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It's Tuesday December the 26 around 10:52PM and

A Full Frontal Attack On Christmas

shopping.jpg

Self-righteous know it alls who said I was stupid to save all of my Christmas shopping until the last minute: 1.

Katherine:0.

So I decided to launch a full frontal attack on Christmas shopping this weekend and get it all done in a day. No list, no major plans, I went totally rogue. I thought I would get so caught up in the Christmas spirit that my day would be a completely Cinderella-esque and everything I needed would just kind of appear. Unfortunately, instead of helpful animal friends I had bitchy sales people and instead of a fairy godmother I had old ladies who kept getting in my way. By the end of shopping day 1 I had collapsed on a mall bench where I sat chewing the same piece of Christmas cookie over and over, trying to figure out where things had gone so terribly wrong.

By the end of day two I had started smoking again. Cinderella? Try Apocalypse Now. Looking back on the situation I see that it was mostly my fault, a result of very poor planning. However, as I sat in my daze on that very uncomfortable bench I came up with a few helpful suggestions that I think may help the general mall going public in the future:

1) If you must bring your gaggle of brats to the mall right before Christmas, please form them into an orderly single file line and request that they haul ass from store to store. If the slow ones fall down, leave them behind. It's just natural selection doing its thing.

2) If said gaggle of brats are moving through crowds, do not give them toys on strings, bouncy balls or shoes on wheels. I would have thought this one would be common sense. Apparently not.

3) If you lack the ability to move quickly, stay the hell at home during prime shopping hours. If you decide to brave it and are knocked down, politely roll yourself to the side of the walkway and call for help from there.

4) I understand that if high school wasn’t for you, you have limited career options. However, retail at Christmastime is not one of them. Seriously.

Posted by Katherine | Link | Comments (38)

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Comments

Posted by: Luke

December 27, 2006 06:45 PM

I waited until the end too and spent 95% of my Xmas budget at the liquor store on the 23rd. Everyone loves booze but too many are too sissy to give it to children for a gift. Children like peach.

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