Started day off watching luge, ski jumping and flash mob mixed group on CTV. But honestly where did they dig up the CTV broadcast team? If last night it was the old people's network, this morning it is boomers, sort of. Lisa LaFlamme looks like she has aged 40 years since she used to be on CTV Newsnet, and their set looks like someone went shopping at Nood on the cheap. It's like watching BT will EVEN uglier people. Need 100% Melissa Grelo, stat.
And then there was the CTV Olympic Morning Show. Was this really Olympian Elvis Stojko doing something with Jessi and Dan from the MTV Aftershow in ice skating outfits. Pretty sure Dan had a mooseknuckle. It was a total failure.
Super glad the temp VANOC army got that fishing pole someone left behind at the Seabus and totally blew it up. I'm sure this is supposed to make us feel safer, but If they can't tell the difference between lost and found and bomb, how can that be? On the upside they did get to use that bomb robot. Which is pretty rad. (Globe and Mail)
"But I will make jokes about gasbags like Carrey and McCarthy, two cretins who can’t be content simply making us sick to our stomachs with their work – they also gotta make our kids sick with ego-driven medical advice. Now, I’m not a celebrity, but here’s my medical advice for this sort of behavior: whenever a star offers an opinion on important health matters – citing flawed studies they know a nearly comatose Larry King won’t bother checking – they should be given a vaccination of their own. It should be full of lead and shot straight up their ass. And if you disagree with me, you’re probably Arianna Huffington."- Greg Gutfeld, Big Hollywood
Can I just say that the idea that we are protecting the Olympic Games Venues with "airport style security" and people off the street without much training does not leave me feeling all that safe. Especially when it appears that the high tech security is run by people in powder blue jackets in a bunch of tents. (CBC)
Headline of the day, so far from Gawker: "Totemic Rodent's Handlers Decree Frigid Misery Upon a Weary Nation." I mean, I guess this makes sense since Global Warming is dead and all. Which makes sense since there is no "winter" here for the Olympic Games. And it is schedule to warm up even more as we approach opening ceremonies time.
So Steve Jobs got us all worked up into a frenzy over a giant iPod Touch? Wait, you plug in a real keyboard and it is a laptop. I don't get it. I mean I got that Steve Jobs was all chilling out on his love seat rocking out to John Mayer and playing games, whispering sweet nothings in your ear, or whatever, but I don't get why I need this, and iPhone and a laptop? Here's 8 things that suck about the iPad. All in all, I might give Obama the edge today. Didn't see that coming before today.
PS: If I'd bought that stupid MacBook Air, I'd be soooo pissed right now.
PPS: Can't wait for the first dirtbag to bring one of these things into a meeting.
"When I arrived in Vancouver, the first thing I noticed was the frowns. The International Olympic Committee has leased every sign and billboard in town to broadcast Olympic joy, but they can't purchase people's faces. It's clear that the 2010 Winter Games has made the mood in the bucolic coastal city decidedly overcast. Even the customs police officer checking my passport started grumbling about "$5,000 hockey tickets." Polls released on my first day in Vancouver back up this initial impression. Only 50 percent of residents in British Columbia think the Olympics will be positive and 69 percent said too much money is being spent on the Games."
Ouch. I couldn't really find a picture for dread. So I chose a picture of Leonardo Dicaprio's girlfriend Bar Refaeli on a beach somewhere which is completely un-dreadful. Can't wait to see what she does this year, oh thank you internet for a preview. The infamous Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue comes out February 9th. Just before games time. Am I the only one who is kind of feeling like getting the winter games was kind of a rip job? No beach volleyball? Honestly.
"Obama obviously should have kept his "health care reform" idea secret until the last possible second, manufactured it in China, and unveiled it using a Power Point deck and a Gap outfit he hasn't washed since 1997."- Ryan Tate, Gawker.
Blasted Church is kicking 2010 off by revamping their famous wine labels for the first time in 8-years. They still tell the story of how the church came to be - think bang! - but the artwork now "features the magnificently detailed, delightfully quirky artwork of Chris Sickel." The work was done in consultation with the branding geniuses at Brandever.
"Haiti, we can see your halo/ You know you're my saving grace," she sang. "You're everything I need and more, it's written all over your face/ Haiti, we can see your halo/ I pray you won't fade away."
Is the reason I mostly loathe celebrities. Can they all just donate a million and we be done with it? It should be the price for them getting TV time. Can we find a better way than this sad song-y entertainer-a-thon to raise money to help them? Honestly. Steven Speilberg has more money than god, and he's answering phones for $25 donations? Well maybe a better way is not the way the Book Warehouse in Yaletown was rolling tonight:
This donation box seems dubious at best. More like a shady tip jar. And yet people looked to be filling it anyway. Don't get me wrong, we need to give, but there simply has to be a better way than this.
PS: Brad Pitt, you look like a homeless man. Donate now. That is all.
Don't worry parents, starting in February, B.C. schools will be teaching your kids the ins and outs (no pun intended) of "sexting." Woo hoo! According to Metro Vancouver, "The lessons aimed at children in grades 7 and 8 use interactive comics and games to convey information about safe texting." Oh to be in grade 7 again with iphones and sexting.
Our Mac overlords have a lot to live up to. If they release a 'tablet' of some sort next week. I mean, if they under deliver on expectations, tablets will be the Obama of technology, yet again. Then again, maybe Jobs will exceed expectations yet again. Time will tell. (Gizmodo)
Admitadly, I'm not very good with math. Squeaked by with a C-, a lot. But I'm having a very hard time understanding the economics and numbers for spending $8.5 million to refurbish some rail lines to operate a glorified bus from Olympic Station to Granville Island for 60-days. It's a 1.8km street car! (Via CTV)
What is this? 1875? Oh, and we've borrowed these quasi buses from Bombardier, who made those awesome torches that keep going out. So we have that going for us. All this is supposed to make us want to make this permanent and expand the program around the city? Are we taking CRAZY pills here?
Do you think we could maybe NOT encourage families of flip flop wearing douchebags from using the Canada Line like it was a bath house? This was their ad running full page in most papers today. I will return the favor by riding you sans ticket a few times. Thanks so much, The Vancouverite.
1. That Susan Sarandon owns a ping pong club
2. That some models will be playing ping pong
3. That said models will be playing ping pong at Susan Sarandons ping pong club.
4. That said models will be playing ping pong at Susan Sarandons ping pong club to raise money for Haiti.
5. That said models will livestream video from their Haiti Relief Foundraiser event tonight at SPiN New York from 9:30pm-10:30pm.
6. Or, that the humorously named Yaletown restuarant RTL is also doing a dinner for Haiti without ping pong or models. Perhaps it's their new $45 Olympic menu 3-course menu. As if.
The good intentions are good, but can we just stick to the approved channels of fund raising?
Mark Steyn uncovers something maybe we should have been more aware of prior to Haiti being turned to rubble last week:
Several readers drew my attention to this story about a group of British Columbia high schoolers who chanced to be in Haiti when the earthquake struck. They've been returned safely to Canada, and good for them. But the CP report contains one of the wackiest sentences I've ever read:
The group, which arrived in Montreal via military transport, was in Haiti on a mission to set up a goat farm in a town about 45 kilometres outside the Haitian capital of Port-au-Prince.
Even by the standards of Third World dysfunction, what country is such a basket case that it needs outside help to set up a goat farm? -Mark Steyn, National Review Online.
I don't want to be the idiot during a major calamity or anything, but is this the best PSA they could have produced? It's like they one-taked it and didn't have lights. On the other hand, I really think NBC could grab some ratings if they turned this into a reality show starring Bush and Clinton. Despite this, you should donate some cash.
Who knew? Today is Blue Monday, as in the Most Depressing Day of the Year. Huzzah for us! And accordingly, The Lion's Gate Bridge is closed, Ferries aren't working, and the wind is crazy. On the upside I just saw Breakfast Television's Dawn Chubai make a fool of herself doing an outdoor weather report as the wind destroying her umbrella. "The perfect storm of failing our new year’s resolutions, working through debts from the holiday season and the grim weather make us feel horrible." (Globe)
Just in time for the world to see, it's nice to see that the City of Vnacouver is now literally being powered by our own poop. The press is charmingly calling this "sewage-to-heat" but the $30 million power centre is really just harassing the power of our own crap. And right under the Cambie Street bridge. Is it safe to assume we can rename Olympic Village, "Shit Village" now? Well played Vancouver. (Via Vancouver Sun)
Mayor Gregor Robertson was unavailable for comment as he was busy making, er, energy. Yeah, that's it. So green!
I really enjoy the spin coming from VANOC VP of Sport Tim Gayda who told reporters, "In terms of having enough snow, even if this weather stayed around, we do have it. Right now we are very confident in the pack we have, that we will be able to produce a great field of play."
To which he followed up with this bit of amazing spin:
"Right now we have all the snow that we need on the competition area," said Gayda. "The nice thing about artificial snow is it's more resilient and actually stands up better to this kind of weather."
Of course it is better. At least we'll all be dry in BC Place for the dreadful opening ceremonies, right? Exit Question: What do think mascot Quatchi smells like whe he gets wet?
A new year, and another French car burning celebration. Actually the irrepressible and lovable French burned a total of 1,137 cars last night to ring in the new year. "The number of vehicles torched was only 10 short of the record 1,147 burned this time last year, even though the Interior Ministry mobilized 45,000 police during the night -- 10,000 more than 12 months ago." And in Vancouver I don't know if we burned any cars at all last night. Shame on us. Well, at least we were classier than the Brits.
In a related, and little known fact, this previous post includes an image which is the number one Google Image search result for "car burning France." Great way to kick off the year.
Not sure how Rex Murphy squeaked this commentary past the comrades at the mothership, but he is on fire. In short his review of the shady academic work, "You wouldn't accept that at a grade 9 science fair."
Remember when Chairman, er, Mayor Gregor Robertson launched the new branding for the city? You know, that we were the Green Capital now? Well according to 24 Hours, that green logo and slogan cost us $239,000 plus GST. Here are some genius musings from the gold-laden brand book:
"Green is connected to blue, land to sky and water, the city to its people and ideas to capital. The graphic V is also reminiscent of the ribbons of an Olympic medal, a nod to the Games that started Vancouver's search for a new business story."
So let me get this straight, we have to shut down the petting zoo because of budget issues, but we could find nearly $250,000 to get a logo and some ridiculous branding book about a new business story?
This makes me want to order more copies of Green Hell, and send one to Mayor Gregor for Christmas thanking him for all his tireless work making us greener and stuff.
Looking back to 2007, you'd think the idea of creating a Marvel Comics Theme park in Dubai would seem both "why there" and "why"? At the time Dubai was the hot spot of the world. But there here are designs for crazy Marvel Dubailand. And yet, Dubai was so flush with cash, any stupid idea went. Snow and skiing inside in the middle of a dessert. A man made island shaped like palm tree. Man made island shaped like worldMarvel Comic Theme park. Air conditioned bus stops. And of course the fun is always building in Dubailand. Spiked has a punch and definitive post about how stupid all of this was:
"Let’s be frank: a lot of the proposed real estate schemes were, frankly, shit. Do you want to live in a bungalow surrounded by animatronic dinosaurs? Then City of Arabia is for you. Fancy a flat in the world’s largest, largely Dubai-themed theme park? Try Dubailand (not to be confused with Dubai World). A gated community in the shape of a falcon, festooned with replicas of the seven wonders of the ancient world and a larger than life-sized copy of the Eiffel Tower? Step forward, Dubai Falcon City."
I like that this Chinese news clip does two things amazingly well:
1. Break down the entire Tiger Woods controversy in a way I can actually understand.
2. Make use of AMAZINGLY rad 3D reenactments to really show me what is going on.
This will save big media. It's genius. Get on this CTV. Like now, possibly with a 3D Tony Parsons avatar. I'm just brainstorming here, but I trust him. I beg you to leave Chris Galius out of this future solution Global. (Via Agency Spy)
OMG, that dog, he's just so excited to pee all over Switzerland's flag! Super Fun! And just when I thought Yaletown couldn't get any more awful, they go and participate in some sort of hideous flag walk. According to the brochure:
"Picture yourself in a business district that is celebrating all things international; a restaurant is featuring Italian cuisine, the spa is featuring French beauty products, and all things German are on sale for one day at your store. Above-ground level offices will have flags and pennants on display and you will see employees everywhere wearing flag pins. Some shops will adopt a specific country, while others will want to support the home team and focus on cheering Canada through the whole celebration season. All participation will be unique and suited to the individual participating business. The Flag Walk project will create energy that screams Olympic fun for everyone – not just for two weeks but for the one hundred days leading up to the Games."
When I'm at Earl's having hot wings near some exotic flag of a country I've never heard of while I wear my Ed Hardy tee, I'll be sure to think of all the unique "Olympic Fun" I'm having. Yay! And don't worry about walking on the flags, they aren't actually Flags! Phew! At least that is what the official FlagWalk website tells me. Flags, you see aren't actually round! Hooray! Let's go walk on them! Check out the demo:
1. Who wants to see Bill Good in HD? EVER?
2. Cat in tree, saved, in HD? I wasn't watching in SD.
3. Tamara Taggart in HD? Okay, maybe that's okay.
4. H1N1 b-roll footage in HD. No thanks.
5. Pamela Martin. In HD. Wait, isn't she like 70?
Thanks CTV. It's exactly what we asked for! Merry Christmas.
We've imported every store from the USA and elsewhere. And yet our downtown core is really still about the two most pathetic department stores in the known universe. Not only that, but everyone has been rocking Christmas before Halloween here. But the fabulous, piano playing, awesome service retailer Nordstrom is fighting the Christmas creep and not doing Christmas until American Thanksgiving is over, again. Bravo. (Via The Consumerist)
As an aside, I nearly bought some Fossil shoes at The Bay the other day as I passed through on a work assignment - yes, this did involve shopping for Olympic crap. Turns out there was no one to actually get help from. Oh, except for the other Bay shoe store which will only help if you buy their shoes, not the regular Bay shoes. Huh? So not only did I refuse to buy them when someone showed up as I exited, I ended up buying two pairs of shoes at Zappos.com instead. Take that Bay. Jerks.
Q: The Olympics are coming to Vancouver in February: What advice would you give our athletes for enjoying their nights out in the athlete’s village?
A: Have fun, but be sensible and act responsibly! Remember, no more than 20 guys in the shower together at one time and if you are going to be competing, don’t ruin your chances by staying up all night partying for more than 3 days on the trot. And don’t take drugs (apart of course, from poppers which can’t be detected by Olympic testing). The main thing to remember guys is that this is the time to have fun together and experience different nations.
Q: How can I get a physique like a hockey great like Wayne Gretzky?
A: Work, work, work! Getting a great body like mine or Wayne’s take a lot of sweat and vomiting. You’ve GOT to put time in at the gym – I spend 6 hours a day at mine, admittedly mainly having shower sex, but that still is a great work out.
I find articles in Vancouver titled "Rain, rain, and more rain on the way for Vancouver," completely unhelpful. On the other hand, it is the story's URL which is downright terrifying (vancouversun.com/news/Scorpion+gangster+arrested+Langley/2256831
/Rain+rain+more+rain+Vancouver/2254125/story.html).
What is The Sun trying to tell us I wonder?
PS: How do you like my awful Perez Hilton like annotations? I know, I hate it too. But it's been a long day, deal with it. We are all doomed.
You think having the Olympics is bad? It could be worse. We could be hosting the UN Climate Change Conference and having them rename Vancouver something as dreadful as Hopenhagen. Oh, poor Copenhagen. That would be the worst. At least VANOC didn't rename the city, right?
Spend enough time walking around Vancouver's fascinating and diverse neighborhoods in winter and you'll discover two things: 1) There are a whole lotta warm and welcoming restaurants in this town; 2) Your jacket might be waterproof, but your shoes are not.
Yeah, it rains. Deal with it. Here's a few tips (other than to invest in rubber socks) for anyone visiting the Winter Olympics 2010 city:
1. Do not, under any circumstances, base your bearings on "That tall, skinny apartment building" when exploring Vancouver. The structures are so ubiquitous you'd have a better chance of getting your bearings in New York City based on "That sickly looking pigeon."
It's wet here. We have many buildings that all look alike. How fun.
The Province has a fairly awesome headline about Vancouver being "pounded" by the heavy rain. I like that even when it rains more than usual, we're surprised. And we give it cute names like Pineapple Express. Thanks Hawaii! Jerks. (And forcing me to blog about it, about weather, Environment Minister Barry Penner says, "At this point, there's no reason to be unduly alarmed." He adds, "What has caught our attention for this weather system is the amount of moisture that it appears to be packing." Indeed.
Remember Bill Cosby? Apparently he's still doing comedy. Really? I wonder if he is still doing like Jello Pudding Pops bits or whatever? Mr. Huxtable gets the River Rock treatment tonight in Richmond. You might as well go check out 2012. The Awl said this about this end-of-the-world smash up derby, "And what else would make it THIS AWESOME? It's like the movie has ultra-oxygenated blood and sleeps upside down in a hyperbaric chamber and eats tiger penis like it's its job because it has psycho endurance that feels GREAT in your brain." (PS: Read the whole review. It's epic)
You could also, when you learn that 2012 is full, go check out Wes Anderson Fantastic Mr. Fox or the tubby but loveable Philip Seymour Hoffman in a movie called Pirate Radio or The Boat that Rocked (IMDB can't make up it's mind) with the tagline, "1 Boat. 8 Djs. No morals." Or you could get creative and check out the Big Lebowski Beverage Garden at the UBC Film Society. 6 Bucks and the only film that serves drinks.
SATURDAY
OMG. KISS is at GM Place Satuday. This means MAC is going to be BUSY today. They still wear the make up right? Oh and to class it up Buckcherry is opening. For fun, maybe get your KISS face makeup on then do the Champagn and Sparkling Wine Tasting at Marquis Wine Cellars. That will blow some minds. (1034 Davie 1-4 PM) Meanwhile, Bill Maher, the most successful unfunny person on TV is so relevant that he is playing River Rock as well.
Anytime this weekend you could check out the dying days of Fuel in Kitsilano (1944 West 4th Ave). It's closing the end of the month and this is your last chance. Dont' worry, the space will return as a casual Pacific NW space on December 2nd. You have until November 29th.
SUNDAY
Vancouver's baby Comicon. (11-5, Heritage Hall 3102 Main. $4 admission.) I'm guessing by the lack of anyone or anything I've heard of on the guest list, this isn't like the big ones. I'm also guess, and hate to break it to you nerds, but Olivia Munn will not, repeat, not be attending. Will there be any comic babes? I'm guessing no, but I dare you to go check it out.
Heading out to services downtown in a little bit. And instead of writing, I figured I'd share a few classic posts on the day from Remembrance Day 2005 including some from my trip to France and Belgium that year with my Dad.
Tireless Mayor Gregor Robertson was hard at work in the middle of the night again (2:30 AM), on Twitter onbviously. He's working with the rest of the region for 2010 to land great companies and jobs. Is it too early to call this a fail?
Hours earlier (11:35 PM) California based, but Burnaby co-habitated Electronic Arts is about to slash another 1500 jobs (in addition to the 1100 from earlier in the year) and the numbers from here will be "significant."
Wait, No Obama-esque call to "save" jobs? Way to go guys.
Uh oh. Everything was looking to be on track, but the third, and final, ticket release for the 2010 Winter Games just fell after a double axle. The Vancouver Sun called them out and labeled this an epic fail. They will try again next Saturday, same bat time, same bat channel. Nothing to worry about here folks.
FRIDAY
Cinephiles can check out the Vancouver Asian Film Festival all weekend. I almost deleted this since trying to find anything about these films seemingly involved downloading a 44 page PDF. I hate PDFs when I just want the information on the FILMS! (turns out the navigation labeled "Festival" meant "Films")
Try shorts like Bamboozle: "When Katie, a professional mascot loses the head to her panda costume, she consequently loses her job, and now possibly her life!" Or Vagina Vacation: "After having her 18th child Nicole is ready to have another one right away. However her Vagina is not, and takes off on vacation!" But seriously, I hear White on Rice is pretty good. And any write up for a movie named The People I've Slept With suggests it is like a mixture of, "Sex and the City with Will & Grace in a progressive sex comedy about a carnally adventurous Asian American woman who
Or you could just see something like The Men Who Stare At Goats and actually enjoy yourself. Whatever.
How do you decide between Soul Asylum in Coquitlam (Red Robinson Show Theatre) and Chantel Kreviazuk in Richmond (River Rock)?
How do you decide between Neil Sedaka in Richmond (River Rock) and Chantel Kreviazuk in Coquitlam (Red Robinson Show Theatre)? Sedaka's Laughter in the Rain is perfect for this dreary day.
SUNDAY
Four words: David Foster And Friends. End of story. Game. Set. Match. (GM Place) The composer of the Expo Theme, St. Elmo's Fire, and more comes to GM Place to soft-rock out with friends like Philip Bailey from Earth, Wind & Fire.
THE VANCOUVERITE PICK: MAD MEN SEASON FINALE
Or you could stay home and catch the season finale (Title: Shut the Door. Have a Seat. Trailer here) of Mad Men. What will happen to Sterling Cooper? Another Takeover? Will Betty really leave Don? Will he go back to the teacher? Will Peggy stop grossing us out with Duck? Will Roger finally dump that drunk Jane? Will he get Joan back to to SC? Will Connie Hilton predict his grand daughter fame whoring? Will Kinsey shave his beard? Will Sal come back? Will Pete go postal? More importantly what will Don be wearing?
What, bloggers aren't in the priority list for getting the H1N1 vaccine? Thankfully the bankers who helped bring us the global economic meltdown are getting their own supply of vaccine. From John Cook of Gawker:
"Goldman Sachs and Citigroup have obtained a total of 1,400 doses of swine flu vaccine from the city of New York, while many pediatricians wait for doses. On the other hand, money is more important than babies."
Insert joke about pig bankers being naturally more open to Swine Flu here.
I expect that with 12,000 Torches out there in the next few months, they'll be lots of them coming up on Ebay, like this little guy for the low price of $2500. But here's the thing. What would you even do with it? Now, if you said, you had a canister with the actual flame from Greece that I could keep filling up and have the Olympic flame just rocking out in my apartment 24-7, then you might have something. Or not. I don't get it.
This is neat. A design competition. In Surrey! i'm not sure what is more awesome:
1. The city of Surrey is holding a public 75k design competition.
2. It's a competition to transform Surrey's town centers.
3. Is Surrey's tagline really "the future lives here" - Are you kidding me?
4. But it's got a catchy name, "townshift".
5. Isn't that cool? They've got blobs of colour. So modern.
"Surrey types didn’t say specifically what they were looking for Monday, but they dropped a few hints: town squares, tall apartment buildings, wide walkways, leafy streets and plenty of accommodation for the ever-growing senior population." (Via The Province)
Am I the only one who thinks this should be some sort of Ty Pennington reality show instead? Impoverished suburb with no sense of style and legendary loose women. Move that bus!
Somehow, there is some sort of survey commissioned by the city that says that by a two-to-one margin the city thinks the Burrard Bridge is totally wicked awesome. So Mayor Gregor is doing like tonnes of high fives and fancy juice toastings and stuff. Of course this is a survey of 310 people with no margin of error. I mean 45-21 percent in favour. Except what did the rest of the survey think? None of the above? Who cares! We've got a bike bridge damn it.
All this didn't stop Counselor Heather Deal from proclaiming a fait accompli, "It shows that, not only do we have a safer bridge, but that cars, pedestrians and cyclists all think it's a good idea... It's a huge success for us." (via CBC)
Hey there H1N1 vaccine fans, if you aren't high risk, you aren't getting the delicious vaccine. Government health officials will be patrolling the lines to ensure only high priority people get it. What is this, a 1960's bread line in Russia? Get used to it. At least there is a handy "interactive quiz" on the website.
PS: What sort of math is this: "B.C. will receive a total of 350,000 doses of the vaccine this week, less than had been expected, with 92,500 of the doses going to Vancouver Coastal." (via Vancouver Sun) Well, at least we aren't living in the health care nightmare that is Toronto. Can't win hockey games, and can't cope with H1N1. Ouch.
The cover story of 24 Hours today is amazing. Turns out, some anti-Olympic amateur propagandist spent Halloween handing out notes to trick-or-treaters saying, "I hate the Olympics, send Car 87 for Gordon Campbell." Halloween political campaign. Love it.
Meanwhile The Province spent the spooky night aftermath with Galleries of The Felions in various costumes, entries from their Sexy Halloween Costume Contest, and even a post Halloween Craigslist missed connections. 24 Hours doing more original stories than Province? You be the judge. At least they are both smutting it up and trying to move papers.
So, the RCMP got the seventh foot washed ashore. This one in a Nike shoe (brand nightmare) was found after a beach stroll in Richmond. This is the seventh foot to wash ashore since 2007, although it would seem, the first Nike version. Just before Halloween? Come on Dexter, not funny. (Via Vancouver Sun)
Shares of Lululemon Athletica Inc (LULU) are jumping this week on raised earnings and better than expected sales. "Lululemon said it also now expects net revenue to be between $110 million to $112 million for the quarter ended Nov. 1 compared with earlier guidance for a range of $95 million to $100 million and $87 million a year ago." (Via Canadian Press)
So, West Coast companies like Starbucks and now Lululemon are turning around, I guess this recession is over?
"Bear bells are a part of everyday life for residents of North Vancouver," thats what a Wednesday article from Heather Amos in the Globe and Mail? Really? I've NEVER heard a bear bell or seen one in North Vancouver. This seems like the equivalent of Ralph Wiggum in The Simpsons saying things like, "My cats breath smells like cat food."
But North Van likes the idea so much, they are making GIANT green wrist-strap souvenirs with three bells that residents can jingle during the 2010 Games. You've got to be kidding me. Props to CTV for dropping the SNL Cow Bell sketch in their piece.
Nice to see that Olympic security team has spent time investigating a group of knitters in Cowichan who are going to protest VANOC next week. I knew those Olympic sweaters were going to be trouble. Nice to see that the Olympics has really brought people together. (via CBC)
1. Seems like the bigger fail here isn't running ads on Drudge, but that they are targeting Vancouver computers. We live here and stuff. Staycations are stupid. Any questions?
2. Would anyone have had a problem with this if this wasn't on a right wing site? Like Drudge readers somehow don't have money to spend here, and we wouldn't take it I'm sure. I'd bet if the ad was on Huffington Post or Daily Kos no one would care.
3. One blogger and a few comments and Tourism Vancouver pulls its ad. Wow, they are worse than the Canucks right now. Zing!
4. Please note that tonight Shaw, HP, Honda, Quiznos, Best Western, TD Canada Trust, and MSN were all happily spending their targeted ads like drunken sailors on us lowly Drudge craving douchebags in Vancouver who happened to be reading the entertaining a very entertaining news site.
Wow. Just like our starless Film Festival, our very own Fashion Week is kind of half-assed. Heidi Klum would have a field day with this.
According to CTV, "B.C.'s annual celebration of fashion was shut down Friday when a production company took down the stage in the middle of the afternoon show. The fiasco at B.C. Fashion Week shed light on a financial mess that has alienated many former staffers, prompted legal action, and caused police to be called Friday to keep the peace."
Nice to see that two days after finding out the city is $61 million in the red, they unveiled the new green and blue branding for the City as we countdown to the 2010 Winter Olympics. "The logo is a stylized V of intersecting green and blue lines above the slogan: Vancouver Green Capital." (Metro News)
Ever the juice selling zealot, Mayor Gregor Robertson said, "It’s important that the world sees that Vancouver is serious about business too. We can’t just be a laid-back place to chill out. Let's own green. Enough of the modesty." He was not able to tell reporters what the actual costs of this new rebranding were.
Fairly certain that the way to shake off the laid back hippy image of Vancouver is probably NOT by being more granola and green and calling yourself Green Capital. But this branding page explains everything. It's green here, so we are the green capital. Duh.
UPDATE: After a quick huddle with some Art Directors....And did they really have to use Gotham, an American, New York centric, Obama centric font? I mean come on.
I totally missed the whole Peace Conference thing in town yesterday. But I did not miss how the Dalai Lama, His Holiness, the 14th son of the Lama, can still charm the ladies. Peace, it would seem, is a mere afterthought of getting some. Okay that's gross, but you have to admit, he is like a depends wearing pepaw. He likes the ladies, and hates technology. Although I'm sure he enjoyed his jet flight over here and stuff. So he's got that going for him. Side note: a hilarious Tumblr meme blog would be "Shit The Dalai Lama Says."
Douglas Todd report-blogs, "The Dalai Lama, a Buddhist monk, was flirting with women at a private lunch today at the University of B.C. I swear it. He had merrily been having lunch sitting beside Vancouver Mayor Gregor Robertson (right), eating and talking with gusto. Then the Dalai Lama mentioned how he was having lunch at a table with six women. They happened to be the speakers at the afternoon event at the Chan Centre, called Nobel Laureates in Dialogue: Connecting for Peace."
Exit Question: So, did this event achieve peace? Sadly only for the 8,000 paying ticket holders. Ahhhhh....peace.....mmmmmmmm.
Vancouver Billionaire David Ho, whose last name will be ironically hilarious in this story, was arrested for allegedly confining and assaulting a prostitute, "unlawfully causing bodily harm, storage of a firearm contrary to regulations, unauthorized possession of a firearm, possession of a prohibited or restricted firearm with ammunition, possession of a prohibited weapon without a licence and possession of a controlled substance."
Ho, in more ways than one apparently, was the man who founded Harmony Airways in 2002, and which folded in 2007. And now, he is Vancouver's ultimate ho, appropriately. (Via Globe and Mail)
The Prince of Pot, Marc Emery, finally turned himself in so he can go the US and face 5-years jail time. Ever defiant Emery told the crowd at the Supreme Court, "Plant the seeds of freedom. Over grow the government everyone."
God he is such a drama queen. He's a rinky-dink pot head and doesn't think the laws as they stand apply to him. Too bad, so sad. I for one am looking forward to 5-years without Emery on the political or news scene. He was a terrible advocate for freedom, a blight on the political scene, and generally kind of a douche bag. He was like watching a bad episode of Weeds, except there was no Mary Louise Parker to make it all cute and fun. So long buddy.
Love that the newspaper that broke Watergate is also doing Twits, a new web series of dramatic readings of celebrity twitter posts. Genius. See: Episode 2 No wonder Woodward had to kick it into gear with the release of the McChrystal Report he published.
What do you do with the website URL Vancouver.com? Well you start by making the most amazing video EVER just as a thought starter. The possibilities are freaking endless. My favourite comment: "That video is douchier than Kanye West. Give the domain to the city of Vancouver and let people take a vote on what they want it to be." (via Techvibes)
PS: The inquiry into the death of Robert Dziekanski has cost us $3.7 million so far. Which is "excellent value." Can't we just go back to like real guns? (Can West News Service)
Help them. Hide them. Potato, potahto, Tomato, tomahto. Come on people can't it just be both? We all win. Forcing homeless in Vancouver into shelters so they don't freeze to death seems smart and looks better. And if it gets them off the street how can't this be legal? (Globe and Mail)
Vancouver Magazine has one great new feature. Tales from the City is a nicely typeset, spread of why magazines still offer something in the world. Because it looks awful on the web. End of story. Take this example from John Burns in what they are calling Volume 3:
A few years back, I spent a day touring the city with TV chef Anthony Bourdain. He is as acerbic in person as he is on the tube, and the hours passed in a happy blur of cab rides and comped shooters. In the early evening, we found ourselves drinking champagne at the Opus Hotel. Jim Byrnes was playing the blues as leggy PR types and U.K. travel scribes mingled. Suddenly, the smell of smoke. All eyes turn to Bourdain. "Hey," he said, "for once it's not me!" A CBC cameraman who'd been hounding Bourdain has leaned into a candle and set his jacket ablaze. An immaculate blond raised an eyebrow. "Is that young man on fire?" Her companion sipped her campers and shook her head. "Some people."
And if that last post didn't seal the deal for you, here is the current opposition. Here's the reason why Gordon Campbell can do whatever he wants. there is no real opposition. No, it's not Carole James, although she is pure glamor, it's the one-two sexy punch of former Premier Bill Zander Zalm and Bill Tieleman who are the anti-HST organizers/poster sex bombs.
I mean really these two make the American Tea Baggers look credible. Don't get me wrong. I hate taxes. I hate all of them. But it doesn't mean I become Bill Vander Zalm and jump into bed with the Carole James and Bill Tieleman. (Via CTV)
Movies: Jennifer's Body. It was filmed her. It stars Megan Fox. She kisses Amanda Seyfried. Can I make it any clearer than that? Oh, Diablo Cody wrote it. Good times. Or you could see fat Matt Damon in The Informant! Which will probably be better mostly since it features the amazing Scott Bakula.
Music:
Arctic Monkeys Brit pop band performs songs from new album, Humbug. The Like opens. (Malkin Bowl, Stanley Park, Sept. 20, 6 pm)
Weird or just Random:
Yarn Bombing? Launch of a new book about covert textile street art. Say what? (Three Bags Full, 4458 Main, Sept. 17, 5:30 pm, free.) Really? Free? OMG. 1.2.3...Yarn fight!
Drink:
Go check out the new front of house management and wine babes at Opus Bar. This will be different than the usual tarts at Cactus Club. Different is good. And it's still in Yaletown if you are a real douchebag. (322 Davie Street)
Food: Gastown Blues and Chili Fest
Could this be like the time Homer Simpson ate that really spicy chili and hallucinated? Good old time beer tent and chili-cook off competition between Gastowns top 20 joints. Wait there is a top 20? Featuring: Jim Byrnes, Steve Kozak’s West Coast Blues Review, Mud Bay Blues Band, The Harpoonist & The Axe Murderer, Ronnie Hayward, David Gates and Stompin Hot Jazz Band. (Sept 20. 12 – 7pm.)
Must be a totally slow news day. Miss 604 is doing video reviews and un-boxings of printers. Groundbreaking. She uses printers, so she is now, like, the Gizmodo of printer reviews. Hearing about her printing needs is awesome, where is Kanye when you need him? PS: Pretty sure Newspapers have nothing to worry about if this is what the internet brings us. Next up: Paint drying review.
And no it hasn't escaped me that I'm blogging about her blogging about a printer. At all. Shoot me now.
Well that was fun, wasn't it? So is the recession over? Or is it just taking a nap? I guess we'll find out.
Credit 1’s Coincident Economic Index (CEI), released Wednesday, shows the province’s economy recorded a 0.5-per-cent month-over-month rise in June, and a 7.1-per-cent second-quarter (April-June) increase at a seasonally adjusted annual rate (SAAR). The SAAR takes the quarter-to-quarter change in the economy and multiplies it by four to reach an annual rate.
“Our index is indicating the recession is over,” said David Hobden, economist for Central 1. “No one knows what the future holds for certain, but we’re not expecting a double-dip recession.”(Vancouver Sun)
Been listening to this story all morning on BT. A fresh resident right off the plane from Toronto was "hiking" on Mount Seymour causing North Shore Rescue to search overnight. He was found, praise Jesus, and it's noted that he wasn't "prepared" for his first hike in Vancouver. Look dude it's not the Nepal, okay.
Turns out he was wearing GOD DAMN FLIP FLOPS. Who wears flip flops for a hike? They should have left this idiot up there. I'm sure this guy debated on whether to wear flip flops or crocs.
Oh great, rejoice Vancouver! Our housing sales are back. That means outrageous prices can't be too far behind them.
"Vancouver led the nation with a whopping 117 per cent increase in home resales in August compared to August a year ago. According to statistics released Tuesday by The Canadian Real Estate Association, Canada's resale housing market continues to rally, with 42,483 homes trading hands in August, an 18.5 per cent gain from year-ago levels." (Vancouver Sun)
Puma! Seriously, where was this app a year ago? When the market was going down like girls on the Rock of Love Bus. Now that the recession is maybe, kinda, over (although probably not here where the Olympics maybe, kind of, has artificially propped up Vancouver's economy) they release an app that is better when things are down. At least they will wash your car, on your app. (Via Brandflakesforbreakfast)
Shortly before 5pm, a double shooting occurred in West Vancouver at a condo complex reportedly in Spuraway Gardens at 235 Keith Road. Police have closed the Lion's Gate Bridge bringing Vancouver traffic to the North Shore to a standstill. (Vancouver Sun) And according to News 1130, "West Vancouver police say the two victims have serious injuries but are expected to survive. They believe the shooting was targeted."
UPDATE: So the two "shooties" are alive and well in the hospital. (Canadian Press) Police are now calling this a "targeted hit" (That's what she said). Am I the only one that is noticing if this was targeted, it must not have been targeted enough. Was it a targeted "wounding?" (Too soon?)
Coors Light had to pull some ads after their "Colder than most people from Toronto" billboard seemed to, well, offend a couple of Torontonians.
1. Clearly Toronto has no sense of humor. Big surprise there.
2. This ad is not nearly 1/2 as lame as the one under the Cambie bridge that reads "Colder than a souvenir vendor in March 2010". Ha!
3. Clearly Coors Light isn't funny either. At all.
4. And the campaign worked, see, we're talking about it.
5. Coors Light is still no Bud Light Lime.
Nice to see that the Car Free Days on Commercial were shut down nearly a month earlier than planned because business was hurting. Yeah, maybe in a recession the whole hippy no-cars thing is bad for the small business guy. Or that the bus system was screwed. I'm in shock. [Metro News]
Really? People hate taxes? Who knew. Even the hippies in BC people hate new taxes. Especially on Cactus Club mini-burgers. How could Gordon Campbell not figure that one out? the Province. On a side note, I'm sure that The Province could have done something better with the cover of the paper that this.
And in case anyone is thinking about jumping off the BC Liberal band wagon with the HST, let me remind you that the other choices in the election were the NDP and the GREEN Party. So let's just resolve to the fact that we'll get the money back in a tax cut later, right Gordo?
This just in, It's hot out there. In the immortal words of Good Morning, Vietnam's Adrian Cronauer, "The weather out there today is hot and shitty with continued hot and shitty in the afternoon. Tomorrow a chance of continued crappy with a pissy weather front coming down from the north. Basically, it's hotter than a snake's ass in a wagon rut."
Walter Cronkite passed away on Friday. The summer of death continues! The famed newsman was 92. Nobody under 40 probably even watched one of his newscasts live - being off the air by '81, but he was a legend to many. Although maybe don't go so over the top Clooney.
Everyone is playing the clips of Cronkite on they day President Kennedy was killed or the first landing on the moon. But I think the above clip is even better. He's on the phone while on air, breaking the news of LBJ's death. It's so old school. It's great. I mean, compared to any of the anchors today, I'm looking at you Wolf Blitzer, it's pretty clear why everyone is fussing.
Yesterday, July 16, was the 40th anniversary of the Apollo 11 launch that went to the moon. On August 8th, VW ran this ad. It's still completely awesome. This, not so much. PS: Nixon was a genius. (Via Copyranter)
"The first thing you need to know about Goldman Sachs is that it's everywhere. The world's most powerful investment bank is a great vampire squid wrapped around the face of humanity, relentlessly jamming its blood funnel into anything that smells like money. In fact, the history of the recent financial crisis, which doubles as a history of the rapid decline and fall of the suddenly swindleddry American empire, reads like a Who's Who of Goldman Sachs graduates."
That's how Matt Taibbi starts off his latest piece in Rolling Stone. If you want a terrifying, gut-wrenching, and blood boiling read, Taibbi is the go-to guy right now. Go now if only for the last third of his 12-pager, where he debunks the solutions for last years fake oil bubble (more drilling or hybrids) and opens our eyes to the next government engineered, Al Gore approved, bubble to take our money, the green friendly carbon credit trading future.
Crap. Pretty sure we'll have more on this awful art blight on our city as it develops. Remember the Spirit Bears Rant of 2006? (and here) My mind is still being blown by the Trevor Linden eagle.
"The B.C. Centre for Disease Control yesterday confirmed seven new cases of human swine flu raising the provincial total to 29. The latest group, five under the care of Fraser Health Authority and two living on Vancouver Island, range in age from the teens to mid-50s, and are exhibiting mild symptoms without the need for hospitalization." [24 Hours]
But don't worry, its winding down in a declining phase. Phew, that was close.
Nice to know that in this difficult time of an economic downturn, Nickleback front man Chad Kroeger is still a complete douchebag. He's being sued for allegedly beating a man up outside of the Roxy. Bravo sir. No word yet on whether or not Kroeger will be sued for his criminally awful hair cut as well. [Vancouver Sun]
What is your favorite funny name for Swine Flu 2009? Porkbreak? This Swine Flu update has been brought to you by Mr. Quentin Tarantino. Meanwhile Joe Biden reassures the nation during this level 5 pandemic on the Today Show.
I can't even bring myself to know what Mayor Gregor Robertson is doing today. Surely it involved some sort of chicken tending or juicing. I can say that it won't be anything near this cool. Like San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom who, with his sights on Governor of California, is ensuring that his Carla Bruni-like wife's racy movie scenes won't be fodder for the campaign. This is politics I can get behind! Take note young Gregor.
Let me get this straight: An apartment explodes. 10 units are damaged. 3 people injured. Hazardous Materials unit called to scene. You with me so far? I'm guessing this wasn't jut another case of "whoops I left the stove on" or "I dropped the hair dryer into the tub." I guess what I'm saying is, well, I've seen Breaking Bad okay. This would be some sort of meth lab now would it? I'm just saying. (Via CTV)
Fresh off of securing a chicken for every Vancouver backyard, solving the homeless problem, rescuing the Olympic Village fiasco, and drinking a glass of freshly squeezed juice is set to make Vancouver the greenest city in the world.
"We’re already considered to be in the top 10 globally as a green city but we’ve been sliding in past years,” Robertson said. "Vancouver is ready to embrace this; lots of people think green here, now we just have to act green.” (Vancouver Sun)
Isn't this the kind of stuff that ended poor Stephane Dion's career in politics? This whole idea that we can create a Green Economy is baffling. Even if you are Obama. They make it sound like some sort of Dharma Initiative. It's just the economy, stupid. You have to make things people WANT. Great, they're green. Big deal. it's like social media. It's just like any other media and is not different or new. But you don't base your economy on a one trick pony. Get over it.
One footnote. One recommendation calls for a public bike sharing program. This is a bad idea. They have one in Paris and it's a money sucking eyesore. [The Tyee]
According to CNN the combination of swine flu and twitter is ruining everything and proves, of course, that we'll all miss newspapers and such when they are finally gone. (Via Wonkette)
UPDATE: Gawker also is poking fun at this ridiculous news story. To wit: "Here we are two days into the Swine Flu Panic of '09, and dead bodies have yet to be stacked up like cordwood on the streets of American cities. Face it: this story is dumb." Indeed.
The magic of Google Maps gives us the H!N1 Swine Flu tracker. Now you can follow the pork flu epidemic in real time. Sweet! Or Oink. Whatever. Way to get on the map Surrey. And breaking news at my office. Surprise, surprise one of coworkers is "sick" today after a vacation in Mexico. Can you say quarantine. I can.
Let me get this straight. North Korea actually managed to launch this missile, and sure it landed in the Pacific. But I mean, I do not feel any comforat with that so called "fizzle" thank you very much. You just know they won't ever hit their American target and it will land in Vancouver. Not good. [AP]
AND Worse news, Fast & Furious 4 is topping box office with a $102 million global take and the biggest opening in April, EVER. [Deadline Hollywood]
Not only does Taibbi make this economic meltdown readable, he makes it nearly understandable, all while making you incredibly angry - like want to smash Timothy Geithner in the face angry. I think it underscores that whatever Obama is doing right now, he isn't changing much of anything, and that's not okay. I know yesterday someone joked that the Dow was up, and the recessions over, and of course that is the kind of stupid that got us into this in the first place, but I don't think these guys have a clue about how to restore balance to the force. At all. Where is our era's Ross Perot now? So this makes two reasons to pick up a copy at newsstands (the other being the cover of the Gossip Girls).
Here's but a taste, cause this suckers gotta be like 8,000 words plus:
"But wait a minute," you say to them. "No one ever asked you to stay up all night eight days a week trying to get filthy rich shorting what's left of the American auto industry or selling $600 billion in toxic, irredeemable mortgages to ex-strippers on work release and Taco Bell clerks. Actually, come to think of it, why are we even giving taxpayer money to you people? Why are we not throwing your ass in jail instead?"
"Paul Harvey, the news commentator and talk-radio pioneer whose staccato style made him one of the nation's most familiar voices, died Saturday in Arizona, according to ABC Radio Networks. He was 90." [AP]
Recession? What recession? I observed a few non-scientific things yesterday.
1. The Red Door was actually interviewing someone for an open position.
2. People were actually in Willams and Sonoma. One man was asking about the $1600 pot and pan set. No, I didn't grab that $16 Chili starter set, the $14.50 pasta sauce, or the $8 vanilla extract.
3. Cab Driver on Broadway didn't actually pull over, he seemed to stop the car in the middle lane, on green. Bold. This hardly proves anything about the recession, but does prove that cab drivers here are nearly universally awful. He didn't say a single word. He just sort of grunted at us.
4. While we did drive Sleep Country to a pretty good bargain, they seemed to be selling a lot of beds.
Okay. I crawled out of my rabbit hutch tonight long enough to surface at a real live social media mixer. Let's get the business part of this post out of the way. Chip Wilson, founder of Lululemon, is sponsoring the 2nd annual 'Chip's Not Dead Yet Memorial Mile'. On Saturday June 20th 2009, West 10th Avenue will become part run, walk, parade and party raising money for Children's Hospital. I love that it is only a mile, that some people run in their underwear. How wrong can that be?
Not wrong at all. It's for the kids. Meeting Chip was pretty fun - he was wearing that amazing striped shirt and was very excited to learn about all the doodads and power of social media - although he stumped me when asked why I blog. I was still recovering from his story about his morning in some sort of Batsuit being interviewed. I had the chance to ask him about Lululemon and while he wouldn't give me any stock buying advice, he was pretty upbeat on the economy. And he didn't subscribe to my theory that the economy was primarily mental and not very real. The question everyone wanted to know was if Lululemon pants would become cheaper anytime soon - which seems like a very big yes. Then we generally just celebrated that his pants are the best thing to happen to men since the mini skirt. I don't think many people praise him for that. I can attest that Yaletown would just be a bunch of douchebags and small dogs if it wasn't for Lululemon pants. Chip was kinda amazing. No filters. He even said he got back from a trip to the Orient. Love that.
It was interesting. I've never really 'met' other bloggers before. But I thought the combination of wine and cheese + Loden Hotel Penthouse + meeting Chip Wilson = a nice little Wednesday. Even if the wine was, shockingly, some sort of Australian stuff. I don't think there was an animal on it, but it was close. Thanks to Grace Carter at Invoke for the Invite and for wearing those amazing blue shoes. Like any good 'what recession' social media event rolling these days at a $4000 a night penthouse suite, the wine and cheese lasted for a few hours. Then I remember someone's shoe coming off...
If you thought I had schaedenfreud for housing in Yaletown, it is nothing compared to my feelings to Dubai. That place is the worst. Smashing Telly:
"Short of opening a Radio Shack in an Amish town, Dubai is the world’s worst business idea, and there isn’t even any oil. Imagine proposing to build Vegas in a place where sex and drugs and rock and roll are an anathema. This is effectively the proposition that created Dubai - it was a stupid idea before the crash, and now it is dangerous.
Dubai threatens to become an instant ruin, an emblematic hybrid of the worst of both the West and the Middle-East and a dangerous totem for those who would mistakenly interpret this as the de facto product of a secular driven culture."
Just in time for the 2010 Olympic Games Vancouver is named the Gang Capital of Canada! Yay us! Finally we are no longer just the best place on earth, or most livable city. Take that Toronto. We have gangs! Woot. [Canadian Press]
Yesterday a young woman was shot in her car with her son in the back seat. She was caught in a hail of gunfire between 96th Street and 148th, Surrey. According to some reports she was shot three times. This is the 6th such murder in 10 days, and the 2nd in 24 hours. [CTV]
This response from the police seems about as helpful as Don Rumsfeld in about January 2002. We need the Mentalist or like that guy from Life.
“I want to alleviate the fears of the public,” said Cpl. Dale Carr of the Integrated Homicide Investigation Team. “At this point we don’t know if this was a domestic, whether it was gang and drug warfare, or whether it was an isolated targeted hit.”
Fox News is going to have so much fun the next four years it is nearly criminal. Good clean family fun. Also, did anyone else notice the increasing amount of times people are talking about Jimmy Carter these days in the same breath as Obama. Stay tuned.
24 Hours today skipped the whole timely article for snow storm 2009 and focused on tips from life coaches:
1. I don't think there is anything more ridiculous than a life coach.
2. Having them give advice on 'dark days of weather' is absurd news. Is it any wonder newspapers are going out of business?
3. And how can you take a life coach seriously named Hunter Phoenix? Come on.
Nice to see that we got even more snow yesterday and that Vancouver is as snow-challenged as ever this morning.
Epic Fail 1: Reading this article from the Sun titled, "City readies plan for the big melt", about the city getting ready 'cause the snow is over. Nice to see how the article transitions from snow and related stuff to homelessness. Oh, and doesn't mention the new snow from yesterday. I guess they believed the failed weather reports saying it was going to rain last night. Fail.
Epic Fail 2: I'm fairly certain that while I was watching CKNW on Shaw this morning at the gym, I heard a clip of Gregor Robertson saying that this was a once a 50-Year occurrence and that there isn't much we can do about the snow - they don't want to bury the cars on the side streets you know. Didn't we have one like this in like '93 or '98? Sounds like every 10 years. Scratch that, according to a 1970's City Hall report it is every 12-years. I figure if Robertson can't deal with the snow, it is likely that he won't fix homelessness (not that I thought he would anyway) and is clearly no Obama. Or maybe he is and we're giving Obama undeserved hope credits.
“What else can we call a man who produced 14,352 square feet of drawings for the Eiffel Tower—drawings which called for 15,000 structural members and 2,500,000 rivet holes—and who put this immense jigsaw puzzle together without, as far as we know, a single error?” Mario Salvadori
"There is something especially nauseating about the latest Middle East war — scenes of worldwide Islamic protests with photos of Jews as apes, protesters (in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida of all places!) screaming about nuking Israel and putting Jews in ovens, parades of children dressed up with suicide vests and fake rockets, near constant anti-Semitic vicious sloganeering, Gaza mosques stuffed with rockets to be used against civilians — all to be collated with creepy Hamas rhetoric about the annihilation of Israel. This is the world in which we now live." Victor Davis Hanson.
"Israeli air strikes kill cute kittens and Hamas terrorist leaders. But mostly Hamas terrorist leaders." Robert Stacy McCain.
"With all sincerity, Joaquin Phoenix might just be the best celebrity in the world right now. I don’t really know what place he’s at in his life, but I sort of want to go there and buy a condo." Alex Blagg.
" I can't think of a single movie, from It's A Wonderful Life to Mary Poppins, that wouldn't be improved by a whole bunch of machine guns and dead Nazis." Tamara K, View From the Porch.
Oh what fun. It's still snow-y-ville out there, and while we are still off the record amounts, its been a white couple of weeks. Sure it's stopped after yesterday's mini-dump, but this is more snow than we've seen in a long while. It's gorgeous as it is falling, and nice for that day, afterwards, when it melts, gets dirty, or in the case of some trash neighbours of mine they let their dog piss in it (really, couldn't take the dog down stairs and away from the common walkways? That's just plain rude.
In other news Frances Bula sheds some light on how the city deals with the snow during an exchange with Vision Councillor Raymond Louie. "he city ended up spending $937,000 from its 2008 budget for snow clearing in the last few weeks of December. (Raymond didn’t say it, but I will: Good thing council didn’t vote to put more money from the contingency fund into the homelessness plan, as David Cadman had suggested!"
I found the idea that Vancouver has only 47 snow ploughs very interesting, almost as much as how much it would cost to plough side streets. Fascinating. And don't worry we're adding 5 more for the Olympics - VANOC thinks of everything!
And while we are on the topic of all things weather and snow - my absolute least favorite blogging right after cat blogging and blogging about social media - its a good time to link to a few interesting articles about global warming.
"Easily one of the most important stories of 2008 has been all the evidence suggesting that this may be looked back on as the year when there was a turning point in the great worldwide panic over man-made global warming. Just when politicians in Europe and America have been adopting the most costly and damaging measures politicians have ever proposed, to combat this supposed menace, the tide has turned in three significant respects."
The 2nd, more unlikely, is this Harold Ambler piece, also in an unlikely place, The Huffington Post. Ambler is accepting an apology from Al Gore on climate change that is required reading out here in the left coast of Canada. Part of the fun is reading the comments after the article as people don't like to read such things as the debunking of Al 'The Pope of Green' Gore.
"Mr. Gore has stated, regarding climate change, that "the science is in." Well, he is absolutely right about that, except for one tiny thing. It is the biggest whopper ever sold to the public in the history of humankind."
UPDATE: And really, did it need to snow yet again this afternoon/evening? Honestly.
"Make Steve Jobs CEO of General Motors. At least their cars will look better. My new MacBook Pro, on which I am typing this post, is a much slicker piece of design than anything GM has put out in years."
"The Russian Prime Minister – shown in new macho-style pictures apparently tranquilising a tiger – said that any attempts at severing relations would be hampered by the self-interest of European nations." [Times Online]
1. Um. How can I say this delicately. You poor bastards. Whoever is leading/doing the opening ceremony to the 2010 Vancouver games should just quit now. You will be remembered forever as a complete failure. Just stop. Now. Unless this fireworks fiasco story is remembered. But really who cares if some of the fireworks were digitally enhanced. Its hopeless.
2. More Damning Evidence, The Opening Ceremony Budget breakdown: In Beijing: $100 million. Set for Vancouver, well we've budgeted $58 Million for all ceremonies. Thanks, China. Overachievers.
5. Worst. Olympic. Stadium. Ever. Unless: We Hire Michael Bay, Quentin Tarantino, James Cameron, and possibly Nigel Lythgoe from So you think you can Dance and give them $200 million and you might have a chance. And of course, at the end, they simple blow BC Place sky high after a giant dance number. Better start sourcing like 5,000 drummers.
"Greyhound has scrapped an ad campaign that extolled the relaxing upside of bus travel after one of its passengers was accused of beheading and cannibalizing another traveler.
The ad's tag line was 'There's a reason you've never heard of 'bus rage."'
Greyhound spokeswoman Abby Wambaugh said Wednesday a billboard and some tunnel posters near a bus terminal in Toronto are still up and would be removed later in the day. "
I'm not sure I really get this. Here's Pam Anderson in Vancouver give shout outs to KFC for their new vegetarian (read: non-Chicken) sandwich. [Via Faded Youth]
"KFC Canada has introduced a new soy-based, mock-chicken sandwich to its menu, and a promise to treat it's chickens humanely. On Monday, Pamela Anderson, one of PETA's A-list celebrity campaigners enjoyed her first taste of victory, by surprising the unsuspecting staff at this location in the city's West End."
So Canada won the Celebration of Light Saturday. Beyond the joy of this tedious event being over, can I ask just how choked must the Chinese team be? It's a week before their Super Olympic World Wide Glory Times and they couldn't beat the puny Canadians in a fireworks competition. Someone over in Beijing is gonna be pissed. [CTV]
And this cruel fate must haven been double fun for the Chinese as vast parts of the interwebs have been unlocked in anticipation of the games next Friday. As Gawker reports, "the entire country discovered that American "news" is full of lies written by cheap robots. This one was made by a cyclon photo director at Yahoo who wants the world to believe that China is still slaughtering people in Tiananmen Square, using furries. See, communists? This sort of madcap fun could be yours if you had a First Amendment!"
I know this is hours later. So hardly news. But seriously, how is it that on the first day there is a power outage, my building is in some sort of weird power eye of the storm where power has run non-stop? That is so unfair. I wanted my 'power snow day' damn it. [BC Hydro]
This news is a week old. But it is still rad. Not sure how I missed this kind of awesome bit of nature as a lion out at the Greater Vancouver Zoo in Aldergrove chowed down hard on a golden eagle. Ah, mother nature you glorious bastard. Honest to god, eagle meat, can you imagine? I know, I'm gross. [CBC]
Photograph by Pablo Su Photography (www.pablosuphotography.com)
Okay, weather blogging is completely lame. But it's like February in June and even I think its pretty awful out there. Although I did find one huge upside. The preponderance of flip flops at this time of year has been dealt a swift blow to flip flop wearing dirtbags throughout the city. Having said all that, I'm sure I'll run into some complete idiot walking around Yaletown tonight wearing some. I blame Al Gore.
Gordon Campbell announced today the "bajillion" dollars he plans on spending on transportation over the next 12 years. The plan includes, "$10.3-billion in four new rapid transit lines in Metro Vancouver, $1.2-billion for a new rapid bus service in Kelowna, Victoria, and Vancouver, and $1.6-billion investment in 1,500 new buses and related maintenance." [CTV, Global TV Video]
My favorite part of the days events was Transportation Minister Kevin Falcon's boast on why size or cash matters, "One new transit line was committed to in each of the previous three decades. This plan delivers three lines in the next decade."
One could only imagine being a fly on the wall with Gordon Campbell and Kevin Falcon before they announced this. Falcon: "biggest. spending project in BC. ever sir. your legacy!" Gordo: "High Five. Iz nice" (In a Borat voice obvs.)
Now if only we could add to the seven or eight cabs in the city and we'd be totally laughing.
2. And this is more related to our fair city. Can you even imagine if Vancouverites burned 372 (144 in Paris alone) cars on New Years? But in typical French amazing fashion..."There is usually an increase in the number of cars torched on New Year's Eve compared to other days of the year." I mean come on it was down from the 397 last year right? Victory France!
Pretty sure Sam Sullivan would combust if this happened here. Sounds perfect let's celebrate French New Years here in Vancouver next year. 2009 here we come...
" And it sort of makes me sad, because when I watch "The Hills" I forget about war and poverty and basic math? And I, like, don't want to go back to caring about stuff or knowing the name of the President or reading books? But I guess I have to? Because you can't go through life being an Audrina (Audrina=retard) if you're not on a scripted reality show for MTV? I guess??!?!?!?!?!? Anyway, I'll miss you, "Hills." We'll always have that time where that one girl said that really stupid thing and everyone was all, What? I'll never forget it."[Gawker]
"Unfortunately, now that Canada's dollar is oddly similar to an actual dollar and a donut at any one of the 2,733 Canada-based Tim Horton's costs like four actual dollars, we must listen to their distress. But they are misguided! God's great plan for His world has at last granted Canada a Northwest Passage! Freed from this sad dependence on ice and misery, Canadian sea shipping lane dominance will turn Toronto into the new Tokyo, and Montreal into the new Seoul! Though Regina will still suck pretty bad." [Gawker]
Last night Elizabeth Hurley and her gals were at the Vancouver Art Gallery to raise awareness for breast cancer. Wearing a "tight-fitting layered pink dress" Hurley and her breasts wowed crowds and told them to donate money. This also involved turning the Art Gallery pink apparently - joining the Empire State building and the Sydney Opera house. [Canadian Press]
The Province Newsroom blog baits us with this creepy news, "Reporter Ian Austin will have the full story in Friday's Province about how the Vancouver Parks Board is wooing giant animatronic dinosaurs for an attraction in Stanley Park, but the debate is already under way. The opinions so far range from 'pretty rad' to 'what an eyesore that'll be.'" [More at CBC]
Late last week, one of our most loyal readers brough our attention to the amazing banner ads that the Vancouver Sun was sporting. That's right kids, the She Wee was front and center on the homepage last week for some unintentionally funny advertising fun.
What's the She Wee? "Shewee is a molded plastic funnel that provides women with a simple, private and hygienic method of urinating without removing clothes whilst standing AND sitting."
Amazing! As Ron Burgundy would say, "you stay classy, Vancouver."
Won't this news just encourage Sam Sullivan's reign of terror? "Vancouver has been ranked the best place to live in the world for the fifth year in a row in a survey by the Economist magazine, while Toronto took fifth place out of 132 cities." [CBC News]
Nazis. I hate those guys. "A Vancouver man convicted in absentia of Nazi war crimes has lost a bid to be released from custody while he appeals his extradition to Italy to the Supreme Court of Canada." [Canadian Press]
This just in. According to a just closed Vancouver meeting, apparently, wait for it, NAFTA works. Yay us! And who couldn't love this kind of excitement: "The group's final communique indeed was mother's milk to trade wonks: improving NAFTA's rules of origin, reducing barriers on swine, steel consumer electronics and chemicals and finding ways to boost North American competitiveness." I bet David Emerson is partying like a rockstar right now. [CTV News]
Wow. David Berner drops a bit of a bomb on the family and friends who defended the image of one of those killed last week with this: "Except, of course, when he was dealing in illegal drugs and playing with guys with guns. And, of course, when he was shot dead in a restaurant. That'll happen sometimes when you live like that." It must be Vancouver blog sweeps week with this kind of a post. Love it.
So day 25 of the strike has exposed a vulnerable weakness is Mayor Sam Sullivan's "drop dead" strike negeotiation tactics. Vancouverites have found all these parks to dump their crap in! And the streets and alleys seem to be working now too! "Flies are buzzing above the trash, and maggots are feeding on the food scraps. The mess reeks and it's ugly. However, the local health authority say the situation isn't a risk to human health yet." Your move Sam. [CTV News]
Granville Street turned ugly last night as the scene of two men fighting turned to one man using a chain, and then after striking two police officers a third officer shot and killed the man. "According to reports, witnesses heard as many as a dozen shots fired before the suspect went down." (CTV News)
It's a shame I had to go and open my mouth to The Seattlest about our fair cities garbage strike. They contacted me about the state of the garbage, and you can read all about that over there, cause it's a great site about Seattle. But since I rarely venture outside of a few streets, clearly I'm no Bob Woodward on this one.
And while it is true that there isn't mountains of garbage anywhere, at least not yet, apparently things aren't as rosey as I thought. First, I went to Gastown last week. The entire place smells like a giant urinal, minus the chlorine. Second, it would seem that the Rats are begining to take over. it's like the Secret of Nimh over in the Eastside. You caught me, yes, i think a colony of super smart rats would be an improvement down there.
Meanwhile, The Only makes me seem relaxed about this garbage strike issue. Bonus points for calling out Mayor Sullivan who is now clearly a hilarious parody of Springfields Mayor Quimby and Quahog's Mayor Adam West. "Nearly a month old, the city strike in Vancouver has managed to make an already incompetent Mayor Sam Sullivan look utterly useless. While municipalities across “Metro Vancouver” have figured out how to make peace with big labour, Sullivan seems bent on refusing to acknowledge the obvious: sign the five-year contract and shut the fuck up."
This is nothing new, but in the latest issue of Monocle, Vancouver was selected as #15 in their list of Top 20 liveable cities. Munich was first. The mag sums us up with a perfectly superficial soup of 2010 Olympics, Hollywood North, Award Winning airport, and active lifestyles. Which translates into a, "Well-connected and weathy, just make sure you like talking sport."
I find it hard to even bother reading or watching the local news lately. This makes it hard to blog about actual events in the city. And I'm lazy. But then you make an effort to catch up and you read:
All of this is kind of boring. Well, except the revelations of the origin of the term cougar, but come on.
Best line I've read so far this week: "I’m in New York City, for no reason at all other than to expand my carbon footprint. It’s a performance art piece, really." Tim Blair is funny.
I just had a few, albeit brief, moments of clarity and need to share. Ready?
1. I don't blog very much. I'm just saying. It's not you, it's me. I think.
2. And this will probably open up some emailage, but its not like I've even missed anything in this city. For instance, Metroblogging Vancouver's last three entries over two days no less cover the following: X-Men 2, the Canucks (in July? Say what?), and MacGyver. The last, while pretty awesome, features not one single amazing link to some video clips. So clearly I'm not missing much. It's like I don't need to blog at all.
3. This will be the first mention of that oil spill last week. 80% cleaned up at this point. Fingers on the pulse I tell you my friends.
4. Not only am I completely incapable of covering actual news lately, I actually slept through shootings when they are within my neighborhood. I mean, cluelessly I sleep and not imagine that Seymour Street is somehow New Jack City.
5. In the above sentence did I actually reference a movie from 1991, starring the trifecta of Wesley Snipes, Mario Van Peebles, and Ice-T. Really? Did this actually happen? Watch that trust me, the cell phone is worth it. As is Wesley Snipes hair.
6. While it may have been $8 millions to build The Shore Club. It sometimes, unlike cornfields in Iowa, doesn't mean that they will come. Fine it was a Monday. Don't judge. Well, maybe this: you can build a $8 million restaurant and can't complete a simple website. Ouch. And Bonus, swear to god owner David Aisenstat was out in front tonight making out with a tall low-rent version of Paris Hilton. Love it!
7. Dear Starbucks breakfast sandwiches. You bastards! Like you need any more of my money. It's a good thing your music compelety blows, because, between the Green Tea Lemonade, the coffee, and these, I'm doomed. I hate you.
8. Still haven't blogged about the fireworks. Crap. Too late. Oh, and I missed the Spanish one last wednesday which featured music Michael Bay's Armeggdon. RAD!
9. I just bought Benson season 1 on DVD. Bwhahahahahahaha. Couldn't find a clip, but here's a SOAP clip.
10. I'm still waiting on the city to turn into a large garbage dump. Not sure that is happening. Private garbage collection RULES! PS: If Delta can sort thier stuff out, we can't because how? Sam Sullivan are you going to take that?
I don't know, it sure was hard to keep focused on the whole Live Earth deal this weekend, I mean, for starters Eva Longoria was like married in Paris, right. Sure, John Mayer really believed that he was "starting to feel the first ripples of what could become a revolution." I'm sure he felt the same thing when he dated Jessica Simpson. But it's Sunday, and the revolution doesn't really seem to be catching on. The reality of the weekend was summed up best by The Daily Gut's Jim Treacher, "Fighting Global Warming with a rock concert is like fighting obseity with aa hot dog-eating contest"
My thinking goes pretty much like Glenn Reynolds, "I'll start acting as if it's a crisis when the people who are telling me it's a crisis start acting as if it's a crisis." No really I will. And if you think I'm not running my fan nearly 24 hours aa day right now you got another thing coming mister. I find it cute that the same "celebs" also hit up the Formula One race the next day allowing Tim Blair to note, "Still, a Formula One race is likely a greener event than the carbon orgy that was Live Earth." HEH.
And perhaps I took just a bit too much pleasure in reading this article claiming that global warming had jumped the shark. But mostly I just enjoyed reading the endless articles about how much fuel the musical acts were burning, particualy the carbon unfriendly Madonna, who produces 100 times the waste of her fellow British dwellers. Oh Madonna, you and your crazy ideas.
Post-long weekend newspapers are just plain bad. I failed to find anything of note. That's not totally true. Neal Hall's "Love summer a Canadian coming of age" article had the following stomach churning story:
"In the summer of 1967, future Vancouver mayor and B.C. premier Mike Harcourt was a young University of B.C. law student, working as waiter on a CP Railway dining car, heading to Expo 67, the world's fair being held in Montreal during Canada's Centennial Year.
He stayed in Montreal with fellow law student Don Rosenbloom, who was running a youth hostel for the summer.
'I had long flowing hair and a Fu Manchu moustache,' said Harcourt, whose nickname in law school was Ho Chi Mike."
This is way too much information before my first coffee! Good lord. Lesson learned, very funny Vancouver Sun.
I am about 49% in favor of the Olympics and 47% against. The missing 7% or whatever is going to wait until the day of the opening ceremony to make up it's mind. I mean I was dreading having kids until the first creature was dropped in my arms at 6am 4 years ago. Now I want thousands of babies. And just like my relationship with the Canucks, and most Vancouverites, when the going gets awesome I am climbing on-board. But until then I don't really care.
What is keeping me from that 50% mark right now is that there is a crackdown on business's that contain Olympics in their name or as of recently, location. Whoever manages that department or thought it up, needs to be drowned like a witch because you are evil. Is this because the citizens and tourists might think that place is the official pizza sponsor of the Games and you get no cut? Or are you more scared people will show up thinking that is a venue? I heard the first brothel opening downtown is using the historic ring logo only they claim they are holes...like a menu...that's going to infuriate the Fuhrer...
Early in the day, one of our trusted sources instant messaged us this cryptic call to arms. "blog a PSA about this shit tomorrow...i'm concerned and outraged... just outraged i tell you..." The message was accompanied by a link to the 2007 City Chase.
It's a good point, 'cause I'm not too sure what it all means either. Of course this sounds simple in theory: "Since its introduction in 2003, more than 15,000 Canadians have enjoyed the Laughter, Adventure and Discovery of City Chase."
It appears to cost $150 per teams. That is outrageous! It is on May 12th. And I have no idea what it is all about. Perhaps Vancouver's very own "Oprah", the amazing Simi Sara can shed some much needed light on this pressing issue. In short this seems to be some sort of wierd throw back to sports days from elementary school minus the McDonald's orange drink.
Did we clear that up, sir?
This Public Service Annoucement has been brought to you by Pud & Dubble Bubble.
This video has everything. Conflict. Check. Long haired bus driver. Check. Spitting. Check. Adult language Check. Just your average story of the alleged abusive bus rider getting his comeupance. This bus driver is amazing - part Otto from the Simpsons, part Undertaker from WWE wrestling. Love it. [CTV News Report]
1. Anthony Bourdain on the Food Network Awards: "Okay...so some brain dead douche bags from Ad Sales and "creative" got together and cooked up this hybrid, fur-bearing catfish of a beast, this jackalope of a High Concept. Fine. That's what they do. But who green lit this monstrosity?"
2. James Lileks on wine labels. "I’ve said this before, but I’m convinced that label design is the single greatest factor in impulse wine sales. There’s a wine called “Barefoot,” and I’ll never buy it, simply because the picture on the bottle makes you think of someone’s foot squishing the grapes." Case in Point. Little Rebel. (and in the same post this amazing video of Russian tunnel car crashes. Insanity.)
4. A Kinder, Gentler Mao Zedong? A Chinese TV show does the unthinkable, "Mao appears as a hormone-driven teenager who is starting his first semester at the school. His fellow students are a dapper, good looking bunch, many of whom later become key figures in China's 20th century history. The show portrays Mao struggling with poor grades, falling in love for the first time and meeting one of his earliest mentors." No wonder Sorkin failed with Studio 60, he should be working on Young Bill Clinton or Young Jimmy Carter shows.
7. After watching the Red Sox sweep the Yankees at Fenway for the first time in 17 years and enjoying the wonder that is Daisuke Matsuzaka pitching. They're right, it is like jazz. Anyway, daddy's going to need to get himself a pair of these Red Sox Reebok's.
On a close read of this mornings 24 Hours freebie paper, you'll find a trailer park residents dream of content. The Story of the man who makes "Hockey Fight in Canada" t-shirts much to the chagrin of the CBC. The story of the local Roller Derby league (say what?). The ad for the $38 million jackpot. The story about History's best April Fools joke (three days after the fact). Stunning journalism.
Over in The Sun, of course there is the story about The Trailer Park boys in town to promote their new book, Are you kidding me? PS: Can someone tell me how Arrested Development lasted only 3 seasons and yet this miserable tribute to white trailer trash is on season 7? I feel shame.
Where the hell am I going to smoke now? Vancouver is telling me what I can't do...again. My favorite thing to do is stand outside hospitals and blow smoke into the new born's faces as they take in their first breath of the outside world. “Welcome to reality little one”, I would say. Actually I have never done that but when I carried my 18 hour old son out the door of Lions Gate Hospital early this March we were greeted to 3 dying old men smoking not 5 feet from the entrance. Luckily they had oxygen tanks on so they can live to bleed the system a while longer.
Anyways, this new law is a few years overdue but it is a little too extreme.
* No Smoking in doorways - That's Great.
* No Smoking on School Grounds - Duh
* No Smoking in Playgrounds - Super
* No Smoking near Hospitals - Awesome
No “Wall of Tobacco” in grocery stores - That’s just silly
Like a Bar hiding the 10 beers on tap and having every single patron ask them what they have on tap. It just slows things down.
If drug dealers could display their meth and heroin for sale, would that increase or decrease the number of addicts in Vancouver? Should McDonald's not display a menu? How many people die of fatness every year? What's that cost us?
BTW I took this picture this morning. It’s stunning. Couldn't you just dive in there?
One of the things about a lame period of non-blogging, are just how much fun it is to randomly link stuff. I mean, lets just do this:
1. Did the day really begin today with three episodes of 24 Season 2? Yes, yes they did. Did that mean the first look at news really was 24 Hours? Yes, yes it was. Was the cover story today really about people protesting the Olympic countdown clock? Yes, yes it was. My scottish pal Oli might put this as "Totally Lame" on his own patented judgement scale.
24 Hours looks at the Celebration of Light which faces a $500,000 shortfall, and has until the end of February to find that cash or the yearly fireworks display is over. Meanwhile the front cover sports David Suzuki who is off on a cross country tour for the environment - his campaign hits Vancouver February 27th.
The Province also goes with the potential end of the fireworks show. Of course, "HSBC Bank Canada, the title sponsor, is lined up again this year. However, you just knew something like this was behind it: Telus will not renew its three-year, $300,000 sponsorship."
Nice to see the Vancouver Sun rip themselves off the Pickton trial for a few minutes to give us this headline this morning: "B.C. faces future flood of 'climate refugees': RCMP". Of course if the environmentalists at the RCMP are predicting future climate disasters, thats front page news.
The Vancouver Sun starts off the first day of the Robert Pickton murder trial with tales of polls (52 percent of people are interested in media coverage of this) as we embark on a year of trial action. It's those stories, an editorial, a column, a photo gallery (online), timeline, and probably 6 or more stories. In case you couldn't figure out that this is a big news story, the Sun has you covered. Meanwhile Vancouver is 13th least affordable city in world and now we are getting the '08 Canadian Figure Skating championships.
Not surprisingly, The Province also starts the week off with wall to wall Pickton coverage. 24 Hours follows suit with a short cast of characters piece.
24 Hours fronts the visit to Stanley Park by new environment minister John Baird. But this was the best part: "A lone protester, 66-year-old Ann Grant, made her way to the conference - park staff blocked the roads leading into Prospect Point so only media could enter - to plead with the government to respect the Kyoto Accord.
'They're not doing enough,' said Grant, sporting a horned Stephen Harper mask and a pitchfork with Planet Earth impaled on its tip. 'More extreme weather is likely to be caused by global warning if we keep ignoring it. It's already happening.'"
The Sun has an interesting story on how the campaighn heads of the three federal parties are from BC. "One theory is that the rise of B.C. talent to the top jobs proves that the province, long considered the scene of the country's wackiest politics, has become one of the most tightly contested political arenas in Canada. That has made it one of the best training grounds in the country for parties to pick up political talent."
And more from Baird, "It's another reason why we have to act on climate change."
24 Hours is a little bit too excited about the BC Place dome debacle of '07. I always enjoy when news orgs make themselves central to the news story, "24 hours was first to report in a Friday podcast that ice and snow wasn't cleared from the roof before a panel ripped. A source said ice and snow "avalanched" late in the noon hour Friday, causing a tear in the air-supported fabric roof above Level 4's Section 54. The roof was rapidly deflated to minimize damage." If it was all a reason to revisit the really bad ideas for naming the dome, 24 Hours wins: "Cream Puff Stadium, Excitement Dome, Our Father's House, Pac Man Stadium, Pigeon Place, Rain Bowl, Turtle Dome, Unknown Dome, Vanburger, Whoopee Stadium."
The Sun reports on the BC Place roof as well, but at least they give us hope, "Crosley said the roof will be inflated to its regular dome shape when all the tears are repaired." Phew! If it didn't get back to regular dome shape, this would be a scandal. Meahwhile Iain MacIntyre tries to reconcile the Canucks 7-game win streak with future dissapointments, "For their last 191 minutes, the Canucks have looked vulnerable, no longer impervious to bad play as they had seemed when they began this winning streak on Boxing Day. Yet, they found ways the last three games to overcome their mistakes and win in extra time."
The Province bucks the trend giving the big frontpage story to a Beauty queen trying to save a life. This is clearly done to cover up the Ed Willes tongue kiss to Robert Luongo. "After 43 games Roberto Luongo has established himself as the point through which the Vancouver Canucks' fortunes will flow. This season. Next season. For as long as he's wearing the team's colours. He's the reason the Canucks are respectable now and he's the reason there's hope for the future."
Thankfully there are a couple of remainders from the Sunday edition. like news Joy of joys, word on the new Naomi Klein book "Blank is Beautiful: The Rise of Disaster Capitalism", "The author of No Logo is back with another book that looks at the perils of capitalism and globalization. Klein argues the remaking of the world into the global marketplace is built upon violence and "shock therapy" of various sorts: physical, social and economic. Blank promises to be the thing publicists dream of: controversial." There's also a really amazing What's in, what's out for 2007 list. I say this is a bit of a wash to be honest, "In: Cardigans for men. Out: Blazers over a hoodie. Trend-conscious men are abandoning the trusty blazer-over-a-hoodie look in favour of geek-chic cardigans. Today's cardigans are less Mr. Rogers and more an offbeat style statement, showing up in collections from Yves St. Laurent to Paul Smith."
I posted first because I am standing outside the total carnage that was BC Place. Around noon today the roof of BC Place imploded sending thousands of seagulls to their deaths, or to another roof in the city. My sources have yet to confirm.
The Lions deserve a better home though so this is good news so long as no one got hurt. I am drawing up plans for a retractable roof with lasers. Will update shortly.
Anyways here is a picture courtesy of someone I work with that got it from someone else.
24 Hours gives the cover to 250 Vancouver women who think a great career choice will be getting on the Canadian version of Deal or No Deal and brushing with the greatness that is Howie Mandel. Meanwhile Darren Parkman's Seeing Stars column gives us the a-list run down on the doings of Corey Feldman (bonus points for the mention of Corey Haim and how they are filming their reality show here for some reason), Loverboy's Mike Reno, and Anne Heche, who enjoyed a night out.
In the Sun, they too devote cover page real estate to the Deal or No Deal model search. In sports Elliot Pap gets clever with a "Grand theft, Canucks" headline before wetting him self in a Luongo tongue kiss: "On a night in which they appeared ready to lose, the surging Vancouver Canucks found another way to win.
The Canucks eclipsed the Dallas Stars 2-1 in a six-round shootout Wednesday as goalie Roberto Luongo earned nearly all his $6.75 million with 44 saves, including five in the shootout."
The Province gives Vancouver an 'F' for not knowing how to throw a party. The editorial on no fun Vancouver this New Years Eve: "When the cameras panned along Robson Street, all viewers saw was a huddled, rather glum-looking crowd at a loss for something to do. Is that really the image we wish to project to the world in advance of the Games?" But worse, is the notion of this, "Surrey put Vancouver to shame, as did Whistler. Both communities put on hugely successful celebrations with alcohol-free entertainment for all ages."
I hate the fact that you take a couple of days off, and you lose some good people. First James Brown and now Gerald Ford.Wonkette reports on the passing of the man who "first gained fame for whitewashing the assassination of John F. Kennedy":
"But even though Ford was respected by Democrats and Republicans back in the day, and even though he finally ended America’s pathetic horror in Vietnam, historians will remember Gerald Ford as the man who clumsily empowered America’s greatest villains: Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney. Oh, and he gave a complete pardon to Richard Nixon. Whip Inflation Now!!!"
Well, at least Saddam is almost dead too. It may be Wednesday already, but it feels like a really bad Monday.
The Sun keeps the panic and fear going with "Forecast points to a hairy week ahead". "The high winds that left 190,000 homes without power and caused commuter gridlock on Monday are likely to strike again this afternoon, and then again on Thursday, Environment Canada forecasters have warned."
The Province follows suit with a cover proclaiming "Wind Warning". "Batten down the hatches. Another storm is due to blast into B.C. today, following a big blow yesterday that knocked out power to 190,000 B.C. Hydro customers"
The Sun starts our Monday off with the RCMP, get this, taking a stand on the saffe injection site. "The three-page analysis, obtained by The Vancouver Sun, suggests that the 'harm reduction' approach -- helping addicts avoid overdosing or contracting HIV-AIDS -- actually encourages drug use." The best part is a photo of the inside of the injection site - you've probably seen it before - it still looks like a funky club. Hmmmm....In the sports section Iain Macintyre tries to write about the Canucks but begins with this, "As the Vancouver Canucks lurched from one mini-crisis to another this fall, panicking their overwrought, overexpectant fans at each turn, the worst that could be said about them was they aren't good enough."
The Province is particularly useless this morning. Monday is the worst paper day anyway. Ben Kuzma in the sports section goes for potential Canucks trade talk. "Trade Brendan Morrison for Mike Comrie. Deal Matt Cooke for Ryan Malone. Sign free-agent Jason Allison. You name it and Vancouver Canucks general manager Dave Nonis has heard it this season -- especially during his weekly radio exchange with furious fans."
24 Hours gives the cover to another attempted 'squat' yesterday by housing advocates. "ix people out of about 30 protesters were arrested when police moved in. The protesters, made up of a group called the Anti-Poverty Committee, say they're now setting their sights on the province to solve homelessness, after two previous squats targeted the City of Vancouver." The key word is 'solve' which seems like a stretch for any government. Meanwhile there is a really great article on "Being...single for the holidays" that offers up such great advice as "be jolly" and "leave the elves at home".
The water boil advisory has been lifted so I guess that means I can finally bathe and brush my teeth. My fingers are all stuck together and my mouth would be best described as a furry anus with teeth. So disgusting I know but I would rather be unclean than wash myself with water that is filthy and teeming with parasites. What a long week.
Two days in a row. TWO DAYS IN A ROW. This morning I was greeted upon leaving my apartment with another one. You guessed it, I saw another idiot wearing flip flops. This guy was smoking and taking his dog for a morning constitutional. It's bad enough that a little snow cripples this city - and god help us all if anything bad ever really happens (read: earthquake) here - but do we really need people from Yaletown pretending they live in L.A.? We know you are douchebags already, okay bud.
PS: I also saw some completely useless wanker riding his bmx bike.
I have to say that I was pretty disapointed that after the Lions won the Grey Cup there wasn't more mass hysteria. Then again, since the onslaught of Vancouver being very close to banana republic territory with this water problem. But when 24 Hours goes for "Lion Kings" on the front cover, you know without a doubt that nobody really cares. At least I could get a coffee this morning, unlike Friday, but that doesn't help much when I have to read this:
"In downtown bars, the hoisting of the Grey Cup brought plenty of cheer - and a couple of sighs of relief after a less- than-impressive second half from the Lions. 'It definitely wasn't a classic,' said Mike Shuttleworth, one of the more passionate fans at the Doghaus bar and grill, located across the street from B.C. Place. 'But it was a good solid game for the Lions.'"
For the record, who actually goes to the Doghaus? Is that for real? And who goes to the Doghaus to cover the Grey Cup? Probably the same kind of guys who chuckles at Iain MacIntyre's opening line in todays Sun. "Not since Dorothy and Toto survived the Wicked Witch of the West and made it home to Kansas has anyone been as relieved as the Vancouver Canucks were Sunday to get back to where they started." The Sun also went for broke on their cover with "Lions Roar in Winnipeg".
Over in The Province, after you get through the wall to wall B.C. Lions coverage, you get this amazing headline: "No Grinch rains on Santa's parade." What I find hard to believe is that 230,000 people ACTUALLY came out to watch this creepy homage to Christmas in the middle of November. And did they really put these two headlines out today. Front: Beautiful B.C. Back: Grey Pride. Really? Whatevs, I just can't wait for this in tomorrow's edition: "Dazzling Dogs - Having nightmares your chien isn't chic enough? Susie Wall has some stylish suggestions for pooch fashion." I can hardly stand it right now.
The Province has this story, "Naked dad fights off home invader" which should totally be on the cover, but isn't. And the Canucks coverage, obviously tries to make lemonade out of lemon, or not: "That's why he wasn't sweating a power play that could barely stay out of its own way, or an offence that still struggles to score goals the way an old guy struggles to pass a kidney stone, or one of the 132 details in a one-goal game that could have swung the balance in the Canucks' favour." PS: Province editorials entitled, "Ugly celebrity splits show need for divorce reform" are hilariously fun.
The Sun has a bunch of things that are bringing me down. So let's focus on the Canucks coverage. Brad Ziemer writes, "With Monday Night Football being played across town, the Vancouver Canucks decided to get into the spirit of things at the American Airlines Center.They went into their prevent defence. For two periods, it worked wonderfully.Unfortunately, it wasn't so effective against a five-on-three Dallas power play in the third period."
24 Hours has a double shot of non-fluff news today. It draws you in with the "Deadly Drug Deal" but you stay for the "Squat for a cause." At least that must be their thinking.
The Province is on it's game today. The front cover headline of "Beaten to death over a billiard ball" is a tragic story of a 20-year old who died in hospital after being beaten up in Nanaimo this weekend. Meanwhile on the back we have Sami Salo, "Salo's Biggest Shot." And the two overtime win euphoria this weekend is now quickly moved into, if Salo keeps it up he will be priced out of Vancouver next season. It's always something in this damned city isn't it?
Over in The Sun there is this 'only in BC' story about confused crows, "The destruction of the roost site earlier this year for development of a Costco outlet and new Keg restaurant has left one researcher concerned and more than a little saddened." Damn you big boxes this is a total crow slaughter. And then they have a big story about Polygamy on the cover too. But if you dig into the paper you get this, "MPs, pages partied at Ottawa pubs" which is gold because of this, "graduates of the Canadian program say pages and MPs routinely partied together and some had romantic entanglements."
24 Hours has protestors this fine Monday morning. "Six people have barricaded themselves inside an upper floor of the old North Star Hotel at 5 West Hastings Street, a heritage-listed building that has been vacant since 1999."
Air Care needs to be taken out of commission. Or instead of the test, we just pay $23 a year more on insurance and the insurance clerk asks if the car is relatively clean and not emitting black smoke. We nod and away we go. I could care less about the money, I spend that much on candy in a week. I just don't want to have to go find one of these centers and wait for 30 minutes.
I almost gave up on covering the papers this morning. But The Province changed my mind. The "Brace for Gang War" cover, including bullet holes is quite amazing. Possibly not as amazing as the story's photo of Vancouver police Det. Const. Doug Spencer who has an amazing mustache. ""There will be shootings for sure. For the most part, it's bad guy versus bad guy but if you interfere in their business, if you are in the wrong nightclub at the wrong time, you're totally at risk," said Spencer. "They really don't care. They're not good with verbal skills, these guys."
On the backside of the tabloid it's Canucks and "Oilers finish it early". This kind of sums it all up, "As for the rest of the Canucks, it remains unclear why they hit the ice flatter than a paper doll under a briefcase in a 2-1 loss to the Oilers, supposedly their heated rival. News that Roberto Luongo wasn't starting seemed to take the air out of their tires faster than police-issued road spikes."
But I think what really takes the cake is the editorial, "Don't sneer at celebs for trying to help the people of Africa". "So it is hardly fair to criticize celebs like Madonna and Jolie (whose child, Zahara, was adopted from Ethiopia) for refusing to remain indifferent and sit smugly on the sidelines."
The Province is amazing this morning. It's party on the front with "Crackdown on Walk-in Clinics" And on the back it's "Friday The 13th Guess Who's Home" with the hockey mask/Jason montage as the Canucks return home for two home games starting tonight at GM Place when they take on The San Jose Sharks.
The Sun gives Vancouverites happy thoughts going into the weekend with the big cover story, "Slow Justice: Trial delays could put B.C. criminals back on street." Great, that's all we need. But it was day three at the teacher sex trial, "Teacher seduced girls on his boat, trial told." Today's trial fun climaxed when defence lawyer Bill Smart tried to tell one of the women testifying that she was a willing participant. And in unintentionally related and funny headlines, Brad Ziemer's "Canucks finally just do it" as Chris Zimmerman a former New York Rangers Fan becomes the new suit overlord of Ocra Bay.
And the good news continues on 24 Hours with their cover story, "Bubble Trouble". "Housing starts in Vancouver fell for the second straight month in September, while the Fraser Valley continued to see jumps, according to the Canadian Mortgage and Housing Corporation." Meanwhile the unfortunetly named Food Bank apparently doesn't have any food after record low donations.
Over at Metro Vancouver, they put Rob Feenie on the front talking about how cooking is a tough job, and that restaurants across the province are facing shortages of workers.
The Vancouver Sun goes big today with the news of civilian deaths since the invasion in Iraq. They're headline, "654,965 Iraqi civilians dead since the invasion, that's more people than live in Vancouver" That's some nice Vancouver spin on the story. And day two of the teacher sex scandal gets a bold, "5 teachers had sex with students, trial told". And the news this morning, that Longtime Rhino candidate, "Richard (the Troll) Schaller has died from cancer at the age of 63." This guy was pretty amazing, the idea that he proposed repealing the law of gravity tickles me in wierd places. And could it be a day without the CanWest Canucks coverage machine in full gear? Today's offering is Brad Ziemer's "Luongo, Swedes are early risers."
The Province is all over the place, like Homer Simpson at the Candy convention. Let's start on the back with the "Bulis, bullish on bouncing back." On the front it is the plane crash in New York that killed Yankee pitcher Cory Lidle yesterday and the hit and run victim that was left for dead, "Hit-run victim left for dead." And their promo area on the website, "Coming soon in The Province" has just got to stop. Here is today's mess, "Bingo, bango, bongo
It's your first chance to see the amazing Roberto Luongo as the Canucks play the San Jose Sharks. FRIDAY IN SPORTS."
24 Hours wants none of the other stories, and goes with "Choked" about Vancouver's traffic problems. But this is completely absurd, "Your sweaty palms grip the steering wheel as you crank your neck to catch a glimpse of the hold up. You watch nervously as the clock on the dashboard ticks on and your expensive fuel idles away. Yes, you're driving in Vancouver, where rush hour has turned into an all-day experience."
The Province was made for this teacher on trial for sex charges story, so it comes as a bit of a surprise that the best they could muster was, "Former teacher on trial for sex charges". They bring the heat, "The Crown alleged that Ellison, now 63 and white-haired, lured the girls by engaging them in slow dancing and summer adventure trips, which would lead in some cases to massaging, kissing, fondling, mutual oral sex and intercourse." But surely they could have sold twice the papers with a racier headline. And on the back it's Canucks-a-thon coverage. First, did Tony "Skeletor" Gallagher really just say, "Having digested over the last couple of games that their swashbuckling approach to penalties was resulting in their demise, they quickly amended their ways and could have turned Tuesday's game tape over to the league officials as an instructional video on the way to play the game cleanly." $5 Tony was watching Pirates of the Carribbean last night.
Meanwhile, the first injury scare of the season for the Canucks: "Kesler appeared to suffer a concussion-like ailment when he lost his balance while being heavily checked into the corner in the offensive zone by defenceman Kurtis Foster.Kesler slowly got up from the hit, skated a few woozy strides toward the Canucks bench and then flopped forward to the ice at 19:11. He had to be helped off the ice and didn't return." Sami Salo also didn't return after a "lower-body injury midway through the second period ", so Canucks coach Alain Vigneault instantly benched Kesler for getting hit and not working hard enough.
The Vancouver Sun went with the onlylede they could, "'Naive Girls' had first sex with teacher" which is as close to the perfect storm of sex, crime, and creepy old man that you're likely to see in the near future. "In both cases, the contact began when the women were students in the school's outdoor education program known as Quest and Tom Ellison, a head teacher, invited them to slow waltz at school dances, where the lights were low and the sexual energy high, the women told B.C. Provincial Court.From there, it progressed to body massages and intimate touching, they told a small, packed courtroom." In related news, Prime Minister Stevesy Harper, not to be confused with the naive girl groping teacher, has gone green. And then there is the story of the spawning Adams River sockeye salmon, which is just plain gross, and reason #322 why nature scares us.
And two days in a row it's MacIntyre: "Well, this kind of goaltending just isn't going to cut it. Roberto Luongo has been exposed. He's a fraud. Sure, he can stop a BB in the dark. Yes, he takes away more goals than instant replay. So maybe his save percentage -- .941 -- reads like the humidity in Hugh Hefner's grotto. But if he's going to stop only 35 of 36 shots, then get beaten three times in a shootout, how are the Vancouver Canucks supposed to win anything?" They still lost right, Iain. One point, I'm just saying.
24 Hours tries to downplay the teacher sex scandal for some reason. I guess since they give the paper away, they don't have to worry about selling lots of copies with juicy coverage of real news. Cute. Instead they offer, "Battle to protect farm land." Clearly Translink is evil, since they are building a 4-lane connector through "the only certified organic farm in Pitt Meadows and Maple Ridge." Personally I enjoy the perfect protestor signs on the cover photo - too perfect if you ask me.
Well, we're back. Thank the maker for the long weekend, the holiday which was described by Wonkette as, "Canadian Thanksgiving! It’s like 9/11 and Halloween all rolled into one." Seems about right. Then again, the thought that, "North Korean bomb was mad ghetto, their 'nuclear scientists are now officially the worst ever' doesn't fill me with a lot of confidence. On with the news:
The Province tries really hard to take the story about some seniors who's doctors have retired and they have to pay a fee to retreave their medical files from some storage facility in Toronto into something massive. But is it worth the "Patients 'held to ransom' for their own files" headline? And boy we'd hate to be Brendan Morrison this morning he's on the back cover with the "Benched" headline and the story about how he and Jan Bulis were playing like crap and sat much of the third period like a couple of kids in the dog house. Brilliant.
24 Hours goes for the post-turkey hangover guilt trip by covering the Union Gospel Mission's Thanksgiving. And then there is this gushing look at The Penthouse: "The dank second floor of the Penthouse Nightclub endures like a time capsule: dust covers on a plush red chair - designed art deco-style in the shape of a stiletto heel; an abandoned storeroom houses bottles of booze that likely were shelved when '60s-crooner Jack Jones watched from the stage as a hooker armed with a pistol attempted to ... well, cancel her date."
"Who are these guys, and what have they done with the Vancouver Canucks?
Sublime goaltending. Clinical special-teams execution. A calm and competent defence of a third-period lead. Winning 3-1 in Detroit against the Red Wings in the teams' National Hockey League opener. These aren't the Canucks we've come to know."
Just imagine how much your necks will hurt when we at some point all jump off the bandwagon and snap them. I'm just saying.
The Province uses the back to deal with the Canucks obviously, but chose, "Party-poopers" as the headline before pronoucing "Luongo even better than advertised". This solidify's the trifecta of Canucks media bandwagoning after game one with this, "Roberto Luongo knew it. His teammates knew it. And most importantly, the Detroit Red Wings knew it. When Luongo stuck out his glove midway through the first period to rob Henrik Zetterberg of what appeared to be a sure power-play goal -- the laser-like wrister from the slot was headed for the top corner on a spinarama effort -- the message was clear." On the front cover, they lede with a family needing answers to a mysterious death of a 92-year-old man who was struck by a taxi near UBC.
The Sun brings to our attention what we already saw at 8:07 this morning. That with the Canucks opening up their season tonight, there is going to be a lot of game day jersey wearing. They lede with "Fan say Playoffs Yes, Cup No". At the Vancouverite we have a strict no jersey policy. Then as a little pick me up, there is the "Risky lifestyles cost B.C. $1.8B a year" story about how our smoking, weight and other bad behavior is costing the province money. Good.
Over in The Province the good times just keep coming with their headline story, "ICBC wants brain-injured crash victim declared dead." And call me crazy, but having Ed Willes tell me "Just relax, Vigneault has a plan" doesn't fill me with confidence. And then there is the most obnoxious promo ever: "Evil versus evil Two movies. The evil Jack Nicholson in The Departed versus the evil Bubbles in The Trailer Park Boys: The Movie. FRIDAY IN E-TODAY" Yeah. Okay.
The Sunchecks the city's vital signs. This should be fun. It goes a little somethin' like this: "B+ The Good - A desirable place to live - Ethnic diversity D+ The Bad - Homelessness and addiction haunt our streets" Oh my! I can't believe we totally flunked Homelessness and drug addiction. What a bummer man.
And even though The Sun went for the letter grades today, The Province's cover of "Guns & Gangs in BC" with the sassy looking gun on the cover seems to beg the question on why the guns and gangs didn't get a bad grade. Meanwhile the City of Vancouver is planning to attract even more films here. Here's the best part: "A task force, headed by Vancouver film producer Shawn Williamson, was announced yesterday and is to report to council early next year on how to attract more lucrative productions to the city in a competitive industry." Who doesn't love a good old-fashioned task force?
24 Hours ledes with "Help for homeless?", about the new $40 million plan to create a housing-allowance program. "But that program is controversial because some say the government should be focusing more on building social housing - the government's traditional solution to housing the poor."
24 Hours reallly pulls out the stops this morning with their lede news item, "Hungary for medal" with this gem, "Despite being considered one of Canada's top athletes, 29-year-old Slowik - the current Canadian discus champion and 2006 Commonwealth Games bronze medalist - doesn't receive enough government funding to sustain him throughout the year." Um, you're a discus thrower, how about getting a real job maybe? Your tax dollars at work. And the nugget that David Hasselhoff was in Vancouver, if only briefly, is too much.
The Sun, goes with the Amish shootings from yesterday, and that kind of takes away from their local news spotlight on this, "B.C. labour tensions rise over foreign workers." Ahhh, yes, clearly with the boom of contruction and the economy, the real problem in BC is those foreign workers. Of course!
24 Hours takes the time to give props to the Vancouver Whitecaps, "Let's get the party started" And then Vancouver went crazy, or something nothing like that. I think you'd call this cover, dialing it in. Ahhhh....Monday papers, good times. And screw those homeless people, let's bury that on page 3 it's way too much of a downer for a Monday.
The Province meanwhile, fronts this amazing bit of logic, "Drive-by shooting drives neighbours away". Really, you don't say? And oh my god, tomorrow they have an exclusive interview with actress Famke Janssen. And they are reviewing her DVD as well. You mean, she's exclusively talking to The Province about X-Men: The Last Stand. That is truly amazing.
One of our faithful readers, Lee, sent this along this from 24 Hours this morning.
It's pretty self-explanitory, but note the amazing followup second entertainment story, "What's that smell" which is pretty unintentionally funny. Way to go 24 Hours. You made our day.
Dear god, it's some freaked out Raise a Reader day and there are creepy mascots handing out newspapers and other perky newsies trying to guilt you into donating money in exchange for your not-so-free Vancouver Sun. This is all a little bit much before 9:00 am and the first coffee. Come on giant dog in a cowboy hat. Yikes, this is too much.
Come on, when 24 Hours is sporting the new Kokanee glacier girls on the cover, the kiddies can just try to figure it out themselves.
This is rich. Mayor Sam Sullivan, the leader of our blessed do nothing City Council, wants to take a fact finding mission to Europe next year, "to look at drug strategy in countries like the Netherlands and Finland." [CKNW]
What a total boondoggle. Ever hear of a phone? And please, why no Singapore trip Sammy? Come on. But what do you think:
24 Hours amazingly seems to be guest edited by M.C. Hammer this morning, with a catchy "Can't Touch This" headline and big story about useage of the Olympic ring logos. "Vancouver will be able to use an integrated logo comprised of the VANOC Inukshuk symbol and the words "host city". But it can't automatically use the famous rings alone, or even the Games themselves to promote the city." Or as The Hammer would say:
"My, my, my, my music hits me so hard
Makes me say oh my Lord
Thank you for blessing me
With a mind to rhyme and two hyped feet
Feels good when you know you're down
A superbowl homeboy from the Oaktown
And I'm known as such
And this is a beat uh you can't touch "
In The Sun, you have the political fallout of the border guards running away Sunday in the face of danger: "Toronto area Liberal MP Derek Lee ignited an uproar in the House of Commons Monday when he called unarmed border guards in B.C. "wimps" for walking off the job Sunday after U.S. authorities warned them an armed murder suspect was headed for the border." And you can also vote on "hits we love to hate" with some introduction by "Cheryl Hickey, the musically savvy host of Entertainment Tonight Canada, to tell us about the hit song she loves to hate." The racktacular barbie doll thinks it's "Wind Beneath My Wings". And of course the is media intregration from the overlords at Canwest. Bless them!
The Province ledes with the ship that ran aground yesterday off Stanley Park, although even for the Province the "Grounded" title seems fairly obvious. Now, on the back page it's shirts off! But it's really about the White Caps and Soccer, and so really, does anyone actually care I ask? Seriously?
The Sun leads with the walk out of border guards at four border stops after a warning that an armed man wanted for murder might be heading to the border. This fills our security with total confidence as our border patrol basically abandon's ship at the sight of one armed man. They couldn't call for back from the RCMP? The army? We are all doomed. Meanwhile the Sports section asks, Anson who? "Daniel Sedin scored twice on the power play, both on set-ups from brother Henrik, and the twins looked comfortable skating on a line with captain Markus Naslund as the Canucks broke their pre-season goose-egg with a 4-3 shootout win over the Anaheim Ducks at General Motors Place."
Ahhhhhh, 24 Hours, nothing says cute like small children on Navy ships, even if they are from the Canadian Navy. That's the main cover shot. Meanwhile, the news headline is a short headline and story about the ninth annual B.C. Police and Peace Officers' Memorial Service. Last but not least, director Uwe Boll's publicity stunt where he faces off against critics in the ring, went down Saturday, and he seemingly kicked all the interweb nerds asses.
This is surely 4 minutes and 30 seconds I'll bet Tamara Taggart wishes she wasn't just the weather girl. This is like the "Grassy Knoll" angle of a streeter weather report gone horribly wrong. And not to add insult to near injury, but what on earth was she wearing? A shirt with little cherries on it?
The Sun does a massive front cover/business section profile of "Vancouver's other billionaire" Calvin Ayre including the requisite Paris Hilton photo on the cover and the sexy ending: "it seems to be closely following the script of the Thomas Crown Affair, where a stylish art thief plays an extended game of cat and mouse with his pursuer.The only question is how it will end." And this kind of dwarfs the news about the virtual fence that could be arriving at B.C.'s border.
24 Hours discovers the Olympics and warns about "Olympic Size trouble", the potential for a tripling of homeless people in Vancouver. Then there is a story about a women who got "Bugged out" of her apartment filled with bedbugs and news that Vancouver has, finally, it's own Bedbug task force. And then the party bites its lower lip and gets real serious, "How skinny is too skinny".
The Province is uncharacteristically serious and all about the fench today. Hate it.
Well, 24 Hours really rolls out an instant classic this morning. Not only do we get the obnoxious cover "You otter be in pictures". "It wasn't too long ago that sea otters, with their lovable faces and childlike antics, were extinct in B.C.'s coastal waters." And 24 Hours tells me that the glorious sea rat, I mean otter, is back, oh joy of joys. And on that note it's a double shot of cute with this bit of Spirit Bear news, "The Spirit Bear Youth Coalition will attack the provincial government with cartoon characters if the Liberals don't protect the white bear's stomping grounds." No, not cartoons! Lastly, another goverment report is out, this time about the children in the care of the government getting ritilan 12 times more likely than regular kids.
Over at The Sun, trying to keep pace with the breaking 24 Hours otter story, it's a monkey on the cover. A cute baby monkey. Bastards. For good measure they also front incredible journey of the The Adams River sockeye run. Anyway, now it is The City of Vancouver's turn to figure out that these Olympics are going to cost a lot of money. Gosh! My favorite bit of news was the fact that a Chinese factory that used to make 200 million Mao badges has switched to making Harry Potter and Star Wars ones. Take that Mao! Meanwhile Malcolm Parry gets on his chair and tells us about plans to turn the St. Regis hotel into a boutique hotel.
At least The Province goes hardhitting with "Gridlock City". Okay maybe not hardhitting exactly, but it starts like this, "Lower Mainland commuters are in highway hell, burned up and burned out by traffic congestion that's thickening right in front of their eyes." The article also had this groudbreaking angle: "The traffic picture isn't any prettier from the air. Lara Dewitt, who monitors traffic from a helicopter for AM 730 and sister station CKNW, said congestion is 'terrible. The last two weeks, this is the busiest I've ever seen it. I am very happy to be flying above it all. I don't know how these people do it every day.'"
Here's a little local cat hating video from Friday September 15, 2006. A coyote prowls Point Grey taunting cat lovers with a dead house cat in his mouth. Advantage: Coyote. Later, the coyote ran some errands with mixed results...
The Sun fronts the coup in Thailand. Honestly all this talk about coups in Thailand is making want to b-line for Simply Thai. Until then there is a big article about Vij and his new cookbook. The other big front story is the investigation of in-custody deaths - 111 people have died in police custody since 2000. And I'm still scratching my head over both the tease for an article on the cover about ping pong and the idea of a ping pong college.
As usual 24 Hours has something completely un-newsy on the cover. Today is the unusual fundraiser that involves getting "hooked into a harness for a rewarding rappel down the side of a 16-story building in downtown Vancouver." Coup in Thailand? Whatever.
For a minute I thought I was reading The Province, but no, it was The Sun which ledes with this: "Soldiers die giving kids Candy." The fact that it is right under the "Fall Fashion Preview" sure felt like The Province, but that was their story on the four Canadian soldiers killed in Afghanistan yesterday. It just seems a little too tabloid for The Sun.
I subjected my self to Rebecca Olser's fashion column so you don't have to. I feel sullied for having read this opening graph alone: "Introducing the modern material girl.She's Madonna meets Monroe without the pink, the shoulder pads and the lethal cone-shaped bras. She layers not belt upon belt, but sweater dress upon leggings. And she uses volume to dress up her womanly curves, not box them in." They actually paid for that? Pass the barf bag.
And then you have The Province acting like a real newspaper, sort of. But their headline on the Afghanistan deaths is "As Cowardly as You can Get". And remember, they're both the same story from CanWest, just different headlines. The fact that they also chose to put butterface Fergie on the cover kind gives you that Province feeling, but still, it's wierd. Everything's topsy turvy. Meanwhile on the back its "Chemistry Lesson". No not another tale of the Sedins bunking with Jan Bulis. No, this is about Matt Cooke and the possibility of playing on what The Province still has the nerve to call the number one line. Meanwhile I love where Tony "Skeletor" Gallagher's head is at this week with his non-stop Canuck commentary. Today's suject defense and scoring. Question: Is this real concern and "journalism" or is he simply dishing out the conventional wisdom for us or is he lowering expectations to such a level that that when the Canucks actually score a goal we'll literally piss ourselves in complete hysteria?
The Vancouver Sun ledes with the Montreal shooting memorial. But it is the teaser on the top right that gets me. Not only is it a lame headline: "Twins Peaking". What, are the Sedins on like acid? Don't answer that. But my god the amount of suckupatude inside is mind blowing. Like this, "the weight of the world used to be on their shoulders. This summer, Daniel and Henrik Sedin cradled it in their arms. The Vancouver Canucks' Swedish twins celebrated their watershed National Hockey League season and identical $10.7-million-US, three-year contracts by adding a new workout to a summer training regimen that makes Navy Seals camp look like frisbee golf." Also on the front is the dreaded first wave/second wave Olympic discussion. As if anyone really cared which deadbeat was running the Olympic Committee. On Sunday the Liberal leadership candidates debated in Vancouver. On Monday the Sun tried to make it sound exciting. It didn't work, especially this buried gem: "Many topics of interest to B.C. were discussed during the debate -- including salmon stocks, the pine beetle, the supervised injection site and the decriminalization of marijuana." Really is that all we care about in B.C.? The pine beetle? God help us all. Barbara Yaffe was swayed by Stephane Dion's, er, "passion" and then recounted this nugget, "Dion then quoted Rudyard Kipling, about East and West never meeting."
The Province goes right for the Security problem at YVR with the "Security breach stands thousands" But this being The Province, their lede article is mostly about the people caught waiting in line. Like we even care. The on the back the paper gets "Bullish on Bulis", which is really enough to kind of make us sick. I can only imagine the amount of towel snapping shenanigans that Bulis and the Sedin twins are getting into after reading this, "The Canucks have Bulis rooming here with Henrik Sedin. They have made sure Bulis and Daniel and Henrik are all on the same split-squad team." But my favorite item this Monday has to be Tony "Skeletor" Gallagher who is not only speculating on this season but also next season, "Because if it's not working they're essentially hooped for next season, too." What is he, French?
The Vancouver Sun fronts the news that no one should be surprised about, spiriling Olympic costs, but come on, is the "2010 Games in crisis" headline really needed? It's a little dramatic, non? Vanoc head John Furlong says pretty much, "don't worry about it". Vaughn Palmer blames the Liberals and basically says the, "Liberals were trying to keep you in the dark." And more on the editorial page, "The explanation by the province as to why it was not done is akin to a small boy trying to explain why the broken window was not his fault, even though he hit the ball that went through it."
Now you can see The Province wanted to talk about the $2.5 billion spending on the Olympics but they just weren't quite ready to move on from the Montreal shooting news, fronting the killer pointing a gun on the front and the "Inside the mind of a Madman" headline. The fact that the back cover of new Vancouver Canucks goalie looks suspiciously mad as well is a nice touch. Meanwhile on the editorial page it's a defense of the Olympics cost rises or no cost rises, "B.C. taxpayers, though, should not forget to factor in the billions of dollars in economic benefits that the Olympics -- thanks to global publicity -- will bring to our tourism-dependent province."
I'd tell you what 24 Hours is fronting, except their website isn't responding.
The Province wins the Montreal coverage. They give the entire front page to a really good cover - with a surprisingly small Province masthead, and a headline of "Madness in Montreal". Quite frankly and I don't mean to dwell on this in light of the story itself, but they should have this design as the cover all the time. The only problem is that both The Province and The Sun rely on the CanWest News Service, so it's alot of the same coverage. On the back it's all about Dave Nonis keeping quiet after he was duped by the Flyers Bobby Clarke.
When something really important happens in news, The Sun is still the closest thing to a real paper in the city to get it. Today's coverage of the Montreal shootings begins with a big "Cold-Blooded killer" headline and a photo of the aftermath. The CP article about the shooter's blog is interesting. In Sports its Canucks talk. Still talking about Ryan Kessler and Booby Clarks gambit to get him, then add the fact that Jason King opted to sign and play in Sweden with a one-way deal but remaining Canuck property, and lastly Anson Carter signed with the Columbus Blue Jackets for one year and $2.5 million. Really the Canucks couldn't cough that up?
I have to hand it to 24 Hours, they almost presented a completely serious cover today about the Montreal shootings. Headline and cover story photo both devoted to Montreal in shock. Although I'm not sure the article about how 600 members of the Vancouver Police department was coincidentally in a refresher course called "active shooter program". In other news booze hounds, Wine is now outselling spirits $4.2 billion to $4.0 billion per year.
The Province ledes with the killing in North Vancouver, "The family of a murdered bottle picker, a man with the mind of a 10-year-old, remembered him yesterday as a simple man leading a simple life." Then on the back, the puntastic "Craving Private Ryan" the story about how Philadephia Flyers GM Bob Clarke signed Canuck Ryan Kessler (Get the headline! Punny, right!) to a $1.9 million offer sheet. Dave Nonis, "D;oh!"
24 Hours goes with the slasher story as it's main headline, but it's still in an on the water mood, with "One -of-a-kind tugboat" about the 130-foot, 101-year-old tugboat Sea Lion. But most disturbing is the page 4 story, "Kicking back, doggy style" about the Rex Hotel and Spa for dogs set to open in November. Hey it's 60 bucks a night, but get this, "The Rex Hotel + Spa will aspire to keep their "clients" schedules and diets as close to what they would experience at home, complete with glass-enclosed suites, an outdoor play area with water park and a mini-bar stuffed with tasty treats." A freakn' minibar?
Metro Vancouver ledes with a scandal at St. Paul's Hospital. It would seem there is a sneaky way to jump the queue for some services there by paying a private clinic. Here's the part I don't get. The people who paid, jumped the queue then went and told everyone about it shutting down the fun for everyone.
24 Hours cover pages are genuis. Huge headline: "Serial slasher loose". Huge photo story: "Now that's mobility" - the story of sailboats and the 2006 Mobility Cup. So while you're humming a Yacht Rockish classic like Styx's "Come Sail Away". Why put the happy sailboats below the serial slasher story. Why?
The Province offers up the cover to car thieves: "It's payback time for car thieves". I'm all in favor of slapping the hell out of car theiving douchebags, but you'd think the province could find a person who had an actual valuable car stolen, not the 23-year-old kid who's "restored 1979 Oldsmobile Cutlass, willed to him by his late granny". Oh, please. They put the slasher story on a4. Meanwhile ageless 36-year-old and 7 goal-scorer Trevor Linden is going to help teach us to laugh again, apparently.
All three of the papers we normally cover try to talk about the fifth anniversary of 9/11 this morning. 24 Hours gives it the local "On 9-11 i was..." headline treatment. But did we really care what Bill Good or Senator Larry "Injections" Campbell we're doing that morning? Of course, they opted for the real front page story to be "One for the scrapbook" a picture of Canucks prospect Luc Bourdon posing with some young fans. Both Luc and the girl in the photo look completely freaked out. The whole thing kind of confirms the absolute lack of seriousness that this rag has. There I said it.
Meanwhile The Province does a pretty typical Monday morning paper - trying to cram the stories of 9/11, the Dalai Lama, The Seahawks, and of course going with a protestor arrest - a grandmother - at the province's first new metal mine. I think this opening sentence from Ed Willes column this morning sums up the paper clearly in a death struggle with 24 Hours for stupidity: "Quite frankly we're disappointed no one has asked the Dalai Lama what he thinks about the Canucks' chances this season."
![Jennifer-Siebel--San-Francisco-Mayor-Gavin-Newsom-engaged[4].gif](http://www.thevancouverite.com/pictures/Jennifer-Siebel--San-Francisco-Mayor-Gavin-Newsom-engaged%5B4%5D.gif)
