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It's Thursday August the 3 around 10:37AM and

Georgia Straight Watch: Pumpjack'd

The Georgia Straight attempts to make its most interesting issue in years this week. And no, its not just because of the lesbians on the cover. Or the blatant Fireworks better with booze article. Although, that doesn't hurt I'd imagine. It has been awhile since I've had the pleasure, but here we go. It's our weekly flip through the king of free papers and the bastion of faux alternative news, The Georgia Straight. Sit back, and let's go throught the best and/or the worst of the city's biggest alt-weekly rag. Go:

5. What the hell? The Straight has blogs? Like three of them? How 21st century. This is both good and bad. Yay blogs. But honestly a health blog? You're an alternative paper lads, how about a sex blog to start?

4. Why must they continue with the City Single of the Week? And can't they pick interesting people instead of people who read Dan Brown and probably should have given up cocktail waitressing about 6 years ago? Dear Stacey, no tease of past lesbian experimentation is going to change the fact that you're single, honey. And you woudn't sell your soul for a billion dollars? Come on.

3. Jurgen Gothe writes about wine. And I love the fact that he tells there is a French wine called Arrogant Frog. "It pours deep purple, like Welch’s grape juice, hammers at you with tannins up the yin-yang (if the wine geeks can call for garrigue, I can do yin-yang), but comes across the palate quite intense and robust and just lies down and purrs with a creamy, runny Chaource cheese and some of those Lesley Stowe cranberry-nut crisps."

2. Our Cyborg Mayor Sam Sullivan discovers that the Aqua Buses in addition to being completely silly are death traps. It's probably some sort of left wing voo doo or karma for allowing the explosion of big box stores into the city. But that article is really only about this lefty credential ass covering money shot: "The sharp increase in the price of oil will destroy the economy on which many big-box stores are built, he said: cheap, long-distance trucking."

1. Did I just read this in the Georgia Straight? "So, in July 2006, while Israel was fighting for her very life, and Lebanon and Palestine were being ground to bits, and Iraq was descending deeper into a hell of throat-slitting and suicide bombing, Canada’s “antiwa"" WOW. Apparently this Terry Glavin piece was misunderstood by the editors and slipped in by accident. Does Charlie Smith know about this article? Maybe not, he might have been too busy writting about the PumpJack.