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It's Thursday December the 14 around 8:00AM and

Guest Blogger: Anthony's Excellent Russian Adventure Part IV

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Yes, Comrades our own embedded Karl Pilkington reporter is still in St. Petersburg, Russia and we are pleased to bring you yet another one of his ravoli with sour cream fueled rants from the Mother Country for your reading pleasure.

"Seriously. If you ever want something to be way harder than it should be...do it in Russia.

They have ways of dismissing you when you ask for something, as if to say "no problem" and you're insulting me by your very presence. Of course, sure enough "no problem" means "big fucking problem" in English. It's like a 2 year old child lying and then getting caught...

The other day I watched as the Russian Special Forces got their tank stuck in the mud for 2 hours. For real. I know, I know...how did this crack team of gun nerds ever lose the cold war? At about 45min into this fiasco, everyone standing around became a bloody "getting a tank out of the mud" expert. They finally did what they should have done right away...got another tank to pull it out. But, they had to make it hard...and at least try to get it out with the Russian version of the "yaris"...because you never know.

Yesterday, we asked for bags of ice. "Oh no..." They exclaimed..."For that, we'd have to go the factory!" Yep, they have a whole huge building somewhere on the outskirts of town that freezes water. Impressive isn't it? All we have is a 7-11, a gas station, a "freezer", or if those all fail...cold fucking air!!!

It doesn't matter how they do it, it just matters how hard they make it. Not just for "capitalist pigs" like yours truly, but for themselves...I think they brag about it with their wife in the ground meat line up after a long day in the ice factory. "Today, my shift started at 10am...there was so much water to make cold...and I didn't even show up until 7pm! Ah, Natalia, we had to work so hard! And only got the job half done. Aren't I amazing?"

I'm not really mad at them for it. It's not their fault; it's just the way they've been conditioned to do things. Kind of like the jumpy guy at work...whenever he loses your hand in a blind spot, he has a twitch...then wets himself. Or is that just my office? You know what I mean... Communism vs. Capitalism. Communism lost, but it forgot to put an exit strategy in place.

Of course, maybe it did...it popped a magic little blue pill and they're just doing it the hard way.

See you soon…"

Posted by Jackson Murphy | Link | Comments (6)

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Comments

Posted by: Anonymous

December 14, 2006 12:43 PM

Good God. Still incredibly rubbishy. I'm ashamed of myself for reading your vomit. It depresses me that the internet permits such excrement from being published.
The only thing that saved your ramble from sinking even further into shit heap it rests was the movie pic.
Nice save eds.

Posted by: Anonymous

December 14, 2006 01:04 PM

On a more serious note, I don't see why it is necessary to make fun of a country you are visiting for the sole purpose of trying to win a few laughs. Humour, wit and satire are obviously part of visiting a foreign country, and, often required coping mechanisms for travellers. However, they should serve as a platform for more engaging insights. Your attempts at humour come across as very ignorant and, to a certain extent, very ethnophobic. There is a good chance many of the people you are making fun of are more intelligent than you are. Perhaps you should include some self-mockery a proof you are not out for cheap gags. That way you wouldn't come across as a privileged middle-class professional (I'm guessing here) Vancouverite who lacks the ability to see past cliches.
I would be interested in your response.

Posted by: Anon's Conscience

December 14, 2006 05:38 PM

Anonymous Commenter. These articles are amazing. If you knew the writer, which you don't, you would agree and you too would have peed laughing all over your keyboard and even a bit on your chin, like I did. If you don't have the pleasure, the irony of his experience in Russia will be lost on you.

Posted by: Anonymous

December 15, 2006 08:57 AM

True - perhaps the pleasure of reading the articles comes only from knowing who the author is, but humor should be able to transcend beyond a small group for friends - especially if expressed on a public forum.
I've read plenty regarding Russia, including its history, literature, contemporary politics etc. and am well versed in the "irony" of what it is like compared to the West. Perhaps I just don't find the gag funny anymore. Admittedly, commie jokes kind of went stale twenty years ago, as did the "Western" guy just trying to find a decent meal in a foreign country thing.
We'll leave it at that. Thanks for the response.

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