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It's Tuesday October the 10 around 7:57AM and

A Bridge and Tunnel Fiasco at Republic

"Four people were rushed to hospital yesterday after an altercation in a Vancouver nightclub spilled onto the streets. Police were called to the 900 block of Granville Street shortly after 2 a.m. after reports that the fight, which began inside the Tonic nightclub, had quickly escalated." This 24 Hours newstory doesn't really do much for the Granville Street area reputation. But then again, who the hell is going to Tonic?

But it was on Friday night, that I learned the true Granville Street ridiculousness. I had heard from friends that Republic was really cool, and we had a work function there. It started out fine, with dinner. Although the overload of plasma screens featuring sporting events (and later very bad motion graphics) and the baseball hat wearing people who were watching - and I might add, high fiving - was a little much. And when one person said all I would see would be bridge and tunnelers on Fridays wearing slightly turned sideways Braves or Yankees hats, I should have known. After some hijinks away from the place, somehow we actually went back. You know who you are...

Apparently after the dinner hour, this place is actually a modern version of the Roxy, except that you feel like you're in a really bad movie set. It kind of reminded me of that bar in Cocktail with Tom Cruise - you know, it was like the Cell Block or something, except with chesty blond bartenders. I kept hoping one of them would get on the bar and do some poetry or something. Sadly, no. The Martini Boys's Lori Henry recently said, "For once, the hype seems justified: Republic, the city's latest temple of lounge-dom, has got that gritty glamour and palpable energy." Look, I'll break it down for you. I saw at least two guys sporting Mr. Rogers sweaters - one in pea soup green - gritty this place is not.

Later, when I had retreated to the Granville Room (same owners, less douchebags) the most amazing thing happened. There was an incredible guy in a typical leather jacket, talking super loud to his "wing men". It went a little something like this:

"The drinks are expensive. The hookers are expensive. But I'm wearing a $1300 jacket and I don't care. I'm going to vomit at Republic, and then drink some scotch."

I nearly fell off my chair, he was that amazing and I'm not even sure I undertand all of it. And then as he was crossing the street he was taking a sip from his flask. This guy was rolling with a flask for godsakes. Unreal. I almost wanted to watch what he was going to do next, even after he vomited at Republic, but it was all too much. I hear Republic is better on Wednesdays. Yeah, sure it is.