It's Sunday March the 5 around 11:02AM and

The Truth About the Vancouver Wine Festival

I went. I saw. I quaffed. I cringed. I did two events at the Vancouver International Wine Festival. One was good (more on that one later). And one was bad. So if you are ready, pour a glass of Pinot Noir and sit down for the only reality check on this signature Vancouver Event you're likely to hear.

Last night was the final night for the festival tastings. Three hours to deal with 1,320 wines, 185 wineries from 15 countries - give or take a few. Before we get to the wine, let's try to deal with the event itself. It is a chaotic mess. There are way too many people allowed to attend the tastings, and they should do back ground checks on anyone who buys a ticket. Double the price and half the attendence would be a good start. Nobody who has to cross the Port Mann bridge should be allowed in. There, I said it. Here's the low lights:

1. I saw at least two girls with jean skirts on. Jean skirts? Really? In winter? Come on.
2. To the girl - and I use that term loosely - in the revealing pink top, white skirt, and white high heels with the meathead boy toy with a size small shirt choking his bicepts. You madam, are a tramp.
3. Leopard print tops paired with tiger/cougar tatoos on the lower back. Why yes, it is official lady, you are a cougar. Congrats. At least you aren't hiding that fact. Own it girl.
4. To the few people who I overheard say, "oooo, yes, let's go try the Yellow Tail." You should not be allowed to buy tickets next year. It was a test. You failed it.
5. Mimes. Thanks a lot Wine Regions of France. Very funny. Jerks.
6. Waiting in line to taste the delicious Perrier Jouet I saw a middle aged man poke the cute tasting girl in the arm to get a taste. Not good. (This happened a lot to which my Aussie friend Michelle states, "there are a lot of wankers here". ).
7. Dear drunk and stumbling guys saying things like, "this is my first wine tasting, yeaaahhhh". You suck. I didn't witness anyone vomit first hand, but I would not want to be the clean up crew at the convention center last night.
8. There was a girl in a tragic outfit that was only outdone by her ridiculous aqua blue silly hat. You know who you are. And you should be ashamed of yourself. Oh, and don't think I didn't notice the rather large girl in a school girl outfit. Come on - who told you that you could pull that off? They must have been drunk.
9. Not nearly enough "meat" stations.
10. The festival program was a total mess. Who designed this crap? Here's a term - "layout". Learn it. Love it. Live it.

And, of course, the highlights:

1. At the Barossa Valley Estate Booth there were two good things. First the Black Pepper Shiraz was to die for. And 2nd, I love that they had Stephen Harper working the booth. Seriously - it was creepy lookalike. Well done.
2. At the Villa Maria Estate Winery booth I saw a very nice underground cheese for bottle exchange program going on. It looked like 6 big portions of cheese was the bench mark for 1 chilled bottle. Well played.
3. I really enjoyed the wines at Deloach. Mostly because the principle was so friendly. The Russian River Pinot Noir (2002) stood out.
4. At Niebaum Coppola there was no Francis Ford Coppola but there was excellent "Claret". And generous pours of it too. I can't believe they are now making 850,000 bottles (or cases - either way it's no wonder Francis isn't making too many films.) My friend Daniel from Wineglow also enjoyed it when they abondoned the booth at the end and it was "help yourself" time.
5. Sighting of actor/director Charles Martin Smith on the tasting floor with a very cute companion. Take that McNamara.
6. At an earlier event on Pinot we thought Sainstbury principle David Graves was priceless. He livened up the discussion by provoking the old world - particularly French - wine makers by asking about irrigation with hilarious results. When we visited him in the booth - he was ON FIRE. Bowtie. Having Fun. And he claimed he'd, "made nice with frogs." Oh and his wines, especially the Brown Ranch Pinot were excellent.
7. The French Can Can dancers. Although we suspect they aren't really French.
8. I'm not really a chardonnay man, but Geyser Peak's was like a slap in your face with butterscotch. Put that in your pipe and smoke it Gismondi.
9. I didn't catch Susan Natalie last night, but I can see why she may have had fun and made nice with the guys at the Signorello/Edge booth. Those guys were pouring big glasses and enjoying the sights. But I think they may have also seen the poor white trash invasion from above. The wine was good. They were hilarious.
10. And Finally, The French, for prefecting the fine art of complete indifference. It's really hard to beat. You magnificent bastards.

(Photo courtesty Vancouver Playhouse International Wine Festival by Jeff Vinnick)

Posted by Jackson Murphy | Link | Comments (3)