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It's Tuesday August the 14 around 6:20AM and

Straight Watch: The Carbon Offset Movement

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It's been awhile since we've said much about The Georgia Straight. Maybe it was the thought of us on a deserted island with cases of Rieslings and Jurgen Gothe. Seriously knocking back shots of grape juice like this with 'Jurgs' would be pretty sweet, yes? So Let's do it old school in this nearly all funny bones edition of the alt-weekly:

5. This week's cover story is "The sin of air travel." Before reading it, I've never wanted to buy a ticket on a jet plane more. And I've never wanted to stop reading an article so quickly in my life. Reading about the carbon offset movement makes my eyes bleed. Literally. For real entertainment and offset hell fire, may i suggest watching VBS's Toxic Alberta. It's like an Al Gore bible camp.

4. Can Carole James woo B.C. voters? Bwhwhahahahahahahaah.

3. New uniforms won't make Canucks better. Sigh.

2. I will leave it to you to figure out if the Straight sifted through enough of James Lileks writings beyond his novelty stuff. Because when the two of us agree on someone being awesome, there must be something rotten in Denmark.

1. Dear City Singles Kimberley and Brock. Where do you even start with you two? How exactly is Kimberley's "arch nemesis is Britney Spears." Bitch, please. And why, dear god, why would you say that your "superhero alter ego is Duffman because I too am lively and like to make those around me have a good time," Brock. You're trying to become unsingle, right? It's like telling children there is no Santa Claus.

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