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It's Friday August the 25 around 5:45AM and

Vancouver Papers: Livin' Large With 24 Hours

24 Hours goes undercover today to give you a sneak peak into how a star lives. If my weekend of being a star consisted solely of staying in the Opus, Eating at Elixir, getting on a freakn' train to Whistler, and then staying up there to dine at Rics Grill I would go mental. That is how you're a star? I do like how their cover headline of "Burning Questions" about the house fire that killed someone in kits matches with the other headline "Wanna Live like a star?" PS: I'm pretty sure that while they talk about Veuve Clicquot, Moet & Chandon and Mondavi/Rothschild 'Opus One' 1987 the cover shows people drinking what looks like Ceder Creek. Nothing wrong with that, but this whole thing is total BS.

The Vancouver Sun isn't living large, but they're tackling the trifecta of bad ESL students, counterfeit money stings, and racist Survivor

The Province can barely contain themselves today. On the back is a french kiss to new Canuck defensemen Willie Mitchell. "Willie Mitchell looks like The Joker. Whether skating with his new teammates or during locker-room banter, the Canucks defenceman has had a wide grin plastered on his mug -- much like Jack Nicholson in Batman." Then on the front they nearly have a heart attack about a wife beater who may be coming to B.C. Granted the guy is a monster, but they kind of blew their load on this cover. And just for fun, people are camping in Stanley Park.

Metro Vancouver reviews Sanafir. The reviewer Claudia Kwan gives us this "Sanafir has earned my first-evr five star rating and exhausted my stock of superlatives starting with "s"." I can think of one, suck up. Which I find hard to believe given the many comments I've heard about its outrageously high douchebag count.