine. Meanwhile Andrew Morrison unearths the hidden secret of Parkside restaurant, "By no means is it a secret, though: the 60-seater is just far enough off the fashionista radar to make it tolerable to those more inclined to sit long, eat well, drink from a deep wine and cocktail list, and laugh honestly - without the glam and glitz that too often passes for a good dining experience nowadays." Oh, and one last cover gem, a profile on World Party.

It's Thursday August the 3 around 10:37AM and

Georgia Straight Watch: Pumpjack'd

The Georgia Straight attempts to make its most interesting issue in years this week. And no, its not just because of the lesbians on the cover. Or the blatant Fireworks better with booze article. Although, that doesn't hurt I'd imagine. It has been awhile since I've had the pleasure, but here we go. It's our weekly flip through the king of free papers and the bastion of faux alternative news, The Georgia Straight. Sit back, and let's go throught the best and/or the worst of the city's biggest alt-weekly rag. Go:

5. What the hell? The Straight has blogs? Like three of them? How 21st century. This is both good and bad. Yay blogs. But honestly a health blog? You're an alternative paper lads, how about a sex blog to start?

4. Why must they continue with the City Single of the Week? And can't they pick interesting people instead of people who read Dan Brown and probably should have given up cocktail waitressing about 6 years ago? Dear Stacey, no tease of past lesbian experimentation is going to change the fact that you're single, honey. And you woudn't sell your soul for a billion dollars? Come on.

3. Jurgen Gothe writes about wine. And I love the fact that he tells there is a French wine called Arrogant Frog. "It pours deep purple, like Welch’s grape juice, hammers at you with tannins up the yin-yang (if the wine geeks can call for garrigue, I can do yin-yang), but comes across the palate quite intense and robust and just lies down and purrs with a creamy, runny Chaource cheese and some of those Lesley Stowe cranberry-nut crisps."

2. Our Cyborg Mayor Sam Sullivan discovers that the Aqua Buses in addition to being completely silly are death traps. It's probably some sort of left wing voo doo or karma for allowing the explosion of big box stores into the city. But that article is really only about this lefty credential ass covering money shot: "The sharp increase in the price of oil will destroy the economy on which many big-box stores are built, he said: cheap, long-distance trucking."

1. Did I just read this in the Georgia Straight? "So, in July 2006, while Israel was fighting for her very life, and Lebanon and Palestine were being ground to bits, and Iraq was descending deeper into a hell of throat-slitting and suicide bombing, Canada’s “antiwa"" WOW. Apparently this Terry Glavin piece was misunderstood by the editors and slipped in by accident. Does Charlie Smith know about this article? Maybe not, he might have been too busy writting about the PumpJack.

It's Thursday August the 3 around 7:19AM and

Buzz Dump: Guttenberg Memories

*Where have we been. Vancouver is the future according a post over at Craigslist: "Way to go vancouver, you truly are the city of the future, with your sparkling homes in the sky. Your your talking trash compactors in your local fast food restaurants, your high speed robot trains, and last but not least your cyborg mayor. If anyone asks you can tell them the future is now. " Sullivan's a cyborg. Oh crap.

*Darren Barefoot's play about balls, "Bolloxed" is sending out media kits with jock straps. Genuis.

*The new trailer for the DVD release of Hostel is over the top, gory, fun. [NSFW] Unseen Edition out August 7.

*As you know, I still can't stand poker. But damned if I don't find the combination of useless hottie Anna Benson and bitchiness at the World Series of Poker like chocolate and peanut butter.

*Alec Baldwin blogs all over Mel Gibson and gives shouts out to JC for the Huffington Post.

*Just because. The making of "It Was a Very Good Year"

*Remember 1982 when First Blood came out, and it was so cool that they filmed that in like Hope. Well, Rambo IV is on the way. Mr. Stallone, please don't come back to film here. Thanks.

*Look here, I'm sure The Province editors could get this on the front page tomorrow. Don't smoke in bed.

*Fireworks from last night just as anti-climactic as they are on Flickr this morning.

*Diddy is so amazing he goes 5 1/2 late to his own fancy party.

*You think its hot in North America? Try this comparisson of how it feels in Europe. Case in point; "Budapest has trams with NO air conditioning. Homeless people smell better than the interiors of these trams, because they are filled with dozens of people for whom deodorant is a foreign concept."

*Everyone else seems to be talking about this, so here you go. Elisabeth Hassleback goes off on The View.

*Your Moment of West Coast Zen:: Break out the rollerskates, and Don't stop the Music Steve Guttenberg.

It's Wednesday August the 2 around 12:27PM and

Aaron Sorkin Thinks Vancouver looks like Nothing

Thanks to TV Squad I just had the pleasure of watching the Pilot of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip on You Tube. Act fast, I'm sure it won't last long there. (PS: What did we do before You Tube I ask?). It's another Aaron Sorkin (West Wing, SportsNight) and is typical Sorkin goodness telling the tale of "a behind-the-scenes look at a fictional sketch-comedy TV show". The pilot is pretty good - a little slow to get going but the cast is solid (the bonus of no Martin Sheen and adding cutie Amanda Peet is cool, and I could care less if she can act or not.) and it looks very slick. It looks like a darker, bigger, more expensive Sports Night, except with the backdrop of a comedy show. Which are all good things. Also the end of the pilot used Queen/David Bowie's "Under Pressure" in cheese awesomeness.

Particularly interesting was this exchange in Part 4 of the pilot where Mathew Perry (Matthew Albie) and Bradley Whitford (Daniel Tripp) discuss the prospects of having to try filming in our blessed city, Vancouver:

Matthew Albie: We’ll make some budget cuts, we shoot in Vancouver.
Daniel Tripp: No, we’re not going to shoot in Vancouver. I’m drawing the line on the insanity. Vancouver doesn’t look like anything. It doesn’t even look like Vancouver. It looks like Boston, California.”

Oh my. How will that play in Vancouver?

It's Wednesday August the 2 around 10:25AM and

Morning Buzz: The Dark Side of The Alba

There's lots of stuff to cover people, so get your double mocha and lets get going:

*Translink says that there is no need for safety barriers even after two idiots fell and hurt themselves Monday. You go Translink, (remember they have guns now too). Badasses.

*More Alba: Lainey reports that in addition to Jessica Alba getting thinner, she's also a total bitch to fans. "Someone, anyone, please feed this bitch before she starts growing horns..." Me suspects that the whole previously mentioned Alba tracking device won't help her mood.

*Overheard in Vancouver finds two "water idiots" in their natural habitat, Mac's. " “Oh my effing god, they sell Fiji water here? I’m so excited!” God help us all.

*Beacause it's wednesday. Finally Meat Cake!

*Here is a bunch of randomly found awesome things:

1. Personalized Heinz Ketchup Labels. So hot.

2. The hot new VW Rabbit ad for Playboy. Maybe we have 2nd thoughts on the Rabbit coming back. (see picture above in case you can't read, or can't figure out about this clicking links and this infernal complicated blog system)

3. This South Park congrats ad for it's Emmy nomination is an instant classic.

4. Get your Mel Gibson "Gibstein" T-Shirts while they are hot.

5. McSweeney's compares a reccent Time cover page with a movie poster. Very interesting.

6. Someone will have to explan this whole "Web 2.0" business to me one day, but here's Web 2.0 inspired logos for companies.

7. Newspapers are so hardcore. Look at them have fun with Fidel Castro's surgery. Classic: "Fidel havan-a tummyache?"

*Your Moment of West Coast Zen: A Pot Smokin' Greg Brady. Far Out...

It's Tuesday August the 1 around 6:02AM and

Morning Buzz: It's August

It's August if you can even imagine that. This calls for some things to keep our minds off the fact that Summer is half over. Take it away, links:

*Jack Nicholson, Alec Baldwin, Matt Damon, Mark Walberg and Leonardo DiCaprio saddle up for Martin Scorsese new film, The Departed. PLOT: "Two men from opposite sides of the law are undercover within the Boston State Police department and the Irish mafia, but violence and bloodshed boil when discoveries are made, and the moles are dispatched to find out their enemy's identities." Dear lord. Watch the trailer here.

*A friend tipped us to this interesting looking documentary called Shadow Company, about modern-day mercenaries. Trailer viewing time.

*Sony's new Bravia commercial filming in Glasgow is previewed at You Tube. Pretty crazy stuff.

*Your daily Mel Gibson moment. The Daily Gut gives the Gibson Guide to How to Address A Female Police Officer. PS: In your face Mel Gibson, Vancouver has a pro-Israeli rally.

*The 9 most spin-off worthy comedy characters. According to Cracked.com anyways.

*For Daniel of WineGlow: Sausage Races add new Chorizo sausage "Mr. Picante."

*Here's your chance to watch Rob Zombie on the floor with a 5'2" real live female.

*Corinna from Gus Greeper posts more damned Spirit Bear photos and/or dirty bear humping evidence just to torture us. It's luck we're in Paris and already into the red wine or we'd have lost it.

*The Vancouver Zoo - we still have one? - claims that they did not not abuse Hanzina the Hippo whose claim to fame was starring in one of those tired Telus ads. I can sleep better now. And the Hippo is now living in a new $650,000 home, in Kits. Yeah sure.

It's Thursday July the 27 around 10:08AM and

Buzz Dump: Jessica Alba's Bikini

It figures, while I'm away from Vancouver, Jessica Alba returns. Welcome to today's edition of buzz with a heaping helping of good, clean, summer fun:

*Not much to describe here, but Jessica Alba seems to have been all over Vancouver walking her dog and dressed in a bikini top. And does she really have a pug? Why? Anyway she's in town shooting Good Luck Chuck with the nearly unwatchable, and humor challenged comedian Dane Cook.

* McDonald's unintentionally outed Lance Bass in 2001. Shocking. Not.

*Pop Culture Junkies remembers a magical time in television history where without reality tv, blogs, or the interweb, The Love Boat was the most special show to pimp yourself out on. Watch these special You Tube Clips. PS: Why hasn't this show been put on DVD yet? Honestly!

*Paris Hilton's website is terrible. Then again, have you seen her video for Stars are Blind? Wow. I'd throw another Catwomen reference around, but what would be the point. Barrell of fish, meet gun. You do the math.

*Am I missing something in translation from the English to French here? The new Burger King campaign is about little people right? As in creepy little people who make thier burgers. Totally Gross.

*If you haven't had your first three Mocha's yet, don't click this link. I warned you, but you just had to see John Travolta's magnificent man boobs didn't you.

*Speaking of pecs, here, have a nice piece of pickled ginger to get that taste out of your mouth, enjoy the campy fun of the latest David Hasslehoff tv spot. It's all Hoff. And you learn he is the "King of the Internet".

*They have like a whole beach in the middle of Paris these days, but I doubt they have this kind of time travel/beach volleyball motif. Sad.

*Gawker cracks up over the latest do business in Germany ad campaign.

*I kind of like this "March of the Emperors" spot. Napoelean was such a card. Meanwhile this Coors beer spot is epic which is odd. The VW Rabbitt is back, ("Wifi" "Apartment" and "and Crispin Porter is making commercials about it. Nice insight.

It's Wednesday July the 26 around 12:11PM and

Buzz Dump: Fireworks Day Edition

Well kids, it's fireworks day. Enjoy the suck of crowds, noise, and hooligans. Although I sure will miss the best Beach Ave party ever at my Friend Kasia's place. C'est la vie. It's been awhile for buzz, and I have some that may be old news to you, but wasn't to me, so deal with it. Papa was a Rolling Stone:

*First of all, let's just get the requisite Scarlett Johansson post out of the way. I think it was in St. Petersburg where there was a damned massive side of a building ad with her on it. Can we not get her out to film in Vancouver for something people? But there pictures of her at Popoholic that are stunning. And more of them from New York Magazine, with Woody of course. Speaking of Woody there is the trailer for Scoop which looks great. And lastly there is Ms. Johansson's deal with Reebok devoping the Scarlett hearts Rbk line and forthcoming ads (Cinematical and Egotastic have more details and photos). Love that. You heard it here first, Reeboks are back.

*Since two of the few movies I brought with me are Wes Andersons, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the fact that it would appear that Wes Anderson and Owen Wilson are going to team up for another movie. Thank you. [I Watch Stuff]

*Something tickled me inside when I thought of Alan Shore saving America from itself. Spader rules as Alan Shore.

*For no reason whatsoever. Superfriends Mallrats mushed up. Nice. Speaking of Kevin Smith, he's filling in for Ebert this week. Hilarious.

*J.J. Abrams new Star Trek project is already got a teaser poster, retro style. Daddy likes. Meanwhile did you happen to catch Chad Vader? If you have already, skip ahead.

*Giggling with anticipation that Sony is going to try to out-do itself with another Bravia commercial. They are blogging it and promising "70,000 litres of paint, 358 single bottle bombs, 33 sextuple air cluster bombs, 22 Triple hung cluster bombs, 268 mortars, 33 Triple Mortars, 22 Double mortars, 358 meters of weld, 330 meters of steel pipe, 57 km of copper wire."

*I don't know about you, but just the concept of a writers strike at America's Next Top Model is ridiculous. Then again, read the Defamer for the gut twisting hilarity of it all.

*A Pixies documentary that promises a topless Frank Black. Ewwww but it is coming to DVD in November.

*Some amazingly cool links over at Kottke. First this whole imaginary city is totally rad, then this very cool baseball card post, and then this site about what the net looked like in 1996 is a real mind bender.

It's Wednesday July the 26 around 11:31AM and

The Rockers Just Keep Rolling

I don't know what i find more depressing. The fact that the biggest grossing band in the world for the first half of 2006 ($147.3 million) was the wheelchair-ready Rolling Stones. Or the fact that they are gearing up for an encore act around North America, including a November 3rd stop in Vancouver. I'd be embarassed if I was a big band like Cold Play or U2 that the Stones still comand that kind of dough - mostly because i think it suggests that most bands of today still couldn't win a battle of the bands competition with some geriatrics that are amune to the ravages of age and booze even if they do seem to fall out of trees and spent a few weeks in rehab (no offense Keith Richards or Ron Wood). Either way, break out the extra supply of Depends, Vancouver because Mick Jagger turns 63 today! [Vancouver Sun]

In other Music News curtesty of this handy Vancouver Sun listing page: I can't believe I'm going to miss the return of popsters World Party who are hitting Vancouver at Richards on Richards on August 9th. Well, maybe the idea that I could be missing a chance to see Kim Mitchell (And let me just say, you're gonna want to be clicking that link. 1. the intro is A-Mazing! And 2. Not only does he label his site "The home of all that's good on the web" he looks freakishly unbelievable these days. Just click it!) in Concert hurts just a little bit too much, but you can see him for 2 sweet nights August 17-18th. Why can't he be coming to Paris by god. He is a wild party...

It's Friday June the 23 around 11:37PM and

Buzz Dump: Spelling it Out

Pretty sure you're probably asleep dreaming of getting out on a patio - quite frankly I am too, except I think you get TB from sitting on patios in Beijing. Al Gore should get the hell over here and do something about the pollution, my god (but more on that later, maybe tomorrow even). But until he shows up and invents a solution, let's groove on some links. And...go:

*There is surely a guy I know who would appreciate this (actually there are at least three people I know who can understand this) site. Whatevs, I give you Hitler Cats.

*Now that we are wearing black arm bands mourning the death of the great television producer Aaron Spelling who gave us both Tori Spelling and TJ Hooker - and like thousands of other TV shows, can we do something about this? JJ Abrams it seems wants Matt Damon to play Captain James T. Kirk in the new Star Trek. Think about that for a bit. I'll be here. It's sick. And don't give him any ideas about getting Affleck to play Spock. Dear lord.

*Part of me truly looks at awe at Taco Bell for trying to create the impossible, the holy grail of dinning, the mysterious 4th Meal. Part of me thinks they have tacos on the brain. Mmmmmm....tacos. (Via Ad Freak)

*There is something about a story about a mobster in the witness protection program living in Normandy France that sounds unreal. Cinematical has the deets on this impressive book soon to be movie.

*Finally. Brew Blog.

*This is nuts. TV jumping the shark reason #231: "The Coreys". Dear lord in heaven, please stop this before it gets out of control. Corey Haim and Corey Feldmen together again in TV form. And here's the kicker: "The Coreys would find the Coreys playing fictionalized versions of themselves, presumably because it would be funnier and less sad that way. Feldman would play Corey Feldman, married father of one son; Haim would play Corey Haim, single man. While both play those roles in real life, too, the TV show would ratchet up the comedy in the situation by having Haim, as Variety put it, "[shake] life up for the Feldmans."" Gulp.

*The Pixies not making a new album, again. Bastards.

*Nice to see Memphis Blues getting some props from Gridskipper. That platter of meats will kill you.

*This is spectacularly awesome stuff. Gridskipper reports: "The Times of London is running a contest looking for the smuggest vacation photos–smugshots–you can engineer."

*Lastly, I expected so much more out of girlfriends weekend with Gawker's Jessica Coen. And yet, I still would find a weekend with her pretty awesome, and drunken. I think a weekend with her and her margarita and lobster quesadilla older sister, Ana Marie Cox would be like heaven.

It's Wednesday June the 14 around 10:49PM and

Buzz Dump: Giant Cell Phone Comeback?

As hump day transitions into regular old, Thursday, let's see what's cooking:

*Gordon Gekko returns? I have to say we start off with the disturbing or wonderful news of a possible Wall Street Sequel. Golden Fiddle has the news and links to images of awesome giant cellphones and yacht computers. I guess if 61 year old Micheal Douglas is in, greed is good, and it will work.

*If that wasn't smug enough for you dear readers, there was a completely ass kissing love-in profile of Vancouver writer Alice Munro in the fabled New York Times this week. You may need a airline vomit bag to deal with this. From the get go, it's pretty darn hilarious:

IN Alice Munro's Vancouver nobody eats sushi. Nobody jogs along the seawall or browses Granville Street galleries or shops for organic herbs at the Granville Island market. Ms. Munro, the 74-year-old Canadian whom the novelist Jonathan Franzen dubbed "the best fiction writer now working in North America," set a handful of her marvelous short stories in the damp British Columbian metropolis, and the urban geography is so exact you can practically map the city off her fictions

*But seriously, Kate Beckinsale is single? Thank the maker. This almost makes up for the tragic and confusing news that James Blunt is dating Petra Nemcova. Damn you! Well at least Mandy Moore ditched Zach Braaff finally.

*I'm still smiling about director Uwe Boll challenging his biggest haters to come to his Vancouver set and getting into a boxing ring with him. This is a great stunt. As Defamer called it, "Uwe Boll Challenges Critics to Beat his Lack of Talent Out of Him." Kind of a shame he makes such worthless films.

*This is awesome - the resignation from American Apparel's most senior Canadian employee:

The stores have lost concept and look like flea markets, your products have lost quality, and your business ethics are being erased and replaced with the usual corporate shtick- in short, you are well on your way to becoming another institution, and your outrageous company has become horribly predictable. In addition to this, the exploitations of the cultures, sexual orientations, and individuality of the people featured in your advertisements only serves to show that you really don’t understand what is relevant and edgy today within youth culture; your target market. You’ve effectively moved the exploitation of workers in your “non-sweatshops” to your own retail workers and models featured on the pages of newspapers and magazines, cashing in on what you assume a generic public will perceive as subversive and political.

It's Thursday June the 8 around 9:55AM and

Buzz Dump: Lifestyle is a terrible thing to waste

It's Thursday, or Friday, depending on where you are right now. So let's ease into the weekend or Friday with some completely inane links and such to celebrate the birth of Messiah Shiloh Pitt, the death of Zarqawi, the fact that China is banning the Da Vinci Code on the eve of my arrival, and the fact that hunky Ryan Reynolds has finally split with that hippy pretending to be Alanis Morrisette. On with the links:

*Kind of love this interview by Book Slut of Anthony Bourdain about food, violating Somoans, and hanging out with Chuck Palahniuk.

*Phoebe Cates is clearly a vampire, she hasn't aged since 1989.

*Criterion Dazed and Confused. Dude. That's sweet. Or as Wooderson would say, "The older you get, the more rules they are going to try and get you to follow. You just gotta keep on livin', man. L-I-V-I-N."

*The DVD for Mr. & Mrs. Smith kind of pulls far off the original campaign's cool design and typography to capilize on the sexual chemistry of Mr. & Mrs. Shiloh.

*Stephen Colbert does college comencement speech with hilarious results. "Now I know you're all going to say, "Stephen, Stephen, immigrants built America." Yes, but here's the thing--it's built now. I think it was finished in the mid-70s sometime. At this point it's a touch-up and repair job. But thankfully Congress is acting and soon English will be the official language of America. Because if we surrender the national anthem to Spansih, the next thing you know, they'll be translating the Bible. God wrote it in English for a reason! So it could be taught in our public schools."

*Good lord. Another Trump show using the Monopoly brand this time. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, please?

*I kind of just love these outrageously fun and bluntly honest ads - fake or real, I don't know - for a jungle lodge and safari.

*In some ads for the new season of Entourage, they go with the tagline, "Lifestyle is a terrible thing to waste. Meanwhile Gawker notes that in other ads they focus on confusing Ari Gold adds that make no sense at all. Discuss.

*Just because. Kurosawa directed Suntory whiskey ads with Francis Ford Coppola.

It's Wednesday June the 7 around 1:47AM and

Buzz Dump: Bjorn Borg Still on Fire

Hey, it's almost midweek, time for some fairly useless bits of information. But first, you can catch a longhaired rock n' roll show tonight at the Lamplighter. Lions in the Street is playing a cheap and early show tonight. Cheap door, and even cheaper beer ($2.75/can). They're on at 10:00 sharp. So don't be late...get your rock on. PS: you can download their EP here. Now on with less important tidbits (and some you've probably seen before, I'm behind).

*Good news, years of wearing a headband does not affect your glorious locks of hair. Just look at how amazing Bjorn Borg's hair looks today, at 50. The man is on fire. I think his look, championed by Luke Wilson in The Royal Tennenbaums most recently, is poised for a major comeback.

*My dreams of wearing flip flops and tank tops while working at Atlantic Monthy have been dashed. On second thought, a no-flip flop policy sounds good. Here in Vietnam it is clearly all flip-flop all the time. [Wonkette]

*This is clearly somesort of PR stunt. How is it that Jake Gyllenhaal is dating Natalie Portman? Sweet jesus. And isn't Jake gay too? Please. [The Superficial]

*A Christopher Walken video-athon over at Egotastic.

*Little Pacey Whitter, er Joshua Jackson, apparently uses his c-list status for wild pick ups while at home in Vancouver. What would Dawson say Pacey? Honestly.

*Defamer is quietly discovering the real four horseman of the apocolypse. Kind of like a Da Vinci Code it would appear the new foursome is director Brett Ratner, Bob Saget, Joe Simpson, and Ryan Seacrest. Yep, the world would probably collapse on itself if they ever get into a room together.

*Not sure what is more crazy. The fact that you can catch the McPheever live at the Tacoma Dome with the American Idol tour. Or the fact that you could see Chris Daughtrey sing at a concert sponsored by Pop Tarts. Or that Kat McPhee has a 41 year old creepy boyfriend.

*This just in, Jessica Simpson is not very smart.

*BMW taps old men to sell cars. Discuss.

*Trailer Park: Good: Scoop Trailer (Scarlett, Woody do England, again). Acceptable: The Holiday (Please - Jack Black and lovely Kate Winslet.) Worse: : Garfield 2: A Tail of Two Kitties Trailer (Why...).

It's Wednesday May the 31 around 10:28PM and

Buzz Dump: Low Ridders & Hasselhoff Tears

It's been quite awhile since I've posted. Big thanks to guest writers Luke and Josee for pulling some weight in my absense. Encourage them to post even more dear readers. I'm also told that tommorow we'll have the usual Vancouverite Playlist via Art Director Graham too. Nice for us. Who ever thought I could have found anyone to actually help out while I'm yukking it up with Uncle Ho in Vietnam. On with the show, here are some links:

*This is old, I'm not going to lie, but I'm just posting it now. Deal with it. Shatner interviews Avril Lavigne. He is amazing. She is cute now that she isn't punk. Question: Hey Josee, is Avril Faux -French? Discuss.

*I can never not post when there is something about Kate Beckinsale. Especially when it involves "insanely low-rise pants."

*I have no idea why this is the case, but Kristin Chenoweth is May's number one google search on The Vancouverite. So, again, here is old news. But she should have started filming in Vancouver with Mathew Broderick and Danny Devito of the holiday film Deck the Halls this week.

*Speaking of Vancouver Film, Jalopnik has some pics of the cars from the live action Transformers movie. Anyway, apparently filming is going well.

*Why America. Why. And it even made David Hasselhoff cry. Shame on you.

*I haven't been able to watch any real TV in nearly three weeks. It's painful, and feels like coming off of drugs cold turkey - don't try it. But then again, maybe missing this tonight isn't a problem: "More Poker: Celebrity Poker Showdown returns to Bravo at 9, with new co-host Phil Hellmuth and players Bryan Cranston, Kevin Sorbo, Jason Alexander, Susie Essman, and Jamie Bamber." Zzzzzzz....

*Wonkette disects The Washington Post's ridiculous 4-pager on the discovery of "the wingman". "To sum up, for those of you who are 80 years old or don’t speak English: A “wingman” is a guy who, at a bar, helps his friend get laid. THERE’S YOUR 2,000 WORDS, ARTS AND LIVING SECTION." It's cute when Big Media tries to be hip.

*Thanks to TV Squad this is the funnest thing I've read in weeks. In regards to a new book of essays on being fired, "New Yorker writer Andy Borowitz discloses that he was fired from writing for The Facts Of Life because he didn't "get" Tootie." Wow, who knew Tootie was so complex. I always thought Jo was the tough character. Or maybe Blair.

It's Sunday May the 21 around 5:53PM and

Dose R.I.P

I've only been away for a week, and Dose - the 3rd place free daily - is gone? What the heck? I love 24 Hours' headline on the article, "Toast Toast!" But you think they could have gotten somebody worth quoting in the story. Instead they have the editor of The Tyee, an online rag, David Beers.

"I think there were serious flaws in the idea," Beers told 24 hours yesterday. "I'm a believer that Canadians are very regional and more locally focused. Dose was a thinly veiled, Toronto-based national publication masquerading as a local publication."

I think i will miss most of all the crazy ads they did. Goodbye really lame newspaper. I wonder what all the kids who put it together will do now?

It's Sunday May the 21 around 5:18PM and

Buzz Dump: East Coast vs West Coast

You know, you can't really hide from the good buzz in this world. When the doorman at the hotel wants to talk about Tom Cruise, you just kind of go with it. Here is some stuff to check out:

*Best Week Ever suggests that the ongoing brutal fued between Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton is just like hip hop's East Coast/West Coast Rivaly, and Lohan is Biggie Smalls. Speaking of Paris Hilton, this Ocean Spray ad that was too hot for Aussie TV is hilarious.

*Trailer Park: I checked out the trailers to Fast Food Nation and World Trade Center. Yesterday in Saigon I saw a women walking down the middle of the road and traffic with a bunch of unwrapped chicken. She was in traffic. I tend to think that this might be a larger problem than fast food. I also think Nicholas Cage in a mustace is genuis.

* The Apple Store in 5th Avenue, open 24 Hours a day, is insanely beautiful. So is the timelapse movie.

*mmmm....dry-cured sausages. mmmmm.... PS: How does one become a food historian. Dream job #17. Done.

*Damn it. I'm in Saigon, and this week the new Glowbal Group spot, Sanafir, opens on Granville St.. Thankfully, Andrew Morrison will no doubt be there for us. The presser kicks off with this, "Rock Your Casbah With Tapas From the Near and Far East," which sounds promising.

*And also rocking the Casbah is Lionel Richie. Apparently he is to Iraq, how Hasselhoff is to Germany. Explains much about the world non?

It's Tuesday May the 16 around 12:14AM and

Buzz Dump:Not Scientologists

Sure, drinking a Miller Genuine Draft in sight of the worship-worthy awesome Colonel Sanders statue at the KFC/Dunkin Donuts in the Seoul airport isn't any way to start off a trip to Asia, but after 10-hours flying, you will just have to deal with it, that is where the 'puter hookup is. Here are some links.

*Thank the maker, and praise be jeebus, that Katherine McPhee is not going to go scientologist after her starmaking American Idol Turn. Which is good news, as Defamer was worried about her replacing Katie Holmes as Tom's wifey.

*The preview of Aaron Sorkin's bid to save NBC is on You tube.

*Totally awesome. David Blaine aparantly never got around to checking out Grizzly Man.

*Slate struggles to articulate why it takes Wes Anderson so long to make movies.

*10 Things I Hate About Commandments - another trailer mish-mash.

It's Tuesday May the 2 around 6:33AM and

Morning Buzz: Expo Ernie Stick Kicking It

Well, Expo Ernie was back in action yesterday after 20-years. He looks just as ridiculous as he did 20-years ago - kind of like the original Trek vision of the future - a terrible future. Enough of this, lets link some stuff to help us forget the last post:

*Paris Hilton was out promoting sparkling wine. "I'm not sure what's more depressing, that a government ban was lifted for Paris Hilton or that she's promoting sparkling wine in a can. Although I think the real question on everybody's mind is, "Am I classy enough for canned wine?" The answer is yes, my friend. You are."

*Wow, David Blaine is a total creepy freak.

*Chelsea Clinton. What happened? Did you crawl out from under a rock? Then you see her dad getting set to celebrate his 60th this summer. Can you imagine how crazy that party will be?

*When American Idol's 15 seconds of fame forces you to go to the ugly Hollywood, Washington.

*Time magazine's 100 - the 100 people who shape our world is crazy.

*James Lileks goes to the Biannual Springtime Postcard Convention. Weird, but cool.

*The new campaign to sell the Mercury starring Perniferous P. Penguin selling Jelly Filled Frosted Sugar Balls is crazy, but so good. They also have more insanity on theneverything.com. It's

It's Monday May the 1 around 11:29AM and

Buzz Dump: Bond, James Bond.

All I can say is that the gods for Al Gore inventing the interweb so that this morning I could have more fun than work. Don't tell anybody. Anyway on with the show:

*I have to say, Daniel Craig wouldn't have been my choice for Bond, but this French trailer for Casino Royale looks damn fine.

*And my goodness, can Lindsay Lohan go a day without being in the headlines? Today we bring you the Lindsay Lohan-Brett Ratner-other women triangle and cat fight. That is awesome. Dlisted sums it up this way, "Brett is fat and directs bad movies. I don't know why a bitch would want him anyway."

*Defamer reports on the marketing machine of Mission Impossible III which hits the streets with explosive and hilarious results! Meanwhile, very funny America, making RV the Number One movie at the box office this weekend. The terrorists have totally won. Note: I have a new theory of box office numbers. Movies filmed in Vancouver hit #1 quite a bit. More on this non-researched theory later.

*You stay classy Calgary.

*The Empire State Building turns 75 today.

It's Thursday April the 27 around 10:21PM and

Buzz Dump: Chucks

*I think we would be totally crazy not to think this "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford" film won't be excellent. Love the trailer. Love the style of the teaser website. Love the typography.

*Speaking of trailers. Marie-Antoinette in fun French trailer glory.

*There is something about Scarlett Johansson in this upcoming movie that seems totally fun. Perhaps the Chuck Taylors? The hair? Whatever.

*There is always time for Vancouver's sweetheart, Kristen Kreuk. Just Jared has some hot Kreuk action.

*World Party's new, ahem, sort of, album is coming out and Stereo Gum is kind enough to post up some songs. (Via Pop Candy)

*Hey Preppie. 28 Day Slater - Episode 2 is out. Creepy? Funny? You be the judge.

It's Tuesday April the 25 around 11:22PM and

Morning Buzz Dump: Doolittle

Chinese visionary director Wong Kar Wai does some pretty amazing work for Lacoste.

Hmmm. David Bowie is very disappointed in you. But why.

The French aren’t drinking enough wine. Oh crap this is going to make them cranky. If I owned a small car in Paris it would get burned probably.

George Clooney makes a choice for his Martini. It’s a pretty cool spot. Love the logo treatment at the end.

Also really enjoyed this very simple Amstel beer spot, with the jamming Edith Piaf adding the sounds.

It don’t get better than a book about the Pixies first album “Doolittle”. It really don’t.

Jeff Daniels is a cool actor. Fame Tracker gives him the celebrity audit treatment. This would be unreal: “Now sit down with Noah Baumbach and Wes Anderson and come up with a script for The Life Aquatic 2, where you play Nate Zissou, professional harpoonist, and brother/ultimate nemesis to Murray's Steve!”

It's Tuesday April the 25 around 11:12PM and

Leah Mclaren Smackdown

Dear god no. The Globe & Mail’s other writer that many people love to hate, Leah Mclaren is in town Wednesday. Well at least that is what we thought – it was supposed to be a book event for her novel, “Continuity Girl” at Holt Renfrew. How totally smug for you Leah. Well except for the creepy Lavalife co-sponsoring. But the event seems to be all taken down from the Harper Collins website. OMG – HarperCollins. Stephen Harper! OMG. The irony is delicious.

Lately the supposed youthful beauty has been transforming her inane little column into a shameless Maureen Dowd-extra light. She’s been talking about Stephen Harper’s terrible vests and by constantly referring to Micheal Ignatieff as Iggy. But that doesn’t matter does it, she’s out shilling her new book. But all isn’t so rosey. One savage review went a little something like this:

“Even the German word SaumassigeSchreibmaschiene, which roughly translates into “putrid garbage typewriter prose,” fails to convey the stench of this slushpile.”

Leah – you okay down there. Come on honey, stand up.

It's Monday April the 24 around 11:45PM and

Another New Low for Metro

Okay. I tried to resist the bright typographic cover of Metro all day. I knew it was off. Like rotten milk. And sure enough It is bookened 2 pages of ads for McDonalds. Le sigh. With copy like this, "Is the reason it's illegal to eat chicken with a fork in Gainesville, Georgia becuase it's better with a bun?" Instead of a real front cover, how can you even take this paper serious? The back page is worse: "If there are single cheeseburgers and double cheeseburgers, do the single cheeseburgers get lonely?" Did this really happen today?

Now if you are going to take an entire cover in Vancouver for your advertising, why do you use one that is about Gainesville? It's not that funny of a line anyway and it certainly ins't that clever that you want it splashed on the front cover.

It's Monday April the 24 around 10:06PM and

Buzz Dump: Groundhog Paris

*It would be interesting to be Paris Hilton. She acts kind of like she thinks she is Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, always pushing the boundaries to see if she'll die. And yet, she fails to realize it's not the same day over and over again. Silly Paris.

*Egotastic asked how it is possible that Kevin Federline actually has fans. He does? Trent says, "I don't know about you but I just can't get enough of Kevin Federline and his lusciously moist arm pits ... thank the GODS that he is always so generous to his admirers in that he is so free with showing off his pits."

*I think Adbusters should mind their own business. TV Turnoff Week is stupid crackpot talk. We are in a golden age of television awesomeness - seriously did you See Trump and his two creepy kids tonight, it was what dreams are made of - and they should piss off about mocking our couch culture.

*More proof of You Tube all mighty power. The short film where Napoleon Dynamite was born. And the original short. And the short version of Bottle Rocket. (Via Pop Candy's cutie Whitney Matheson)

*Stop the presses! This Wes Anderson American Express Ad just made my day. Seriously. This is the best thing, EVER.

*Compare that good advertising with this outrageous Ben Affleck hair commercial. Honestly.

*Just because Tara Reid drinks Grey Goose then dances on a table, doesn't mean it should be done. That doesn't stop the booze brands from the marketing gold equation of b-lister (sorry, d-lister) + gossip column mention + brand name alcohol & Bar name.

*American Dad vs. Family Guy kung fu game.

*Screenhead delivers the goods: "The mind reels at the glory of the Mustache Tattoo. Yes. Federal Hill Tattoo in Providence RI offers up permanent faux lip carpets."

*Clearly Dr. Pepper has gone a little mental. Dr Pepper Berries & Cream? Really?

It's Wednesday April the 19 around 10:17PM and

Buzz Dump: Smuggest Hot Dog in the World

Sorry for the lack of posting. Trust me when I tell you that spending 8 hours in the rain at a racetrack doing a photoshoot is about the creepiest thing ever. Of course, I do this, and Infinity Media gets the rights to Winalota Cash - a horse racing movie. Go figure. But enough about that, how about some links?

*Maybe it is the long day, or the cold, but I can't even begin to contemplate the awesome or the suckage of "28 Day Slater". I laughed. Sorry preppies.

*This is great news. Blogs so powerful that they get hot dog treatment at a smug lunch! Ed Levine writes, "About eight courses in, halfway through the meal, our waiter brought out a beautiful silver tray with a single grilled hot dog on a buttered homemade brioche hot dog bun along with 9 little dishes of hot dog condiments, everything from freshly fried bacon bits to homemade relish to an excellent mustard. I started to crack up, as did our waiters. Someone in Keller's organization had obviously been reading my blog, somebody with a sense of humor." So local restaurants, listen up. We'll chat.

*Frank Gehry gets the documentary treatment. Sketches of Frank Gehry trailer here.

*Meanwhile, Fonzie is certainly sailing over the shark on the news of the first 'family comedy' poker movie. Poker, meet Shark.

*Andrew Morrison describes the finally live website for Century, as "comatose". That is being kind. Thank goodness it is open for lunch, and we can have delicious all liquid cocktails in the afternoons.

*Defamer skewers the invite for Hayden Christensen's 25th birthday party bash with this fury, "it will be almost statistically impossible for his publicist not to snap a picture of her client making out with an off-duty stripper, then leak it to the rags as evidence of his heterosexuality."

*I'm really not sure Diesel Jeans needs to enter the wine business.

*This is unbelievably amazing - The Osmonds "Crazy Horses" video. I have no clue what in the hell is going on here, but I repeat, it's A-Mazing. I can see why Data What? pronounced it thusly, "some kind of early '70s attempt to get a Mormon heavy metal sound started."

It's Tuesday April the 18 around 8:54PM and

Buzz Dump: The McPheever

*American Idol. Sorry, but I've got a 'McPhee-ver' and the only prescription is more Cowbell, I mean, McPhee. Yeah. I said it. There. She better win this. Kelly Clarkson, who? PS: Ace looked ridiculous.

*In honor of tonight's House, here are the running list of House-isms. “The parents are mad because their kid is dying. It’s understandable. If he doesn’t die, they won’t be mad anymore.” As Magnum P.I. would say, "Now I know what you're thinking," how could I add a show midseason. It's my problem, deal with it.

*Bruce Willis's Japanese commercial for fuel is amazing although damned if I can figure it out.

*These ads for the Montana Meth Project are hard core. This print ad called "Bathroom" pretty much turned me off meth. Oh, wait, I was never really turned on by meth. My bad.

*Well, Katie Holmes had a little TomKitten, and the world didn't collapse upon itself. Or does that only happen when Tom Cruise eats little Suri's placenta?

It's Tuesday April the 18 around 8:21AM and

Morning Buzz: Hill Street Blues Edition

You know how much I hate weather blogging, but what the hell is going on out there. I can't even see the North Shore from my office anymore. Miserable. As Sergeant Phil Esterhaus would say, "Hey, let's be careful out there." And yes, that is a sweet 1981 Hill Street Blues reference. What about it. And yes, I'm going to link to the amazing theme song right now. Check it.

*The opening credits were the best thing about Thank You For Smoking. Watch them and then read this little analysis of the typography used. How fun.

*Yesterday we watched the Adidas "Pink" Adidcolor, today we have "Green". Bizarre. I love the mention of nuclear war and that crazy Mr. Finkle....

*I almost forgot. NBC's Celebrity Cooking Showdown is the worst reality TV show, ever. I love that they hid the fact that Alan Thicke was the host until the day of. He was terrible, and quite possibly the biggest celebrity on the show, which is rather unfortunate. A total disaster.

More later...

It's Monday April the 17 around 10:18PM and

Monday Round Up: Hey, Best Jobs Yo

Today is probably the first day I've ever wished to be working government style and having the day off. Man the post three-day weekend Monday is pretty much the worst invention, ever. I give you, therefore, some links to make the soul feel good, or not:

*The fact that I can say this - my moonlighting gig from this blog is as a copywriter, just came in at #25 in the 'Best Jobs in America' at Money magazine. But really the stress level is only a C? What agency is that at? 1. How are bottom feeding PR people in at #20? 2. Ad Managers, aka Media Buying folks, are #11. 3. Tech writers are #13? Come on. Discuss. (Via AdFreak)

*I debated this briefly today, but the new VW Jetta ads - taking off on ICBC's own scary drunk driving warning ads - are interesting. Not sure about the "Safe Happens" but they look good and are well written. Damn you Crispin Porter! Damn you to hell!

*Ad of the day. Part I: New Coke ad from Jack White. Catchy tune. Odd ad. Great Afro. Cute Red head. But watch out Coke, Jolt is coming back and the target is Red Bull.

*Ad of the day. Part II: I was settled on the Jack White Coke thing, until this insane, retro crazy, ad for Lambretta scooters came dancing into my head. Watch it. Love it. Live it. Addictive advertising.

*Ads of the day. Runner ups: This smug Land Rover ad is fairly cool, in a "it's Santori time" kind of a way. Graham, my faithful music guru pointed out the 2nd Adidas adicolor ad ("Pink") today. Graham has the dish on the ads music too, including MP3's - nicely done!

*Kevin Smith is having way, way, way, too much fun on Clerks II. This crazy You Tube video goes on forever and does a sweet tribute to the site with a "trainwreck" short that includes homage to another clip made for Pixies lovers. PS - yes, we still love Rosario Dawson. PPS - Here's a thought, why aren't film people on the list of best jobs? I know why, but... (Screenhead rules)

*Moving right along... A. George W. Bush meets Kevin Federline, Popozow. B. The background extras of Lost. What up. C. Worst Magazine, ever? Jossip has details. Cargo is alreay shutdown, guess again. D. Definetly want to catch American Dreamz this weekend - it's just too insane to miss. I don't care how bad the reviews get. Well...

It's Sunday April the 16 around 9:30PM and

Buzz Dump: Live Free or Die

This should be a nice start for what I hope will be a great week. Even if I didn't eat a good Easter dinner.

*This week's Sopranos (non-spoiler) Fix of things you didn't know. Last week was Vito's bombshell, this week we learn: Carmela voted for Bush in '04, and Tony agrees with Sen. Rick Santorum on occaision, and we love the episode named from our favorite state motto, New Hamphire's "Live Free or Die"

*The unifying theory of Myspace: "anything you write on MySpace instantly becomes 150% more idiotic just by the mere fact that you are writing it on MySpace."

*Decode why I am posting this link about poker if you dare. 3,156 words wondering if Poker is losing it's 'first flush'. I think the new Fox poker show, called "Poker Dome" which is described as both "poker on triple espresso" and the "Nascar of poker" will be the begining of the end. Thank god.

*Geek alert. A long Q&A with J.J. Abrams in The New York Times Magazine. Finally a smart answer to this kind of question: "Historical figure he'd like to meet: Aristotle. Anything Rod Serling couldn't do, Aristotle had it covered."

*Meanwhile Eric Asimov has an interesting take on the pros and cons about lifestyle advertising - with a case study on Beringer Vineyards “How to Get to Napa Valley’’ campaign.

*Waiter Rant ponders 'the waiter rule' - "that you can tell alot about a person’s character by how they interact with waitstaff and others in service roles." Discuss.

*CSI has a page that looks very cool and gives clues to the final two episodes of the season. I don't watch the show, but apparently some of you do. Oh, and I have recently started watching House, and this two-parter seems like a good idea.

*The trailer for The Fountain looks interesting. The film's website is creepy. The new film by Darren Aronofsky goes like this, "Spanning over one thousand years, and three parallel stories, The Fountain is a story of love, death, spirituality, and the fragility of our existence in this world."

*Wow, a list that Canada actually doesn't do well on. How odd. The World's 50 Best Restaurants 2006 and not a single Canadian restuarant to be found.

*Lastly. I'm sure it will be down very soon thanks to NBC's laywers over at You Tube. But SNL's Digital Short "Laser Cats" was pretty darn funny this weekend. Love this intro: "In the future, there was a nuclear war. And because of all the radiation, cats developed the ability to shoot lasers out of their mouths. Some will use the cats for good, others for evil. Who will win in a world of...LASER CATS!" Indeed.

Bonus: A classic Family Guy clip. Totally not appropriate for Easter Sunday or Monday morning. Okay I felt bad about that link. So here is an alternate Family Guy link that shows Jesus Quantum Leaping - oh boy. Or this one.

It's Sunday April the 16 around 9:24PM and

Easter Greetings

So that is what four days without blogging feels like? It is incredible how quickly hours can turn into days, and then into two or three isn't it. While we jump start The Vancouverite back to life in the next 24 hours let us just marvel in the true holiday magnificence of an old Cadbury Easter Cream Egg commercial.

Can you believe that they rolled with the rabbit making chicken sounds for all those years? Amazing. Okay, we're back.

It's Wednesday April the 12 around 10:29PM and

Buzz Dumpage: Just Go Rogue

I'm not going to lie to you. Blogging will contintue to be on the light side through Thursday. We'll be back Friday, for realz. Promise. Until then, how about you amuse yourself with these delightful little things we call links. Enjoy:

*First, let's rejoice in the fact that the crazy bastards from Broken Lizards have somehow conned a studio into giving them another chance - have you seen Club Dread?. The idea of Beerfest - a movie described as, "Fight Club with beer games."

*Now, why is Lindsay Lohan at the launch of a new Saturn car in NY? Dlisted breaks it down: "Maybe they are giving one for free. I'm confused. Either way, she borrowed an outfit from either Peg Bundy or Michelle Pfeiffer in Married to the Mob for the event. It's not cute."

*This one's for the 24 lovers at work. I give you, "7 Ways to Use the Lessons of '24' at Work." I think I may try this one tomorrow: "on't be afraid to go rogue - if you think your bosses orders don't make any sense, ignore them and obey your own. In the end, your actions will be proven correct and you'll be praised for having the balls to break protocol. And not only that, at some point you'll get to steal a co-workers car!"

*Titanic 2 trailer.

*Have you seen these amazing Star Trek doll ads? They are amazing - especially Spock talking like a rapper. Coffee Shop or Karaoke. So amazing.

*Rocketboom linked to this insane David Lynch short called Rabbits. Naomi Watts is also a voice. Creepy.

*Not as creepy as the new Ben & Jerry's Black &Tan ice cream.

*Consumerist warns Smirnoff of what might happen when the open their Movement Studio

*And finally, the classic 39-page Macintosh ad in the 1984 issue of newsweek. (via AdFreak) Incredible!

It's Wednesday April the 12 around 8:18AM and

Wednesday Slacker

Sorry for the light posting. It will continue until this evening. I'm doing my taxes this morning. Terrible.

Until then, try to figure out what the heck is going on between this monkey, kitten, and chicken.

Oh, and maybe listen to Sufjan Stevens new song "Adlai Stevenson". The idea of a song titled Adlai Stevenson tickles me. Mostly since he was twice a loser for the presidency. But he does have a song. Which is nice for him.

Back later.

It's Tuesday April the 11 around 12:32AM and

Late Night Vancouverite: Pop Culture Buzz

The smut trade in Vancouver is pretty slim pickins today - sure we saw one absolutely sad blog posting about Russ Froese the former news anchor getting parts for his car. How lame. So, here's some tidbits to amuse:

*Still curious to figure out if Mr. Rogers was a military sniper? Oh, you hadn't heard?

*
Lindsay Lohan is dropped by Louis Vuitton, while Kate Moss gets another gig. Here's why. Lohan is doing this (at least as guessed by Golden Fiddle) while Moss looks magnificent even when she's strung out like crazy.

*Thandie Newton annoys others with her devotion to her new hyrid car.

*While Vanity Fairs Green Issue mocks environmentalist with its non-green extra pages.

*And then there is this overly dramatic Al Gore's documentary An Inconvenient Truth. (Via I Watch Stuff)

*Ex-baseballer Darren Daulten is totally nuts, and when he's not beating up his wife he believes he is a, "time-traveler who is in tune with the secret frequencies of the universe."

*If that was too much for you, how about the "The 1986 World Series Game 6 Re-Enacted in RBI Baseball". Geeky, but cool. (More at Deadspin)

*Art School Confidential's 2nd Trailer is up.

*Mark it on your calanders, "TV has finally exploded". At least that is what media watcher Jeff Jarvis wrote today. All this because Disney is going to release free downloads of their shows soon. Catch - embedded tv ads. Advantage Disney.

It's Monday April the 10 around 11:49PM and

Late Night Vancouverite: P'Eatzza Invasion

It was another crazy Monday at the other job, and it's getting quite late, so flip on the hi-fi, lay back on the old bear skin rug, put on your trusty ascot, and pour yourself a brandy. It's time for some relaxing links. First up, some things from the world of advertising:

*I like the fact that The Superficial's new advertiser, kind of looks cool. It's Altoids (w/ a crazy website too), and the sponsor banner says, "Curiously Strong Gossip brough to you by Altoids Sours." Perfect. And the added bonus of Christina Aguilera and her red lips vamping it up at a Maxim party.

*Mark Cuban makes a related point, that the key to advertising in the future will a return to live commercials.

*What the hell is Target up to with these crazy little ads. Discuss.

*Ad Age redesigns and drops any sign ins to read the articles. Nice for us.

*Did you catch any of the Apprentice tonight? The P'EatZZa Sandwich? Come on - that is a joke right 7-11? Isn't it?

*Old Navy demonstrates just how crazy inhouse creative teams can be. Warning.

*Three Olives ads and the magic of fluke hidden value.

*And now, for something completely different. Seven tv ads. 1. New Gatorade ad, "Birth" by the amazing Neill Blomkamp. 2. Sprite's "Bus" is crazy and full of gremlins. 3-5. New Kia ads featuring a Mime, a comedian, and a yodeler trumping the insights of quiet, spaciousness, and performance. 6. Nike Maxsight. Who new Nike was making contacts. Creepy. 7. Nice little Playstation ad. Simple, but deliciously shot.

It's Monday April the 10 around 7:26AM and

Blues Brother Hits Vancouver

He came. He saw. He looked completely ridiculous. Dan Aykroyd was all over Vancouver this weekend - mainly promoting Patron Tequila. Which Malcom Parry described Saturday like this, "Meanwhile, he is building up Patron, a 700-staff tequila producer that hand-blows its own bottles, hand-applies its labels, and uses corks big enough to be boat bumpers. The Brave new Wines firm has listed Patron's entry-level Silver tequila at $99 in B.C. Its Reposada brand fetches $109. The coffee-based XO liqueur isn't listed yet, but leads to 'all-night dancing,' Aykroyd said."

Sounds smug. Aykroyd was spotted at Las Margaritas Thursday, did a Harley ride for Canuck Place Sunday, before attending The Trews show at The Commodore Ballroom. And it is that Harley gettup which makes him look legendary.

It's Sunday April the 9 around 8:40PM and

Sunday Buzz: Vito, Vito, Vito

*Totally fun. Totally creepy. Expo Ernie lives! And he'll be rocking out serving food and drink May 2nd for the 20th Reunion of Expo 86. Mayor Sam Sullivan has the juicy press release good news.

*I've never been a huge Nelly Furtado fan. But man did she get totally better looking recently? Who knew. (Via Just Jared)

*Tonight on the Sopranos, An amazing highlight: Vito in his hot biker outfit at a Blue Oyster-esque bar. Awkward.

*I remain totally sceptical about this whole BC Fashion Week. And yet, the websites of two of the designers as found by Lainey actually seem to be fairly interesting. She calls Jason Matto and Christina Darling "the 2 hottest and most innovative designers in Canada".

*Ah, Mr. Sparkle, enjoy these Japanese commercials. You won't regret it.

*Can you even imagine how they got Frank Sinatra to shill the craptacular Chrysler Imperial? They are hideous spots - although the jingle works as only the chairman could do. Not as bad as, say, this Pepsi commercial with Christina Aguilera. It is quite ridiculous. Then again for some strange reason I prefer the nutty Jimmy Fallon/Parker Posey dance off Pepsi ad. Meanwhile Diet Mountain Dew has a funny spot that proves the power of a great voice over.

*A new Noah Baumbach flick seems tres cool with this casting Jack Black, Nicole Kidman, and Jennifer Jason Leigh. "A drama/comedy set over a single weekend, where a mother takes her son on a visit to his aunt's home." Meanwhile can you imagine that someone greenlit a Harold and Kumar sequel?

*I like that there is a list of the 101 best screenplays and I appreciate that Casablanca is number 1 (followed by The Godfather, Chinatown, Citizen Kane, All About Eve). The whole list from the WGA. I like that Charlie Kaufman has three scripts on the list, I like that North By Northwest is #21, and I am scratching my head thinking that Groundhog Day is #27. Discuss.

*This week's coming bit of pure ridiculousness. Three words: Celebrity Cooking Showdown. Enjoy.

*A really great post over at The Cork and Demon on whether or not Boony Doon vineyards still has the wine making mojo. The good news is, the answer is positive. Phew.

It's Thursday April the 6 around 11:06PM and

Buzz Dumpage: A Little Pepper

Do you ever get those days, you when you all hell breaks loose at work? You know, days that involve talking to lawyers, not eating, and such? If i didn't get that random Mocha from Cafe Artigiano in the afternoon, I might have gone all Hurly. Anyway, enough complaining, how about some links?

*Catherine Seipp watches Robecca Romijn's new show with hilarious results: "Pepper Dennis, an idiotic new one-hour romantic comedy that premieres on the WB tonight after weeks of being heavily advertised on billboards and the sides of buses, seems like an 11-year-old girl's notion of what happens when you grow up and begin the glamorous whirl of working and dating: You will look like Fashion Model Barbie as you spunkily strive to get ahead in your TV news reporter job, where, even if you knee a handsome co-worker in the groin, he'll still keep asking you out." Joy.

*Just the thought of a wookie throwing out a pitch at Fenway is enough to make me happy.

*The pop-up Hotdog cooker.

*This spot is almost as creepy as the Skittles beard ad. Crabs, Unicorns, unexpected endings, oh my!

*Can you even stand the thought of a movie called Blue State, about someone who actually moves to Canada after George W. Bush is elected. Anna Paguin, get an agent sweetheart.

*Pam Beesley, from The Office. On Myspace. Meanwhile Scott Baio, is a total wanker.

*This outdoor campaign for KFC, is pretty finger licking good.

*McGill is now in the top-10 party schools in North America. The girls do a pictorial in this months issue of Playboy.

*Mondanna is kicking Mariah Carey all over the place in the wine department. That's Grape.

*If they change the motto to something different, you can guarantee we won't be releasing the much anticipated NewHampshirite.

*Paper magaizine's top beautiful people, including Amanda Congdon,

*In depth discussion of Salt Tasting Room's logo devlepment.

It's Tuesday April the 4 around 7:46PM and

Vancouver Magazine's April Issue

I see that last month was really an anomaly. The April 2006 issue of Vancouver Magazine is out on the shelves but not up on the website. What a total internet debacle. Here's the top five things you need to know about the issue before you go waste the money:

5. The Story on designer Martha Sturdy who is packing in her South Granville shop after 20-years or so is pretty good. This quote is priceles, "But her departure from the retail scene is another sign of Vancouver's blandness makeover. Our downtown is becoming more and more like suburban Raleigh. Or Red Deer." Ouch. More of this please.

4. Malcom Parry's column. My god, when your "city life" photo essay features only a d-lister from a cancelled show like Godiva's and Da Vinci's Inquest creater Chris Haddock looking like a complete hobo, you're in way too deep.

3. A story on Ultimate Frisbee? Come on.

2. The cover story is a strange tale about 18-year old Lora Sun who lost the 2005 Miss Chinese Vancouver paegant is headlined "Chinese Idol". It comes off way more creepy than all that.

1. The wine column by Christina Burridge is called "The Spanish Armada". Now I know the article was supposed to praise the Spanish wines, but doesn't that title sound like they are all getting blown away by the British at Gravelines? Fun right?

It's Tuesday April the 4 around 6:52PM and

Buzz Dumpage: Ugly Beer Edition

*The Georgia Straight is such a mess of a paper, it is almost worth checking out. But I really don't get this invasion of crazy white trash cheap beers in their alternative weekly pages. The ugly beer invasion seems to be on like Donkey Kong - with Pabst Blue Ribbon and Old Milwaukee undercutting the local beers. All things to the folks at Sleemans who have unleashed this onto us all. Thanks for nothing. I guess it was better than the ads for Lululemon's obnoxious "Om Quest" yogo video game April Fools joke. I'd rather drink the beer.

*In the Westender last week, Steve Burgess riffs on the opening of Century and the whole Communist Chic thing in "A little Marxism with your entree, sir?" His experience sporting a Mao button in China, "Well, what an awkward social moment. There I was with my pop-culture accessory, and some guy had the bad manners to point out that millions of his fellow Chinese had suffered and died under Mao's misguided rule. How rude." Um, yeah.

*Macaulay Culkin's novel gets the Gawker treatment for misquoting Entertainment Weekly. So Cute.

*If you are an ad junky like me this is way cool. There is going to be a show called Mad Men - about a fictional ad agency called Sterling Cooper set in the 1960's. Love it. Bonus for Sopranos writer being the creater.

*I know a certain friend of mine who will love the idea of a 3-day test drive of an Opel. "Sex Change", "Wife", and "Penguin" all pretty much do the trick.

It's Monday April the 3 around 11:09PM and

Buzz Dumpage: Beards, Candy, Ava & Lois Lane

Are you ready for some links? I'm cleaning out a bunch I've been saving up. Here goes nothing...

BEARDS?
If you haven't seen the Skittles ad featuring the creepiest beard ever, now is the time (And there are other wierd ones at the Skittles website). This may come in handy for Wednesday when Kenny Rogers hits American Idol. Whitney Matheson, the USA Today writer of Pop Candy - who I'm really digging - is all about the beards and directed us to this insane site and that Kenny is looking a little wierd these days. Speaking of beards, Vice's Gavin McInnes gets the Do's and Don'ts treatment.

ADS, CANDY, & HACKS.
1-800-Got-Junk's rat advertising ads. What was the creative brief on this banned William Lawson Scotch ad? Skittles ad weird. Starburst ad, weirder? Sour Patch ad really wierder? DIscuss. Gawker has fun with hack copywriters. Did you miss The Office April Fool's PSA's? Cupcake Voyeur (via Metroblogging Vancouver). Finally, and for absolutely no reason at all Gisele knows what boys want.

THATS ENTERTAINMENT
Smallville's Lois Lane, Erica Durance, is on the Cover of FHM. (via Egotastic) It's filmed in Vancouver if you are wondering why the link? Seu Jorge is coming to Vancouver June 23. The Hippies and the pretty boys from Amazing Race get cozy and shirtless and myspaced. Clerks 2 Online Trailer, dicuss. And prays be America that Basic Instint 2 totally stunk up the box office this past weekend, but let's review Sharon Stone's last big rider. The best of Christopher Walken as leading man make out artist. Swear to god, Vanity Fair is trying not to sell copies this month with their Green issue. Not recycled paper, and cover with Al Gore cameo.

GOOD THINGS
I checked out Jamie Oliver's new show, Great Italian Escape, tonight. Priceless.

MISCELLANY
Holy crap in the name of Apu. Letterboxed, beautiful presentation of 1956's "Bhowani Junction" on Turner Classics tonight. Ava Gardner starring as Victoria Jones in this romance set against the turmoil of the British withdrawal of India. Hubba Hubba.

And this BoingBoing post about Chinese "ghost ships" off the coast of Africa is good readings.

It's Sunday April the 2 around 9:30PM and

Micheal Buble Wants to be Kelly Clarkson

In what was supposed to be a Pam-less Anderson Juno Awards (stupid April Fool's) turned into a big night for Vancouver's Micheal Buble who won for the Canadian music awards including artist of the year. "Thank you, Canada. I am, oh my god, I don't know what to say. I feel like Kelly Clarkson a bit," said Buble.

That is the best quote ever Buble. Well, at least Nickleback didn't win all the awards. Will they finally go away now? Pammy kept it classy by talking about the seal hunt. "I don't mind a little blood on the ice when it's a hockey rink, but I hate seeing blood on the ice when it's from baby seals," she said to mostly a crowd of boos.

It's Friday March the 31 around 7:26AM and

Vancouver News Biz: New Anchors & Crackpots

*Another Canadian news anchor who went south of the border to find fame and fortune is returning home to Canada and going on Global. Chris Gailus will be in Vancouver to do the weekend news as anchor starting in May. Is this this Tony Parsons future replacement? He immediately began shameless brown nosing. ""I love the city -- it's that simple," he said. "Vancouver is my favourite city in the world." Suck up.

*Meanwhile another local news person jumped the shark. CityTV's Dave Lefebvre, a news reporter is in the news because he loves to cook with his crock-pot. Oh my, Dave, remember when you wanted that serious career in news? Jump. He then explains the obvious: "The first reaction is to basically make fun of me. It's not macho for me to talk about cooking, and it's even less macho for me to talk about cooking with a Crock-Pot." Yep.

*Simi Sara interview in podcast form over at Dogma Radio.

It's Tuesday March the 28 around 7:48PM and

Buzz Dumpage: All Hail Scarlett Johansson

Here's a round of all things good and linky that was circulating around the browser:

PEOPLE
*Not sure what y'all think of this, but FHM thinks Sca-Jo, Scarlett Johansson is the sexiest woman alive. Seems like an inspired choice to me. [Associated Press]

*Good lord. Cats and Dogs living together. The Hilton's next wave. Paris Hilton has brothers? I guess if we just keep them away from Hasselhoff, we can avoid things like what has become of poor, poor Hobie from Baywatch. Although I can't stop thinking about his amazing shirt (Via Trent).

TeeVee
*If you've never experienced this, a viewing of Heat Vision and Jack is required viewing if only for this, "the legendary rejected Fox pilot produced by Ben Stiller and starring Jack Black and Owen Wilson (as a talking motorcycle)." So rad.

*Meanwhile we have the crazy new Dodge ads with the creepy fairy, the awesome first Schwarzenegger re-election ad (watch it here).

*This is a good looking and simple video for Misanthrope. [via Screenhead]

FILM
*The Good:Christopher Walken in a movie about ping pong called Balls of Fury.

*The Bad: Tom Hanks is going to star in a movie about an ad exec forced to work at Starbucks based on a book that hasn't been written yet. Gulp. Venti Gulp.

*And the Amazing:Gene Hackman in some Cold War short. It's amazing. [Defamer]

*We've also got your dish about Natalie Portman filming in TO, and the dirt on Ocean's 13.

*What if American Pie was horror movie?

MISCELLANY
*Somehow Canada took over Seattle for this amazing postcard. Who knew.

*What is the fun of heart friendly Biotech bacon.

*God I love the French. More rioting today. At some point they always get bored and go back to smoking, drinking coffee, and plotting to overthrow the government. Magnificent.

*Yes. Finally. A little something for the bottom feeders. A sexy blog about PR, Strumpette. (via Adrants)

*Speaking of PR, Coke might want to rethink the whole "My Coke Fest" during the Final Four. Or capitalize on it and invite Pete Doherty, Kate Moss, and the kids to join in. Deadspin is all over this.

*Final word. American Copywriter's latest podcast goes to town disecting Activia yogurt's strange buzz on Bifidas Regularis which they say is a, "nonsense word that's been trademarked." And even more fun is had at the expense of the poor bastard copywriter who had to write the copy. Then they talk about this coolbreathpower.com site. (Thanks Adrants)

It's Sunday March the 26 around 1:35PM and

Sunday Styles: Timbit Nation & Other Tales

*First there was Lazy Sunday. Then there was Lazy Monday. Now there is Lazy Muncie. It's the midwest version of the rap video and show exactly why Lorne Micheals and NBC's stance on You Tube could be the death of them both. [via Mickey Kaus]

*The story of how Frank Sinatra and Ava Gardner's spent the 1950's fighting everytime they went to London. [The Telegraph]

*What the heck is a Flugtag? Red Bull is sponsoring this ridiculous event in Vancouver for August 19th. "The first Flugtag took place in Austria in 1991. Since then, the dream of flying hand-made machines into unsuspecting bodies of water has spread like wildfire." Interesting.

*Since baseball is almost started, why not check out the ad campaign for the team south of our border, The Seattle Mariners.

*Something about a headline that says "Timbit Nation" really scares me. The Toronto Star feeds the evil beast that has made much of Southern Ontario a cultural wasteland, and has people ordering double-doubles coast to coast. It is skin crawling - have you eaten a doughnut there? How has this chain spread like a cancer?

*Craigslist is kind of been done to death, but the best part is that other people search so you don't have to. Like Perez Hilton, the gossip monger of the moment, posted about actor Jason Statham in Vancouver shooting a movie and having some, ahem, naughty Brokeback Mountain type fun while here. Where is Lynne McNamara when you need her?

*Like him or hate him, Stephen Harper should just totally own this news about him being a fatty. He totally needs to Clinton-ize it and step up his game. I want to see nothing but photos of him in drive throughs and stuffing his face.

FINAL WORD
The last days of writer Art Buchwald seem to be they way a writer should fade away. His 10-weeks in bed waiting to die have now become the hottest seat in Washington D.C. "It had been nine weeks since his kidneys had started to fail and he was still alive. "No one can figure it out," he told me. In the meantime, he said, "I'm having the time of my life." Prominent visitors stop by, his kids bring him McDonald's for dinner, the grandkids come. " Love this.

It's Wednesday March the 22 around 8:29AM and

Stupid 24 Hours Tricks

My horoscope says today is a 9, but I'm not buying it. My favorite old jeans in the world decided to distinegrate in the rain and there is a huge rip in my crotch area. Stupid pants. I hate you. At least now I can go shopping. In your face, work! And then I read some really amazingly dumb things in 24 Hours.

1. Tamara Taggart's weather report. "They'll be some nice, warm rain the next few days." Listen honey, you couldn't predict the weather properly if you were standing in the middle of a hurricane. It's not warm rain as far as I can tell sweetie.

2. Dear Buzz Bishop. Your ground breaking page 9 article on bloggers made the mistake of sending me to your lame website. Hahahahahaha. I doubt your real name is Buzz anyway.

3. Darren Parkman's "Starring Vancouver" column is officially worse than Lynne McNamara's in the Sun. Way to go Lynne! Look, pal, nobody cares if Timothy Hutton ate once at Cin Cin to say nothing of twice. Nobody. And then giving another drop of ink to the losers who starred in "Godiva's" because it was mercifully cancelled. Isn't this like Jane Fonda going to Vietnam during the war.

It's Tuesday March the 21 around 8:58PM and

Buzz Dump: Hulking It Out

I've got some links I just have to share. So let's do that.

*I seem to be getting all these fun things from Hart+Larrson. This one is Ninja Survive. They seem totally fun.

*The other day we laughed about 1960's cartoon theme songs. I don't even understand the theme for The Hulk, especially the crazy dixie ending. And more fun awaits you here.

*Okay. Where is the buzz on this year's Dasani ads? This time it is a French poodle, Goldfish, and a Camel. I guess they came out during the Olympics - but honestly who could watch NBC coverage? And did Wes Anderson do these ones?

*Nothing could be creepier than having James Carville do campaign strategy for high school students for a reality show. You got Clinton elected dude, have some pride in yourself. Scratch that. Defamer unloads: "A Japanese orphan and a deaf, blind, and mute fox cub team up for perhaps the saddest movie in the history of international cinema."

*In honor of tomorrow's new episode of Lost, here's some crazy promotions they use in Brazil to promote the show.

*Kate Winslet rules, and out potty mouths Tony Soprano apparently.

*Whatever you do. Do. Not. Click. This. Link. I actually had this Jessie and the Rippers classic sent to me today. Apparently people also hate me.

*To redeem myself, my friend Luke sends this. A link to Caduceus Cellars. It's the vineyard website from TOOL and A Perfect Circle singer, Maynard James Keenan.

*Interesting. Poker jumping shark. According to the New York Post it happened on March 19th, and because a the Diet Pepsi can is playing poker in some tv ads.

*Deep thoughts from the Dougie Howser, er Barney, blog on the "How I Met Your Mother" CBS website.

*Wow. They still make Henry's? And it's 150? Who knew. And what happens at the website in 10 days.

*Orange you glad the Godfather is now in videogame form? Sorry.

*Google and Nike working together on soccer site. Invite only, like Gmail. (via Adverblog)

*Put these into your pipes and smoke them. Trumpet's ads are hilarious. Hair Whip. Go in the Ocean, Stomach Hold In, and Pop Out.

It's Monday March the 20 around 6:45AM and

Morning Buzz: Opening Soon

*This is pretty much the last thing Canada needs right now. Ashley MacIssac running for the Liberal leadership.

*New Vancouver eatery Century gets the Opening Soon treatement tonight on the Food Network. I can't wait to hear how they chose the theme.

*I saw a few FedEx ads last night that were pretty good. I actually laughed. "Stick" shows the frustration of sending packages in a world before FedEx. "Lobstah" shows how FedEx could help out some hapless small business owners.

*And since we're on ads, how great were the old Orville Redenbacher campaigns featuring old Orville himself? Even this landing page feels like it is from the past.

*And Lincoln has an absolutely insane virally-inspired video at Lovely by Surprise.

*Joaquin Phoenix directs the She Wants Revenge video for Tear You Apart. Great Song. Cool Video.

*How amazing was The Sopranos last night? Recap at TV Squad. Don't blame me if you haven't seen it, and click the link. Not my problem.

*The King, as in Burger King, is hanging out during spring break. A whole website, wakeupwiththeking.com too. Wierdly hilarious.

It's Friday March the 17 around 7:12AM and

24 Hours St. Patrick's Day Drunks

Those 24 Hours haters out there should check out todays issue. For the St. Patrick's Day cover they really went above and beyond the call of duty. I'm not sure what I like more. The St. Patrick's Day scap book cover - and really is that a leprechaun? Yikes! - or the thinly vailed fun real serious headline "Free Booze for Drunks?" Perhaps it is simply the ironic placement of both on St. Patrick's Day.

Here's he details on that free hooch, drunks:

"Vancouver should explore a harm-reduction plan that could see red wine given to hard-core street alcoholics, says the city's drug policy coordinator.Such a program would target homeless alcoholics who may now be drinking extremely harmful substances such as after-shave or Lysol to feed their addictions."

Now this is what I call some good journalism.

It's Thursday March the 16 around 7:17AM and

Morning Buzz Dump: Must Love Jaws

How is it Thursday already? I don't get it. Here are some stories that have mostly nothing to do with Vancouver, but would be very nice served with a morning mocha. Go:

*What happens to writers who break the Chandra Levy story? Apparently they get a job at GQ, and write cover stories about how Victoria's Secret Models are saving themselves for marriage. Lisa DePaulo, who made her name writing for defunct Talk Magazine and doing the Talk show circuit a few years ago interviews Adriana Lima.

*Must Love Jaws. Another movie trailer re-edit. This time the Spielberg classic gets the romantic comedy treatment.

*Always worth reading about, Director Michel Gondry gets interviewed by Wired.

*Pearl Jam is apparently still recording music. We tuned out years ago, but does thier new album cover actually feature an avocado?

*Finally. Donald Rumsfeld is creating his cyber-insect army.

*Cheesus! Doritos spoofs the Sony Bravia bouncing balls ad with giant wheels of cheese. Hilarity ensues.

*Two words: Shamrock Shakes.

It's Tuesday March the 14 around 7:46PM and

Buzz Dump: You Can Be My Wing Man

I'm still clearing out some links I had for yesterday, but Telus wasn't relaly cooperating with me the past 24 Hours. Jerks. Without further wait, lets get into some stuff:

*Now that he has an Oscar, will George Clooney ever be cool? He's a liberal, proud of it, and lecturing other liberals. Greg Gutfeld responds. Totally fun.

*Can you believe that they are retiring the F-14 Fighter Jet. They will be officially done in September and will live on in Top Gun obviously. And this naturally.

*After reading last months sickening Vanity Fair story, I think MySpace jumped the goldfish. Thankfully the first anti-social network, Isolatr, is up and running.

*McSweeney's has the things I might be convinced to give my left arm for. The pegasus unicorn is pretty awesome. Stupid arms.

*It is comforating to know that press releases like this bit of incredible genius are being sent out of Vancouver.

*Nothing wrong with a healthy dose of Spaghetti Western posters, trailers, and other good stuff. [via Screenhead]

*Beyond Robson unloads on the poor bastards that have to hand out the Metro Papers. And this on Metro's 1st Anniversary too. Heartless. Shameless.

*Car news? Why not. 2007 Audi TT buzz.

*Jack White's Raconteurs side project has a video on their insane site. Cool toon. Weird Barnyard shots. Jim Jarmusch directs. Interesting.

*Can you even believe director Brett Ratner guy spent 5-months here filming X-Men 3? After reading his name-dropping ridilculous diary it will blow your mind.

*Lastly. Mandy Moore?

It's Sunday March the 12 around 9:00PM and

Tony Soprano Eats Sushi?

The things you learn tonight while watching TV. I say learn, but it's not like school learning, it's more like well, "hey that's interesting". Well, at least mildly entertaining anyway.

1. Tony Soprano eats all you can eat sushi. That tickles me in some way. Just the idea of it really. PS: Uncle Junior how could you?
2. Donna and Josh finally kiss. Akward. PS: How is Vinnick losing to this Santos dude.
3. Opening credits of Big Love was ridiculous. Dream like scenes of cast in some crazy figure skating scenario all to the tune of "God Only Knows". Please. PS: I think Godiva's finally has a rival for worst show...

It's Friday March the 10 around 5:10PM and

Friday Afternoon Link Dump

It's Friday afternoon, you all should be at a bar drinking by now. Honestly wasn't it like Hoth this morning in Vancouver - and now it is like a pleasant crisp Tatooine. If you're not, check out these links and get going:

*Start your weekend off with a really great A-Team shirt.

*Yes. Apple. We bow to your awesomeness. Even if it is just in speaker form.

*This really could be the world's greatest burger. EVER. And no, it's not from damned White Spot. "The ballpark sandwich will include a hamburger topped with sharp cheddar cheese and two slices of bacon -- all between a "bun" made of a sliced Krispy Kreme Original Glazed doughnut."

*I love how Bill Clinton was rolling today - making people in the city late probably for the whole day. Power Within?

*Who knew we had a wine hotel in Vancouver? The Executive Hotel Vintage Park (1379 Howe Street, Vancouver, B.C.) is now open for business. City Food has the details on the opening night reception.

*Restaurant critic/food review tyrant Alexandra Gill reviews Century in today's Globe and Mail. She likes the Che inspired space, has no time for the subpar Mojito, the octopus was chewy, but sums up things this way, "I'm sure the masses will still flock to Century to check out this exciting new space for themselves. The restaurant really is gorgeous. The service is excellent. The kitchen shows promise. And eventually, the people will decide if it succeeds or fails. Somehow, I think Che would approve." Wow. Great. Che approves. I base all my dinning experiences on communist thug. I was kind of hoping for a much more savage review from Miss Gill. Too bad.

*This seems delightfully nuts. When My Name is Earl comes to DVD, Stewie Griffin will be there. Freakn' Sweet as Peter would say.

It's Friday March the 10 around 8:25AM and

Morning Buzz: Freak Winter

Before we start the day off with a few links I have to say one thing. This is what happens when you wear flip flips or sandals in March people. God punishes us with a freak snow storm. Okay, let's roll:

*Kind of the best written thing I've seen so far this morning. Gawker reports on Doogie Howser riding the B-Train.

*Another amazing contribution to Vancouver's film world. I give you the horror film Insectidal. Which, "boasts scantily clad sorority sisters, humongous mutated critters and lots of icky FX."

*This is pretty unbelievable. Those of you with plans to hijack the Tractor Tavern and remove its nuclear warheads or use it as a control center in your effort to take control of a top-secret government outer space super-weapon on Saturday May 27, think again. Your plans may be foiled by, no not the cook, but a member of the band. The Steven Seagal Blues Band will be performing in front of what we can only assume will be a crowd full of fans of irony.

*Wineglow has a nice Friday post on some Pepperwood Grove Syrah. I seem to remember Daniel telling me about how he likes ordering this by the bottle in restaurants, for himself. So it must be good.

It's Thursday March the 9 around 7:51PM and

Buzz Dump: Billions And Billions

*Look out Jimmy Pattison. The new Forbes magazine is hitting the streets with it's annual richest issue. On the cover and coming in at number 746 is Calvin Ayre, head of entertainment gaming company Bodog.com - and, full disclosure, owns the Marketing company I happen to work for. That is absolutely crazy. On the other hand, I guess I can ask for that raise now, prolly? [Ed: "That's funny, I thought you worked here deadbeat?"]

*Rich Mercer has the Liberal Party leadership up on eBay. Current bid rests at $16 million. Mercer's package includes: "Fifteen minute consultation/conference call with the RMR writing staff to craft your campaign message. (Staff includes three high school dropouts and a U of T commerce major. Photo not to scale.) The use of our colour printer for photos and such. Ink cartridge is running low on magenta." Get it done.

*Really? Bringing back the NBA to Vancouver for a second shot? This seems crazier than finding out you work for billionaire.

*Wow. Naomi Watts did a great job before the Oscars shilling the Lexus hybrid car. If by great job you mean totally blantant, pointless, shameless, and bumbling bit of product whoring.

*What are you nuts America? Ayla Brown is out? Whaaaaaaaa? All our money is on that little minx Kellie Pickler which dooms her to be voted out soon.

*Let me get this straight. Philips offers to buy all the commercial time before movies and only show one :15 second ad and the company refused on grounds that it messes with their ad mojo. Wow.

*Andrew Morrison visits Vintropolis in his Westender column today. Great column. But holy crap is their website terrible.

It's Wednesday March the 8 around 11:13PM and

Buzz Dump: Vanity Fair Weather

*I thought today's "Singing in the Rain" themed weather was outrageous. But not as outrageous as Surrey being filmed as Hondouras for an upcoming episode of Smallville.

*Graydon Carter continues the long, slow, butchery of the once great Vanity Fair. Even the covers are getting lame. And of 12 covers in a year, how does Teri Hatcher garner one of them? What is this, The Province? Meanwhile Esquire seems to be having fun with their "win this t-shirt (Rosario Dawson not included)" cover this month.

*I think it is good that Robert Altman got his lifetime Oscar on Sunday. Because this "A Prarie Home Companion" don't look so good. I Watch Stuff sums it up well: "It's like when Drumline came out, I heard some pretty positive things about it, but the fact that it's about competitive drumming is such a turn-off that I refuse to watch it. There's literally nothing on this earth that I have less interest in than competitive drumming."

*Imagine a world where "Airwolf" was an adjective. Do it. DataWhat captures this zeitgeist better than I ever could: "All my life, I've been looking for an adjective. An adjective that really sums up how completely awesome something is. I thought 'Ninja-Sweet' was it, but now there's something meatier. Airwolf Think about it, bro."

*Can the Canucks find no team that wants Todd Bertuzzi? Metroblogging Vancovuer was following the highs and lows of this trade rumor. Vancouver Canucks Oped also thinks that Dave Nonis failed the first trade test.

*Washed up at 20-something? Jennifer Good claims to be "over blogging" and a "cougar" too. I should have suspected when she lost interest in the Canucks on post #5 - and I had such high hopes. Teases of new projects from Jenny should be fun to watch.

It's Tuesday March the 7 around 9:38PM and

Buzz Dump: Bill Clinton in the House

*So an upcoming Opening Soon episode is doing new Vancouver eatery Century. But am I the only one who finds the description of the space as “Latin Communist Revolutionary” just a little creepy? [via Waiterblog]

*Apropos of nothing. Anna Benson is on the cover of FHM now to promote baseball starting up again. This is good.

*Bill Clinton is coming to town on Friday. That should be amusing for the city.

*I'm a little bit behind, but According to Vancouver Canucks Oped, Vancouver is not down with the Winnipeg Jets. Sure Three 6 Mafia can win an Oscar, but some filmmakers can show thier film about the Jets in this town confirming, once again, 'It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp."

*Thursday night at the Buffalo Club (1161 Granville) is a CD release party for the hardworking Adam Woodall Band. $8 cover, doors at 7:00pm. Check it.

*Looks like Atlantic Monthly has its first true editor since Micheal Kelly was killed in Iraq in 2002. And even better still, they're adding the totally awesome Virginia Postrel who will start writing monthly "commerce and culture" columns. So hot.

It's Sunday March the 5 around 11:52PM and

Buzz Dump: Oscar Edition

The 78th Academy Awards were tonight. We watched. Did you? Let's catch up on the best of gossip, useless and totally trivial information, and other, er, good stuff. Go:

*First up, Oscar. I think Defamer (sporting a fine new redesign - pretty Gawker 2.0 standard) sums it up best with a comment on the best picture category:"8:23pm: God help us all. The sky has opened, Beezlebub has dumped his infernal payload of obvious evil on an unsuspecting Earth. Life as we know it is over. Drive to the desert and start a new civilization, hoping that our horrible, horrible mistakes will not be repeated. This is the end, friends. See you in Hell."

*And D-Listed adds, "What is being called the biggest upset in Oscars history, Crash went away with Best Picture. Those GD homophobes!"

*What a mess. No clear "Oscar film". No clear best dressed either - not a great sign me thinks. Crash is best picture (also wins Editing, Original Screenplay). While Brokeback wins Director, Musical Score, and Adapted Screenplay. That's three each. Memoirs of a Geisha and King Kong win three too. One word: Reese. Capote - the Vancouver favorite with local producer Bill Vince up for some Oscar gold nails the Best Actor , but goes 4-5 on the night. That one was equalled by the kids from Hustle & Flow got some gold for the original song "It’s Hard out Here for a Pimp” by Three 6 Mafia (which also gave us the funniest Jon Steward quip about "Martin Scorsese, zero Oscars. For Three 6 Mafia, one.")

*In honor of Brokeback not winning best picture. Here's the Lost version of "Brokeback Island." I can't quit you Jack. (Via Defamer)

*While everyone was going for Oscar, it was also Lebowski Fest LA this weekend. Amazing fest design as per usual.

*If you didn't catch the antics of Joe Rogan last week now's your chance to catch up. Joe lays some smack down on some MySpace trolls with excellent results. The Superficial explains: "Not only will he call you a loser and brag about how he's a multil-millionaire Tae Kwan Do champion, he'll also post the whole ordeal on his own MySpace blog. And then he'll probably roundhouse kick you in the face, because that's what you get for going to college and not becoming a multi-millionaire Tae Kwan Do champion. Education is for the weak!" Awesome!

*Just because this is Sunday, and this is cool. How great are funky old gas stations?

*I think that this campaign to fire NBC reporter David Gregory is funny. His "drunken" appearence on Imus is legend.

*While Hollywood glammed it up, today was the 60-year anniversary for Winston Churchill's "Iron Curtain" speech.

*And lastly - and most importantly. You have to witness Natalie Portman on Saturday Night Live from last night. Her Rap Video is so awesome it is crazy

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